Author Archives: Whole Person

Can You Play?

Play – Just for Kids?
By Leigh Anne Jasheway
From Are You Playing with Me?

What three little words have the power to make you smile and ﬁll you with the hope that maybe today won’t be so bad after all? Words you probably said and heard hundreds of times when you were a child but somehow forgot as you got all grown-up and professional? Words that almost always brought a smile to your face then and could do the same thing today if you let them.

Ready? Those three little words are: “Can you play?”

Remember when you were young and a kid would show up at your door and ask “Can you play?” It was exciting and fun. It meant you had a friend, and you could ﬁnally get out of the house, away from the stuffy grown-ups! If you’ve forgotten just how magical those three words can be, stand outside an elementary school during recess and listen to the giggles, the songs, and the shouts of glee coming from the playground. When was the last time you felt the urge to make joyful noises so loud they could be heard down the block? And as a presenter or trainer, when was the last time you were able to help any group of people feel that way? A few weeks ago? A year? Never?

Play isn’t kids’ stuff. It’s a vital way of bonding with other people, of communicating messages that get remembered, and of leaving a good lasting impression. Unfortunately, in our rush to grow up and get serious, we forget how a playful attitude can make almost anything easier. People who speak and teach for a living forget this lesson too. That’s why so many of them stand behind a podium and lecture with PowerPoint – or as I call it “I’m not interesting, look at this slide!” But unless the point of your lecture is to bore your audience to tears or drive them to spend their time secretly text messaging the ofﬁce on their Blackberries or cell phones, there are better ways to get a message across.

Maybe I’m biased. The ﬁrst time I gave a “speech” was in tenth grade Speech Class at Abilene High School. Rather than stand at the lectern the teacher had set up, I hopped on the table and sat in the lotus position. (This was back in the days when I could actually still get out of the lotus position without having to call the paramedics to use the Jaws of Life to pry my legs loose.) The rest of the class learned more about my topic and probably remembered it longer than had I just read some statistics off note cards like everyone else did that day. And there may still be people talking about my audacity lo these many years later.

During the past ﬁfteen years of my life as a speaker, trainer, and humorist, I’ve had the chance to develop a deep sense of appreciation for the power of fun and play among audiences of all sizes, shapes,and levels of seriousness. I’ve played with doctors, nurses, teachers, bus drivers, librarians, engineers, forest managers, loggers, bankers, scientists (yes, even rocket scientists!), cat rescuers, dentists, nursing home residents, interior decorators, insurance agents, dance moms, newspaper reporters, screenwriters, pastors, HR directors, medical assistants, and postal workers (none of whom went postal on me). I’ve played with people who warned me in advance that they weren’t very playful. People who thought they were too stressed out to relax. Even people who were very, very afraid of letting their inner child out for fear the inner adult would run away and join the circus. A playful approach has always worked. Sometimes it works better than other times, but it always works better than just talking to them ad nauseum until their ears bleed.

Now you may be thinking, “That ﬁne if you’re talking about something that’s fun, but I’ve got to teach my audience about global warming/organizational restructuring in the credit union industry/programmable customization models for the disgruntled end users who insist on speaking English. I can’t make that fun, can I?”

The quick answer is yes. When I ﬁrst started using games and play to help educate and enlighten, I was teaching stress management, nutrition, ﬁtness, smoking cessation, and AIDS prevention. I’d been teaching these subjects and having experts come in to to speak about them for years before I decided I needed to lighten up the messages. I mean, how many times can you hear “Exercise three times a week for thirty minutes” before you want to throw barbells at someone (if you’re strong enough to, that is)?

Believe me, the people who were still smoking after years and years of being lectured to, really didn’t want to even be in the same room with me. I remember that right after deciding to integrate humor into my health education approach – creating game shows, using the old Saturday Night Live “Whiners” sketches, using improv games, etc. – I took my show on the road to – a prison! I know, I get all the good gigs.

My job was to teach a group of prisoners why and how to stop smoking. It was a small room and I was the only woman in it. If not for a playful attitude and fun approach to the topic, both of which distracted the guys from their nicotine ﬁts, I’d probably still be there or at least have a nice prison tattoo.

My experience has shown me that even serious topics can use a little fun around the edges – to break the tension, to help the audience feel more comfortable asking questions, even to help you get out alive. Even if you don’t think the topic lends itself to being playful, you can wedge the important, serious stuff in the middle of more light-hearted games. Think of it as the Oreo™ cookie approach to presentations. No matter what topic I’m presenting, I always adhere to Bob Basso’s philosophy that “If it’s not fun, you’re not doing it right.” I think audiences know that intuitively, even if they can’t put it into words. No matter what you have to say, if the people listening have fun, enjoy each other and you, and are in a playful spirit while there, your message will be better received. Not to mention that if your audience doesn’t fall into a coma, they will learn more and remember more of what you had to say.

Leigh Anne Jasheway – Click photo to learn more.

Mouth Yoga

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Mouth Yoga
By Julie Lusk

According to the yoga tradition, 80% of your problems can be solved with mouth yoga. That is, what you eat and drink and put in your mouth, what you say, and who you kiss makes a big difference. Wise yogis ask us to consider 3 things before saying something:

Is it true?
Is it necessary?
Is it kind?

Thich Nhat Hahn, a Vietnamese Buddhist monk who was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize by the Rev. Martin Luther King recommends smiling, even if you don’t feel like it. He says you will feel more positive and at peace. In his book, Be Free Where You Are, he suggests we use this simple exercise: “Breathing in, I smile. Breathing out, I release.” If you’re wondering why you should smile when there isn’t joy inside, he answers, “Smiling is a practice. There are over three hundred muscles in your face. When you are angry or fearful, these muscles tense up. The tension in these muscles creates a feeling of hardness. If you know how to breathe in and produce a smile, however, the tension will disappear – it is what I call ‘mouth yoga.’ Make smiling an exercise. Just breathe in and smile – the tension will disappear and you will feel much better.”

If you have a difficult phone call to make, smile as you make the call. Keep smiling as you talk, and you’ll find that your ideas come across much better and you will create less confrontation. Belleruth Naparstek calls smiling “affirmations for your face” and promises you’ll start getting smiles back from others. Julie calls it smile-asana. Go ahead… and smile now!

Do you have jaw tension? Do you grip your teeth tightly? Try opening your mouth and moving your jaw up and down and sideways to relieve tension. Another method is to rub your scalp around the half-moon circling over the top of your ears. While you’re at it, rub your outer ears with your fingertips and thumbs for a nice energizer. Lowering your caffeine levels may relieve jaw tension too. Come on now, let go … and smile! Practice your mouth yoga.

The yoga police say, “You have the right to remain silent.”

What you see and hear matters too.There is a phenomenon called the Illusion of Truth Effect. Basically, it says that repetition increases our mental validation of anything we’re exposed to whether or not the information is true. Hearing or seeing something consistently is viewed as more valid than messages we’re exposed to only occasionally. A weak message repeated twice becomes more valid than a strong message heard only once, according to research from the University of California at Santa Barbara. Therefore, be careful of the messages you’re being exposed to since repetition matters. Think again about all those political messages and evaluate their accuracy with facts.

Dr. Habib Sadeghi offers these recommendations:

MAKING WORDS WORK. To consciously harness the power of words for your benefit, start with the ones you’re using.
NO NAME-CALLING OR SELF-CRITICISM. Everyone is doing the best they can at any moment in time with the consciousness they have to work with, including you. Be kind and offer yourself the same empathy and compassion you’d extend to anyone else.
STOP ALL SELF-DEPRECATION. Never make your body, or something you’ve accomplished, or anything else in your life the butt of a joke. Words have power, and quantum energy doesn’t have a sense of humor.
RESIST GOSSIPING AND SPEAKING ILL OF OTHERS. It’s impossible for your words to resonate in anyone else’s body but your own.
GO ON A NEGATIVITY DIET. Instead of saying that a meal was terrible say, “I’ve had better.” You’ve basically said what you wanted to say without putting negative energy through your body—you even used a positive word to do it!
BOOST THE POSITIVE ENERGY OF WORDS. Instead of saying something like you had a good time at a concert, ramp up the positive energy by saying great, terrific, or fantastic. These feel much better and generate a bigger energetic response in the body.
IF YOU HAVE SOME NEGATIVE NANCYS IN YOUR CIRCLE OF FRIENDS, limit the time you spend with them or find better friends. Negative energy has a way of dragging everything surrounding it in, like a big black hole. Avoid it when you can.
SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE, UPLIFTING WORDS. Put affirmations on sticky notes around your home and office that say wonderful things about you, your family, or your goals. Wear clothes that have positive messages or phrases on them. Imagine the kind of positive energy you’ll be generating for yourself when you’re wearing positivity all day long. As you keep doing these things, you use the power of repetition in a highly effective way for your benefit. You have the power to change your world, and using words consciously is one of the quickest ways to shift the energy you bring into your life.

Check out Julie Lusk’s website.

Julie Lusk

Go to our website to check out Julie’s books.

Holiday Eating

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How to Enjoy Healthy Holiday Eating

Yum. The holidays are almost here. I can smell the cookies baking, the turkey, the Christmas ham, the mince pies, apple pies, pumpkin pies, sweet potato pies, chocolate pies…yum yum!

On the other hand, I’ve just knocked off a few pounds and I don’t want to put them back on with an orgy of eating. Thanksgiving is at my daughter-in-law’s this year, and I really don’t want her to feel insulted because I didn’t eat the things she made specially because our side of the family likes them. It’s enough to ratchet my holiday stress up another notch.

So…I went hunting for some tips to keep holiday eating reasonably healthy. I found these seven from Dr. Lisa Young of the Huffington Post. She says:

“Here are some tips that I’ve successfully used with clients in my nutrition counseling practice. Even if you just incorporate a few of them into your daily routine, you are taking a step in the right direction, and by the new year, these small steps may develop into full-fledged habits.

Eat structured meals.
Pack a healthy snack.
Indulge in favorite treats sparingly and watch your portions.
Stay hydrated.
Include plenty of fruits and veggies.
Stick to your exercise routine.
Don’t fret. Tomorrow’s a new day.”

Click here to read the details.

Here are some strategies from Real Simple:

The Strategy: Bring Your Own Food. Contribute a healthy dish to a gathering to ensure there’s something you can indulge in.
The Strategy: Don’t Go Hungry to the Mall. To cut down on the lure of the food court, never go to the mall on an empty stomach.
The Strategy: Keep Track of What You Eat. Maintain a food diary to help you stay committed to your goals during this risky eating period.
The Strategy: Eat Before Going to a Party. Before going out, have a healthy snack to curb your appetite.
The Strategy: Keep Healthy Snacks at the Office. Stash healthy foods in your desk at work so you’re not as tempted by the treats piling up at the office.
The Strategy: Manage Portion Size. Take sensible portions so you don’t end up eating too much.
The Strategy: Control Your Environment. At a big sit-down supper, be the last one to start and the second one to stop eating.
The Strategy: Keep Up the Exercise. Schedule time for exercise and stick to it. It can be a little shorter, but don’t skip.
The Strategy: Choose Your Indulgences. Eat those things that are unique to the holiday and choose reasonable portions.”

Click here to read it all.

Here are some healthy substitutes my family is trying this year. We got some of them from last year’s Canadian posting for a more healthy holiday.

Green beans lightly sauteed in cooking spray and tossed with slivered almonds and lemon.
Oven roasted root veggies turn out beautifully if you remember to cut the vegetables the sizes appropriate to their fiberousness They should then cook evenly. Use just a tiny bit of vegetable oil instead of butter.
You can substitute half of the butter in a cookie or cake recipe with applesauce or mashed bananas. They say pureed prunes work, too, but I haven’t been that brave.
Mashed sweet potatoes have more fiber and beta-carotene. Try buttermilk or milk instead of butter and cream and leave the marshmallows in the bag!
Use whole grain breads for stuffing. Replace sausage with fruit, nuts, and veggies. Dried cranberries are our favorite.
Try mashed cauliflower instead of mashed white potatoes. Use turkey broth instead of some of the butter. Don’t make them too runny…that’s a dead giveaway to skeptical family members.
Sodium…use low sodium or no sodium whenever you can. Let folks add it at the table if they notice it is missing.

From WebMD, the following tips collected by Kathleen M. Zelman, MPH, RD, LD, as the Top 10 Holiday Diet Tips of All Time. Here is an excerpt.

To navigate the party landmines with your healthy diet intact, you need a strategy. Experts agree: Having a plan in place will help you handle night after night of eating and drinking.

“Think of your appetite as an expense account, and figure out how much you want to spend on drinks, appetizers, entrees, and dessert,” advises Michelle May, MD, author of Am I Hungry? What to Do When Diets Don’t Work. She suggests giving yourself permission to enjoy your favorite foods — in sensible portions.

To help you survive the seasonal parties without packing on the pounds, WebMD consulted diet gurus across the country for their best holiday diet tips. Here are their top 10 recommendations:

Trim back the trimmings.
Wear snug clothes and keep one hand busy.
Chew gum.
Be a food snob.
No skipping meals.
Check out the party. Take some time to have a sparkling water and socialize.
Add fun and games.
Alternate alcohol with nonalcoholic beverages.
Skip the appetizers.
Limit the variety.

This is an article well worth reading in its entirety. Click here to go to read it.

Certainly we can have a jolly holiday and enjoy the foods we love that bring warm fuzzies to us. We just have to remember the key is moderation.

Happy and Healthy Holiday Eating

Coping with Holiday Grief

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Coping with Grief: Holidays and Special Days are Challenging

The following information was taken from Chapter 13, “Special Days“, in GriefWork: Healing from Loss by Fran Zamore, LISW, IMFT & Ester Leutenberg.

Special days, like holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, Sundays and many, many others, offer challenges to anyone who has suffered a loss. These days are glaring reminders (as if they were needed) of the absence of a loved one. We may find that our emotionality is heightened just prior, during and just after any special day. Many people who are grieving are surprised at this phenomenon and truly feel blindsided.

Another surprise that often catches people unaware is the emotional difficulty they experience during the second year. This is often true because people think that they have managed this particular event without the loved one, so it will be easier the second time. They do not prepare for the emotional impact and are shocked. Or, they realize, with hindsight, that during the particular event in the first year they were still quite numb, and in the second year they are fully feeling their feelings.

Here Are Some Tips for Coping with Holiday Grief:

Get plenty of rest.
Any special day can be difficult.
Set reasonable expectations for yourself. Don’t try to do everything and see everyone.
Be realistic about what can and cannot be done.
Schedule brief breaks to be alone.
Try to tell those around you what you really need, since they may not know how to help you. Ask for their understanding if you withdraw from an activity that doesn’t feel like a good idea to you.
Acknowledge to yourself that the occasion may be painful at times.
Let yourself feel whatever you feel.
Express feelings in a way that is not hurtful.
Don’t be afraid to rethink traditions. Keep in mind that traditions, even long-standing ones,can be changed and can be resumed next year, or not.
Limit your time – grief is emotionally and physically exhausting.
Take time for yourself for relaxation and remembrance.
Honor the memory of a loved one – give a gift or donation in his or her name, light a candle, display pictures and/or share favorite stories with supportive people.
Discuss, ahead of time with family and/or friends, what each person can do to make this time special. Share in the responsibility, and see what can be eliminated or included to keep it less stressful.
If celebrating does not feel right, try volunteering this year.
Think about what part of this event you are not looking forward to, and discuss with other participants ahead of time, what can be done to change it.
Remember, it is okay to laugh and enjoy yourself.
Leave an event early if you want or need to.
Make a shopping list ahead of time and shop on a good day.
Propose a toast to your loved one and invite people to share memories.
Give yourself permission to cut back on holiday decorations, preparations and gift-giving.

Coping with Grief: Holidays and Special Events Worksheet

Choose ﬁve of the sentence-starters below and write in the ﬁrst thoughts that come to your mind.

Examples:

My birthday is no long as joyful since my loved one died.
My birthday reminds me of all the previous birthdays we spent together.
My birthday gives me an aging and vulnerable feeling.

My birthday ____________________________________________________________________________________ .

_________________________________________________________________________________________________ .

On ______________________, my concern is _______________________________________________________ .

_________________________________________________________________________________________________ .

Buying gifts is __________________________________________________________________________________ .

_________________________________________________________________________________________________ .

Special family events (graduations, weddings, births, etc.) are _________________________________ .

________________________________________________________________________________________________ .

___________________’s birthday is coming up soon and __________________________________________ .

________________________________________________________________________________________________ .

On holidays I am still expected to _____________________________________________________________ .

________________________________________________________________________________________________ .

Special events feel ____________________________________________________________________________ .

_______________________________________________________________________________________________ .

The anniversary will be coming soon and ____________________________________________________ .

_______________________________________________________________________________________________ .

On holidays I feel obligated to _______________________________________________________________ .

______________________________________________________________________________________________ .

The weekends _______________________________________________________________________________ .

______________________________________________________________________________________________ .

Go back to the list of coping skills at the top of the blog. See if any of those skills will help. Jot them down next to what you have already written.

For a printable version click here: Coping with Holiday Grief

Veterans and PTSD

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What is PTSD and how does it affect our Veterans?

The National Institute of Mental Health defines PTSD this way:

When in danger, it’s natural to feel afraid. This fear triggers many split-second changes in the body to prepare to defend against the danger or to avoid it. This “fight-or-flight” response is a healthy reaction meant to protect a person from harm. But in post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), this reaction is changed or damaged. People who have PTSD may feel stressed or frightened even when they’re no longer in danger.

PTSD develops after a terrifying ordeal that involved physical harm or the threat of physical harm. The person who develops PTSD may have been the one who was harmed, the harm may have happened to a loved one, or the person may have witnessed a harmful event that happened to loved ones or strangers.

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/index.shtml Retrieved 11/3/15. (Cut and paste url to view original.)

They go on to say that PTSD was first brought to public attention in relation to war Veterans.

According to the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, this continues to be a recurring problem for our returning Veterans. According to their statistics, the number of Veterans with PTSD varies by service era:

Operations Iraqi Freedom (OIF) and Enduring Freedom (OEF): About 11-20 out of every 100 Veterans (or between 11-20%) who served in OIF or OEF have PTSD in a given year.

Gulf War (Desert Storm): About 12 out of every 100 Gulf War Veterans (or 12%) have PTSD in a given year.

Vietnam War: About 15 out of every 100 Vietnam Veterans (or 15%) were currently diagnosed with PTSD at the time of the most recent study in the late 1980s, the National Vietnam Veterans Readjustment Study (NVVRS). It is estimated that about 30 out of every 100 (or 30%) of Vietnam Veterans have had PTSD in their lifetime.http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/PTSD-overview/basics/how-common-is-ptsd.asp retrieved 11/3/15.

John Sippola, Chaplain, LTC, ret., MDiv, expresses the issue well in his forward to Veterans: Surviving and Thriving After Trauma, by Ester Leutenberg and Carol Butler.

War casts a long shadow. For far too many service members and their families, the initial expressions of welcome, joy and relief are soon overshadowed by hidden wounds to mind, body and spirit. Too many Veterans ﬁnd they are engaged in yet another desperate battle. And, in this hidden war after the war they discover enemies they feel ill-equipped to ﬁght. Aftershocks of war-related trauma and dangerous undertows of depression sabotage their mission for a more satisfying life in community: Moral injury drowns the quest for inner peace, and substance abuse undermines hard-won gains.

How can we help our Veterans with PTSD? How do we return them to their families and communities healed so they can begin to carve out their “new normal?” How can we make sure that soldiers leaving young families like the one pictured below will return to that family having dealt with the scars of war?

This is, of course, a huge question…far greater than can be answered here.The following is information from Veterans: Surviving an Thriving after Trauma by Ester Leutenberg and Carol Butler. As you will see, it addresses Veterans in language they will easily understand.

Education and Assessment
Deceptions and Distortions

This information and exercise below are aimed at the Veteran and ask questions from his/her viewpoint.

DECEPTION in military terms means a strategy that seeks to deceive, trick or fool the enemy and create a false perception in a way that can be leveraged for a military advantage.

DISTORTED THOUGHTS deceive us and make us miserable. Cognitive therapy asserts that thoughts affect feelings which affect actions.

Example: A service person thinks I should have died when my buddy died; I’ll never enjoy life again.

The service person feels depressed, guilty , hopeless and worthless.
The service person acts in detrimental ways such as drinking or drugging to escape, driving recklessly, possibly attempting suicide, all because of thinking I don’ t deserve to live.

Example: A partner thinks the changes are very drastic: I don’t even know the person I married.

The partner feels overwhelmed, unable to understand, scared.
The partner acts standofﬁsh, fearful, irritated.

Distorted thoughts are your current enemy. They have been camouﬂaged but now you will recognize them.

Place a check or highlight the distortions that describe ways you usually think.

DISTORTION	EXAMPLE
All or nothing Or Black or white	You see absolutes: right or wrong, good or bad, no middle ground, no gray areas.
Overgeneralization	You see a past failure or trauma as a never ending pattern of defeat or destruction.
Mental Filter	You dwell on negatives Ex: looking at coffee grounds and ignoring the coffee.
Discounting the Positives	You downplay accomplishments; you ignore productive possibilities of trauma.
Jumping to Conclusions or Fortune Telling	You are sure things are bad or will get worse, even though you have no proof.
Mind Reading	You are sure people are against you and thinking the worst about you.
Magnification	You blow things out of proportion, usually negative things.
Minimization	You blow off or ignore positive things, or hard issues you need to face.
Emotional Reasoning	You feel demolished and devastated now, so you decide you are ruined for life.
Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda	You criticize, and regret what should, could, would have been done or not done.
Labeling	You call yourself names or stereotype people who remind you of the enemy.
Blame	You blame yourself for events for which you were not entirely responsible, or you blame others when you have contributed to a situation.
Catastrophizing	You treat challenges as major disasters and expect the worst outcome.
Excessive Self-Criticism	You put yourself down: you are harder on yourself than you are on others.
Making Demands	You expect people to follow your orders – just as when you were in the military.
Self-Fulfilling Prophecy	You expect the worst from yourself and others, and usually get it.
Personalization	You think negative events are your fault or that things happen because of or in response to you, or to a situation you created.

Insight and Empowerment
Deceptions and Distortions

Counterforce, a strategy used in nuclear warfare, targets military infrastructure.
You can counter your cognitive distortions with positive but realistic thoughts.
You are not expected to minimize the atrocities of war or the severity of your trauma.
No magic cure exists to undo damage done to you and others.
Different ways of thinking help you recover.
Just as there are military police, you can be your own thought police.
Prior examples show how your thoughts adversely affect your feelings and actions.
The next examples and exercises show you how changing your thoughts will favorably affect your feelings and actions.

Read the negative example below; note the distortions, resultant feelings and actions.

Thought: I was traumatized in combat and will never get over it.
Distortions: Over-generalization, jumping to conclusions, fortune telling.
Feelings: Discouragement and despair; no hope for recovery.
Actions: Give up on yourself; refuse help or do not seek help.

Read the positive but realistic replacement thought below; note improved feelings and actions.

Thought: I was exposed to trauma, but I can get therapy and learn ways to help myself.
Feelings: Awareness, acceptance, empowerment, hope.
Actions: Ask for treatment; join support groups; learn techniques for self-help.

Troublesome Thoughts

Describe your most troublesome thoughts below; identify the distortions, resultant feelings and actions. Then replace each thought, noting the improvement in feelings and actions:

Negative Thought:

________________________________________________________________________________

Distortions:

________________________________________________________________________________

Feelings:

________________________________________________________________________________

Actions:

________________________________________________________________________________

Replacement Thought:

________________________________________________________________________________

Feelings:

________________________________________________________________________________

Actions:

________________________________________________________________________________

Negative Thought:

________________________________________________________________________________

Distortions:

________________________________________________________________________________

Feelings:

________________________________________________________________________________

Actions:

________________________________________________________________________________

Replacement Thought:

________________________________________________________________________________

Feelings:

________________________________________________________________________________

Actions:

________________________________________________________________________________

Negative Thought:

________________________________________________________________________________

Distortions:

________________________________________________________________________________

Feelings:

________________________________________________________________________________

Actions:

________________________________________________________________________________

Replacement Thought:

________________________________________________________________________________

Feelings:

________________________________________________________________________________

Actions:

________________________________________________________________________________

Negative Thought:

________________________________________________________________________________

Distortions:

________________________________________________________________________________

Feelings:

________________________________________________________________________________

Actions:

________________________________________________________________________________

Replacement Thought:

________________________________________________________________________________

Feelings:

________________________________________________________________________________

Actions:

________________________________________________________________________________

5. Decisive Point in military strategy is a geographic place, speciﬁc key event, critical system, or function that allows commanders to gain a marked advantage over an enemy and greatly inﬂuence the outcome of an attack.

Your decisive point is now.
What are the advantages of cognitive counterforce as illustrated by your replacement thoughts in numbers 1-4?

________________________________________________________________________________

6. Consider the following quotations.

Explain why you agree or disagree with each one, and apply each one to your life:

The basis of optimism is sheer terror. ~ Oscar Wilde

________________________________________________________________________________

Oh my friend, it’s not what they take away from you that counts. It’s what you do with what you have left. ~ Hubert Humphrey

________________________________________________________________________________

Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. ~ Voltaire

________________________________________________________________________________

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. ~ William Shakespeare

________________________________________________________________________________

Click here to download a printable version of the Veterans exercise above.

Thank the Veterans you know for their service, no matter when it was.
Ask what you can do to help if you see a Veteran struggling.
A happy WWII Veteran, Alex Lutkevich, returning home to his bride.
Talk to your pastor, priest, rabbi or other religious leader about starting an organization for returning Veterans in your church. (An excellent resource: Welcome Them Home, Help Them Heal. Written to equip the growing number of pastors, parish nurses, counselors, and caregivers in churches across the country to support and advocate for Veterans and their loved ones. It expands the reader’s knowledge of how to provide physical, mental, and spiritual care for Veterans and sparks a spirit of willingness and hope.)
Rejoice that so many willing young people serve our country and support them in any way you can!

Random Acts of Kindness

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Random Acts of Kindness

In today’s often horrific environment I find myself wondering if kindness is worth the effort. Then I see someone doing something nice for someone else (or for me) and I realize that living in kindness is a personal thing. The joy of doing something kind unexpectedly for someone else is not only good for the person you helped, but for you.

“We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.” ~ Winston Churchill

“It’s not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.” ~ Golda Meir

There are a ton of websites out there promoting random acts of kindness, including the Pay It Forward Foundation . Many offer ideas, many share pictures. My favorite is a YouTube video. Click here to watch.Stay with it until the end. The recipient’s reaction is priceless.

The following is an article about 5 lovely side effects you receive when you do something nice for someone who doesn’t expect it. Thank you, Dr. Hamilton, for your permission to use it here. I added the photos.

The 5 Side Effects of Kindness

Published on May 30, 2011 by David R. Hamilton PhD
Retrieved from http://drdavidhamilton.com/the-5-side-effects-of-kindness/ on October 21, 2015.

When we think of side effects the first thing that springs to mind are the side effects of drugs. But who’d have thought that kindness could have side effects too?

Well, it does! And positive ones at that.

1) Kindness Makes us Happier

When we do something kind for someone else, we feel good. On a spiritual level, many people feel that this is because it is the right thing to do and so we’re tapping into something deep and profound inside of us that says, ‘This is who I am.’

On a biochemical level, it is believed that the good feeling we get is due to elevated levels of the brain’s natural versions of morphine and heroin, which we know as endogenous opioids. They cause elevated levels of dopamine in the brain and so we get a natural high, often referred to as ‘Helper’s High’.

2) Kindness Gives us Healthier Hearts

Acts of kindness are often accompanied by emotional warmth. Emotional warmth produces the hormone, oxytocin, in the brain and throughout the body. Of recent interest is its significant role in the cardiovascular system.

Oxytocin causes the release of a chemical called nitric oxide in blood vessels, which dilates (expands) the blood vessels. This reduces blood pressure and therefore oxytocin is known as a ‘cardioprotective’ hormone because it protects the heart (by lowering blood pressure). The key is that acts kindness can produce oxytocin and therefore kindness can be said to be cardioprotective.

3) Kindness Slows Aging

Aging on a biochemical level is a combination of many things, but two culprits that speed the process are Free Radicals and Inflammation, both of which result from making unhealthy lifestyle choices.

But remarkable research now shows that oxytocin (that we produce through emotional warmth) reduces levels of free radicals and inflammation in the cardiovascular system and so slows aging at source. Incidentally these two culprits also play a major role in heart disease so this is also another reason why kindness is good for the heart.

There have also been suggestions in the scientific journals of the strong link between compassion and the activity of the vagus nerve. The vagus nerve, as well as regulating heart rate, also controls inflammation levels in the body. One study that used the Tibetan Buddhist’s ‘Loving Kindness Compassion’ meditation found that kindness and compassion did, in fact, reduce inflammation in the body, mostly likely due to its effects on the vagus nerve.

4) Kindness Makes for Better Relationships

This is one of the most obvious points. We all know that we like people who show us kindness. This is because kindness reduces the emotional distance between two people and so we feel more ‘bonded’. It’s something that is so strong in us that it’s actually a genetic thing. We are wired for kindness.

Our evolutionary ancestors had to learn to cooperate with one another. The stronger the emotional bonds within groups, the greater were the chances of survival and so ‘kindness genes’ were etched into the human genome.

So today when we are kind to each other we feel a connection and new relationships are forged, or existing ones strengthened.

5) Kindness is Contagious

When we’re kind we inspire others to be kind and studies show that it actually creates a ripple effect that spreads outwards to our friends’ friends’ friends – to 3-degrees of separation. Just as a pebble creates waves when it is dropped in a pond, so acts of kindness ripple outwards touching others’ lives and inspiring kindness everywhere the wave goes.

A recent scientific study reported that than an anonymous 28-year-old person walked into a clinic and donated a kidney. It set off a ‘pay it forward’ type ripple effect where the spouses or other family members of recipients of a kidney donated one of theirs to someone else in need. The ‘domino effect’, as it was called in the New England Journal of Medicine report, spanned the length and breadth of the United States of America, where 10 people received a new kidney as a consequence of that anonymous donor.

******

This information and all scientific references can be found in more detail in my books, ‘Why Kindness is Good for You’ (Hay House, 2010) and ‘The Contagious Power of Thinking’ (Hay House, 2011)

Having trouble thinking of something to do for someone that doesn’t cost a ton of money? Check this site.

Here is my random act of kindness for today. Are you a fan of Handel’s “Messiah,” especially the Hallelujah Chorus? If you are watch this YouTube video that first appeared around 2009. Click here if you’d like to watch. Enjoy your laughter. It too is good for your health.

Motivated Behavior Modification

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Motivated Behavior Modification (MBM)
From Emotional Well-Being Workbook
by Ester Leutenberg and John J. Liptak, PhD.

Emotions can hinder behavioral change. The impact of emotions on a person’s motivation and subsequent behavioral changes can be monumental. Therefore, as the facilitator, it will help to be aware of any emotional barriers that may be keeping participants from being successful as they work to live happier, emotionally-well lives.

Here are some of the most prominent reasons that bar people from changing their negative, pessimistic emotions into positive, hopeful, and optimistic ones.

Some people prefer instant gratification and don’t look at the long-term benefits and consequences of their behavior.
Some people, even when they are conforming to the plan, experience negative emotions, and believe that a little cheating on the program is OK. They will deal with the consequences at a later date.
Some people feel they are too busy to worry about the consequences of unhealthy behaviors.
Some people are indifferent to unhealthy behaviors. They are the “This will never work” folks.
Some people have a sense of invincibility and believe that they are immune to the negative outcomes of their behavior.

Calm and Collected Ester Leutenberg

Enhanced emotional well-being has been shown to contribute to one’s ability to cope with stressors and change in life, self-esteem, and longevity. In working with emotions to enhance emotional well-being, it is important to remember that emotions influence thoughts and behaviors. Emotions have the quality of alerting people that something is wrong in their lives and something needs to be changed.

Motivated Behavior Modification (MBM) is an effective tool to deal with these issues. The seven steps are:

1. Self-Assessment – Determine the frequency, circumstances, and outcomes of the emotions to be altered or enhanced. Motivated Behavior Modification relies on objective self-assessment to determine each participant’s unhealthy emotions and to establish a baseline for their strengths and limitations. Once a baseline is established, the data collected can be used to track a participant’s progress in changing unhealthy emotions to more healthy ones.

In this stage, people acknowledge that they have a problem and begin to seriously think about making healthier lifestyle changes. They want to explore in depth the level of their difficulties in changing negative emotions. Self-assessments are very powerful tools for helping participants learn more about themselves and gain valuable insights into their thinking, feelings and behaviors. Facilitators can gather information about participants to get a complete picture of each person.

2. Support System – The next step in Motivated Behavior Modification involves participants recognizing who is in their support system and identifying which people are supportive of which topics. This requires participants to think about who can support them through each particular behavior modification, what their supports can do, and how they will help.

3. Journaling – The next step in MBM is journaling answers to specific questions. Journaling has been shown to be very effective in helping people to think critically about themselves and the issues with which they are coping. Remind participants not to concern themselves with grammar or spelling. Just free-writing thoughts and ideas is the purpose of the journal.

4. Goal Setting – Goals initiate an action plan and are necessary to motivate behavioral change. These goals will help participants replace their old, negative habits with new, healthier habits. This will help to give order and context for the change process. Goals should be specific and behavioral, measurable, attainable, relevant and time-specific.

5. Monitoring – The next step in Motivated Behavior Modification is to monitor behaviors until desired outcomes are reached.

6. Rewards – This step defines rewards for accomplishing behavioral goals. These rewards will vary greatly from person to person.

7. Tips – This final step in Motivational Behavior Modification is to provide insights into ways people can deal with unwanted behaviors.

These steps are outlined in much more detail in the Emotional Well-Being Workbook. Click here to learn more about this workbook.

Sleep – wanted, needed, necessary!

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The Importance of Sleep

Retrieved from the National Heart Lung and Blood Institute, http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/health-topics/topics/sdd/why, 9/28/15, and used with their permission.

Sleep plays a vital role in good health and well-being throughout your life. Getting enough quality sleep at the right times can help protect your mental health, physical health, quality of life, and safety.

10 Things to Hate About Sleep Loss

By Camille Peri from WebMD (See link below)

1. Sleepiness Causes Accidents
2. Sleep Loss Dumbs You Down
3. Sleep Deprivation Can Lead to Serious Health Problems
4. Lack of Sleep Kills Sex Drive
5. Sleepiness Is Depressing
6. Lack of Sleep Ages Your Skin
7. Sleepiness Makes You Forgetful
8. Losing Sleep Can Make You Gain Weight
9. Lack of Sleep May Increase Risk of Death
10. Sleep Loss Impairs Judgment,

Retrieved from http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/excessive-sleepiness-10/10-results-sleep-loss?page=3 on July 27, 2015. Click here to read more about these ten issues.

Retrieved from the National Heart Lung and Blood Institute, http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/health-topics/topics/sdd/why, 9/28/15, and used with their permission.

The way you feel while you’re awake depends in part on what happens while you’re sleeping. During sleep, your body is working to support healthy brain function and maintain your physical health. In children and teens, it helps support growth and development. Ongoing deficiencies can raise your risk for some chronic health problems. It also can affect how well you think, react, work, learn, and get along with others.

Studies show that a good night’s sleep improves learning. Whether you’re learning math, how to play the piano, how to perfect your golf swing, or how to drive a car, sleep helps enhance your learning and problem-solving skills. It helps you pay attention, make decisions, and be creative.

Studies also show that sleep deficiency alters activity in some parts of the brain. If you’re sleep deficient, you may have trouble making decisions, solving problems, controlling your emotions and behavior, and coping with change. Sleep deficiency also has been linked to depression, suicide, and risk-taking behavior.

Children and teens who are sleep deficient may have problems getting along with others. They may feel angry and impulsive, have mood swings, feel sad or depressed, or lack motivation. They also may have problems paying attention, and they may get lower grades and feel stressed.

Sleep plays an important role in your physical health. For example, sleep is involved in healing and repair of your heart and blood vessels. Ongoing sleep deficiency is linked to an increased risk of heart disease, kidney disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, and stroke.

Sleep deficiency also increases the risk of obesity. Sleep helps maintain a healthy balance of the hormones that make you feel hungry (ghrelin) or full (leptin). When you don’t get enough sleep, your level of ghrelin goes up and your level of leptin goes down. This makes you feel hungrier than when you’re well-rested.

Sleep also affects how your body reacts to insulin, the hormone that controls your blood glucose (sugar) level. Sleep deficiency results in a higher than normal blood sugar level, which may increase your risk for diabetes.

Sleep also supports healthy growth and development. Deep sleep triggers the body to release the hormone that promotes normal growth in children and teens. This hormone also boosts muscle mass and helps repair cells and tissues in children, teens, and adults. Sleep also plays a role in puberty and fertility.

Your immune system relies on sleep to stay healthy. This system defends your body against foreign or harmful substances. Ongoing sleep deficiency can change the way in which your immune system responds. For example, if you’re sleep deficient, you may have trouble fighting common infections.

Here’s the recommended amount of sleep we should get each day.

Newborns 16–18 hours a day
Preschool-aged children 11–12 hours a day
School-aged children At least 10 hours a day
Teens 9–10 hours a day
Adults (including the elderly) 7–8 hours a day

If you routinely lose sleep or choose to sleep less than needed, the sleep loss adds up. The total sleep lost is called your sleep debt. For example, if you lose 2 hours of sleep each night, you’ll have a sleep debt of 14 hours after a week.

Some people nap as a way to deal with sleepiness. Naps may provide a short-term boost in alertness and performance. However, napping doesn’t provide all of the other benefits of night-time sleep. Thus, you can’t really make up for lost sleep. Some people sleep more on their days off than on work days. They also may go to bed later and get up later on days off. Sleeping more on days off might be a sign that you aren’t getting enough sleep. Although extra sleep on days off might help you feel better, it can upset your body’s sleep–wake rhythm.

Who Is at Risk for Sleep Deprivation and Deficiency?

Sleep deficiency, which includes sleep deprivation, affects people of all ages, races, and ethnicities. Certain groups of people may be more likely to be sleep deficient. Examples include people who:

• Have limited time available for sleep, such as caregivers or people working long hours or more than one job
• Have schedules that conflict with their internal body clocks, such as shift workers, first responders, teens who have early school schedules, or people who must travel for work

• Make lifestyle choices that prevent them from getting enough sleep, such as taking medicine to stay awake, abusing alcohol or drugs, or not leaving enough time for sleep
• Have undiagnosed or untreated medical problems, such as stress, anxiety, or sleep disorders
• Have medical conditions or take medicines that interfere with sleep

What Are the Signs and Symptoms of Problem Sleepiness?

Sleep deficiency can cause you to feel very tired during the day. You may not feel refreshed and alert when you wake up. Sleep deficiency also can interfere with work, school, driving, and social functioning.

How sleepy you feel during the day can help you figure out whether you’re having symptoms of problem sleepiness. You might be sleep deficient if you often feel like you could doze off while:

• Sitting and reading or watching TV
• Sitting still in a public place, such as a movie theater, meeting, or classroom
• Riding in a car for an hour without stopping
• Sitting and talking to someone
• Sitting quietly after lunch
• Sitting in traffic for a few minutes

To find out whether you’re sleep deficient, try keeping a sleep diary for a couple of weeks. Write down how much you sleep each night, how alert and rested you feel in the morning, and how sleepy you feel during the day.

For a complete guide to healthy sleep, click here.

Slow down, you move to fast.

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This article retrieved from Michael Arloski, PhD’s blog at on 9/22/15. Click on his name to go to his website.

“Summertime and the livin’ is easy.” How long has it been since the words of that old song rang true? In response to the accelerated pace of life a conscious movement has emerged to help us slow down and reclaim our quality of life again.

What started in Italy with “slow food” as a reaction to omnipresent “fast food” has morphed into a broader “slow living” movement including slow travel, slow schools, slow cities, slow design, slow relationships and more. Its main tenet is that for a more fulfilling and deeply satisfying life we need to allow the appropriate amount of time to experience the activities we engage in.

Photo by Deb Lutkevich

Savoring may save us. Consciousness may return control to our lives. As author Carl Honore (In Praise of Slowness) puts it, our cultural obsession with speed erodes our health, productivity and quality of life. “We are living the fast life, instead of the good life.”

Operating on “automatic pilot” may seem like an important strategy to cope with feeling overwhelmed. However it usually results in staying stuck in habits that don’t serve us as well as the conscious choices we might make instead, if only we…slowed down and thought about it. As Mae West tells us “Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.”

Downshifting
So, how do we make the shift? How do we de-stress ourselves, further change our perception of time and pump up our quality of life? How do we begin to embrace and benefit from “slow living”?

Value the intrinsic over the extrinsic. Focus on the internal rewards found in experience, not production; the taste of fresh tomatoes, the smile of a child. The irony here is that we know that intrinsic motivation drives greater and more creative productivity.
Re-wire your brain. Changing life-long habits means developing new neural pathways in our brains and staying off the old well-worn habit pathways. Catch yourself in your old speedy habits and jump back on the new path over and over again.

Plan to be spontaneous. Plan ahead to have free time. Make plans to “be” not just get things done. Make reservations at campgrounds so you will get out and do it. Arrange with friends to have a slow dinner evening savoring food and fun.

Lose your mind and come to your senses. Focusing on our sensory experience of taste, sound, touch, and smell can help us slow down. Breathe deep, eyes closed, and take a moment to smell the roses.

Enjoying the win with Coach Grammy

Create conspiracies. The only way to break out of unhealthy cultural norms is to conspire with friends, family and co-workers to create healthier, slower ones. Together cultivate the Italian phrase “Il dolce far niente” the sweetness of doing nothing!

Click here to read more about Dr. Arloski’s work.
Click here for information about Dr. Arloski’s book, Wellness Coaching for Lasting Lifestyle Change .

The Three Essentials of Attraction

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What Every Successful Presenter Knows: The Three Essentials of Attraction
By Izzy Gesell

Visit Izzy’s website.

“Energy Manager” is one of the many roles a presenter plays when speaking in front of a group. We know, as do the folks who ask us to present, that the attendees at a program experience one of two energy flow states. At just about any moment, they’re either being energized or they are being drained of their liveliness.

Essential 1: Vulnerability

When I was studying comedy writing and performance at the New School in New York City, I struggled to muster the courage necessary to manifest the “stand-up” part of stand-up comedy. I was writing well but remained terrified of getting up on stage to present my material. One evening I asked the teacher to reveal the secret to me. “How do I overcome my fear of getting up on stage?” I inquired of George Q. Lewis, the magical man who had written for Red Skelton and Bob Hope and who was now teaching the class. He put his Styrofoam cup of coffee down, looked me in the eye and said, “You don’t overcome your fear. You bring it up on stage with you. That’s what people are interested in.”

He understood that audiences want to know how we’ve dealt with the problems in our lives and what we have to teach them. No comedian comes out and says “Good evening! My life is great, things are smooth, and the trust fund check always arrives on time. Can you relate?” Comedians come out and speak rather to the fears and frustrations they (and we) encounter: politics, relationships, self-esteem, etc. The audience nods and says to itself, “Yeah, me too. What did you do about it?”

Wise Mr. Lewis showed me that audiences relate to the struggles in life. They are there for guidance as well as laughter. They relate to us through the challenges we have encountered. We relate to them through storytelling. I believe the magic of storytelling lies in the fact that when we tell our own story we are sharing an individual experience. Yet, as we tell it and it travels from our lips to the ears, hearts and minds of our audiences, the story trans forms from being one person’s experience to one that contains a universal truth. Many in the audience can relate to that universal truth. We start out sharing our vulnerability and end up discovering a source of our strength. They are both the same.

Essential 2: Presence

Our presence is what attracts the audience to us. It is the magnet that pulls their attention towards us, that quality of poise and effectiveness that enables a presenter to achieve a close relationship with an audience. The energy in the room is fueled by our presence. If we are to be considered an “attraction,” it is our presence that makes us so.

A means to developing presence is learning to be in the moment, to “be in the here and now.” Wonderful opportunities to develop this quality offer themselves to me whenever I am at a professional gathering or a social event. As I’m talking to a friend or new acquaintance in the hallway of the hotel or the kitchen, I see out of the corner of my eye someone else I am dying to speak to. Each time I resist the urge to let my attention drift from the person I’m speaking to, I enhance my presence. Each time I refocus my awareness to the one I am with, I bring myself to the present. The greatest gift I can give myself or my audience is my presence. If you need basic “presence” training, I encourage you to enroll in an improv theater class.

As you develop your presence, you gain the benefit of “gravitas.” Communication expert Karen Cortell Reisman considers “gravitas” to be a vital element of a successful keynote speech. What is it? Merriam-Webster dictionary defines gravitas as the “condition of wakefulness, steadiness and equanimity derived from disciplined practice of presence.” It is the environment in which our magic is spun.

Essential 3: Spontaneity

We demonstrate the elements of poise and effectiveness to our audiences in what we do and how we react to unexpected situations. When we are on the platform, standing in front of our audiences, we are in a leadership position, both actually and metaphorically. They look to

us very intently during situations that are unexpected in either their timing or impact. What are they looking for? They want to see how we respond spontaneously. Spontaneity is a skill that enhances presence and, as paradoxical as it seems, spontaneity can be practiced. In fact, in order to become spontaneous, you must practice spontaneity.

Blocks to spontaneity occur when thinking takes the place of acting from natural feeling. Spontaneous responses never seem contrived or manipulated. They seem natural because they are unaffected. You can’t worry about what people are going to think. You know very well that

people are going to think what they want to, based on their own perceptions of the truth. You may as well act from your own heart, soul and experience. If you are going to go down, you may as well go down with your own truth.

Try This:

“Radio Announcer” is a game I use to practice spontaneity. It can be played while driving, walking, typing at your computer or even sitting somewhere with nothing to do, like at an airport after your flight has been cancelled and you have a four-hour layover.

Begin to objectively describe, out loud, whatever is coming into your field of awareness. No thoughts, no judgments, no explanations. Allow for as much stream of consciousness reporting as possible. Here is a transcript of part one of my experiences playing the game while driving on an Interstate.

“I’m just passing mile marker 114. There is a red car coming up on my left. I can’t tell what it is but it’s going faster than I am. It’s passing me now. It’s an SUV of some kind. Connecticut plates. The Constitution State. Blue plate. A little bit of ice is still hanging from the rocks on the sides of the road. Sun is shining, blue sky. Truck has flashers blinking going up the hill. I’m passing him. The woman in the car next to me is wearing a green hat and sunglasses. I like this song on the radio. There is a CD on the floor….”

You get the idea. Play this game for about two to three minutes at a time.

So What?

We can nurture the three elements that help make us real, the three fundamental aspects of authenticity that make us attractive to the audience: vulnerability, presence and spontaneity. When the audience is charged by our presence and the attention is directed toward us, we are where we want to be and they are where we want them! This is what is meant by “holding the audience’s attention.”

Check out Izzy’s book, Playing Along on our website.

Guilt or Shame

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Guilt or Shame – Are they the same?

Taken from Coping with Guilt & Shame Workbook by Ester A. Leutenberg and John J. Liptak, EdD.

Guilt, a very common type of emotional distress, can be described as a feeling that involves self-blame and a sense of responsibility for a regretted action, in-action, or thought. People experience guilty feelings with regret and self-reproach over the belief that they have done, or will do, something wrong or inadequately. Guilt often results from the perception of falling short of self-expectations or the expectations of others. Like many feelings, guilt is often based on irrational thoughts, not facts.

Feelings of guilt are usually associated with self-talk statements such as “I should have,” “If I would have,” and “I could have.”
Guilt can be a feeling people experience when they do something judged by their moral code to be wrong. This self-awareness is healthy and promotes self-reflection and positive growth. A person’s moral code, the differentiation of intentions, decisions, and actions between those that are good (or right) and those that are bad (or wrong) is so strong that feelings of guilt can occur when the person has an urge or thinks about doing something against it.
Guilt can be both healthy an unhealthy. Healthy guilt keeps people functioning in socially acceptable ways and is often associated with a conscience or moral code. Unhealthy guilt occurs when people establish unreasonably high standards for themselves and then feel guilty when they are unable to maintain these standards or when they perseverate on little things that don’t meet their personal standard.
Two distinctive forms of guilt exist: perceived guilt and justified guilt. Perceived guilt is when a person feels guilty even though he/she had no or little control over something that happened, or when a person negatively interprets the consequences of his/her actions. On the other hand, justified guilt emerges when the facts of a situation justify the person’s feelings of regret and guilt.

Shame is a basic part of being human. Shame can be described as a sense of inadequacy about who you are, how you behave and what you value. It is a negative emotion that people experience when they are feeling embarrassed, humiliated or disgraced, especially in the eyes of important people in their life. Shame is based on an image that people internalize of what is expected of them by others, or of themselves, and then the perception that they have fallen short in another’s, or their own, eyes. Shame can be incapacitating and injurious to people’s physical and emotional health, self-esteem and well-being.

People experiencing shame will tend to hide or avoid others in order to lessen the damage of their image in the eyes of other people.
Shame tends to be born of fears and drives people to want to hide or protect themselves from feeling or appearing inadequate.
When shamed, people feel alone and outside of the rest of society. If shame is acknowledged, accepted and dealt with, it can be overcome.
Two distinct forms of shame are inadequacy and self-disapproval.
Shame can also be experience when people feel embarrassed, inadequate, defective, contemptible or dishonorable. Self-disapproval shame occurs when people have painful feelings about themselves because of things they have thought or done.

Many people spend a great deal of their lives living with guilt and shame. It is important for them to deal with the emotions, thoughts and actions related to both guilt and shame in order to lead a more stress-free, calm and satisfying life.

Reframing your thoughts

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Reframe your negative thoughts. Getting out of bed on the wrong side doesn’t have to ruin your day.

The thunder was crashing, lightening flashing, and the dog was trying to burrow under the carpet this morning. The atmosphere was definitely not conducive to hopping out of bed, jumping into work clothes, wolfing down a quick breakfast and dashing off to work. A glance at the clock said get up now! Yuck! Looking into the mirror while brushing my teeth was a bit scary all by itself. No singing in the shower this morning.

Starting the day in this kind of mood can sabotage your productivity. How can we reframe or reimagine the start of our day? Alexander Caillet, Jeremy Hirshberg, and Stefano Petti have studied this issue and interviewed 740 leaders. In an article in the Harvard Business Review they shared what they learned stressing the following four actions:

Thoughts and feelings. Acknowledge your emotions to reduce their intensity. Allow your thoughts to be transient. Visualize positive images to generate positive feelings. Refocus your attention on different stimuli. Journal to find clarity. And engage in meaningful conversations to foster understanding and optimism.
Physiology. Use deep breathing to reduce stress. Stretch to loosen muscles, stimulate blood flow and improve cognitive function. And take breaks to clear the mind, relax the prefrontal cortex and increase contentment.
External environment. Adjust lighting and block noise to generate calm. Listen to music to stimulate reflection. Eliminate clutter to reduce anxiety and improve focus. And spend time in nature to shift perspective.
Health and well-being. Eat a well-balanced diet, stick to an exercise regimen and get adequate sleep to maintain your energy and balance.

Retrieved September 2, 2015 from https://hbr.org/2015/04/4-steps-to-dispel-a-bad-mood.

Our productivity is directly linked to our mood when we arrive at work. It is much easier to reframe our thoughts before we head out to a busy work day. Consider the bad weather/depressed mood scenario.

You control your emotions and mood. You don’t have to be crabby just because the weather is crabby.
Think about the accuracy of your thoughts. “It’s raining so it will be a bad day.” “Everyone at work will be mean spirited today.” When you look at them objectively, are they true?
Think of positive ways to restructure these thoughts. “I will not let the weather control me. “ “I will cheer others up with my good spirits.” “My productivity will be positively effected by my taking a few moments to reframe my thoughts.”
Take action: “I will sing in the shower this morning.” “I will smile and be pleasant to the grumpy folks I encounter.” “My mood might lighten the moods of others, but my job is to be in charge of myself.”

These simple steps can be used for any negative thinking. Using your own experiences practice reframing your thoughts to control your mood. Remember that you are only responsible for yourself. Each individual must do their own reframing. If your cheerful outlook touches someone else for the better that’s a great bonus.

Adapted from Building Resiliency Workbook by John J. Liptak, EdD and Ester Leutenberg.

What I learned while I was recovering

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I’m back!

I am back in the office after a month-long sabbatical for elective surgery. I seem to be here with all the necessary components…mind, body, spirit. Recovery is a great time to open your mind to new things. Everyone’s healing and learning curve will be different, of course. These are the highlights of my experience.

1. Guided imagery works. It really helped settle my nerves and kept me from being incredibly annoyed that my surgery, scheduled for 11:20 a.m. didn’t happen until 4:00 p.m. Without some soothing mental trips to the north woods I would have been out of the bed and down the hall making hurry-up noises to folks who couldn’t do anything about the problem but will be caring for me as needed. Taking myself on a mental journey to a peaceful campsite removed the sounds and smells of the pre-op holding area and let in the tangy smell of a wood fire and ‘smores. A far more effective use of my energy.

2. If you approach a bad situation with humor instead of anger you won’t be as stressed, the people helping you won’t get as snippy, and what has to be done gets done more quickly. Much research has been done about humor and healing. Here are three of my favorite conclusions:

Laughter dissolves distressing emotions. You can’t feel anxious, angry, or sad when you’re laughing.
Laughter helps you relax and recharge. It reduces stress and increases energy, enabling you to stay focused and accomplish more.
Humor shifts perspective, allowing you to see situations in a more realistic, less threatening light. A humorous perspective creates psychological distance, which can help you avoid feeling overwhelmed.

From http://www.helpguide.org/articles/emotional-health/laughter-is-the-best-medicine.htm on August 31, 2015.

3. Just wishing does not restore your energy level to that of a 18 year-old. I was discouraged until I remembered it was up to me to take responsibility for building up my energy. I chatted with my medical provider and devised a plan that works for me. Then I implemented it and found that, low and behold, my energy level was increasing. Anyone else remember Chicken Fat, the exercise routine mailed to every school in the nation way back when Kennedy was president?

4. Going to coach football with your third and fourth grade team on a hot and very humid day is not a good way to test your resilience. It felt great to reconnect with my players Last year's team with Coach Grammy
and the other two coaches. Thank goodness I had enough sense to bring tons of water and to admit that I needed to sit down every once in a while. Next week I plan to wear more appropriate clothing (it is frequently hot and humid in Minnesota during August) and try not to run up and down the field every time they get the ball.

So, what have I learned? Use guided imagery when you need to step away from stress; laugh often, particularly at yourself; step up and take responsibility to restore your energy to pre-surgical levels (or to increase your energy at any time); and don’t let wishful thinking push you to do too much too soon.

Keeping checking our blog. We will be posting one or two new articles a week.

Erasing the Stigma of Mental Illness

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Does the Stigma of Mental Illness Still Exist?

Surely, one would think, the stigma of mental illness no longer exists. Old, scary mental hospitals are crumbling ruins. Those who suffer from mental illness are protected by laws to free them from discrimination in the work place and in housing.

What is a stigma anyway? The website founded by Glenn Close, Bring Change 2 Mind says this: “Stigma is broadly defined as a collection of adverse and unfair beliefs. The stigma around mental health most often leads to the inaccurate and hurtful objectification of people as dangerous and incompetent. The shame and isolation associated with stigma prevent people from seeking the help necessary to live healthy and full lives.” (Retrieved 8/3/15 from http://bringchange2mind.org.) Awards are given to honor those who work to bring about change, such as the 20th annual Erasing the Stigma Leadership Awards are on Thursday, April 28, 2016 at the Beverly Hilton’s International Ballroom in Beverly Hills, California. Click here to read about this year’s winners.

Here is an article taken from Bring Change 2 Mind that has a very important message:

Bring Change 2 Mind, in partnership with Brandon Marshall’s Project 375, launched#StrongerThanStigma to raise awareness around the unique challenges that men face when discussing mental health, to encourage open dialogue, and to promote help seeking behavior.

#StrongerThanStigma features four inspirational male figures from professional sports leagues, television, and the music industry who have each made mental health advocacy a part of their platform. These headliners are Brandon Marshall, NFL All-Pro wide receiver for the New York Jets; Ben Scrivens, NHL goalie for the Edmonton Oilers; Michael Angelakos, lead singer of indietronica band Passion Pit; and Wayne Brady, comedian and actor. Each man either lives with a mental health diagnosis or has chosen to serve as an empathetic advocate, and shares his story and encourages men to start the conversation and end the stigma.

Over the past thirty years, the rate of suicide among men has been three to four times that of women. Traditionally, however, men have shied away from talking about their feelings as it is viewed as negative and weak. In addition to a reluctance to seek help, men have higher levels of isolation, and of drug and alcohol misuse; are at a greater risk for homelessness; display more externalized and destructive behaviors; and are more involved with the criminal justice system.

Retrieved on 8/3/15 from http://bringchange2mind.org/about-us/psas/.

What else can be done to erase the stigma of mental health? Click here to read about what teenagers in California are doing. With their organization called “LETS” for Let’s erase the stigma they are working with school age folks to who choose to talk about mental illness.

Melissa Thomson of the Huffington Post reminds us of this important fact: “Look to your left. Look to your right. Look behind you. Look in front of you. One of the people you just saw has been diagnosed with a mental illness.” We all know folks with mental illness whether we know it or not. Actors, newscasters, mailmen, doctors, housewives, teachers, Wall Street tycoons, anyone can have mental illness. Most everyone can learn to manage it well.

Join the fight. Speak up when you hear someone belittling someone who is “just plain crazy”. If people tell jokes about the mentally ill, stand up and say that’s not OK. If you see someone with mental illness being bullied step in and stop it. Do what’s right…it feels great. If we all work together we can erase the stigma!

Hot and sticky? Call on Guided Imagery!

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Guided Imagery Takes the Heat Away

My grandson playing hockey on a cold day. Note the snow bank behind him.

Those of us who live up here in the Great White North are pretty good at bundling up and getting out and about even if it is the third week of below zero temperatures. Sometimes I remind myself of Randy in A Christmas Story who can’t move his arms because his mother has
him so bundled up to stay warm on his walk to school. Our kids go outside to play. I remember a hockey game outside almost on the Canadian border when we had to heat the kids skates up with hair dryers in between periods because it was way below zero on the outdoor rink where they were playing. We are a tough bunch up here.

However, it has been hot up here in the far north. Not just hot, but humid. We don’t do so well dealing with the heat. All week I’ve felt as though I was breathing through a hot, wet cloth. We live on the shores of Lake Superior, the largest fresh water body in the United States and, in some categories, in the world. We are accustomed to the breeze off the lake being our air conditioner—many folks rely only on fans when it gets truly hot. Many have no central or even window air conditioning. Most of us have appropriate summer clothing, you know, jeans and a long sleeve cotton shirt. Not at all suitable for 80⁰ in the shade with the humidity at 80%.

Nothing is more futile than trying to get something done when you’re really, really, uncomfortable. I didn’t find any relief at all until I decided to try guided imagery. I’ve always been a proponent of imagery, but usually could rely on my imagination to conjure up images that were relaxing, particularly to me. For example, I would think of being in a room with all my family around (4 kids, 4 spouses, 16 grandchildren) and I’d imagine I was sitting to one side with my eyes closed, listening to them all chat and laugh together. That might not be everyone’s cup-of-tea but it worked like magic for me. Instead, I decided to listen to a guided imagery CD. I chose City Park, a relaxing pause in the bustle of city life. Not all that different from imagining I was with my family. As I listened I found the heat and misery of the day faded away. The air felt clear. I felt calm and at peace. It was amazing! I heartily recommend guided imagery for those suffering with the heat and stress of summer.

Click here to access Whole Person Associates extensive collection of guided imagery. Listen to a snippet and choose what you think will work the best for you. Don’t be distressed if it doesn’t work perfectly the first time. Relaxation is a muscle response, just like shooting a basket or playing scales on the piano. After a week or so you’ll find yourself lifted away from daily chores and all the things that pull at us to a place of cool, comfortable peace!

For those of us fortunate to live in the northern reaches of our country, we could just wait. Soon blizzards will blow, snow will pile up, cars will get stuck, furnaces blast away the cold and our guided imagery will turn to warm beaches and sun-filled summer fun.

Improv in the Workplace

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Does Improv really help in the workplace?

Izzy Gesell

By Izzy Gesell

How much relevance do Improv Theater techniques have to our daily professional and personal lives? Whether you are a teacher, coach, corporate executive, sales representative, stay-at-home mom, blue-collar worker or professional speaker, you will find Improv to be intuitive, fascinating and immediately applicable to what you face on a day-to-day basis. This blog is directed toward individuals who desire to become more confident, playful, spontaneous, and effective.

People Assess Your Value/Reputation Based on How Your Actions Impact Their Emotions.

Early on in my programs, I invite a volunteer to come up and learn an Improv game. Generally, there are very few takers. I then ask for some of the folks who hadn’t volunteered to share what thinking they went through that kept their hands from going up. The reasons are many. Among the most common answers are: “I don’t want to look foolish,” “I don’t know what the game is about”, “I don’t like to be first”, and “I was taught never to volunteer.”

Eventually, someone does volunteer. As the

person comes up, I ask the people sitting in the audience how they feel now that someone had volunteered. Most of the comments are about much relief was felt, how relaxed they now were able to be, and how grateful they were to the volunteer for stepping up. In other words, the person who stepped up had the power, through his or her action, to transform the emotional climate for the whole group. The volunteer thereby gains a very high status in the group. A status gained not by a conscious effort to be liked, but by a desire to volunteer to play for whatever personal reason. And the entire group took note!

IMPROV TECHNIQUE TO PRACTICE: Trying to figure out what’s right or best or most creative or most helpful or most controlling is futile in Improv. The only way through is to be spontaneous, authentic and expeditious in your actions. Make your statements or actions flow from what you want to do. Whenever you notice yourself attempting to figure out what someone else needs or desires, bring your focus back to what you want or need to do.

HERE’S WHY IT WORKS: In life, once you know that others are watching you and judging you based on their own feelings, you realize you may as well act on your own beliefs and desires. Do what you want to do and how you want to do it. There is a saying that “nature knows neither right nor wrong, only consequences”.

Since it is futile to try and figure out how to please all others or what they are expecting, you may as well do what you believe is right. If you fail, at least you fail with your own truth. Living your own truth is the simplest way to being authentic in your life.

IMPROV GAME TO PLAY: “What Are You Doing?”

Players learn to focus on what is actually happening rather than what is being said.

Goals:

Use improv to separate action from discussion.
Use improv to allow mind and body to operate separately.

Group Size: 2 players at a time.

Time: 5 to 10 minutes

Process:

Introduce the goals of the exercise to participants. Select two players from the group and bring them to the stage.
Describe the game as a combination of contradictory words and actions.
Determine who will be Player 1 and who will be Players 2. Provide the following instructions to the two players:Player 1 will mimic a physical action, such as writing a letter, while Player 2 asks, “What are you doing?” Player 2 responds by naming some other activity, such as “I’m washing the car.” Player 2 then acts out washing a car. Let’s begin.
- Player 1 begins to pantomime a physical action, such as bouncing a ball.
- Player 2, after Player 1 starts the action, say “What are you doing?”
- Player 1, continues the action but answers the question by naming an activity different from what you are actually doing. For example, “I’m brushing my teeth.”
- Player 2, immediately begin miming the action Player 1 stated, not the activity Player 1 is doing. In this case, begin brushing your teeth.
- Player 1, it is now your turn to ask, “What are you doing?”
- Player 2 responds with something other than “brushing my teeth” such as “I’m digging a ditch.”
- Player 1, act out digging a ditch as Player 2 asks, “What are you doing?”
- Player 1, answer with an activity other than digging a ditch, such as, “I’m reading a book.”
The objective is to answer smoothly and without hesitation. The round continues until one player takes too long to answer, stutters, or otherwise flubs a response, answers with the actual activity being pantomimed, or repeats and answer.
The audience will determine when a player is removed by an agreed upon method such as shouting “out”.
A player who is “out” leaves the stage and is quickly replaced by another volunteer player.
The player who remains becomes Player 1 and starts a new action.
Quick responses are necessary. The secret to success is to separate thought from action. You can act by just moving a body part. A tongue wiggle or a hand twitch is fine. Remember, you don’t have to explain what it is. To answer the question, “What are you doing?” look around the room (I’m sitting in a chair; I’m holding a pencil; I’m writing on a flip chart) or think about something in your past (I’m getting my diploma; I’m proposing marriage.)
After a predetermined time limit is reached, reconvene the group and lead a closing discussion using the following questions:
- What made this game fun?
- What made it easy for you to volunteer?
- What made it difficult for you to volunteer?
- What happens in an organization or relationship when what is said is not in alignment with what is being done?

Variation:

The game can be played with a group arranged in a circle or line. Player 1 starts the action, and Player 2 asks, “What are you doing?” Player 1 responds. Player 2 turns to Player 3 and acts out Player 1’s response. Player 3 asks, “What are you doing?” and so on until everyone has had a chance or time is up.

Go here for a printable version of “What are you doing?”

Click here to learn more about Izzy Gesell.

Grandma’s Marathon Duluth MN a race for the fit

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Saturday, June 20, 2015 was the annual Grandma’s Marathon here in our hometown of Duluth, MN. The weather was iffy. 58 degrees with rain. 58 degrees is OK, but not everyone liked starting in the rain.

According to Grandma’s website “Grandma’s Marathon is a point-to-point course run on scenic Old Highway 61 along the beautiful north shore of Lake Superior. The race begins just outside of Two Harbors, Minnesota and finishes in Duluth’s Canal Park.”

They do mention that the course is good for beginners as it is mostly even terrain except for the hill at mile 22. About 1,000 years ago there was a restaurant there called the Lemon Drop right at the crest of the hill. I believe many of the runners think of it as Lemon Drop Mountain…an aberration that slipped away from the Himalayas to threaten their well-being and completion of the race. A bridge over our Lake Walk is frequently used by those who need to empty their stomachs of all contents to the peril of those walking below.

A few statistics: there were 5,500 volunteers, 7,800 racers for the whole marathon, 8,350 for the Gary Bjorkland half, 1,800 for the 5K, around 1,000 kids run the Whipper Snapper and 50,000 folks are here for the event.

I’ve heard that once the runners hit the city limits the course is lined with cheering fans, bands, bagpipers, and runners who have already completed the trek. Folks call out numbers of those who look as tho they might be flagging and run alongside of them to give them heart. They are offered water, fruit, the occasional beer and bathrooms. A train delivers racers to the start, comes back to town to load up fans, and then follows the elite runners on a track that mirrors the course.

The night before runners and their families and anyone else for that matter can carb up at the Spaghetti Feed. Cooking starts on Tuesday for the Friday event. Mountains of food are consumed, served by volunteers and staff from Grandma’s Restaurant.

The race ends in Canal Park, the beautiful area by Duluth’s famous lift bridge. Grandma’s restaurant serves food and drinks of all kinds in huge tents, rain or shine. Dance bands play and runners and their families celebrate good finish times or commiserate over bad ones. It is truly a celebration of healthy life styles, supporting families, loving friends, and general good will.

Most Duluthians give up the ability to move around in the canal park, lake walk and downtown areas with a smile. They open their homes to runners and their families and make resolutions that they, too, will run next year. Many civic organizations get a chance to earn some money for their group by helping in beer tents, food venues, medical tents, transportation and volunteering along the course. Family reunions, celebrations of a life lost too early and memories of long-time runners are in the air. Organizations to find a cure for cancer, heart disease, lung disease, multiple sclerosis, pancreatic cancer and others are there in force. It is a huge, crazy, seemingly out-of-control party where there were no shootings, no racial epithets, no violence…just good healthy sport and a lot of Minnesota Nice. Join us next year!

Click here to go to the Grandma’s Marathon site for more information.

Click here to go to You Tube for some video of the race.

Emotional First Aid

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By COL James L. Greenstone, PhD, JD, DABECI

Crisis is in the eye of the beholder. Crisis involves stress; unusual stress that renders the sufferer unable to cope with their life as they usually would. A disaster exists when the resources available to address the emergency are less than those required to address the needs of the victims and the overall situation. A disaster can be of any size. Overwhelmed resources equals a disaster as differentiated from an emergency in which adequate resources can be utilized to resolve or to manage the needs of those affected. Emotional First Aid is taking care of the emotional and/or psychological needs of crisis victims.

The crisis trilogy presents a way of understanding the causation in crisis situations that call for emotional first aid. The trilogy involves events occurring that are:

Sudden in onset
Unexpected by the victim or their significant others
Apparently arbitrary in nature

All three are major sources of unusual stress. Because crisis is in the eye of the beholder, what is unusual stress for one may not be unusual for another. Therefore, of course, those that need emotional first aid are not always those suffering from the worst effects of the event. The level of functioning overall, the presence or absence of functional emotional problems, and the experience handling stress and similar daily life behaviors can be a determiner of a person’s susceptibility to experiencing crisis in their life at a particular time. No one is immune to crisis. Enough stress at the wrong time and in a particular person can mean crisis even for the strongest of us.

Within the crisis trilogy, suddenness refers to the way in which a person may encounter the stressful event or events leading to the possibility of crisis. For example, someone jumps out from behind a tree and attacks a passer-by. No delay, no warning, just the sudden attack. The passer-by may have walked this way many times without incident and has little expectation of problems. The problem occurs as described and was not expected; the second aspect of the trilogy. The third aspect of the trilogy asks, “Why me?” Of all the people to whom this could have happened, why did it happen to me? The concerns expressed can be a great source of added stress to the victim of an attack and signal the need for emotional first aid.

Taken together or even separately, the factors above can be a source of unusual stress capable of overwhelming the normal coping skills of the sufferer. When this trilogy is applied to the occurrence of a disaster, the crisis reactions become a little more predictable and understandable. And, in the same way, some victims will react and respond differently from others based on the more or less personal resources available to them. For instance, someone who has gone through a crisis or a disaster previously, and has resolved or at least managed the issues that were involved in an effective manner either by calling upon his or her internal resources or by receiving help from a professional providing emotional first aid, may be better able to cope in a new situation. Those who have used the “band-aid” approach to crisis management or to life’s problems in general may have unresolved issues that will make the current experience more difficult to handle.

Those who effectively and successfully deal with high stress issues and personal problems when they occur, rather than denying or refusing to deal with them, often come through their present crisis in much better shape emotionally than those who do not. The need for additional and or ongoing counseling or psychotherapy after the fact may be minimized by this group as well. The effectiveness of the emotional first aid may be another important factor in this equation. The better we do now, the less we will probably have to do later.

Another crucial aspect of a crisis is that it will not go on forever. The human body and mind cannot handle crisis-level stress indefinitely. Crises are self-limiting. If an intervener did nothing to assist the sufferer, the crisis would still end on its own. The issue then becomes the condition of the victim when the crisis has ended. The ultimate self-resolution, without intervention, could be death due to the body’s need or the sufferer’s need to end the pain caused by excessively heightened stress. Immediate and effective emotional first aid that seeks to stop the downward spiral of maladaptive behavior will usually yield better results. An intervener who knows what to do as well as when and how much to do can prevent predictable outcomes to unresolved heightened stress and perhaps even reduce the need for professional psychological assistance later.

The pre-crisis functioning, either effective or not, of an individual has probably existed over a long period of time prior to the instant situation. The way previous crises have been handled, presence or absence of functional mental disorders, level of general daily function, adequacy of coping and survival skills, are all part of this pre-crisis picture.

At the other end of the continuum, are the potential life-changing or life-altering consequences of experiencing a crisis in life. These too can go on for significant periods of time after the crisis has ended. In fact, it may be possible to achieve even greater levels of functioning in life depending on how the current crisis was handled and the quality of emotional first aid received. If the intervener proves not only effective but also trustworthy, the sufferer may be willing to accept suggestions for additional assistance as needed to develop higher level life skills.

Crisis intervention is about management and not about resolution. Therapy may be a source of resolution of problems. Crisis intervention is about trying to find a way to manage what is being experienced so that the crisis’ destructive inﬂuences are diminished.

It is important to note that the goal of emotional first aid is extremely limited and short term. As mentioned above, higher levels of functioning are possible. However, the goal of the crisis intervener when assisting a sufferer in crisis is to return that sufferer to their own level of pre-crisis functioning. No more, no less. If the intervener accomplishes this, the goals of crisis intervention have been met. What may happen subsequently is a bonus. While a pre- and post-crisis functioning timeline may be measured in days or weeks or years, the time needed for effective emotional first aid is measured in seconds or minutes only. Any additional time you may get is a bonus for you as the intervener as well.

Crisis interveners have been compared to emergency room medical personnel in that their effective reactions, timing, and utilization of resources must be immediate and sure. If a counselor makes an error in a regular weekly session, they may be able to correct the error by phone or in person at the next session. On the other hand, the crisis intervener, like their emergency room counterparts, may have only one bite at the apple as it were. They may have one quick opportunity to be effective and failing that no other opportunity to try again. What the intervener does must be correct the first time without dependence on the possibility of a do-over. This may be why not all who want to can actually provide emotional first aid, just as some may not be able to work in an emergency room although comfortable and competent in other professional settings.

A Final Note

Crises are by definition unexpected, sudden, and arbitrary. They are time sensitive and time specific. All crises end regardless of what emotional first aid may or may not do. The real question is where the crisis will end if the intervener does nothing or is ineffective. Remember that stress in unusual proportions for that person is key to understanding crisis. Interveners must react and be eﬀective within seconds or minutes to avert additional problems. While the goal of emotional first aid is not resolution, it is to return the sufferer to their level of pre-crisis functioning, greater gains for that sufferer may be possible depending on the credibility of the intervener and the effectiveness of the intervention. Emotional First Aid is comparable to physical first aid and must be administered with the same skill and alacrity. Never forget that knowing when to stay out is just as important to the intervener as knowing when to act.

Dr. Greenstone’s book, Emotional First Aid: A Field Guide to Crisis Intervention
and Psychological Survival has just arrived in our offices. Take a look inside on our website. It is a must have resource for all first and second responders!

Dr. James L. Greenstone has been in practice for almost fifty years in Dallas and Fort Worth, Texas, where he served as the Police Psychologist and Director of Psychological Services for the Fort Worth Police Department. He has been a police officer for thirty-five years. His work in Crisis Intervention and disaster response began in the mid – 1960’s, and continues to this day. He is currently Professor of Disaster and Emergency Preparedness for Nova Southeastern University, College of Osteopathic Medicine. He is a licensed professional counselor, licensed marriage and family therapist, and a dispute mediator and arbitrator. He holds earned degrees in Clinical Psychology, Education, Criminal Justice and Law. He interned at the Devereux Foundation in Devon, Pennsylvania and received advanced training at Harvard Law School.

Dr. Greenstone serves on a Federal Disaster Medical Assistance Team as a Supervisory Mental Health Specialist; served as Colonel and Deputy Commander of the Texas State Guard Medical Brigade, Texas Military Forces. He is a Certified Crisis Intervener, a Certified Traumatologist, an Emergency Medical Technician, and a Master Peace Officer. Dr. Greenstone has earned the Master Military Emergency Management Specialist Qualification.

“Where reason is needed, emotions are of little value.”
Greenstone, 2011

How To Make Guided Meditation Work for Your Groups

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By Julie Lusk

Many group leaders are aware of the benefits of guided meditations but have had little experience in the field. Here are some tips to help you use guided meditations effectively.

Working with guided meditations

Everyone is different, so each person will experience guided imagery uniquely. These individual differences should be encouraged. During a guided meditation, some people will imagine vivid scenes, colors, images, or sounds while others will focus on what they are feeling, or experience it as a concept. This is why a combination of sights, sounds, and feelings are often incorporated into meditations. With practice, it is possible to expand your participants’ range of awareness.

By careful selection of images you can help deepen their experience and cultivate their awareness in new areas that can enrich their lives. For instance, a person who is most comfortable in the visual area can be encouraged to stretch his or her awareness and increase his or her sensitivity to feelings and sounds.

Working with guided imagery is powerful and it is up to you to use it responsibly and ethically. Leaders with little or no training in guided imagery can use these scripts with emotionally healthy people. Be careful, however, when presenting themes and techniques that are unfamiliar to you. Since people respond in a variety of ways to visualization, avoid generalizing about the benefits of any given script.

If your groups are composed of people who are emotionally ill or especially fragile, you should seek out special training or professional guidance before introducing them to visualizations.

Preparing the group or individual

Physical relaxation reduces anxiety, activates the mind-body connection, and enhances the ability to focus on mental images. Some type of physical relaxation sequence should be used prior to every guided meditation.

Breathing properly is essential for complete and total relaxation. Unfortunately, very few people take full breaths, especially when under stress. When a person consciously uses deep breathing correctly, stress is reduced and the mind can remain calm and stable. It is important that people focus on their breathing, with full deep breaths through the nose.

Before beginning any guided meditation, briefly describe the images you will use and ask if they make anyone feel uncomfortable. People who are afraid of water may find images of ocean waves to be frightening rather than calming. Be prepared with an alternate image. Let participants know that if they become uncomfortable, they may, at any time, open their eyes and tune out or change the visualization.

As you read a script, people will follow you for a while and then drift off into their own imaginations. They will usually tune you back in later on. If they know this in advance, they won’t feel as if they are failing by being inattentive. So tell them this is normal and notice when it happens.

Choosing the right atmosphere

Select a room that has comfortable chairs for sitting or a carpeted floor for lying down. Close the door and shut the windows to block out distracting noise. If possible, dim the lights to create a relaxing environment. Low lights enhance the ability to relax by blocking out visual distractions. If the room lights cannot be controlled to your satisfaction, bring along a lamp or night lights. Adjust the thermostat so that the room temperature is warm and comfortable. If the room is too cool, it will be hard to relax and remain focused. Suggest that people wear a sweater or jacket if they think they may get cold.

If distractions occur—a noisy air conditioner, traffic, loud conversations—try raising your voice, using shorter phrases and fewer pauses, or incorporating the sounds into the guided meditation. For example, you might say, “Notice how the humming sounds of the air conditioner relax you more and more.” Or, “If your mind begins to drift, gently bring it back to the sound of my voice.”

Using your voice

Speak in a calm comforting, and steady manner. Let your voice flow. Your voice should be smooth and somewhat monotonous. But don’t whisper. Start with your voice at a volume that can be easily heard. As the guided meditation progresses and as the participants’ awareness increases, you may begin speaking more softly. As a person relaxes, hearing acuity can increase. Bring your voice up when suggesting tension and bring it down when suggesting relaxation. Near the end of the guided meditation, return to using an easily heard volume. This will help participants come back feeling alert and refreshed.

You may tell participants to use a hand signal if they cannot hear you. Advise people with hearing impairments to sit close to you or you can move closer to them.

If you are having difficulty reading the meditation scripts effectively, there are many pre-recorded scripts available. Click here to see Whole Person’s cd’s. The Daydreams, Wilderness Daydreams and Mini-Meditations are particularly useful.

Pacing yourself

Read the guided meditations slowly, but not so slowly that you lose people. Begin at a conversational pace and slow down as the relaxation progresses. It’s easy to go too fast, so take your time. Don’t rush.

The ellipses (…) used in my books indicate a brief pause. Many other authors use this technique. Spaces between paragraphs suggest often suggest a longer pause.

Be sure to understand the format used by the author. For example, in 30 Scripts the reader’s notes and script divisions are printed in italics and should not be read out loud.

Give participants time to follow your instructions. If you suggest that they wiggle their toes, watch them do so, then wait for them to stop wiggling their toes before going on. When participants are relaxed and engaged in the imagery process, they have tapped into their subconscious (slow, rich, imagery) mind – and they shouldn’t be hurried.

When you’re leading the meditation, stay in your conscious (alert and efficient) mind. Pay careful attention to all participants. You may have to repeat an instruction if you see that people are not following you.

To help you with your volume and tone, pace and timing, listen to a recording of yourself leading guided meditations.

As you reach the end of a meditation, always help participants make the transition back to the present. Tell them to visualize their surroundings, to stretch, and to breathe deeply. Repeat these instructions until everyone is alert.

Using music

Using music to enhance relaxation is not a new idea. History is full of examples of medicine men and women, philosophers, priests, scientists, and musicians who used music to heal. In fact, music seems to be an avenue of communication for some people where no other avenues appear to exist.

Your music should be cued up and ready to go at the right volume before you start your meditation. Nothing ruins the atmosphere more quickly than the leader having to fool around trying to get the music going.

Click here for Julie Lusk’s bio.

Click here to go to Julie’s website.

Click here for see all of Whole Person Associates’ guided meditation resources.

Helping Caregivers Care

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The world of a caregiver can be lonely. While the tasks and experiences of caregiving may be similar in nature, surprisingly they are not what unites family caregivers. According to the National Family Caregivers Association, the common bond of caregiving is the emotional impact. Those caring for others often feel lonely, isolated, and unacknowledged for all their work and sacrifice. They can experience anger and resentment toward family members and others who carry on as usual, while they of necessity give up much of their normal life. They grieve the losses in their own lives as well as the loss of the person their care-receiver once was as they watch him or her decline. They often experience depression, sadness, pain, the need for normalcy and regret for what they might have done had circumstances been different. They also may feel guilty because they sometimes wish it were over.

Caregivers can find comfort in learning that such feelings are perfectly normal and in finding ways to copy with them in support groups. They can also find hope in the possibility of connecting on a deep level with their care-receiver and creating closer bonds with family members. In fact, discovering positive meaning in the tasks of caregiving is crucial for the emotional health of everyone involved. The entire caregiving family must honor the caregiver and acknowledge their importance in the scheme of things.

The Caregivers Bill of Rights below will help caregivers understand that their feelings are normal. It will help them verbalize what they need to the rest of the family and empower them to see their value. Post it where everyone can see it and honor its message.

Caregiver’s Bill of Rights

I have the right to be told and relay the truth to the immediate family.
I have the right to be upset when I receive bad news about my care-receiver.
I have the right to talk about my care-receiver’s illness when appropriate, or not.
I have the right to give constructive feedback, in a calm assertive way to a medical professional or establishment that is caring for my care-receiver.
I have the right to disagree with my care-receiver, even though he or she is ill.
I have the right to not accept any attempt by my care-receiver (either conscious or unconscious) to manipulate me through guilt, anger or depression.
I have the right to engage outside help even though my care-receiver would prefer only me.
I have the right to look after my own needs as well as my care-receiver’s needs. This is not an act of selfishness. It will increase my ability to care for him or her.
I have the right to enjoy my good health and do what it takes to keep it that way.
I have the right to recognize the limits of my own endurance and strength.
I have the right to get help for myself when and if I need it.
I have the right to receive consideration, affection, forgiveness, and acceptance from my care-receiver, when he or she is capable, providing I oﬀer the same qualities.
I have the right to be free of verbal, emotional or physical abuse from my care-receiver or my care-receiver’s family.
I have the right to feel what I feel, when I feel it.
I have the right to cry.
I have the right to be angry and depressed and to express difficult feelings occasionally.
I have the right to feel frustrated and/or angry and without feelings of guilt.
I have the right to seek humor in difficult situations.
I have the right to do some things just for myself.
I have the right to protect my individuality and make a life for myself that will sustain me for the time when my care-receiver no longer needs my full-time help.
I have the right to long for normalcy.

The article above was taken from The Complete Caregiver Support Guide by Ester R. A. Leutenberg and Carroll Morris with Kathy Khalsa. Click on the book to see details.

Play – Just for Kids?By Leigh Anne JashewayFrom Are You Playing with Me?

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How to Enjoy Healthy Holiday Eating

Happy and Healthy Holiday Eating

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Coping with Grief: Holidays and Special Days are Challenging

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Coping with Grief: Holidays and Special Events Worksheet

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What is PTSD and how does it affect our Veterans?

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Troublesome Thoughts

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Random Acts of Kindness

The 5 Side Effects of Kindness

1) Kindness Makes us Happier

2) Kindness Gives us Healthier Hearts

3) Kindness Slows Aging

4) Kindness Makes for Better Relationships

5) Kindness is Contagious

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Motivated Behavior Modification (MBM) From Emotional Well-Being Workbook by Ester Leutenberg and John J. Liptak, PhD.

Motivated Behavior Modification (MBM) is an effective tool to deal with these issues. The seven steps are:

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The Importance of Sleep

10 Things to Hate About Sleep Loss

Who Is at Risk for Sleep Deprivation and Deficiency?

What Are the Signs and Symptoms of Problem Sleepiness?

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What Every Successful Presenter Knows: The Three Essentials of Attraction By Izzy Gesell

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Guilt or Shame – Are they the same?

Taken from Coping with Guilt & Shame Workbook by Ester A. Leutenberg and John J. Liptak, EdD.

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Reframe your negative thoughts. Getting out of bed on the wrong side doesn’t have to ruin your day.

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I’m back!

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Does the Stigma of Mental Illness Still Exist?

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Guided Imagery Takes the Heat Away

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Does Improv really help in the workplace?

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By COL James L. Greenstone, PhD, JD, DABECI

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Working with guided meditations

Preparing the group or individual

Choosing the right atmosphere

Using your voice

Pacing yourself

Using music

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Caregiver’s Bill of Rights

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Play – Just for Kids?
By Leigh Anne Jasheway
From Are You Playing with Me?

Mouth Yoga
By Julie Lusk

Education and Assessment
Deceptions and Distortions

Insight and Empowerment
Deceptions and Distortions

Motivated Behavior Modification (MBM)
From Emotional Well-Being Workbook
by Ester Leutenberg and John J. Liptak, PhD.

What Every Successful Presenter Knows: The Three Essentials of Attraction
By Izzy Gesell