Tag Archives: humor

But I Don’t Want to Embarrass Myself! Or I Won’t Play That Game

Pushing People Past
Their Comfort Zone to Play Games
Without Pushing Their Buttons

Excerpted from Are You Playing with Me?
By Leigh Ann Jasheway

In an earlier blog, we talked about how reluctant some people can be in being playful. It may not be their nature. Or a light heart may be something that is frowned upon in their department or their profession. If someone asked me to sit quietly without cracking a smile for an hour, I’d feel very uncomfortable (actually, I’d probably ﬁnd it impossible), so every time I ask someone to step outside their usual boundaries, I try to conjure up a picture of myself sitting in a chair silently. And then I try not to laugh at the idea.

When it comes to playful activities, there are four types of people. People who:

1. Are not done being a child and need no encouragement to be silly and childlike;
2. Can be coaxed into playfulness fairly easily if everyone else is doing it;
3. May have forgotten how to play and will need a lot of convincing; and
4. Never feel comfortable showing or even admitting they have a playful side. You may be able to get them to sit at the table, but they’ll probably stare at you or have an “emergency phone call” they have to take.

You can coax or cajole the ﬁrst three types into participating, but with the resisters, all you can do is hope they eventually feel compelled to join in due to peer pressure. Here are my favorite ways to get audiences involved in activities that may be outside their usual comfort zone:

Make it clear that yours will not be a staid lecture. From the title, to the description, to the handouts, to the nametags, incorporate playfulness and fun so that no one will be shocked when they get there.
Create a playful environment by arranging the room for fun – the closer the better, semi-circles instead of straight lines, and tables so they can make eye contact with one another. Also set the mood with props and lighting. I like to use strings of light shaped like ﬂamingos or chili peppers. Seeing fun lights automatically says “Hey, this could be different!”
Get a feeling about the group and how supportive or distant they are by arriving early for networking or a meal. Set the tone with your own playful attitude. Joke and laugh with them before the actual presentation. This reduces their inhibitions, puts them in a more jovial mood, and reinforces that your presentation will probably be non-traditional.
Write your own introduction and make it funny, highlighting some of the more playful aspects of your own personality. I use things like:

–She has an M.P.H., which either stand for Masters of Public Health or Mistress of Public humor.
–When she’s not speaking or writing, she wrangles wiener dog at her ranch.
–In a previous lifetime, she’s sure she left the iron on.

Use fun music to start and end your session, or to mark breaks.

Near the beginning of your presentation, highlight the productivity, creativity, team building, health, emotional, stress managing, or other beneﬁts of what you’ll be asking them to do. This will address the concern of the more reticent people of the “reason” they should be involved.

Build love and support into the group and activities; discourage meanness disguised as playfulness. I usually tell my groups what things are off-limits, such as making fun of people, using sarcasm instead of humor, saying anything they wouldn’t want their boss or mother to hear, etc. You may also want to use this funny Carmen Miranda Rights statement.

Carmen Miranda Rights: You have the right to remain silent. You will probably not have as much fun or learn as much, but it is your right to sit quietly and observe until such time as you are ready to be part of the merriment.

As long as you aren’t a bully and don’t hurt anyone else while playing, nothing you say (or do) can or will be used against you in your workplace.

You have the right to a play coach. That is why I’m here – to encourage and inspire you to get in touch with your less serious side so that you can take a breather from the problems of your day and your life.

You also have the right to wear fruit on your head. (See cartoon above.)

Deal with people’s fears and concerns. One way to do this is to have them name them right up front. Make a list on a flip-chart under the heading, “Why I’m scared to play” or “Reasons my funny bone is broken.” It helps when people hear that they aren’t the only ones concerned about something. And if they can laugh at their fears together, it creates the kind of bonding that helps throughout their experience.

Keep a variety of games and fun activities in your toolbox so that you can pick things that are most likely to work for the group you face.
Give lots of praise and applause. It is amazing what people will do if you encourage them simply with recognition.

Forming groups

Once you set the stage for playfulness and fun, you will ﬁnd that many of the games in this book require you to break down a large audience into smaller, manageable groups. This can cause a lot of trainers and speakers problems – how do you get the people from the same departments to spread out and meet new people? It can feel a lot like dealing with junior high school cliques when you’re faced with an audience who is most comfortable staying with the people they know best.

There are many easy and fun ways to form new groups. You can break them into teams by:

Color of shoes or socks.
Natural hair color.
Which of the following cartoons they like the most: Garﬁeld, Charlie Brown, B.C., The Simpsons, South Park, Opus, none of the above.
Listing ﬁve barnyard animals (cow, sheep, chicken, pig, farm cat). Have them choose one, make that kind of noise, close their eyes and wander about until they ﬁnd the rest of their herd or ﬂock.
Using a quickie questionnaire with questions you can use throughout the day to break into different groups:
—What’s your favorite color?
—Paper or plastic?
—How many children were in your family?
—What’s your major hobby?
—If you were a tree, what kind would you be?
—Name your favorite ice cream.
—What kind of dog did you grow up with? Or was it a cat?
—Which type of music do you prefer?
—Favorite cereal as a child?
—Etc.
Having them play Rock/Paper/Scissors and putting all the rocks, all the papers, all the scissors together in groups.
Players reach out and touch someone. Everyone closes their eyes and walks around until you say stop. Then they reach out hands (eyes still closed) until they ﬁnd the right number of hands for the group.
Using toys. Have as many different types of toys as you want groups and have each person choose one. Their toy represents their group.
There is no end to the methods you can use to divide people up into smaller groups, although I don’t recommend sawing them in half. Just make it fun and quick and everything will ﬂow from there.

Enjoy this blog? Try the book.

Author Leigh Anne Jasheway

Another great book by Leigh Anne Jasheway

My First “Comfort Bike”

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Just for Laffs: Built for Comfort, Not for Speed

I guess it’s a sure sign of getting older, but I just bought a “comfort bike.” It has a wide padded seat, handlebars that let me ride almost upright, and a chocolate dispenser on the handlebars. Okay, maybe not, but a girl can dream, can’t she? When I ride, with the wind blowing through my helmet, I feel as though I’m seven again, pedaling around the neighborhood on the old blue Huffy bike I got for my birthday and rode until my last day of college despite the Huckleberry Hound stickers I had pasted on the fenders when I was ten.

“I’ve had my share of “discomfort bikes.” I bought a ten-speed bike when I got my first job because it looked aerodynamic and fast. Until I got on, that is.”

I’ve had my share of “discomfort bikes.” I bought a ten-speed bike when I got my first job because it looked aerodynamic and fast. Until I got on, that is. The only way for that bike to maintain its sleek look was if I folded my body into an Origami shape and perched motionlessly atop the ½-wide seat (What is with those seats anyway? Just what part of your body is supposed to stay aloft on them?). I ended up leaving the bike sitting the garage for several months, but it seemed sad. Like a mustang meant to run. To alleviate my guilt, I sold it to a guy who was also aerodynamic and fast—which he had proved on our first, and last, date.

Despite the fact that I never used more than three speeds on that ten-speed bike (primarily because shifting scared me) and the fact that I lived in one of the flattest places on earth at the time, my next purchase was an 18-speed mountain bike. Mountain bikes are built for rugged, adventurous people and I thought having the bike would force me to become one of those people. But just the opposite happened. After just two months with me, the bike became wimpy and agoraphobic. Every time I opened the garage to get my car out, it would flinch in the sunlight. Soon I was hanging wet laundry from its handlebars and it looked happier than I’d ever seen it. When I moved, I left that bike in the apartment – it seemed wrong to try to move it.

I was bike-free for a few years, but then one day I saw a guy riding a recumbent bike down the street. The bike had a back to it and you rode in the seated position. Not that I’m a total slob, but the idea of sitting down while getting my exercise did have some appeal. And the bike had small tires, so no one could expect me to ride up a mountain or down a steep trail (and having moved to where there are mountains and steep trails, I didn’t want to take any chances.) But the best part about the bike was the guy riding it looked kind of geeky. Now there was a bicycle style that didn’t intimidate me.

“But when the kindergartners on their trikes whizzed by at my eye level, I knew my self esteem wasn’t up for this low-rider of a bike.”

I was happy riding that bike as long as no one else was out riding. You see, when your wheels are only 4” tall you have to pedal much, much faster to go the same speed as someone whose wheels are say, 16” tall. It wasn’t so bad when the aerodynamic racers passed me or even the muscular outdoorsmen on their mountain bikes. But when the kindergartners on their trikes whizzed by at my eye level, I knew my self esteem wasn’t up for this low-rider of a bike.

Which brings us to my new bike, for which I have high hopes. Primarily because it doesn’t have high hopes for me. There’s no pressure to be faster or more athletic than I truly am. And I don’t have to compete with five-year olds to see who can make it to the cul-de-sac fastest. I can just sit there on my nice padded seat (the one that comes with the bike, not the one that comes with me) and pedal through the neighborhood looking relaxed and comfortable. My neighbors are jealous. I can see it in their eyes. They wish it was them with the red rubber horn and the pink and white streamers in the handlebars!

-By Leigh Anne Jasheway

Make Humor Work for You: Telling a Good Joke Well

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Make Humor Work for You: Telling a Good Joke Well

By Izzy Gesell, M.ED, CSP

Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.

William James

HOW TO RECALL AND RETELL ANY JOKE YOU EVER HEAR

Barack Obama (insert any politician here) visited a nursing home during his re-election campaign for president. No one seemed to be paying any attention to him as he toured the facility. Feeling a bit frustrated, he walked up to a man in a wheelchair. “Excuse me,” the candidate said, “Do you know who I am.” The patient looked up, shook his head, and replied, “No, I don’t. But if you ask at the front desk, I’m sure the nurse will be able to help you.”

Many of us cannot successfully remember jokes because we don’t know we’re going to like a joke until after it’s over. That’s when we try to memorize it by “rewinding” the tape, but there is no tape in our memory.

A joke is an oral narrative. As such, it requires inflection, physical movement, and expression. A key to successful joke-telling is to report it as if you were telling a story to someone, a story that “really happened.” You can’t memorize someone else’s telling of a joke. You need to improvise, to sound as if you were telling it for the first time. To those that say “I can’t improvise,” I say “balderdash”(or some such word). Unless someone writes a script for you while you sleep and leaves it on your night table, then you, like the rest of us, improvise most of our conversation everyday.

Like Gaul, jokes are divided into 3 parts. Although the parts are not always clearly delineated, they are usually there.

1. THE SETUP is the reason we’re interested in the story. (Ex: Obama visited a nursing home recently in order to drum up support for his health care plan.)

2. DEVELOPMENT is a problem or difficulty that happens. (“Excuse me,” the President said, “do you know who I am.”) Jokes are never about the specific people or places they seem to be about. They are about problems and solutions. That’s why the same jokes keep coming around. I first heard this joke told about President Bush running for re-election.

3. PUNCHLINE is the solution to the problem told from a different point-of-view (In this case, the patient’s). The greater the shift in point of view, the greater the laugh. (“No, I don’t. But if you ask at the front desk, the nurse will be able to help you.”)

When you hear a joke or story you’d like to retell Write down the outline (parts 1-3) in a notebook or PDA or speak into a recorder. The key is to write the punch line down first!!!!
Transfer the outline to a 3×5 card or other system such as computer or journal.
On the other side of the card or construct a story that makes sense for you around the skeleton. Include details such as names, cities, job titles, school.

Practice reading the story to a mirror, into a tape recorder, or in front of your dog or your cat (a dog is better than a cat because at least a dog looks like it cares).

Take the card (or notes) with you, go up to someone and say something like: “I’d like to tell you a joke” and whip out the card.

Read it or refer to it. After the 1st, 2nd or 3rd time you will be telling the joke successfully because you’re not relying on memorization. You can change it around, alter details, and customize it for your audience. As long as you remember the 3 parts, you will be successful.

GESELL’S GUIDE TO GUARANTEED GUFFAW

Don’t apologize beforehand.
Practice, practice, practice;
Have an air of confidence;
Try to know your audience;
Know you might fail (You’ll get over it!).

You don’t have to make everyone in the audience laugh (unless it’s an audience of one)
If you can only remember 1 of the 3 parts… remember THE PUNCHLINE.

SELECTED HUMOR WRITING FORMULAS

EXAGGERATION FORMULA
Description: Grossly exaggerates some (usually negative) quality of the subject of the joke. Example: The horse was so slow that the jockey kept a diary of the trip. (Henny Youngman)
REVERSAL FORMULA
Description: Punch line is 180-degree reversal of what audience might expect.
Example: I met a bum that told me he hadn’t had a bite in 3 days…so I bit him.
MISDIRECTION FORMULA
Description: Listener/reader is misled as to the outcome of a joke until the final, surprise ending. The punch line forces the audience to look at the situation from a totally different point of view.
Example: They laughed when I picked up the violin. They stopped when they realized I was from the finance company.
CLICHE REWRITE FORMULA
Description: A cliché or saying that has either been modified slightly or presented in a new context.
Example: Wall Street-the land of milk and money.
COMBINATION FORMULA
Description: Combine 2 very different elements and describe the results
Example: The director of Gandhi is making a sequel to Star Trek. It’s called “The Empire Turns the Other Cheek. ”
DEFINITION FORMULA
Description: Funny way of describing a word
Examples: Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark. Flashlight: A case for dead batteries.

GUIDELINES FOR SUCCESSFUL HUMOR TRANSMISSION or
How to tell funny stuff in a funny way.

USE great material. Have confidence in the material. If you’re not sure its funny or you can’t tell it well, DON”T USE IT!
ENJOY the material. An exuberant manner is contagious.
SET the material up properly. Plants the seeds for the punch line, build it up and sustain interest until the climax.
KNOW your material. Added words hinder progress to the punch line. Groping for words makes the audience lose confidence in you.
EVEN though you’ve used the material 100 times, make each time seem as if you’re telling it for the first time.
MAKE it relevant. Humor that fits the occasion has a much greater chance of clicking.
KNOW your audience. Don’t offend it. Make sure your listeners are in a mood to laugh.
SPEAK distinctly. Make sure your audience understands what you’re saying.
DEVELOP rhythm, good pacing & timing. Timing is mostly about pausing and silence.
AVOID stepping on your laugh. Don’t kill the laugh-line by continuing the story. Let the laughter resonate before you continue. Don’t telegraph the punch line.
TAKE advantage of all the talents and attributes you have. Impressions, characters, odd noises, physical imperfections are humor assets when used judiciously.
TRY out your material on recorder to eliminate errors and allow for polishing the material.
BE likable and enjoyable. The more audiences like you, the better their reaction to you will be.

TIPS & TACTICS FOR USING HUMOR MORE CONFIDENTLY

Find and display a picture of yourself smiling or laughing out loud. Use it as a mirror.
Take notice of what you find humorous. What you smile and laugh at are the clues to where your sense of humor lies. Trust in yourself. Don’t judge your sense of humor solely by the opinions of others.

Gather humor where you find it so you can have it when you need it. Use a notebook or recorder to hold on to the things that make you laugh. Keep a humor diary. You will be amazed at how much laughter comes into your life already. Leigh Anne Jasheway telling jokes

To your memory, an emotion is as real as the actual event. By focusing on the symbols & representations of the things that make you happy, you create REAL feelings. Carry a happiness symbol (photo, souvenir) with you. Look at it for 30 seconds when you need a smile.

Show your sense of humor in subtle but visible ways – the clothes and accessories you wear, what you place in your home or work space, quotes or cartoons in your correspondence.
Search for the happiness in others. Know what makes the people in your life happy. The more you make others laugh, the more joy will come back to you. As you expand your sense of humor and show the world you are willing to take risks with it, you will find others will desire to make you laugh.

Get a humor buddy and regularly connect with that person to share humor.

Laughter dissolves tension because laughter and tension cannot exist in your body at the same time. As a result, humor is a wonderful stress manager.

A sense of humor is more the ability to perceive incongruity or ambiguity in a situation than the ability to tell jokes. A laugh is your body’s way of saying, “aha! I didn’t expect that result, but it makes sense to me now.”

Don’t take yourself too seriously. Celebrate your individuality and your foibles. Learn to laugh with compassion at yourself and the things you do.

“A lot of truth is said in jest.” Therefore the phrase, “just kidding” doesn’t necessarily mean, “I didn’t mean what I said.”

Negative humor, such as sarcasm or ethnic humor, needs a victim. Positive humor fosters equality by focusing on shared experiences.

Humor is a skill. As such it needs to be practiced. The more you practice, the better you will become.

Check out Izzy Gesell’s book and card deck, Playing Along.

You might also like Leigh Anne Jasheway’s Are You Playing With Me?

Don’t Ask Your Doctor

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I am an outlaw. Maybe I’ve never robbed a bank or tagged a train with “Menopausal women rule!” but I have worked out to exercise videos without consulting my doctor first. Go ahead, send the fitness police–I’ve got some Zumba moves that will daze and confuse them.

Really, how many of you have a doctor who gives you more than 5 minutes to discuss the situation de jour? Once you’ve chatted about that weird mole on your back or the fact that your right kidney seems to be asleep, you’re supposed to yell at the M.D.’s quickly disappearing backside, “Do you think I can safely do the Bollywood Bootylicious Bounce for Beginners?”

Unless your doctor happens to also be a fitness enthusiast, chances are he or she knows less about exercise than your pet groomer, hairdresser, or plumber. In fact, I’m fairly certain you can better fitness advice from a 12-year-old nerdy boy who never leaves his mom’s basement. At least he knows how to play Wii tennis.

I was once married to an overweight man who went to the doctor a lot with issues that were all clearly related to being overweight (bad back, bad knees, high blood pressure especially when weighing himself, permanent impression in the mattress because he never left bed except under threat of no food or sex). I regularly accompanied my ex on medical appointments because he tended to have anger issues (yes, he was a peach; thanks for that). Not once in five years of visits to multiple practitioners did any of them say, “Just get off your fat ass and get some damn exercise!” Which made me look like a bad guy when I said it.

Most doctors learn everything they know about exercise from watching Dr. Oz and The Biggest Loser. This does not make them an expert in the field any more than my watching Private Practice means I am qualified to deliver a breach baby or sleep with everyone in the office.

I understand that exercise video people are just trying to cover their Spandex behinds in case you keel over and die while kick-boxing in your living room. I think we’d all be safer if they changed their warning to: “Consult yourself before beginning a new exercise program. And remember: we have lawyers on retainer.”

From Leigh Anne Jasheway’s blog, accidentalcomic.

Bad Boys and Sugar

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I love sugar. Cookies, cake, candy, hot fudge sauce, whipped cream… hell, I’d suck a hummingbird feeder dry if it were my only sweet option. But I’ve come to the realization that all that sugary goodness is taking its toll on me. The sad fact is that sugar and I must break up.

Most women know what it’s like to be attracted to a bad boy — despite your brain screaming, “He’ll break your heart and probably roll you down a mountain in his Jeep,” other parts of you smile knowingly and think, “Oh, but the ride will soooo be worth it!” Even when you’re hanging by your seat belt, upside down and teetering over a cliff, that bad boy will still weave his magic spell over you.

Sugar is just like that.

I’ve read all the articles about how sugar causes… well, every disease known to man and probably a few we haven’t yet discovered. I know from personal experience last month that inhaling four gingerbread men, three rum balls, two caramel turtles, and a pecan pie while standing next to a pear tree can make me feel more bloated than a PMSing gray whale.

And yet, I want more.

I tried swearing off sugar completely, thinking that as with any bad boy, the best technique is to break up and never look back. But three days later, I called sugar up late at night. “Maybe I was too hasty,” I said breathlessly. “One more roll in the, uh, pantry couldn’t hurt, right?” I oozed chocolate from my pores on that walk of shame.

Now I’m trying a new approach, cutting way back on my addiction, but not going cold tofurkey (, I’m a vegetarian, so cold turkey means nothing.) I’m choosing foods with the lowest sugar counts I can find and focusing on those that come from honey and other more nutritious sources. It’s like making a list of bad boy characteristics (rides of motorcycle, plays with fire, heckles comedians, steals from constructions sites, is rude to waiters) and choosing those I’m willing to live with (rides motorcycle). I’m also chewing things more slowly so I can taste what little sugar there is in everything. Who knew almonds were sweet?

Whenever the cravings are so severe, I start crawling the walls and feel I’m going to be led into temptation, I eat a banana while watching Die Hard. It gets all of my bad habits out of my system at the same time.

-By Leigh Anne Jasheway, from her blog – accidental comic.

Just for Laffs: Summer Separates the Boys from the Girls

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I was at a garage sale one afternoon last weekend when a man who looked to be in his eighties noticed a very large weed wacker near the door.

“That for sale?” he asked as he rushed over to it as fast as his cane would let him.

“Yep. We’re asking $5,” the woman answered with that I hope he’s not just toying with me tone that every garage sale organizer gets as the day wears on and it becomes clear than all that stuff, including the treadmill and the giant moose with blue eye shadow, is going to have to be packed up and dragged inside again.

“Sold,” the man said under his breath, hoping to transact the deal before his wife noticed. No such luck. A curly-haired sprite of a woman left the Jane Fonda videotapes she’d been perusing and appeared at his side in a flash, her tiny fists balled up on her hips.

“Bob, you can’t even lift that thing. Besides, we don’t have weeds in our apartment at Ya-Po-Ah Terrace.”

“I know, Bonnie. But it’s got three horses. Three! For $5. That’s a steal.”

Later that same day, I was at the mall with a friend when I overheard two women in the dressing room talking.

“I read that Jennifer Hudson went from a size 16 to a 6. If she can do that, I bet by July 4^th weekend I’ll be skinny enough to get into this size 12 sundress! Only fifteen more pounds and I’m so there!”

“Me too! Look out world; soon there will be less of us to love!”

To me, these to stories capture how men and women’s experiences of summer differ: for the guys it’s all about bigger, faster, and louder, while most women try to become smaller and less conspicuous. It’s Godzilla versus The Shrinking Woman.

Here’s another case in point: while walking my dogs recently, a man waved to us from atop his riding lawnmower. He said something too, but the roar of the suburban tractor drowned it out. Perhaps what he said was “I know my lawn is only the size of a postage stamp and I have to back this mower into the street to turn it around, but I AM KING OF THE WORLD!”

I can see how a riding lawn mower would be a great idea for someone with several acres of grass, but I can’t for the life of me think of why guys need one to trim the two dandelions that have sprouted in the driveway cracks. I have more carpet than he has lawn, yet I have never lain awake at night wishing someone would invent a riding vacuum cleaner with an onboard chocolate dispenser. Of course, the testosterone coursing through my veins wouldn’t fill up a pink Hello Kitty thimble, so what do I know?

Speaking of bigger and louder, that definitely applies to fireworks. Don’t get me wrong – I love a beautiful fireworks show such as the one at AltonBakerParkon July 4^th, with each explosion timed to the 1812 Overture or Lady Gaga’s Poker Face (that’s right, I’m up-to-date on my musical references, thanks to Glee). But the guys can never get enough of things that go boom in the night. I once had a neighbor who stuck leftover firecrackers under his weeds in an attempt to blow them sky high. He was happy with the result too, despite the fact that he ended up singeing off most of his eyebrows. Most women are happy to settle for pretty – and quiet – sparklers and leave our eyebrow maintenance to the professionals.

Of course, women’s summertime pursuit of trying to achieve the impossible is just as dangerous. I’m totally onboard with staying fit and healthy, but most of us can do that in the average-sized body we’re meant to have. My personal feeling is that zero is an imaginary number and if you diet and exercise your way there, you’ll disappear. I like there to be enough of me to cause a commotion or at least hold up my sparkler.

While the guys are blowing things up and marveling at how much horsepower their new riding BBQ has (laugh now, but you know it’s only a matter of time), many women are turning down potato salad and popsicles because they have too many calories, and don’t even get us started on the trans fats!

As much as the men’s toys may annoy us, we women would do well to take a page from their handbook (they’re not reading it anyway, because as well all know, men don’t need instructions). Let’s spend more time this summer focusing on all the power we have under our hood and not on the size of our chassis.

Why You Gotta Be So Mean?

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The talented Taylor Swift has a great song called Mean, with lyrics that include:

You, with your words like knives
And swords and weapons that you use against me
You have knocked me off my feet again
Got me feeling like I’m nothing…
Why you gotta be so mean?

We’ve all heard sad and horrible stories of bullying and cyber-bullying among kids and teens, but the fact is, for many, the bullying never stops. I believe that even those of us who were nicer once find it increasingly hard to avoid the mean-spiritedness that is too often the norm in today’s world. When I recently did an Internet search for “How to become less mean-spirited,” I found an online forum debating whether Internet users are more or less rude than they were in the past (there wasn’t a consensus, but many of the participants were rude in their comments about the subject), a host of articles on negative politics, and two online articles on how to become less sensitive. Maybe we’re not too sensitive; maybe people are just too mean.

It’s not hard to see why meanness has become so prevalent. Look at the role models we have these days:

Many people start their days off by listening to mean-spirited people on talk radio or television. These “hosts” make it seem “normal” to demean callers and in-studio guests, to cut people off mid-sentence, and to shout in order to be heard over the din;
Reality television goes for the drama by focusing on the basest, ugliest personalities, those who consider throwing a drink or a punch the go-to when circumstances don’t go their way; and
The semi-anonymity that allows kids to cyber-bully is just as present for those of who are “grown up.” People online regularly call each other words that used to be considered the ultimate put-downs and say that they don’t mean anything by it—that those words have become part of everyday language and no longer carry the sting they used to. The list of common computer acronyms includes 182 (I hate you), DIAF (Die in a fire), DILLIGAS (Do I look like I give a s*#t?) and STBY (Sucks to be you), among others.

When Beaver Cleaver has been replaced by the South Park gang, is it any wonder we feel it hard to be nice? To prevent falling into the “meanie” trap, try some of these:

Focus your jokes on yourself or situations and don’t mock other people in your life. Any time you say, “Can’t you take a joke?” you’ve slipped into mean-spiritedness.
Put your shopping cart back where it belongs instead of leaving it in the middle of a parking spot.
Leave the last donut or pizza slice for someone else.
The next time someone calls you at dinnertime to ask you to switch phone companies or help with a survey, keep in mind that the person calling is just doing a job. Don’t take out your annoyance on them; instead, politely ask them to call you back later or take you off their list. Or use tactic #1: make ‘em laugh.
Let a few cars enter the freeway in front of you.
Learn the names of people you have regular interactions with at the gas station, the dry cleaners, the coffee shop, etc. Calling someone by name is a great way to show you care.
Refrain from mowing your lawn or using your weed eater or leaf blower early on weekend mornings.
For no reason at all, show up at a friend’s house with a pie. And remember, you don’t have to have made the pie yourself for this to be a delightful surprise.
Be especially nice to people who are having horrible days and to horrible people. Even if they’re never nice back, you’ll know you added some positive energy to the world.
Set a goal to refrain from using your favorite not-so-nice words for a week. Here are a few you could cut from your vocabulary: idiot, jerk, moron, stupid… Create a punishment for each time you fall back into old habits and a reward for when you succeed in your goal.
Offer to take the next elevator if there are many people waiting to get on and it’s already almost full.
Offer to pick up a few things for a neighbor or co-worker while you’re out running errands.
Smile for no reason. As the day drags on, we tend to develop irritable scowl syndrome. A nice smile can help turn the day around for the smiler and the smilee.
Don’t honk unless you’re trying to prevent an accident.
Walk up to complete strangers and compliment them on their clothing. Remember the last time someone you didn’t know complimented you on something? It made you feel really nice inside, right? Do the same for someone else today.
Ask a child or teenager (yours or a friend’s) his or her thoughts on something and really listen to the answer. Too often, children feel they don’t matter. Go out of your way to let them know they do.
Let someone go ahead of you in line at the grocery store, especially if it’s obvious they’re in a hurry and you are not.
When making sandwiches for lunch, make an extra to give to a homeless person you pass every day in your car. Take your children with you to help teach them the value of being nice to people who are down on their luck.
If you tend to be sarcastic, try to change your habit. A good way to start is to ask yourself how often after you’ve said something snippy, you’ve ended up feeling ashamed and guilty afterward. The best part of being nice to people is that you never feel bad about your behavior afterward.
Replace any mean-spirited bumper stickers on your car with ones that are nicer, such as “Magic happens,” or “Don’t postpone joy.”
When you’ve had good service, fill out one of those service cards they often have at restaurants and hotels. Most people don’t take the time to fill them out unless things have gone badly.
When your child gets his or her report card, send it back with a thank you note for the teacher.

Just for Laffs: I Won’t Ballroom Dance, Don’t Ask Me

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I love watching ballroom dancing. The graceful movement, the teamwork between partners, the costumes that are so over-the-top they give Lady Gaga ideas for her next red carpet look… Ballroom dancing is art, really. But just as with art, the world is better off with me as a spectator than a participant.

Synchronized partner dancing is not my thing and it’s not just because I may be the world’s largest klutz. (I know some of you out there are vying for the title, but until you have accidentally glued your forearms together AND stabbed yourself in the neck with a corncob holder in the same day, don’t even think about challenging me.) My issue with ballroom dancing is more about the fact that when I hear great music, I don’t want to have to think about anything or anyone except expressing myself, wildly and unabashedly. I’m not in the mood to think about whether I’m following or leading – I’ve been told that I tend to do the latter, no matter what the circumstances. And I don’t want to have to worry about whose foot I will mangle if I don’t get the next turn executed properly or whose sacroiliac is going to be out of joint because I don’t dip well.

May I digress for a moment? Whose idea was “dipping” anyway? According to my secret sources (Wikipedia and answers.com, the source of all truth in the universe), the waltz was created in Austria in 1776. So while our forefathers were setting out the rights and responsibilities we are still arguing about today, the Austrians were putting on their dancing shoes. Interestingly, back then the shoes of both men and women were heeled. Doesn’t it just make you feel better to know at some point men had to dance in heels too? Although not recorded in the annals of on-line history, I’m fairly certain that after a few years, the men started to get tired of being dragged out by their wives to boogey every Saturday night, not to mention how much their feet hurt. So a few of them got together and decided to prank the ladies by creating “the dip,” a dangerous back pain-inducing move that was meant to dissuade the gals from dancing, but instead lead an onlooker to invent chiropractic and rake in the big bucks, er Kroner.

Okay, back to my point, if I can remember what it was…

Oh, yes. I recently went to hear one of my favorite local bands play at an event promoted for “boomers.” The great thing about dances for boomers is you are almost guaranteed that there will be no hip hop dancing or crunking. Not to mention I knew that I would be among the youngest people there and therefore experience a boost in my self-esteem. I should also probably mention here that the event started at 7 p.m. Bonus!

I sidled up to the bar and ordered my usual – a glass of fizzy water. Yes, that’s the kind of party animal I am. Then I took a seat at a table next to the dance floor and watched as a dozen couples whirled and twirled each other around like gray-haired auditioners for So You Think You Can Dance. They were all fantastic and I felt more than a little intimidated and out of my element. Unfortunately, the fizzy water didn’t do anything to ease my nerves. Nor did the woman who politely pointed out to me that my blouse was on inside out.

When I returned from addressing my wardrobe malfunction in the ladies’ room, I noticed a handful of younger women (defined as “close to my age”) dancing with each other near the stage. They danced in a circle, not paired up, and their moves were wild and free. As I was about to ask them if I could join their group, a guy tapped me on the shoulder and invited me to dance. My heart pounded. Partly because I was happy to know I’ve still got it (only it’s located slightly further south than it used to be), but mostly because I did not want try to keep up with the professional dancers on the floor. I agreed to dance with him, but pointed to the ballroom dancers and said, “I don’t dance like that.”

“How do you dance?” he asked.

I pointed to the wild women near the stage. “Like that.”

“That’s not dancing,” he harrumphed. “That’s Jazzercise.”

Guess who I danced with? That’s right, the ladies. It was great. And by the end of the evening, there were about thirty women all shaking our booties without having to walk backward and tuck under a gentleman’s arm. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but sometimes a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. And in this case, it didn’t include dipping.

By Leigh Anne Jasheway, author of Don’t Get Mad, Get Funny! and Are You Playing With Me?

Just for Laffs: I Won’t Ballroom Dance, Don’t Ask Me

Okay, back to my point, if I can remember what it was…

“How do you dance?” he asked.

I pointed to the wild women near the stage. “Like that.”

“That’s not dancing,” he harrumphed. “That’s Jazzercise.”

Converting Anger to Laughter

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The name of my newsletter has always been Don’t Get Mad, Get Funny. This is also the title of my first book on using humor to lighten up about stress and the topic title of my most popular keynote presentation. I’m not trying to say that anger isn’t a valid and valuable emotion—it’s just that too many of us go there far too often and for tiny little stressors that don’t deserve our anger energy.

I once saw a billboard alongside I-5 that read, “Anger is one letter away from danger.” I believe when we overuse anger, we do endanger ourselves and others. A mind (and body) in a constant state of fight or flight wears out more quickly than a mind (and body) that find ways to lighten up and let go.

The good news is that we humans naturally turn our anger (and frustration, annoyance, irritation and other lesser forms of being disturbed by circumstances around us) into laughter. Eventually. Some of the funniest stories we tell on ourselves were things that got our goat (or llama or alpaca, whichever you choose) when they happened, but by virtue of the passage of time, we’re able to gain a better perspective and see the humorous side of things. The problem is that eventually is too long to wait. If you’ve recently been to the DMV or tried calling your cable company, you know what I mean. You don’t want to burn out by the time your natural sense of humor replaces your angry feelings.

The question is, how can you speed up the process? Here are my five best tips:

Distract yourself!In one study, two fake traffic jams were created (because there aren’t enough real ones out there J). In one, drivers were left to fuss and fume on their own. In the other, the researchers created three distractions—warm & fuzzy (a puppy being walked alongside the vehicles), sexy (a good looking man and woman walking by), and funny (someone doing stupid human tricks nearby). Researchers studied both groups and counted how often they showed outward displays of anger (honking, yelling, stomping around outside their cars, shooting the finger, etc). In the group with the distractions, angry responses were significantly reduced and the type of distraction that worked best was humor. That’s right, humor beat puppies!Have plenty of silly, stupid, funny distractions in the places where you know your anger response gets turned on the most—your car, your office, at home next to the phone for those times you need to call to complain about things that don’t work.
Count on basic math. If you decide to spend 30 more minutes a day laughing (by inviting funny friends to lunch, watching a funny TV show, reading a funny book, etc.), basic math dictates that there are now 30 fewer minutes available for you to be angry (unless, of course, you set your alarm for 2 a.m. so you can have more time to fume. If that’s the case, you may need more help than this newsletter can provide).
Google it. The next time you feel your head is about to blow up with rage over some issue you know intellectually is not worthy of your anger energy, look online for funny stories and videos that relate to this same issue. I recently broke my nose by walking into a plate glass door (yes, I’m that cliché!) and when the bleeding finally subsided, I found four really funny videos of other people doing the same thing. The value of this exercise is that is allows you to find the humor in your specific situation faster by removing you from the equation. We always find it easier to laugh at others mistakes and problems than our own.
Be angry funny. No, this isn’t like Tyra Banks’ concept of Ugly Pretty on America’s Next Top Model. Rather than expressing anger in your usual way, find more laughable options. Instead of shooting the finger, make up a silly hand or arm gesture (Chicken Dance, anyone?) Curse in pirate or a foreign language. By circumventing your usual responses, your brain will start to acknowledge the silliness of your negative emotions quicker.
Write three jokes about it. As a comedy writer, if I didn’t get frustrated, annoyed, confused, and embarrassed all the time, I wouldn’t have anything to write about. When people are trying to be funny on purpose, they almost always rely on negative emotions as the source of their comedy (think of your favorite comedy TV show or movie and ask yourself what it’s really about). The next time you’re unnecessarily upset about something, take five minutes to write three jokes. They don’t even have to be good—it’s the process that’s important. 1) I hit that plate glass door so hard, local seismologists reported an earthquake. 2) I didn’t mind the embarrassment and the bleeding, but the pointing and laughing bothered me. Of course, it was me who was pointing and laughing, so I could have stopped it if I wanted to. 3) For a week afterward, I had two black eyes. Everyone thought I had “work done.” Now they tell me how much younger I look.

Try these simple tips and see if you don’t let go of some of the unnecessary anger in your daily life.

Improv Your Life

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The word “improv” scares people. To most, the idea of getting up in front of an audience and making up stuff on the spur of the moment seems like a form of torture instead of a fun way to pass a few hours while learning important life skills.

I’ve been incorporating improv games into my workshops for years without letting anyone know that’s what we’re doing (it’s kind of like mixing spinach in with the mashed potatoes and not telling anyone). The participants always have fun and go away with important life skills. Last spring I started teaching an improv class for my local community college and can honestly say – as a person who laughs a lot already – that I’ve never giggled, snorted, guffawed, and rolled on the floor laughing as much as I did during the two hours I spent teaching (and playing with) that class every week. The mean age of the class was around 58 and the “students” held nothing back and really enjoyed their 10-weeks of remembering how to be childlike.

Rather than running screaming from improv, it might help to look at a definition. Improv is the practice of acting and reacting, of making and creating, of being fully in the moment and with the people you are with. Improv helps us think and act on our feet, respond to changing circumstances, generate new and different ideas, become more flexible and spontaneous, and strengthen our sense of humor. Now tell me that doesn’t sound like something that would make your life better while reducing your stress!

Even if you never take an improv class, here are some rules you can apply to your everyday life to have less stress and more fun:

Be playful, not competitive. Working and playing together is not only more productive than always trying to one-up the next person, it also improves your attitude towards those you work with.

Always pay complete attention to what is going on around you. Yes, that does mean you should put down your Smartphone and back away from your computer when you’re engaging with another human being, whether in person or on the phone. Your mind cannot be in two places at one time any more than your body can.

Work with your intuition, your heart, and your emotions. Before making daily decisions, think about where they will lead and whether they’ll make you and the people in your life happy or less so.

Take risks and become comfortable with being uncomfortable. By this I don’t mean you should bungee jump naked from a motorcycle as you jump the Grand Canyon. What I do mean is that you should take more little risks in your everyday life. I’ll give you an example: I can hold my own during karaoke, but when it comes to “real” singing, I know my limitations. I’m breathy and often a little flat. That, however, did not stop me from recently writing and recording my first song. And I had the time of my life. Whenever we feel uncomfortable in a situation, we’re being ruled by our ego, the part of our mind that tries to keep us from appearing foolish. But appearing foolish can be an amazingly freeing experience.

Be truly involved in what’s going on, rather than thinking about it like as outsider. Many of us live as if our lives are on hold. When I get my doctorate… when I get married… when I buy my first house… when the aliens beam me aboard… then I can get on with my life. Fully commit to every day, every moment, and you’ll not only get more accomplished, you’ll be more grateful for every step of the journey.

Use your entire body, not just your head. One of the reasons 5-year-olds laugh so much more than grown-ups is that they use their bodies for play. We adults tend to use our bodies to transport our heads around and complain about the trip. The more you can play every day (and no, jogging, while good for you, isn’t considered “play”), the more fun you’ll have.

Accept and move forward. Rather than questioning every idea or suggestion made by others just because they weren’t yours, join in and see what happens. Add your own touch, but don’t destroy an idea just because it’s not yours.

Eliminate excuses. Rather than whining, “I feel stupid,” “I don’t understand,” or “I’ll wait and let others try before I join in,” just go for it. Or provide your own responses. “I feel stupid.” So? There are worse things in life. “I don’t understand.” Maybe you will if you join in the activity and see what it’s all about. “I’ll wait and let others try first.” Would you say the same if they were giving away free money or donuts? I thought not!

And if you decide that perhaps an improv class may be just what you need to turn your life around, check out your local community college. Here in Eugene, my next class starts on September 29^th and is offered through Lane Community College.

–Leigh Anne Jasheway-Bryant, MPH, is a stress management and humor expert, comedy writer, stand-up comic, and comedy instructor/coach.

Top 10 Ways You Can Improve Your Speaking by Acting Like a Stand-up Comic

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10. The most important thing to do in the first thirty seconds you’re center stage (even if you’re sitting at the conference table) is make the audience like you. Do this by using a conversational tone instead of a droning academic “I know more than you do” tone, making good eye contact, connecting with specific people in the audience, and giving the audience time to respond appropriately to your jokes and stories.

9. Use stories from your own personal experience. The more your presentation is based on your own life, the more the audience will sense truth and human emotion. These are very important elements in getting an audience to accept what you have to say, especially if it is something includes bad news of some kind.

8. Plan for things to go wrong. Stand-up comics write “savers,” funny comebacks for the things that might go wrong while they’re on stage. For example, the microphone stops working, cell phones go off, instead of thirty minutes there are now only seventeen for your presentation, half the audience has just rushed out of the room with food poisoning, etc. Being able to respond to problems with a sense of humor shows the audience you work well under pressure and don’t let a few setbacks stop you. And, if you are able to deliver your savers as if you just thought them up off-the-cuff, the audience will be impressed by your quick wit and intellect!

7. Apply some of the rules of comedy to your presentation. Comics all know the rules for making things funnier. These rules also apply in many cases to presentations of all kinds.

Rule #1: Your material should be universal; everyone in the room should be able to understand the material, the context, and the emotions behind both. If you are speaking to a room full of accountants and all you keep using references to quantum physics, you’re violating the rule of universality.
Rule #2: Be as specific and visual as possible. The better you can create a picture, the more engaged the audience will be in your presentation. It’s not an office, it’s a 7-foot x 7-foot cubicle wedged between the women’s bathroom and the elevator.
Rule #3: When dealing with topics that are still painful to the audience (recent tragic events, lay-offs at work, new management, budget cuts, etc.), use exaggeration in your examples to keep things in perspective. Here’s an example: “Things have been really stressful at work, what with the new CEO, the changes in our job description, and the dress code that requires everyone to wear prison uniforms on Wednesdays.”
Rule #4: KISS (Keep it simple, stupid.) Make your presentation only as long as it needs to be. Avoid complex ideas that require more thought than the audience will have time for; those are better discussed in breakout sessions or meetings. There’s almost nothing worse than an hour-long speech with only ten minutes of “stuff” in it.
Rule #5: It happened today (or at the latest, yesterday.) Use present tense verbs to give your presentation a feeling of being topical and urgent.

6. Remember, what you say is only half the game; your emotion is the other half. A speaker can have the most interesting material in the world, but if there is no passion behind it, no personal interest in what is being said, someone will probably fall asleep and it might be the speaker. Some ways stand-up comics show passion in their material include:

Using lots of facial expressions and gestures.
Modulating their voice. Vocal variation is very important to keeping an audience’s interest.
Getting rid of the lectern and standing where people can see them.

5. Structure your presentation like a stand-up set. Open strong and close even stronger. In between, vary your material so that your stronger and weaker points alternate. This is also a good way to structure a presentation that includes many points that may be received negatively by the listeners – intersperse them with whatever good news you can find so that the audience has a chance to catch their breath.

4. Engage the audience in participatory activities. It’s easier to keep an audience with you if they feel involved, rather than spoken at. Try to keep participatory activities simple, especially if your presentation is in the late afternoon or evening. Hand raising is good (“How many of you have ever experienced any stress? Okay, how many of you are clinically dead?”)

3. Be aware of what speakers before you have discussed. This allows you to avoid duplicating material, but more importantly it gives you an opportunity to show you were listening to them too. This simple tactic increases the audience’s affection for you right away. You too have been “the audience.” And you will get brownie points for being able to show how your topic builds on those of the speakers before you.

2. When you think audiovisuals include props in your thinking. One way to set yourself apart from other speakers is to broaden your use of visual aids beyond PowerPoint to include any objects large enough to be seen by the audience. Hats can be used to distinguish between different jobs or tasks or sides in a debate. A skeleton is a good way to demonstrate a bare bones budget. Have fun with choosing your props and your audience will have fun listening and watching you.

1. Honor your fear. Comedians feel fear too. But they know how to use that fear to fuel the energy behind their set. So next time your knees knock and your palms sweat, think how funny it’ll be to the audience. And think how much more they’ll like you because you’re a real human being too!

Lightening Up Crucial Conversations

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Humor Skills to Use When the Stakes are High

When used in a positive way, humor MAY be one of the best communications tools around. It not only engages listeners, it builds trust; helps lighten difficult news; improves receptivity to change; reduces anxiety; helps everyone stay grounded in the moment and attentive to the conversation; and because it stimulates blood flow to the brain, it helps everyone think more clearly. Because truth be told, most of us don’t think that well with our blood in our hindquarters.

“Crucial conversations” are those in which the stakes are higher than the everyday business communications we’re all engaged in. To be able to communicate well, lighten up, and listen to what is really being said, here are some important steps:

1. Understand we all bring our own baggage to every conversation. We all have assumptions about the people we’re talking with and the subject being discussed. We may have previous experiences with similar conversations that color what is being said (if you’ve ever started to hear “Yada, yada,” mid-sentence, you know what I mean), and we all DO have our own agenda (even if it is just to get to the bathroom before it’s too late).

2. Be open and truthful about your own baggage and agenda. Using a positive sense of humor to be up front about how you feel can help everyone be more comfortable and participate in the conversation with honesty and integrity.

3. Learn to truly listen to what is being said. You can’t use humor effectively without understanding what tickles someone else’s funny bone. The only way to do that is to let the other person lead you to what’s funny in his or her eyes.

4. Honor each others’ differences and celebrate similarities by finding connection points through laughter. When you both laugh at something at the same time, you’re much more likely to want to work together and help each other.

5. Recognize that the traditional “frustration point” is where humor is the most likely to happen. Writing a joke requires understanding “pattern” and “misdirection.” In real life terms, misdirection is the place where things suddenly hit the fan. At that point, rather than getting frustrated or anxious, an effective communicator MAY choose to turn to humor.

6. Use positive humor only. Competitive, demeaning, exclusionary humor makes everything worse in crucial conversations. Avoid problems by focusing the laughs on yourself (true stories that make a point with humor work great), dropping the sarcasm, avoiding hot button topics, keeping your topics and language clean, and poking fun at situations, not people.

7. Your most important overall goal in using humor in crucial conversations is to make the “audience” like you enough to listen to you. Do this by:

Having a conversational and friendly tone, not an authoritative tone;
Not putting words in anyone’s mouth;
Engaging everyone in the conversation;
Laughing whenever anyone tries to be funny in a non-harmful way; and
Being aware of clues that your message is not being heard.

One Stage at a Time

There are many ways to handle the stresses caused by life stages. An important one is not to take yourself too seriously. Laugh at the little things in life, and remember that all stages in life – the terror of being out on your own for the first time in your twenties, the confusion of processing death at 70 – will pass with time. Be patient; it’s all just a stage! Keep in mind as you age that coping skills won’t always work the same way.

Aging helps you develop a fuller, deeper perception if you let it. Keep in touch with friends both older and younger than you. It’s amazing to see someone go through the same stages you did, and it’s helpful to see someone go through those that are approaching. Watching others helps you see first hand the benefits of accepting aging as a part of life. Continue forward instead of looking back. Some people live in the past and others can’t seem to stop worrying about the future. What we should all try to do is cultivate today’s joys, because they become the future. Today’s joys also become tomorrow’s cherished memories. Be patient, have a sense of humor, and accept life in all of its stages. Things will be a lot less stressful.

Fun Five-Minute Stress Breaks

Stress Breaks – Quick and Fun
By Leigh Anne Jasheway

Have you ever eaten a frozen dinner without thawing it out first? The last time you had your blood pressure measured, did the cuff explode? Are there teethmarks in your steering wheel? Is Tums® your favorite pizza topping? Then you just might be over-stressed!

Chances are if you’re a woman and you’re still alive, you’ve got more stress in your life than you need. But you probably don’t have a lot of time to manage it either. If you’ve ever fast-forwarded through a relaxation CD, you know what I mean. What you need are quick, easy, and FUN stress breaks you can squeeze in between your family, your job, your social commitments, and that nice long coma you’ve scheduled instead of a vacation.

Try some of these:

1. Stop on the way home from work and read funny greeting cards. There are so many different types of humor in greeting cards, you’re bound to get a quick laugh – and laughter is one of the best ways to release your stress and move on.

2. Give the family pet a rubdown from ears to tail. Studies show that not only will your blood pressure and heart rate slow down, so will your pet’s!

3. Keep a gel-pack in the freezer and when the tension of the day shows up in your neck, tell it to chill out!

4. Prune an unruly plant. If you can’t control your boss or your kids, at least you can get a plant to behave!

5. Burn a candle in a scent that soothes, like vanilla or chocolate chip. If burning a candle isn’t advisable (if you’re in the car, for example, and might start a fire on your dashboard), spritz a room freshener in the same scent.

6. Get a coloring book and color outside the lines. And always ask for your own crayons at restaurants that offer them to the kids.

7. Take a walk around the block and see how many things make you laugh.

8. Clean out one drawer in your house. You’ll get a sense of accomplishment and no matter what else went wrong today, you can at least feel slightly more organized!

9. Write a love letter to one of your kids to stick in his or her lunch. Turning your mind to the delightful things about your family instead of the crazy-making things can help you feel less overwhelmed.

10. Grab a jar of Play-Doh or some modeling clay and squish it through your fingers. Imagine you’re squeezing the stress right out of your day. It works for young children!

11. Start a “Best Things” journal. Every day, write down the best thing that happened to you all day. It doesn’t matter how big or small; the idea is to focus on the positive and let go of some of your negative energy.

12. Use a lip balm or stick scented with relaxing essential oils such as lavender, chamomile, and green tea. Or one that just makes you smile – try chocolate or bubble gum (you can find some at Chocolate-sensations.com or Adorebeauty.com)

13. Close your eyes and visualize yourself in a moment when you laughed so hard you couldn’t stop, like that time you walked down the hall with the toilet seat cover tucked in your pantyhose. You’ll probably get a good laugh again just thinking about the moment.

14. Teach your kids your favorite childhood game. It’s hard to stay focused on the problems of the day when you’re playing Red Rover or Twister™.

15. Sing in the shower. Singing is a great way to release tension and letting the water wash away your cares at the same time doubles the stress-managing impact. Besides with the water running your kids won’t be able to complain about your version of Girls Just Want to Have Fun!

16. On your next break at work, swap neck and shoulder massages with a co-worker. If you work at home, do it with a neighbor or one of the kids.

17. Talk in a softer voice. Don’t whisper because that will actually strain your vocal chords. But if you talk softly (no big stick needed), studies have found that you’ll actually feel calmer and less anxious. That’s one of the reasons we feel more peaceful when talking to a baby or a puppy – our tone of voice affects our heart rate and sense of well-being.

18. Keep a book of funny stories or jokes nearby so when the stress hits the fan, you can laugh it off. You might want to check out a book by Dave Barry, Erma Bombeck, Bill Cosby, or moi, or a book of cartoons such as The Far Side, Calvin & Hobbs, Stone Soup, etc. from the library to get started.

19. Repot a plant. There’s something grounding about putting your fingers in dirt. Ask your dog.

20. Write your five, ten, or fifty biggest worries on giant marshmallows and invite your friends to have a “snowball” fight.

21. Make it a family tradition to have each member of the family tell you a funny joke at dinner every night. Not only will everyone get a chance to lighten up, but by encouraging your kids’ senses of humor, you’ll be helping them develop good stress management skills for the future.

22. Hula hoop or jump rope. You’ll get a quick burst of exercise – which will help produce endorphins and make you feel better all over – and you’ll get in touch with your inner child too. You remember her, right?

23. Put today’s biggest stressor on a sheet of paper in big red letters. Then run the page through your shredder. As it gets ripped apart, imagine the stressor itself disappearing.

24. Update the photos you keep on your desk or on the fireplace mantel. Searching for just the right photos will bring back happy memories and the break will help slow down the hectic pace of your day.

25. Have some milk and cookies. If you can squeeze in another ten minute, have a nap too.

26. Get the whole family to play the board game, Don’t Make Me Laugh (available at Areyougame.com). I dare you not to forget your troubles while you play.

27. Go barefoot. Feeling the grass between your toes or even the fuzzy carpet tickling your arches will help take your mind off your troubles for a few minutes.

28. Have your teenager teach you the latest dance craze. Try to be a good student and not break up laughing halfway through the lesson.

29. Start a list of good excuses for saying “No” the next time you really want to. “I’m sorry, I’m having the ficus tree neutered.” “The voices in the head have been grounded.” “I’m trying to be LESS popular.”

30. Soak your feet in Mr. Bubble.

Trying to fit stress management into your day doesn’t have to stress you out. If you try some of these tips, you’ll be calmer and better able to cope with your life.

For more from author Leigh Anne Jasheway, click here.

Horoscopes for Stressed Out Women

What’s in the stars for stressed out women
By Leigh Anne Jasheway

You know you’re a stressed out woman if your inner child wants to be adopted by someone with more time to play. If you get so anxious driving carpool that there are teeth marks on your steering wheel. If your favorite pizza topping is antacid tablets.

If you have any of these symptoms, read on – these horoscopes are just for you.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19) – You’re always a hard worker, but lately you’ve been overdoing it. Now is the time to put aside your to-do list and take a nice deep breath. But not so deep you inhale the kitty litter from across the room.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18) –Free-spirited Aquarius, you get stressed out by taking on too many projects and need to learn how to say NO. Ask a three-year old, they’re usually very good at the word. If you’re a single Aquarian, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to start dating a massage therapist.

Pisces (February 19-March 20) – Are you looking for a great way to relax at the office? Why not get a fish tank, dear Pisces, and let your worries float away? The good thing about fish is that they never need to be driven to soccer practice or a ballet recital, so don’t even think about buying tiny waterproof cleats or tutus!

Aries (March 21-April 19) – You have to admit that you are often moody and impatient. “Am not!” “Are too!” A great way for you to maintain a more even emotional keel is through aromatherapy. Buy yourself some candles to set the mood you’d like to be in for the day, but resist your impulse to buy two opposing scents such as “Relaxed” and “Perky.”

Taurus (April 20-May 20) – Your tendency to get over-anxious in public can lead to trouble, like that time you bit off the fingernail’s of the woman sitting next to you on that long flight across country. Try visualizing something that makes you feel peaceful inside – for example, an imaginary maid who leaves your house spotless every week without you lifting a finger.

Gemini (May 21-June 20) – Despite your pride in your ability to multi-task, there are some things you should never do at the same time. Like meditating with your eyes closed while driving home from work. Or preparing your taxes while taking a bubble bath. However, since you are also psychic and intuitive, I really didn’t have to tell you any of this, did I?

Cancer (June 21-July 23) – A yoga class would be a great idea right about now, but be sure to stretch out first – you have been kind of tense lately and don’t want to get stuck in the lotus position and have to call the paramedics to bring the Jaws of Life to get you out.

Leo (July 24-August 22) – You pride yourself on your intelligence, so why not put your stress in check by checking out one of the latest books on the subject? You can’t go wrong with What Color is My Blood Pressure; Men are from Mars, Women Have to Clean it Up; or Chicken Soup Someone Else Made Always Tastes Better.

Virgo (August 23-September 22) – Your desire to take care of others is admirable, but please stop going into your neighbor’s house when they are away and dusting. It just adds one more thing to your list; well, two, if you count dealing with the police after you set off their alarm. Re-channel your energy into exercise. And no, twitching doesn’t count as exercise.

Libra (September 23-October 22) – Let’s face it, you’re too darned busy. It’s okay to use press-on nails, but press-on clothes? That’s a little too much. And aren’t you tired of eating your Lean Cuisine™ frozen? Take a few things off your to-do list and enjoy your life. Maybe you’ll even find time to pull your pantyhose all the way up before you leave for work in the morning.

Scorpio (October 23-November 21) – Your coffee habit isn’t healthy. Especially now that you’ve taken to chewing used coffee grounds for your afternoon pick-me-up. Try water instead. You’ll be less jittery and your pupils may return to their original size.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21) – You’ve got to slow down. Is it really necessary to fast-forward through those sounds of nature tapes you bought to relax to? Maybe it’s time for a vacation: sand, surf, sun anyone? And try not to run any marathons while you’re away.

Are You A Life-O-Sucter?

Life-O-Sucter???
by Leigh Anne Jasheway

Life-O-Sucter, it’s a new word for an old problem: someone who sucks the life out of everyone he or she comes in contact with every day. Unfortunately, just as vampires can’t see themselves in the mirror, most Life-O-Sucters (abbreviated LLS) can’t see their own bad habits. Take this simple quiz to see if you’ve developed any of the symptoms and to learn what you can do to avoid turning into full-fledged LLS.

1.         If a friend tells you how bad her day has been, what is your usual reaction:
a.         You listen to her without judgment.
b.         You offer her a shoulder to cry on.
c.         You tell her how much worse your day was – in vivid gory detail.

If you answered “c,” you might be a Life-O-Sucter. LLS like all attention to be on them all the time, even in one-on-one interactions. It’s like they’re playing a game called “My Life Is Worse Than Yours!” If someone has a bad day at work, the LLS has had a bad month or year at work; if someone has a fender bender on the way to the store, the LLS has a brush with death on the freeway. There’s no sob story a LLS can’t top.

If you find the words “You think that’s bad? Listen to this,” frequently fly from your mouth, you might as well get yourself a cape and fangs. Or you could change your behavior by making a list of alternative phrases to use in these situations. Phrases such as:
I’m so sorry this happened to you.
No wonder you’re (exhausted, frustrated, angry, etc.)
Is there anything I can do to help?

It won’t be easy to stop yourself from jumping in with all the horrible things that have ever happened to you, but if you keep using the list, you’ll find this monstrous habit will soon be defeated.

2.         Which of the following words apply to you:
a.         Drama Queen
b.         Hypochondriac
c.         High-maintenance
d.         None of the above

If you answered “a,” “b,” or “c,” you may be a Life-O-Sucter. Drama Queens, hypochondriacs, and high-maintenance people are all overly-involved in their own lives and can’t usually find the time to be a positive force for others. And if their lives aren’t dramatic enough, they create drama – for example, thinking every bump and bruise is cancer or every friend who’s late to lunch has either been killed on the way there or has dumped them.

One of the best ways to stop creating drama where there is none is to help someone else whose life really is rife with stress and drama. Volunteering with an organization like Habitat for Humanity, visiting kids with cancer in the hospital, or helping an illiterate adult learn to read will help convince you that your life is pretty good. And by helping others out, you put positive energy into the universe instead of negative.

3. Compared to five years ago, do you have:
a.       More good friends.
b.      About the same number of good friends.
c.       Fewer good friends.

If you answered “C”, you may be a LLS. Eventually Life-O-Sucters lose their friends. Who really wants to stay in a friendship with someone who always one-ups you, never lets you have any attention, and whines more than a puppy left home alone for the first time? Being friends with a Life-O-Sucter is like being friends with a leach – it’s exhausting, draining, and sooner or later you can’t wait to shake them off!

The best way to reach out to friends who’ve gotten fed up and moved on is to apologize and tell them you want to change your ways. Admit that you haven’t been the easiest person to have as a friend and ask for help to do a better job. Chances they’ll have plenty of advice; all you have to do is be humble enough to listen. To show you’re serious, bring a pencil and paper and take notes!
4.         When chatting with someone on the phone, do you usually:
a.         Hang up as soon as you’re done with what you have to say.
b.         Wait until the other person is finished talking before hanging up.
c.         Hang up at a mutually-agreed upon point in the conversation.

If you answered “a,” you may be a Life-O-Sucter. LLS think that when they’ve finished saying what they have to say, the conversation is over. If you’re always the first to hang up and people have actually asked you why you always slam the phone down in the middle of their sentences, ring-ring, it’s the Life-O-Sucter clue phone!

A visual reminder may be needed to change this bad habit. Print out the question, “What else is new with you” on a sheet of labels and apply one to each phone in the house (and your cell phone too, if there’s room!) Tell yourself you’re not allowed to hang up on anyone without having asked the question at least once.

5.         When it comes to face-to-face interactions, phone conversations, or Instant Messaging, do you:
a.         Let other people do most of the talking.
b.         Hold up your half.
c.         Monopolize most of the time.

If you answered “c,” you may be a LLS. If the people around you are always starting thoughts, but never completing them, you either hang around with very forgetful people, or they never get a chance to finish what they start because you constantly interrupt them. Life-O-Sucters believe that whatever’s running through their head is more important than anything anyone else has to say.

The best way to stop this bad habit is to let your friends and relatives know you realize you have a problem and ask them to let you know when you’re interrupting them by using a unique code phrase like “Fuzzy bunny slippers” or “Brad Pitt.” Anything that will get your attention and stop you mid-thought will work. And if you choose a fun phrase, it will help you keep a lighter perspective while you change.

6.         Do you usually see the glass:
a.         Half full.
b.         Half empty.
c.         Completely empty, dirty, and you have to wash it.

Again, “c” is the Life-O-Sucting answer. Choosing the most negative perspective on life (and it IS a choice) is one of the classic symptoms of being a Life-O-Sucter. If you’re always negative, the only way your relationships work is that other people are putting positive energy out there to feed you. Eventually, they just get exhausted.

Some people keep a gratitude journal to remind themselves of the good things in their lives. I recommend keeping a “Gratitude List” on your refrigerator, right next to the grocery list. Every time you think of something good in your life, jot it down on the fridge where you will see it every time you’re in the kitchen. Regular reminders that your life is good overall can help you overcome the negativity fiend.

7.         Look closely at your face in the mirror. Which do you have more of:
a.         Frown lines
b.         Laugh lines

If you answered “a,” you may be a LLS. Over the years, Life-O-Sucters tend to develop something I call Irritable Scowl Syndrome. You’ve seen it on people’s faces, maybe even your own. It’s that permanent look of annoyance and irritability right between the eyebrows. It’s no wonder Botox is so popular!

Changing this LLS symptom is relatively easy because you can fake a smile and it will boost your mood, no matter how you really feel. Since it’s really hard to smile and frown at the same time, you get at two-for one bonus. And, not only will you feel better, but those around you will feel more positive when you’re around. Not bad for a Life-O-Sucter!

If you’ve noticed lately that people run screaming from the room when you come in or light torches and try to run you out of town, try a few of these tips. Because nobody vants to be a Life-O-Sucter!

Leigh Anne Jasheway-Bryant, M.P.H. has been helping people learn to use their funny bones, their smile muscles, and their optimism to have a better life for fourteen years. She is a nationally-recognized keynote speaker, author of fifteen books, and winner of the 2003 Erma Bombeck Humor Writing Award. Visit her website at www.accidentalcomic.com.

Are You in Love with Stress?

Stressed Out and Like It?
By Leigh Anne Jasheway

It’s tough not to be overstressed these days. With all the roles we play every day – parent, employee, caregiver, interior decorator, organizational expert, chauffeur, medical consultant, CEO of everything – it’s only logical that we’d feel overworked and overwhelmed most of the time.

Have you ever thought about the possibility that you might actually like being stressed out? That in fact, you might get the same kind of giddy high from having too much to do that you get when you fall IN LOVE? There’s a bumper sticker that would be funnier if it weren’t so true for so many of us: “Don’t tell me to relax – stress is the glue that holds my life together.” If you’re measuring your value and purpose by a full calendar or the fact that your cell phone never stops ringing, you’ve formed an unhealthy love relationship with your stress. Take this quiz to see how in love you are with the stressors in your life.

1.         When it comes to multitasking, do you:
a.         Try to never do more than one or two things at a time.
b.         Juggle as much as you need to in order to make it through your day.
c.         Hope it becomes an Olympic event because you know you’re a shoo-in for
the gold medal.

2.         When you open your calendar, which of the following would make you feel best?
a.                   Lots of blank space.
b.                  A good balance of scheduled and unscheduled time.
c.                   So many scheduled activities you need a magnifying glass to be able to read what’s there.

3.         Speaking of blank space in your organizer, if you had a full day open, what
would be your first thought?
a.         I wonder if I have time to go to the gym.
b.         What have I forgotten?
c.         I’d better scribble something down in case anyone peeks inside so they’ll
see how busy I really am.

4.         When someone asks you to do something for them and you really are too busy, do
you:
a.                   Thank them for asking and turn them down nicely.
b.                  Agree to help out this once, but chide yourself for caving in.
c.                   Say “I’m really overbooked, but I’ll try to squeeze you in,” then make a point of showing them how crowded your calendar is.

5.         As you go through your day which of the following phrases is most likely to run
through your head?
a.         Wow, this is fun!
b.         Slow down, you move too fast!
c.         I feel the need for speed!

6.         When a friend or co-worker tells you how busy she is lately, what would be your
first response?
a.                   Helpfully suggesting she take some time off.
b.                  Saying you know how she feels.
c.                   One-upping her with anecdotes about your even-busier life.

7.         If you were stuck at the airport for an extra hour, would you be most likely to:
a.                   Enjoy a conversation with a stranger.
b.                  Call and check on the office, then if there’s time, your family.
c.                   Pull out your laptop and happily disappear into your own little world.

8.         When your kids see you at the end of the day, do they:
a.                   Excitedly tell you about their day.
b.                  Give you a few minutes to yourself.
c.                   Avoid you like you’re a low-fat snack food item.

9.         Which cartoon character best reflects your life?
a.         Sleeping Beauty – I know the importance of rest and rejuvenation.
b.         Snow White – I’d really like to delegate things to the dwarfs, but I usually
end up doing everything myself.
c.         The Tasmanian Devil – I’m more comfortable spinning around as fast as
possible.

10.       When you lie in bed at night right before falling asleep, do you:
a.         Give thanks for all the wonderful people and things in your life.
b.         Plan out your next day.
c.         Lie awake restlessly, looking forward to the next day so you can get back
to being busy again. After all, sleep is for sissies!

SCORING: Give yourself one point for every “a” answer, two for every “b,” and three for every “c”.

1-10 You’ve got a healthy relationship with stress and busyness. You understand that there is more to life than increasing its speed and that your family doesn’t come with a rewind button.

11-20 Although you think you’ve got a handle on things, when the chips are down, you tend to “Just say yes” to stress. Follow some of the tips below to make sure you keep things under control.

21-30 You’re not just over-stressed, you’re in love with the feeling it gives you. Being crazy busy gives you a sense of power and makes you feel better than your friends, neighbors, and co-workers. But your body and mind (not to mention your family and friends) are probably already suffering the consequences of your choices. You should pay attention to every tip listed below to try to end your relationship stress.

Read about Leigh Anne Jasheway-Bryant!

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Just for Laffs: Built for Comfort, Not for Speed

“I’ve had my share of “discomfort bikes.” I bought a ten-speed bike when I got my first job because it looked aerodynamic and fast. Until I got on, that is.”

“But when the kindergartners on their trikes whizzed by at my eye level, I knew my self esteem wasn’t up for this low-rider of a bike.”

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Make Humor Work for You: Telling a Good Joke Well

By Izzy Gesell, M.ED, CSP

Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.

William James

HOW TO RECALL AND RETELL ANY JOKE YOU EVER HEAR

Like Gaul, jokes are divided into 3 parts. Although the parts are not always clearly delineated, they are usually there.

SELECTED HUMOR WRITING FORMULAS

GUIDELINES FOR SUCCESSFUL HUMOR TRANSMISSION or How to tell funny stuff in a funny way.

TIPS & TACTICS FOR USING HUMOR MORE CONFIDENTLY

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Humor Skills to Use When the Stakes are High

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Stress Breaks – Quick and Fun By Leigh Anne Jasheway

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What’s in the stars for stressed out women By Leigh Anne Jasheway

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Life-O-Sucter??? by Leigh Anne Jasheway

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Stressed Out and Like It? By Leigh Anne Jasheway

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GUIDELINES FOR SUCCESSFUL HUMOR TRANSMISSION or
How to tell funny stuff in a funny way.

Stress Breaks – Quick and Fun
By Leigh Anne Jasheway

What’s in the stars for stressed out women
By Leigh Anne Jasheway

Life-O-Sucter???
by Leigh Anne Jasheway

Stressed Out and Like It?
By Leigh Anne Jasheway