Does Improv really help in the workplace?

Izzy Gesell

By Izzy Gesell

How much relevance do Improv Theater techniques have to our daily professional and personal lives? Whether you are a teacher, coach, corporate executive, sales representative, stay-at-home mom, blue-collar worker or professional speaker, you will find Improv to be intuitive, fascinating and immediately applicable to what you face on a day-to-day basis. This blog is directed toward individuals who desire to become more confident, playful, spontaneous, and effective.

People Assess Your Value/Reputation Based on How Your Actions Impact Their Emotions.

Early on in my programs, I invite a volunteer to come up and learn an Improv game.  Generally, there are very few takers.  I then ask for some of the folks who hadn’t volunteered to share what thinking they went through that kept their hands from going up.  The reasons are many.  Among the most common answers are: “I don’t want to look foolish,” “I don’t know what the game is about”, “I don’t like to be first”, and “I was taught never to volunteer.”

Eventually, someone does volunteer.  As the

person comes up, I ask the people sitting in the audience how they feel now that someone had volunteered.  Most of the comments are about much relief was felt, how relaxed they now were able to be, and how grateful they were to the volunteer for stepping up.  In other words, the person who stepped up had the power, through his or her action, to transform the emotional climate for the whole group.  The volunteer thereby gains a very high status in the group.  A status gained not by a conscious effort to be liked, but by a desire to volunteer to play for whatever personal reason.  And the entire group took note!

IMPROV TECHNIQUE TO PRACTICE: Trying to figure out what’s right or best or most creative or most helpful or most controlling is futile in Improv.  The only way through is to be spontaneous, authentic and expeditious in your actions.  Make your statements or actions flow from what you want to do.  Whenever you notice yourself attempting to figure out what someone else needs or desires, bring your focus back to what you want or need to do.

HERE’S WHY IT WORKS: In life, once you know that others are watching you and judging you based on their own feelings, you realize you may as well act on your own beliefs and desires.  Do what you want to do and how you want to do it.  There is a saying that “nature knows neither right nor wrong, only consequences”.

Since it is futile to try and figure out how to please all others or what they are expecting, you may as well do what you believe is right.  If you fail, at least you fail with your own truth. Living your own truth is the simplest way to being authentic in your life.

IMPROV GAME TO PLAY:   “What Are You Doing?”

Players learn to focus on what is actually happening rather than what is being said.

Goals:

• Use improv to separate action from discussion.
• Use improv to allow mind and body to operate separately.

Group Size: 2 players at a time.

Time: 5 to 10 minutes

Process:

1. Introduce the goals of the exercise to participants. Select two players from the group and bring them to the stage.
2. Describe the game as a combination of contradictory words and actions.
3. Determine who will be Player 1 and who will be Players 2. Provide the following instructions to the two players:Player 1 will mimic a physical action, such as writing a letter, while Player 2 asks, “What are you doing?” Player 2 responds by naming some other activity, such as “I’m washing the car.” Player 2 then acts out washing a car. Let’s begin.
   • Player 1 begins to pantomime a physical action, such as bouncing a ball.
   • Player 2, after Player 1 starts the action, say “What are you doing?”
   • Player 1, continues the action but answers the question by naming an activity different from what you are actually doing. For example, “I’m brushing my teeth.”
   • Player 2, immediately begin miming the action Player 1 stated, not the activity Player 1 is doing. In this case, begin brushing your teeth.
   • Player 1, it is now your turn to ask, “What are you doing?”
   • Player 2 responds with something other than “brushing my teeth” such as “I’m digging a ditch.”
   • Player 1, act out digging a ditch as Player 2 asks, “What are you doing?”
   • Player 1, answer with an activity other than digging a ditch, such as, “I’m reading a book.”
4. The objective is to answer smoothly and without hesitation. The round continues until one player takes too long to answer, stutters, or otherwise flubs a response, answers with the actual activity being pantomimed, or repeats and answer.
5. The audience will determine when a player is removed by an agreed upon method such as shouting “out”.
6. A player who is “out” leaves the stage and is quickly replaced by another volunteer player.
7. The player who remains becomes Player 1 and starts a new action.
8. Quick responses are necessary. The secret to success is to separate thought from action. You can act by just moving a body part. A tongue wiggle or a hand twitch is fine. Remember, you don’t have to explain what it is. To answer the question, “What are you doing?” look around the room (I’m sitting in a chair; I’m holding a pencil; I’m writing on a flip chart) or think about something in your past (I’m getting my diploma; I’m proposing marriage.)
9. After a predetermined time limit is reached, reconvene the group and lead a closing discussion using the following questions:
   • What made this game fun?
   • What made it easy for you to volunteer?
   • What made it difficult for you to volunteer?
   • What happens in an organization or relationship when what is said is not in alignment with what is being done?

Variation:

The game can be played with a group arranged in a circle or line. Player 1 starts the action, and Player 2 asks, “What are you doing?” Player 1 responds. Player 2 turns to Player 3 and acts out Player 1’s response. Player 3 asks, “What are you doing?” and so on until everyone has had a chance or time is up.

Go here for a printable version of “What are you doing?”

Click here to learn more about Izzy Gesell.

Saturday, June 20, 2015 was the annual Grandma’s Marathon here in our hometown of Duluth, MN. The weather was iffy. 58 degrees with rain. 58 degrees is OK, but not everyone liked starting in the rain.

According to Grandma’s website “Grandma’s Marathon is a point-to-point course run on scenic Old Highway 61 along the beautiful north shore of Lake Superior. The race begins just outside of Two Harbors, Minnesota and finishes in Duluth’s Canal Park.”

They do mention that the course is good for beginners as it is mostly even terrain except for the hill at mile 22. About 1,000 years ago there was a restaurant there called the Lemon Drop right at the crest of the hill. I believe many of the runners think of it as Lemon Drop Mountain…an aberration that slipped away from the Himalayas to threaten their well-being and completion of the race. A bridge over our Lake Walk is frequently used by those who need to empty their stomachs of all contents to the peril of those walking below.

A few statistics: there were 5,500 volunteers, 7,800 racers for the whole marathon, 8,350 for the Gary Bjorkland half, 1,800 for the 5K, around 1,000 kids run the Whipper Snapper and 50,000 folks are here for the event.

I’ve heard that once the runners hit the city limits the course is lined with cheering fans, bands, bagpipers, and runners who have already completed the trek. Folks call out numbers of those who look as tho they might be flagging and run alongside of them to give them heart. They are offered water, fruit, the occasional beer and bathrooms. A train delivers racers to the start, comes back to town to load up fans, and then follows the elite runners on a track that mirrors the course.

The night before runners and their families and anyone else for that matter can carb up at the Spaghetti Feed. Cooking starts on Tuesday for the Friday event. Mountains of food are consumed, served by volunteers and staff from Grandma’s Restaurant.

The race ends in Canal Park, the beautiful area by Duluth’s famous lift bridge. Grandma’s restaurant serves food and drinks of all kinds in huge tents, rain or shine. Dance bands play and runners and their families celebrate good finish times or commiserate over bad ones. It is truly a celebration of healthy life styles, supporting families, loving friends, and general good will.

Most Duluthians give up the ability to move around in the canal park, lake walk and downtown areas with a smile. They open their homes to runners and their families and make resolutions that they, too, will run next year. Many civic organizations get a chance to earn some money for their group by helping in beer tents, food venues, medical tents, transportation and volunteering along the course. Family reunions, celebrations of a life lost too early and memories of long-time runners are in the air. Organizations to find a cure for cancer, heart disease, lung disease, multiple sclerosis, pancreatic cancer and others are there in force. It is a huge, crazy, seemingly out-of-control party where there were no shootings, no racial epithets, no violence…just good healthy sport and a lot of Minnesota Nice. Join us next year!

Click here to go to the Grandma’s Marathon site for more information.

Click here to go to You Tube for some video of the race. 

By COL James L. Greenstone, PhD, JD, DABECI

Crisis is in the eye of the beholder. Crisis involves stress; unusual stress that renders the sufferer unable to cope with their life as they usually would. A disaster exists when the resources available to address the emergency are less than those required to address the needs of the victims and the overall situation. A disaster can be of any size. Overwhelmed resources equals a disaster as differentiated from an emergency in which adequate resources can be utilized to resolve or to manage the needs of those affected. Emotional First Aid is taking care of the emotional and/or psychological needs of crisis victims.

The crisis trilogy presents a way of understanding the causation in crisis situations that call for emotional first aid. The trilogy involves events occurring that are:

1. Sudden in onset
2. Unexpected by the victim or their significant others
3. Apparently arbitrary in nature

All three are major sources of unusual stress. Because crisis is in the eye of the beholder, what is unusual stress for one may not be unusual for another. Therefore, of course, those that need emotional first aid are not always those suffering from the worst effects of the event. The level of functioning overall, the presence or absence of functional emotional problems, and the experience handling stress and similar daily life behaviors can be a determiner of a person’s susceptibility to experiencing crisis in their life at a particular time. No one is immune to crisis. Enough stress at the wrong time and in a particular person can mean crisis even for the strongest of us.

Within the crisis trilogy, suddenness refers to the way in which a person may encounter the stressful event or events leading to the possibility of crisis. For example, someone jumps out from behind a tree and attacks a passer-by. No delay, no warning, just the sudden attack. The passer-by may have walked this way many times without incident and has little expectation of problems. The problem occurs as described and was not expected; the second aspect of the trilogy. The third aspect of the trilogy asks, “Why me?” Of all the people to whom this could have happened, why did it happen to me? The concerns expressed can be a great source of added stress to the victim of an attack and signal the need for emotional first aid.

Taken together or even separately, the factors above can be a source of unusual stress capable of overwhelming the normal coping skills of the sufferer. When this trilogy is applied to the occurrence of a disaster, the crisis reactions become a little more predictable and understandable. And, in the same way, some victims will react and respond differently from others based on the more or less personal resources available to them. For instance, someone who has gone through a crisis or a disaster previously, and has resolved or at least managed the issues that were involved in an effective manner either by calling upon his or her internal resources or by receiving help from a professional providing emotional first aid, may be better able to cope in a new situation. Those who have used the “band-aid” approach to crisis management or to life’s problems in general may have unresolved issues that will make the current experience more difficult to handle.

Those who effectively and successfully deal with high stress issues and personal problems when they occur, rather than denying or refusing to deal with them, often come through their present crisis in much better shape emotionally than those who do not. The need for additional and or ongoing counseling or psychotherapy after the fact may be minimized by this group as well. The effectiveness of the emotional first aid may be another important factor in this equation. The better we do now, the less we will probably have to do later.

Another crucial aspect of a crisis is that it will not go on forever. The human body and mind cannot handle crisis-level stress indefinitely. Crises are self-limiting. If an intervener did nothing to assist the sufferer, the crisis would still end on its own. The issue then becomes the condition of the victim when the crisis has ended. The ultimate self-resolution, without intervention, could be death due to the body’s need or the sufferer’s need to end the pain caused by excessively heightened stress. Immediate and effective emotional first aid that seeks to stop the downward spiral of maladaptive behavior will usually yield better results. An intervener who knows what to do as well as when and how much to do can prevent predictable outcomes to unresolved heightened stress and perhaps even reduce the need for professional psychological assistance later.

The pre-crisis functioning, either effective or not, of an individual has probably existed over a long period of time prior to the instant situation. The way previous crises have been handled, presence or absence of functional mental disorders, level of general daily function, adequacy of coping and survival skills, are all part of this pre-crisis picture.

At the other end of the continuum, are the potential life-changing or life-altering consequences of experiencing a crisis in life. These too can go on for significant periods of time after the crisis has ended. In fact, it may be possible to achieve even greater levels of functioning in life depending on how the current crisis was handled and the quality of emotional first aid received. If the intervener proves not only effective but also trustworthy, the sufferer may be willing to accept suggestions for additional assistance as needed to develop higher level life skills.

Crisis intervention is about management and not about resolution. Therapy may be a source of resolution of problems. Crisis intervention is about trying to find a way to manage what is being experienced so that the crisis’ destructive influences are diminished.

It is important to note that the goal of emotional first aid is extremely limited and short term. As mentioned above, higher levels of functioning are possible. However, the goal of the crisis intervener when assisting a sufferer in crisis is to return that sufferer to their own level of pre-crisis functioning. No more, no less. If the intervener accomplishes this, the goals of crisis intervention have been met. What may happen subsequently is a bonus. While a pre- and post-crisis functioning timeline may be measured in days or weeks or years, the time needed for effective emotional first aid is measured in seconds or minutes only. Any additional time you may get is a bonus for you as the intervener as well.

Crisis interveners have been compared to emergency room medical personnel in that their effective reactions, timing, and utilization of resources must be immediate and sure. If a counselor makes an error in a regular weekly session, they may be able to correct the error by phone or in person at the next session. On the other hand, the crisis intervener, like their emergency room counterparts, may have only one bite at the apple as it were. They may have one quick opportunity to be effective and failing that no other opportunity to try again. What the intervener does must be correct the first time without dependence on the possibility of a do-over. This may be why not all who want to can actually provide emotional first aid, just as some may not be able to work in an emergency room although comfortable and competent in other professional settings.

A Final Note

Crises are by definition unexpected, sudden, and arbitrary. They are time sensitive and time specific. All crises end regardless of what emotional first aid may or may not do. The real question is where the crisis will end if the intervener does nothing or is ineffective. Remember that stress in unusual proportions for that person is key to understanding crisis. Interveners must react and be effective within seconds or minutes to avert additional problems. While the goal of emotional first aid is not resolution, it is to return the sufferer to their level of pre-crisis functioning, greater gains for that sufferer may be possible depending on the credibility of the intervener and the effectiveness of the intervention. Emotional First Aid is comparable to physical first aid and must be administered with the same skill and alacrity. Never forget that knowing when to stay out is just as important to the intervener as knowing when to act.

Dr. Greenstone’s book, Emotional First Aid: A Field Guide to Crisis Intervention
and Psychological Survival has just arrived in our offices. Take a look inside on our website. It is a must have resource for all first and second responders!

Dr. James L. Greenstone has been in practice for almost fifty years in Dallas and Fort Worth, Texas, where he served as the Police Psychologist and Director of Psychological Services for the Fort Worth Police Department. He has been a police officer for thirty-five years. His work in Crisis Intervention and disaster response began in the mid – 1960’s, and continues to this day. He is currently Professor of Disaster and Emergency Preparedness for Nova Southeastern University, College of Osteopathic Medicine. He is a licensed professional counselor, licensed marriage and family therapist, and a dispute mediator and arbitrator. He holds earned degrees in Clinical Psychology, Education, Criminal Justice and Law. He interned at the Devereux Foundation in Devon, Pennsylvania and received advanced training at Harvard Law School.

Dr. Greenstone serves on a Federal Disaster Medical Assistance Team as a Supervisory Mental Health Specialist; served as Colonel and Deputy Commander of the Texas State Guard Medical Brigade, Texas Military Forces. He is a Certified Crisis Intervener, a Certified Traumatologist, an Emergency Medical Technician, and a Master Peace Officer. Dr. Greenstone has earned the Master Military Emergency Management Specialist Qualification.

“Where reason is needed, emotions are of little value.”
Greenstone, 2011

Working with guided imagery

By Julie Lusk

Everyone is different, so each person will experience guided imagery uniquely. These individual differences should be encouraged. During guided imagery, some people will imagine vivid scenes, colors, images, or sounds while others will focus on what they are feeling, or experience it as a concept. A combination of sights, sounds, and feelings should be incorporated into the imagery. With practice, it is possible to expand your participants’ range of awareness.

By careful selection of images you can help deepen their experience and cultivate their awareness in new areas that can enrich their lives. For instance, a person who is most comfortable in the visual area can be encouraged to stretch his or her awareness and increase his or her sensitivity to feelings and sounds.

Working with guided imagery is powerful and it is up to you to do so responsibly and ethically. Leaders with little or no training in guided imagery can use scripts with emotionally healthy people. Be careful, however, when presenting themes and techniques that are unfamiliar to you. Since people respond in a variety of ways to visualization, avoid generalizing about the benefits of any given script. Your training  will help you deal with groups composed of people who are emotionally ill or especially fragile.

Preparing the group or individual

Physical relaxation reduces anxiety, activates the mind-body connection, and enhances the ability to focus on mental images. Some type of physical relaxation sequence should be used prior to every guided meditation.

Breathing properly is essential for complete and total relaxation. Unfortunately, very few people take full breaths, especially when under stress. When a person consciously uses deep breathing correctly, stress is reduced and the mind can remain calm and stable. It is important that people focus on their breathing, with full deep breaths through the nose.

Before beginning any guided imagery, briefly describe the images you will use and ask if they make anyone feel uncomfortable. People who are afraid of water may find images of ocean waves to be frightening rather than calming. Be prepared with an alternate image. Let participants know that if they become uncomfortable, they may, at any time, open their eyes and tune out or change the visualization.

As you read a script, people will follow you for a while and then drift off into their own imaginations. They will usually tune you back in later on. If they know this in advance, they won’t feel as if they are failing by being inattentive. Tell them this is normal and to let it happen.

Choosing the right atmosphere 

Select a room that has comfortable chairs for sitting or a carpeted floor for lying down. Close the door and shut the windows to block out distracting noise.

If possible, dim the lights to create a relaxing environment. Low lights enhance the ability to relax by blocking out visual distractions. If the room lights cannot be controlled to your satisfaction, bring along a lamp or night lights.

Adjust the thermostat so that the room temperature is warm and comfortable. If the room is too cool, it will be hard to relax and remain focused. Suggest that people wear a sweater or jacket if they think they may get cold.

If distractions occur—a noisy air conditioner, traffic, loud conversations—try raising your voice, using shorter phrases and fewer pauses, or incorporating the sounds into the guided meditation. For example, you might say, “Notice how the humming sounds of the air conditioner relax you more and more.” Or, “If your mind begins to drift, gently bring it back to the sound of my voice.”

Using your voice 

Speak in a calm comforting, and steady manner. Let your voice flow. Your voice should be smooth and somewhat monotonous. But don’t whisper.

Start with your voice at a volume that can be easily heard. As the guided imagery progresses and as the participants’ awareness increases, you may begin speaking more softly. As a person relaxes, hearing acuity can increase. Bring your voice up when suggesting tension and bring it down when suggesting relaxation. Near the end of the guided imagery, return to using an easily heard volume. This will help participants come back to normal wakefulness.

You may tell participants to use a hand signal if they cannot hear you. Advise people with hearing problems to sit close to you. Another option is to move closer to them.

Pacing yourself 

Read the guided imagery slowly, but not so slowly that you lose people. Begin at a conversational pace and slow down as the relaxation progresses. It’s easy to go too fast, so take your time. Don’t rush.

Give participants time to follow your instructions. If you suggest that they wiggle their toes, watch them do so, then wait for them to stop wiggling their toes before going on. When participants are relaxed and engaged in the imagery process, they have tapped into their subconscious (slow, rich imagery) mind—and they shouldn’t be hurried.

When you’re leading the meditation, stay in your conscious (alert and efficient) mind. Pay careful attention to all participants. You may have to repeat an instruction if you see that people are not following you.

To help you with your volume and tone, pace and timing, listen to a recording of yourself leading guided imagery.

As you reach the end of an imagery, always help participants make the transition back to the present. Tell them to visualize their surroundings, to stretch, and to breathe deeply. Repeat these instructions until everyone is alert.

Caution 

Do not force people to participate in anything that may be uncomfortable for them. Give ample permission to everyone to only do things that feel safe. Tell them that if an image seems threatening, they can change it to something that feels right or they can stop the imaging process, stretch, and open their eyes. Emphasize to participants that they are in total control and are able to leave their image-filled subconscious mind and return to their alert rational conscious mind at any time they choose.  Likewise, clients may want to explore what feels uncomfortable to them in the safety of the experience.

Advise participants that it is not safe to practice imagery or visualization while driving or operating machinery.

Two excellent sources of guided imagery are 30 Scripts for Relaxation, Imagery and Inner Healing, Vol. 1 & 2, Second Edition by Julie Lusk. Julie has updated the text to reflect today’s more conversational style and today’s topics.

Tuning into your emotions

How many people would you guess wander through life with little awareness of their own behaviors and subsequent consequences? Bull in a china shop comes to mind.

To some degree we are all self-ignorant. We all have blind spots and miss tons of clues as to how our own reactions often cause more of our stress than the event we’re reacting to. Tuning into your emotions can expose many of these blind spots so you have a fighting chance of understanding how your reactions contribute to your stress.

An underappreciated window into your stress reactions is emotions. Psychotherapists are well aware that emotions are vital in identifying what’s bothering you. You can learn about your inner emotional world to help you navigate your outer world.

Tune into your emotions to become aware of which situations and people trigger your stress response. These reactions are always fueled by anger and/or fear-type emotions: impatience, irritation, intimidation, jealousy, insecurity, etc. Once you recognize these emotions kicking in it’s a short hop to feeling the tension they create in your physical body.

Who in your life easily triggers your stress emotions? When these emotions are swimming around in your body, what do you feel physically: Tension in your arms and legs? A queasy stomach? Pay attention until you can easily see the connection.

Once you make the connection between a stressful person and what they do and your emotional and physical signs of tension in response to it, you are closer to being able to choose a healthier response.

An exercise in emotional reaction

Try this: choose a person or a situation that consistently triggers your stress emotions. Choose one you can avoid for a while with no negative consequence:

1. Make the connection between your emotional reaction to a stressful situation or person and your body tension that develops from it;
2. For one week, avoid the situation or the person and pay attention to any greater sense of calmness and freedom from tension;

Developing your “observing self”

Doing this develops your “observing self;” you can observe your emotional reactions rather than be tossed around by them. Watching and witnessing your internal emotional states make the stressor less personal so you can dampen some of your drama and be more objective, which in turn, helps your body relax.

Over time, developing your observing self can also help improve your health. You’ll become more aware of your blood pressure, physical tension, and other symptoms. Consciously observing yourself can also lower the stress hormones thereby protecting your body from the ravages of stress.

Your observing self requires your conscious awareness of whatever you have chosen to focus on. Mindfulness teachings also advise you to observe WITHOUT JUDGMENTS.

Judgment of yourself or others is a fertile area for the observing self, as well. Observe without trying to change. Simply notice. Right behind your negative judgment, “I’m so stupid,” are your negative emotions aimed at yourself. It’s the same when the judgment is aimed at another person. The judgment triggers your anger/fear emotions. Close on its heels are your physical signs of stress and tension.

Your observing self can help break your dysfunctional, habitual and emotional reactions by distancing you from them giving you a brief moment to decide how you prefer to respond. This puts you into the driver’s seat of your own life rather than being a victim to your life-long internal insecurities. I call this a “space of time” between the stressful event and your reaction to it. With this little space of time a well-developed observing self can choose a more appropriate response.

Your defensive reactions (aren’t both fight and flight defensive in nature?) are much if not most of what feeds your physical symptoms and resulting physical and emotional maladies. Every desire to choke someone puts pressure on your heart and adversely affects you in a multitude of other ways.

In other words, it’s not just that jerk who puts stress on you, it’s also your own defensive reactions. And the only part of stress you can control is your own reaction.

Your growing observations of your own automatic, emotional and defensive reactions increase your power to decide if you want to change them for your own benefit. Your choice will influence whether your blood pressure shoots up or calms down, whether your internal inflammation grows exacerbating your arthritis or subsides and calms it. It’s always your choice and yours alone.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S. is an international speaker and a Stress and Wellness Coach.  Order her book, Let Your Body Win: Stress Management Plain & Simple, at https://wholeperson.com/store/let-your-body-win.shtml.  Email her to request she speak to your organization at jferg8@aol.com.

Train others how to treat you

“I train people how to treat me.” -Source unknown.

This quote absolutely changed my life decades ago. It taught me to stop fussing and stewing over what others were doing that was upsetting to me and take a close look at what I may have been doing to encourage their behavior. Don’t get me wrong, this quote isn’t saying you are responsible for others’ behaviors, it’s simply saying that we are all partly responsible for all outcomes with all people because of our own behaviors.

For example, a coworker aggressively walks all over you and you passively allow it. What are you training that person to do? To walk all over you. Instead of blaming your stress on that person, consider what you are doing to teach that person that it’s OK to treat you that way.

Here’s an example of a work team of five people and how four of them taught the fifth person how to treat them differently. Four of the team members were constantly frustrated with the fifth person who was a hothead and exploded regularly leading the four others to give the hothead whatever she wanted at the moment of her outburst. In other words, they were teaching her to blow up to get her way!

After each episode, the four would gather and grumble about how disruptive she was. The team members’ blaming the hothead and complaining about her kept them from examining their own role, thus responsibility, in the interaction. Excessive blaming and complaining discourage taking responsibility for your own choice of reactions.

These four team members ultimately decided to do something totally different in response to the hothead. They agreed the next time this happened, one of them would speak privately afterward to her to warn her that the next time she lost her temper all the others were going to end the meeting with her, leave the room and finish the meeting elsewhere without her. Sure enough, another day and another blowup occurred. All four walked out together and finished the meeting without the hothead. This only happened a couple of more times before the hothead learned to control her temper with her teammates.

In your interpersonal stress, are you training others to treat you in an unacceptable manner? To get a better handle on your responsibility, follow these steps.

• First, identify your desired outcome. In this example the four team members said their goal was for the hothead to quit yelling. But this goal is beyond their control because it requires the hothead to change. She is beyond their control. They re-worded their goal to make its accomplishment within their control: to conduct their meetings without caving into pressure and to think clearly to make necessary decisions.
• Identify options: to avoid caving into her pressure and to create an atmosphere where they could think clearly to make decisions, they could:
  • Keep the meeting going ignoring the hothead
  • Get up and leave to conduct the meeting elsewhere
  • Talk to the hothead and ask her to stop (which they had done on numerous occasions)
  • Take the problem to their mutual boss
  • Etc.
• Choose an option(s) that will best lead you to your goal.

Change Your Behavior

This sounds so simple and of course it often isn’t. The key is to assess what you are contributing to the stressful outcome and change your behavior in a way that leads you toward your goal. This teaches others to treat you as you want to be treated and puts stress reduction more within your reach since your reactions are within your control.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S. is an international speaker and a Stress and Wellness Coach. Order her book, Let Your Body Win: Stress Management Plain & Simple, at https://wholeperson.com/store/let-your-body-win.shtml. Email her to request she speak to your organization at jferg8@aol.com.