Author Archives: Whole Person

Take a Moment to Relax – Give Yourself a Break!

Give Yourself a Break!

The holidays are upon us and many are stressed to the max. Our expectations are over-the-moon. Give yourself a break. Choose a couple of things from your to-do list and pare them down or cross them off. You really don’t need to make 5 dozen each of a dozen different kinds of cookies. The season will go on even if you don’t get the most elaborate ever gingerbread house made.

Studies show that one of the ways to handle stress is to do small things for others. Adding a few new things to your list of nice things you already do for others will help manage your stress. Here’s a list from Peg Johnson, Editor, WPA, of things that are easy to do:

  • Say thank you to someone you don’t usually…coworkers, service personnel, your family.
  • Pay for the person behind you in the fast food line.
  • Hold the door for someone.
  • Let someone who only has a few things go ahead of you in the checkout line.
  • Leave a thank you note and maybe a gift card for your mail carrier and paper deliverer.
  • Leave a thank you note taped to the garbage can when you put it out for collection.
  • Let the person behind you have the next open parking place.
  • Go out of your way to carry someone’s packages for them.
  • Give up your seat on the bus to someone else.
  • Next time you get good service in a retail establishment ask to see the manager and report the excellent service you received.
  • Drop off a small bag of cookies at your neighbors house.

Now you’ve tried a few of those, here’s a relaxation script you can do right at your desk. Keep practicing until you can feel the benefits by just remembering how good it felt.

Give Yourself a Break – Relaxation at Your Desk

Time: 10 minutes

This quick routine can be done almost anywhere: your desk at work, in bed, in the line at the grocery store, while riding in the car, while watching TV, while listening to a lecture, at that interminable choir concert at your child’s school. It combines the benefits of deep breathing with progressive muscle relaxation.

Script

Turn off your phone and put your computer on screen saver. . . Get comfy in your chair and close your eyes.

Draw in a long, slow breath while you imagine it filling your body.

Blow it out in a long, slow stream. . . Imagine that all the toxins in your body are leaving with it.

Draw in another long, slow breath. . . Think of the oxygen filling your cells with new life and energy.

Again, blow it out in a long, slow stream as you picture your stress going with it.

Draw in another long, slow breath. . . imagine peace entering your soul.

As you blow it out, imagine all the restlessness in your body going with it.

You are relaxed.

Pause

Now, beginning with your toes, tighten and release your muscles… Breathe in as you tighten them, out as they relax. . .Now do the same with your feet, ankles, calf muscles, and your thighs. Breathe in and out slowly as you pay attention to each muscle group.

Pause

Continue with your abdomen. . . Let it expand with good, clean, oxygen-filled air. Blow it gently out as you relax. . . Do the same with your chest, arms, hands, neck, and face.

Pause

Rest. Breathe in a normal, relaxed way. Enjoy the relaxed feeling of your body and mind.

Sit as quietly as you can for five minutes. Then open your eyes and rejoin the world, feeling relaxed and ready to face anything that lands on your plate.

Click here for printable version. Enjoy the last few weeks of the holiday season! May peace and joy be with you in the New Year.

Reach out with your heart

Reach out with your heart

By: Donald A. Tubesing, PhD, and Nancy Loving Tubesing, EdD
Excerpted from Seeking Your Healthy Balance

Reaching out can be a risky business. When you commit yourself to loving your neighbor in general, you never know when a particular neighbor is going to pop up with a need you can fill. It takes an attitude of openness and curiosity to leave your personal circle of security and step across invisible boundaries into the unknown.

It’s not too hard to offer your services to an elderly neighbor whose lawn needs mowing… or help out a charity you enjoy…Think the last time you were with a group of people. Which people did you include in your reach-out circle? Which did you ignore or interact with only superficially? For most of us the second group is by far the larger.

The neat, clean lines we’re tempted to draw between the people who belong in our neighborhood and receive our care, and those who don’t belong and are therefore excluded from our care-giving, tend to disappear in times of crisis when our connections as part of the human family suddenly, unexpectedly, draw us closely together in intimate contact with strangers.

Reach out with care and concern

People need people. Reaching out with care and concern for another heals both the receiver and the giver! Break beyond your boundaries and give yourself to others. They need you. You can make a difference in your world by reaching out with your attitudes, with your heart, with your hands, and with thanksgiving.

The most valuable skill for reaching out to others is the art of listening with your heart. This gift of listening deeply and carefully to the concerns and feelings of others is called empathy.

Empathy literally means to “feel in” to stand in another’s shoes for a moment. Everyone needs empathy. Click here for a group of assessments that will help you open up to others.

Another important skill is the ability to reach out and literally touch someone. Most of us learned to keep our hands to ourselves as we were growing up…In this society we keep our distance. Why not get used to giving people hugs. It’s not that hard. Some people may be surprised at first, but if you practice it often enough, your neighbors will soon figure out you’re for real. Touch is a powerful way to reach out.

Positive caring demonstrated by physical contact lets high energy flow between people, filling each person with vigor and vitality. You can hardly touch without being touched in return. You have a marvelous health-giving resource at the end of your arms and many touch-hungry neighbors waiting for physical strokes. Initiate a health-enhancing exchange. Make sure that touch is a part of every contact you make.

At this time of year in particular we reach out with thanks-giving. A little appreciation goes a long, long way. Studies have shown that gratitude is a more powerful motivator than money. Most of us will really put ourselves out just to hear someone say, “Thank you.”

If you want to improve your thanks-giving style, you could try one or more of these suggestions:

  • Form a mutual-admiration group. If some people in your life don’t like to give and receive appreciation, find some who do and spend time with them.
  • Select small, unique gifts that carry a personal message from your heart. Surprise people with them. Gifts you create – poems, notes, wall hangings – speak most clearly.
  • Once again, get into the habit of thanks-giving. Say it directly! “Thanks for listening to me.” “You’re always so positive. Thanks.” “Knowing you care keeps me going. Thanks.”

To be truly healthy we must reach out beyond ourselves. When we share each other’s burdens and joys we become channels of healing. No matter how timid or tired or selfish or crazy or young or old we are, we all have something important to offer each other. Train yourself to notice others’ needs and then be ready to share your gifts when they are appropriate.

Click here for exercises to assess your reaching out skills.

Suicide and Addiction: What You Need To Know

by Michelle Peterson

Suicide and Addiction

Suicide can destroy lives, but for all of its power it is still one of the least talked-about dangers facing Americans today. There is such a stigma associated with self-harm that many people are reluctant to talk about it or even face that a loved one might be in danger. It’s extremely important to raise awareness about suicide so that friends and family of those at risk will know what to look for.

Some of the most at-risk individuals include people suffering from PTSD, or post-traumatic stress disorder include: people living with depression or other mood disorders; veterans; and those living with substance abuse issues. Drugs and alcohol play a big part in suicide rates for teens and adults in the U.S., in part because they both mask and exacerbate the symptoms of serious mood and mental health disorders. In fact, individuals who suffer from alcohol addiction are six times more likely to commit suicide than the general population.

“The connection between substance abuse and suicide has not been sufficiently well understood. People in both the mental health and substance abuse fields have likely had experiences that would demonstrate the connection, but I think that probably few appreciate the magnitude of the relationship between substance abuse and suicide,” says SAMHSA’s Public Health Adviser Richard McKeon.

Drugs and alcohol may be used to lighten the mood at parties, but for some, these substances lean toward the darker side of a mood and heighten feelings of hopelessness because they alter the way the brain works. When you ingest a drug, it interferes with the way neurons both send and receive information, as well as the way they process it. Some drugs can even make neurons malfunction, causing them to release overwhelmingly large amounts of neurotransmitters. This extra commotion sometimes causes disruptions in neural communication — in other words, your brain has trouble sending signals and commands to your body.

For some, this can explain that dizzy feeling you get after having too much to drink. For others, it offers insight into why it might be difficult to register what someone else is saying to you after you’ve ingested large quantities of cocaine. But it offers interesting perspective into the idea of using drugs and alcohol as a buffer in social situations: though for many it can put an anxiety-ridden mind at ease, for some it can actually make socializing even more difficult. When you’re having trouble functioning properly, it makes interactions with others awkward at best, and impossible at worst. This certainly does no favors for those longing for social connection but dependent on substances to find it, and may even lead to added distress over repeated failed attempts to “fit in.”

Drug and alcohol use also causes judgement to be impaired, and the tendency to act upon a thought without thinking it through clearly means that once the individual feels like suicide is the only option, they are that much more likely to act upon it. For this reason, it’s imperative that individuals who suffer from addiction do not have access to weapons, especially guns, and that they have a strong social and familial support system. Because substance abuse is a destroyer of relationships, this can be difficult to achieve.

Depressed Girl: Suicide and AddictionBecause isolation is common in people living with a substance abuse disorder, it’s important for friends and family to know what to look for where suicidal thoughts are concerned. Warning signs may not be overt, but there will likely be some indication that the individual is thinking about self-harm. These can include:

  • Talking about or writing about death, especially their own
  • Giving away belongings
  • Making plans to see family members they haven’t seen in a long time
  • Engaging in risky behavior
  • Getting into legal trouble
  • Suddenly acting happy or hopeful after a long down period
  • Violent episodes

If your loved one is exhibiting any of these behaviors, don’t second-guess your instincts; talk to them. Start a conversation by saying you’re concerned about them and ask, flat-out, if they are thinking about taking their own life. Do not be judgmental or use negative statements, such as “You’re not thinking about doing something stupid, are you?” Starting the conversation that way will likely only push the individual away and prompt them to deny their true feelings.

You also want to make sure not to demean the idea of suicide by calling it selfish, dramatic, or cowardly. Remember, it’s OK for you to have strong feelings about taking one’s own life, but the focus needs to be on respecting the agony your loved one is in. Of course you want to deter them, but don’t write off the action of suicide (or the mere thought of it) as silly, because the fact is, suicide isn’t silly. If your loved one is contemplating it, they likely feel as if they’ve exhausted all other options. It isn’t silly to feel so devastatingly sad that you feel life isn’t worth living, so be incredibly cautious to make sure you don’t send that message even unintentionally.

Instead, let them know you’re worried for their wellbeing and give them an opening to talk. Ask questions, but be sensitive. Sometimes simply checking in on how someone is coping with a major trauma — death of a spouse, job loss, or struggling with an addiction, for example — is the best route to open up the conversation. Don’t make accusations about how you think they feel, but don’t be deterred if they don’t immediately open up. Continue to talk to them about what’s going on, and remind them that you care about them and would be happy to help in any way you could. Don’t assume they already know; often, those in the depths of major depression are overwhelmed with their pain, and those with an addiction, especially, may be convinced that no one will care. Making your love and genuine concern for someone’s wellbeing can be the ultimate difference between an honest, productive conversation and a shutout.

It may be difficult to keep your feelings neutral; this is an emotional subject, and suicide is something many people feel strongly about. However, it’s important to show your loved one that you are there to help, not to judge. Offer to help them find a counselor, helpline, or rehab center and let them know they are not alone. Often, addiction can make the user feel as though they have no one on their side, no one to turn to, and it can lead to actions that push friends and family away. Let them know you’re there for them.

If self-harm seems imminent, do not leave your loved one alone. Call for help immediately and remember that there is only so much you can do. Sometimes, it’s up to the professionals to step in and take over.

Michelle Peterson has been in recovery for several years. She started RecoveryPride.org to help eliminate the stigma placed on those who struggle with addiction. The site emphasizes that the journey to sobriety should not be one of shame but of pride and offers stories, victories, and other information to give hope and help to those in recovery.

Photo via Pixabay by 422694

Life as Art and the art de vivre!

Life as Art

by Michael Arloski, PhD.

The art of living

Sweet of orange, tart of lemon and bitter of grapefruit bathed my tongue all at once. Ever since I tasted a locally made Four Fruits Marmalade in the tiny English village of Sibford, I’ve been on the look-out for such citrus combos for my morning toast. I’ll take three out of four when I can. Finding lime mixed in with the other three is exceedingly rare.

This morning’s palate pleaser was not flying the Union Jack however, but rather that of England’s age old rival, the French Tri-color! French marmalade! The label read “Life In Provence” and invited a website visit. I obliged and soon sank into the fantasy of a region of the world I have only tasted from its seaside edge, and then far too briefly. The website spoke of the Provencal lifestyle, and the French way of the Art de vivre! What the Italians call La Dolce’ Vita!

It takes a real conscious effort to be part of our own culture yet not of it. How to be a cultural anthropologist of sorts and select the details of our lives to match our own true preferences? How to live in the U.S.A. and truly be a part of it (no ethno-centrism needed!), yet choose to be conscious in our art de vivre?

We make our attempts at times through inspiration. We visit a place or read about it, see film of it, and re-decorate our kitchen or bathroom to reflect that place and culture. We take cooking classes or buy a new-to-us food with an unpronounceable name and try it out. These openings into the art de vivre are all good. The hope is that we can maintain that consciousness when our rat-race culture calls, and perhaps calls loudly.

Perhaps it is about saying “yes” to life and “no” to the race. Perhaps it is about being assertive enough to say no to work, or even friends who want to race. “I’m sorry. (Not really, but we have to be polite here). We’re staying home today and doing some gardening. I want to prune my backyard grapevines. Would you like to come over afterwards and have a glass of wine and some garlic bread with us?”

Art de vivre

Live! Don’t race. Again and again, if we truly engage consciously in the art de vivre we will get the life we really want. It is not about dreaming of moving to Provence or Tuscany, and only dreaming. It is not even about moving there. It is about living the life you really want down in your bones, which you know is the true way for you to live, not some sales-pitch you swallowed.

It seems that the simple life that we seek is really about consciousness and awareness of the life we are already living. From that awareness we start re-designing, re-engineering our lives to work for us instead of against us. We choose to jump on an opportunity for fun (or even profit!) and our consciously open calendar allows for spontaneity and serendipity. We can do it instead of always complaining that we are too busy.

We are not all French farmers. Not everyone in Provence is either. Yet, to one degree or another, people there manage to hold on to the cultural supports for consciously engaging in the arte de vivre. Perhaps that is an advantage we lack here in America. Only in pockets here and there do we have the support for such a way of living. The overarching culture has morphed into a driven consumerist, unconscious way of living. All the more important to choose to live a life of awareness and make it an art.

Here in the United States, and in much of the modern world we live in, a culture that is constantly in flux. Change comes at us from all angles and shows up in the way we live our lives. Shifts that used to take generations now seem to affect us every five years or so. Our bodies are still trying to evolve biologically out of the hunter/gatherer era and our minds have to cope with a continual assault of multiple eras in one lifetime!

In the midst of this vortex of cultural confusion it is no wonder that the vision of the simple life has such great appeal. As we become conscious of our lifestyles our desire for simplicity collides head-long with the plethora of knowledge heaved at us by the technology of the information age. Science tries to step in and help us through analysis. It tries to isolate the precise variable that makes a particular diet so healthy. Yet the research seems only to raise more questions. What other variables are influencing this outcome? All good science, but in the meantime we need to figure out how to live…the art de vivre, the art of living.

One of the most valuable suggestions I’ve made to people in a quandary is to ask them to switch their question from “What should I do?” to “Who do I need to be?” The answers to the first question include many possibilities, so many that the question becomes more of a problem then the very challenge the person is facing! The answer to the second question can be found, and it is really found within.

The question for the question of “How should I live my life?” becomes “How do I need to be in my life?” We are asking “How do I want my life to be?” What do I want it to include? How do I want it to feel? What results do I want it to include? How do I want to be living as I produce those results? What produces satisfaction in my life?

These are questions for you to ask yourself. They are not questions to answer outside of yourself. You would not be wise to seek these answers in the mass media, in the commercial sales efforts that bombard us every day, or in the efforts of other salesmen masquerading as recruiters for their own particular cause or cult. The real answers are always within us.

Yet, we look for guidance; we look at the choices, the possibilities. We look at what appears to be working and what we find on our landscape of opportunity gives us the paint with which to color our dreams.

All great projects, including creating the life you truly want, that will serve you well, begin with a dream or we might call it a fantasy; a daydream of sunshine and relaxation perhaps. That fantasy, if it is to actualize, becomes at some point, a vision. We see ourselves in a hammock with sunlight filtering through trees.

From that vision we look for what in the world supports it. What and where and how to start to form it into a plan.  A plan carried through either produces what we want, gets us closer to it, or shows us that we need to go back to the visioning board.

Many of us who dream of a satisfying and fulfilling life of health and sweetness are drawn to a way of life that seems to be working very well, the life of the people in parts of Southern France and Northern/Central Italy. We are intrigued by Provence, Tuscany and similar regions in the world.

The world loves these places. Certainly we romanticize them and ignore their own faults and shortcomings. Certainly few of us can or ever will move there, but drawn there we are.

Only four and a half million people get to live in the entire Provence-Alpes-Côte d’Azur region, less than 8% of the population of France. Not everyone finds a villa in Tuscany or Umbria. Yet that way of living seems to have a magnetic appeal.

When the American Heart Association tells us that a typical Mediterranean diet is consistent with its new dietary guidelines, it gets our attention. The globalization of our supermarkets and our dinner tables has the potential to change the health of our world. The big if is will we make the most healthy choices for us. Someone with high blood pressure still needs to avoid salt, for example. But the way of living that we look to in the Mediterranean region is not just about having access to good olive oil, it’s about pace of life, it’s about a non-sedentary life, it’s about valuing connection over production. (An interesting aside, recent studies are showing French workers to be more productive per-hour-worked than American workers.)

The eternal health and wellness search for the ultimate lifestyle formula is a bit like the efforts of alchemists searching for a way to turn lead into gold. Great idea, nice intention, but it’s not working. All of our sophisticated and complex recommendations to the public are received with hope, but far too seldom adopted into our lives.

Let’s look for healthy ways to live an uncalculated life. Life was not meant to be a struggle and neither was being well. We may still want to schedule those appointments but to do so with a consciousness of our whole lives and what is really important. There are a million “Yes, but…” protests to refute this position. The reality is that you are much more free than you think. You can craft a life (not just a “lifestyle”) that is healthy and true to yourself that can draw upon a whole world of options. You are the artist.

Michael Arloski is author of Wellness Coaching for Lasting Lifestyle Change and Your Journey to a Happier Life.

Click here to read more about Dr. Arloski.

Steps to Effective Communication


Stop, Look and Listen!

Steps to Effective Communication

The ability to express ourselves clearly and to understand what others are trying to say to us is the key to success in all areas of our lives. Most of us have not been trained in the principles of effective communication. We do not always listen to what is being said. Instead we are busy formulating and justifying our own point of view. We also become derailed by bringing up the past, especially old hurts and resentments.

Effective communication has two parts: How to really hear – and really understand – what others are saying, and and how to express feelings and thoughts without dragging in past conflicts and emotions.

It takes commitment and practice to improve communication with your care-receiver, medical team, family members, etc. You can begin by noticing when you are on automatic and then remembering what you learned about crossing a street safely: Stop, Look, and Listen.

Listening

A. Stop what you are doing. Be present, eliminate distractions, stop talking, etc.

B. Look at the speaker. Give full attention; notice body-language.

C. Listen to what is being said. Allow the speaker time to finish, don’t jump to conclusions.

D. Double check. Be certain you have all the facts, ask for more information if needed.

Once you have done all the above, it is your turn and time to express your thoughts and feelings.

Your Turn to Speak

A. “Be” Attitudes

Be focused Address the issue at hand. Do not bring strong emotions and issues from the past into the discussion.
Be specific. Do not assume the listener knows what you are thinking. Offer clarifications if necessary.
Be calm If the speaker is distraught, be calm. If you are in an emotional state where you are unable to discuss an issue, agree to continue the discussion later.
Be polite Do not use inflammatory words. Avoid insults and accusations. They will lead to heated argument and make the problem worse.

B. When pointing out an existing problem

  • Identify the issue without blaming or shaming. Avoid personal attacks.
  • Use “I” statements. “I feel __________when you _______________.
  • Offer solutions as preferences. “I would prefer it if you/we _____________________.

C. Make allowances if the other person has hearing or vision loss, or is confused.

D. Revisit the issue if you cannot reach a consensus. Accept the fact that there are some problems for which there is no solution.

15 Reminders of Effective Communication Principles

  1. Check to see if your care-receiver has on glasses and hearing aids.
  2. Look at your care-receiver when he or she is speaking. Be aware of non-verbal communication
  3. Answer all of your care-receiver’s questions. Don’t rush.
  4. Imagine yourself in your care-receivers world. How would you feel in his or her situation?
  5. Speak to your care-receiver as one adult to another. Use a respectful tone.
  6. Acknowledge your care-receiver’s objections and concerns.
  7. Allow your care-receiver time to absorb what you’re saying. Clarify or state in a different way if necessary. Offer options.
  8. Mirror back what you think you’ve heard your care-receiver say. Ask questions.
  9. Stay calm. Don’t take anything personally.
  10. Give your care-receiver time to think things over. Don’t press for an immediate answer.
  11. Think of this as a time to get to know your care-receiver better. Listen for concerns and fears. What would give him or her comfort? With whom would he or she like to talk?
  12. Take a break if your care-receiver is tired or either of you becomes upset. Return to the conversation at an appropriate time.
  13. Make sure you have heard your care-receiver’s decision correctly and are interpreting it as intended.
  14. Request help from other family members if necessary and/or appropriate.
  15. Remember, you are not alone. There are two of you in the equation. Keep communications open.

*Book excerpts taken from The Complete Caregiver Support Guide.

5 Components to Living with Mental Illness

5 Key Components to Living with Mental Illness

Living with mental illness is a little more complex than a person without mental illness may think. Daily life cannot simply be lived on the fly. Each day must be planned and oriented around the illness. For some who are still learning to cope with this diagnosis, each day is a matter of trial and errors. This trial and error, when not guided by professional help, can sometimes result in addiction due to self-medication. Learning how to live with the fewest limitations is a process that should be conducted with the help of a counselor. We have identified five key components to reclaiming your life after a mental illness diagnosis.

Cultivate Good Eating Habits and a Healthy Diet

What we eat has a huge impact on our mental state. A diet lacking in certain nutrients easily can amplify the symptoms of mental illness. It is important that you identify any nutritional gaps in your diet and modify accordingly. You should also ensure that you are eating enough calories and eating regularly.

Make Time to Exercise to Help Cope with Mental Illness

Keeping the body fit is a good way to reduce stress. When you physically feel good, your mind feels good, too. In addition to improving your level of fitness, exercise creates endorphins that are known to improve your mood and help you maintain mental regularity. Try to find a form of exercise you enjoy. You may find that you like walking, hiking, riding a bike, or lifting weights. If you look forward to exercising, it will be easier for you to get yourself out of bed or off the couch and moving.

Staying Social is Important

Maintaining social ties is simply part of being human. For those with mental illness, it can be particularly hard to muster the will to see friends and take part in social activities. Though you should not force yourself into uncomfortable situations, you should make it a priority to spend time with other people.

Create and Stick to a Routine

The human mind loves routine. Every person will benefit from forming a daily or weekly routine. For people with mental illness, a routine can decrease the symptoms of the illness. When the mind has the ability to know what is coming next, it is less prone to display abnormal behavior. This is particularly true with bipolar disorder.

Spend Time with Animals

have been shown to reduce stress, improve symptoms of mental illness, and help us live longer. Spending some quality time with an affectionate animal can work wonders for your mental state. For those with more severe forms of mental illness, a psychiatric service dog may be the best way to go. Psychiatric service dogs are specially trained to help their handlers cope with their unique challenges while providing love, comfort, and support. For example, PTSD service dogs might learn to bring their handler out of a flashback, guide him to an exit in a public place, or alert a loved one of the situation.

Even if you have perfected all five of these components to living with mental illness, you are likely to continue feeling the effects of your illness. This is where professional help comes in. Working with a counselor is also important to the process of learning to cope with a mental illness. Though streamlining your daily life will certainly help, you may need medications or talk therapy to thrive in your daily life. Consult with your counselor and figure out what your next step should be.

Adam Cook has a strong understanding of the devastation that can be caused by addiction. He recently lost a close friend to an addiction-related suicide. In an effort to better educate himself and to help others, he created AddictionHub.org, a site that provides addiction and mental health resources. When he isn’t working or adding to his website, he’s prepping for his first triathlon.

Leisure lacking in the “No Vacation Nation”

The Importance of Leisure

The United States Is Called the “No Vacation Nation”.

Are Americans allergic to leisure time? 57% left unused vacation on the table. Reasons given:

  • Too much work to do
  • Afraid of being replaced
  • Don’t want to come back to huge pile of work
  • Can’t afford to do anything out of the ordinary
  • No backup at work
Paid Vacation Chart

Chart retrieved from CNN/Money

In recognition of National Mental Health month, we offer this article from The Wellness Lifestyle Workbook on the importance of leisure followed by an exercises for “Leisure Exploration” and “Overcoming Barriers to Leisure Participation.” We invite you to use the article and the worksheets for yourself and for your clients.

The Importance of Leisure

By Ester R.A. Leutenberg and John J. Liptak, EdD.

Leisure can be defined as a period of time that we have outside of work and essential household and relationship activities. The typical American employee spends about eight to ten hours a day working, five days a week. This totals at least forty to fifty hours per week. Most of us also spend a lot of time for compulsory activities such as eating, sleeping and essential chores. With the time left over, it is important for us to engage in leisure-time activities that will allow us to balance work, find enjoyment, and expend mental, physical, social and creative energy.

Leisure-time activities are usually more fun than work. We usually do not engage in leisure activities that we do not like to do. We often forget that it’s all right to have fun. Many of us are workaholics who feel guilty when we take time for ourselves to enjoy fun activities. We do not want to take time away from our family, friends or obligations. But we can creatively incorporate time with family and friends and engage in leisure activities at the same time.

The skills you gain from leisure-time activities can easily be transferred to occupations. People are typically good at what they enjoy, are more motivated to participate in these activities, and will spend more time at them. Leisure-time activities can be valuable exploratory experiences in which individuals can develop both personal and work-related skills that might be useful in many different types of jobs. Similarly, leisure-time activities also provide an opportunity to expand and perfect skills you already have.

Most people work a lot of hours and work very hard. Although a certain amount of work is very good for us, it does not mean that twice as much work means that you get twice as much done. In fact, research indicates that the law of diminishing returns takes over and that you actually gain less and less for each extra hour that you work. In Japan, they have a term, Karoshi, which means sudden death from overwork. Leisure can help you to remain balanced.

Ernie Zelenski, in his book The Joy of Not Working, suggests that when people are able to enjoy leisure time to the fullest, their lives will be enhanced to immeasurable levels. Some of the benefits people enjoy from satisfying leisure include:

  • A higher quality of life
  • Personal growth
  • Improved healthy
  • Higher self-esteem
  • Less stress
  • A more relaxed lifestyle
  • Excitement and adventure
  • A balance lifestyle
  • A sense of self-worth
  • An increase in quality of family life

Click here for “Leisure Exploration” and “Overcoming Barriers to Leisure Participation”, worksheets from The Wellness Lifestyle Workbook.

Don’t Play Twister on a Full Stomach

and Other Rules for Choosing the Right Games for the Right Time

From Are You Playing with Me
By Leigh Anne Jasheway-Bryant

If you’re in charge of a presentation, whether you’re a professional speaker, a volunteer coordinator, a trainer, or someone who was bribed with a cookie, a big part of your job is to create a safe and playful atmosphere in which fun things can happen. Your goal is to find ways to help everyone in the audience feel comfortable enough in the space, with you, and with everyone else to take a few steps outside their comfort zone. They won’t do that unless they feel secure doing things that they might otherwise consider too risky.

If your audience consists of people who not only work with another, but also FOR some of the people sitting next to them, your job can be made a little more difficult. After all, maybe John Deere over there doesn’t want his boss Betty Crocker to see him talk like a pirate three days before his performance evaluation. There are positives and negatives to having employees and managers in the same room at the same time, but when it comes to playing games, if you have any say in the matter, you might want to suggest separate sessions for each.

Playing Improv

Doing Improv at a Conference

No matter what the composition of your audiences (mine are mostly carbon-based), you’ll find it easier to help everyone enjoy themselves and play well with others if you keep the following rules in mind.

Rule # 1: Not everyone wants to play.

As young kids, even if we’re shy, we usually want to be part of the game (unless it’s dodge ball and we’re the target). Unfortunately, many adults are much more hesitant to join in the fun. Shyness is one reason. Another is the potential of embarrassing ourselves in front of co-workers, friends, or even strangers. After all, what if we say or do something that gets back to our boss or people we feel we need to impress? Then there’s the issue that the older we get, the more voices we’re likely to have in our heads telling us things like, “Act your age,” “That’s not appropriate,” and “We don’t pay you to have a good time.”

As an educator, speaker, or trainer, one of the worst things you can do is to force someone into a situation he or she really doesn’t want to be in. By scaring them, you shut down their willingness to hear your messages and you may even create tension among the rest of the group. On the other hand, it is your job is the try to encourage everyone to participate at some level and to push a little beyond their comfort zone. After all, things aren’t much fun in the box (or in the cubicle).

The best way to deal with reluctant participants is never to put them in situations where they have to play alone. Don’t “volunteer” them – or let one of their office mates do so – for games in which they have to be the one (or one of a few) in the spotlight. By making sure to have enough games that involve everyone in the group in your bag of tricks, you can encourage the shy and frightened to play along without feeling overly- anxious or, worse, leaving the room.

Rule # 2: Bribes and rewards are effective tools.

Let’s face it, we’re all more willing to take risks and make fools of ourselves if we get something for our effort. It doesn’t have to be something big or expensive – I’ve found that cheap, fun toys I’ve bought at garage sales or secondhand stores are always the most popular. Once I bought a box of Freud Action Figures (they didn’t do anything and the irony amused people. But they did come in funny packaging.)They were one of my most popular “enticements.” As were yellow smiley balls that stuck their tongues out when you squeezed them (which were discontinued because the tongues could fall off and pose a choking hazard to children and immature adults). I personally like getting most of my rewards at garage sales because I’m recycling instead of producing more waste that the planet has to somehow accommodate. Yesterday’s Happy Meal toy becomes today’s corporate bribe.

Even better, most of the time you don’t even have to give away “stuff.” Simply rewarding volunteers and participants with cheers and applause can encourage other volunteers to step up for the activities following. Most people so rarely get cheered on for anything they do, the feeling they get when hearing clapping and congratulatory hoots and whistles is something they’ll take with them into the rest of their day, if not their week.

Rule # 3: Don’t ask anyone to do things you wouldn’t do. 

Leigh Anne Jasheway

Leigh Anne Jasheway

If you’d be uncomfortable crawling on the floor mooing like a cow, imagine how people whose job doesn’t involve regularly doing crazy things will feel. At no point can the members of the group feel like you’re making fun of them. You should be making fun with them.

It helps if you dress comfortably and playfully, so it appears from the very start that you are there to play with them. It also helps for you to have a choice of activities ranging from those that are only moderately silly and playful to those that are extremely both. You can judge the mood of the group and pick activities that fit in best with their needs and the willingness of their spirit.

Rule #4: The more participants are invested before you start, the more likely they are to take part. 

If you come in, set up, and start right in, there becomes a “You” and “Us” division. You’re in charge and they have to go along for the ride. While this is true in some ways, you can put a little more power in their hands by inviting them to play a more active role before things begin.

Conference setup

Attendees helping with setup

Many of the games in this book involve props and supplies. Ask for help in distributing these and laying them out. If the room isn’t set up the way you want it – and if there have been serious speakers prior to your session, it probably won’t be – engage those members of the group who are willing to help you rearrange things. If you don’t have someone assigned to introduce you, ask two people to read your prepared intro as a duet. All of these activities help set the groundwork for fun and help group members feel more connected to you and to the activities you have planned.

Another way to involve participants is to give them some choice or control over the games. This is one reason certain improv games – the ones that don’t require too much comedic skill and thereby intimidate people – are good to include in your bag of tricks. They encourage the audience to play an active role in deciding how the game goes. You can also let participants help choose which activity to try (I usually offer selection up front and let them pick) or give them options for which rules to follow and which rules to break. Any time you can involve participants in decision-making (a serious and professional task), you will increase their comfort in taking part in the games (a light-hearted and fun task).

Rule # 5: Play along, but don’t save all the good roles for yourself. 

By being part of certain games, you prove that you’re willing to do what you’re asking them to do (see Rule #3).And when you have people who are reluctant to volunteer, joining in yourself may help them get the courage to raise their hands.

But if you take part in every game, you set a bad precedent by not involving the audience as much as you should and not sharing the fun. Be available only as an emergency back-up volunteer.

Rule # 6: Time is important, even when having fun.

If you don’t allow enough time for everyone to feel like they’ve completed an activity, you create dissatisfaction and feelings of a lack of completion in the room. On the other hand, too much time can make even fun games seem to drag on forever and drain the joy out of them.

If you have a large group, you may find that a certain amount of time is too little for some and too much for others. You will have to choose a happy medium. Ask each team how far along they are and when most teams are done or almost done, announce two or three more minutes. Stick to your time limit, even if one last team still has work to do.

Rule # 7: The later in the day, the harder it is for most people to think on their feet, be creative, or muster the energy to volunteer for activities.

After six or seven hours sitting, the blood and oxygen in our bodies heads south, towards our hips. If you spend most of your day in the seated position and notice your hips have gotten larger, don’t think of it as middle-age spread, think of it as oxygen surplus.

In order for us to feel and be creative and productive, we need oxygen feeding our brain. That’s hard when it is constantly being pulled in the opposite direction by gravity. Quick solutions to this problem include standing on your head, jogging around room, or deep belly-laughing. But be aware of the natural lethargy that happens around 3:00 p.m., especially if a conference or training began early in the morning and adapt your choice of activities accordingly.

Rule # 8: Make sure you know what purpose your games serve. 

Just like the coordinator or manager you had to talk into allowing you to use a more playful approach to your topic, there will probably be some people in the audience who need rational, logical explanations of why they should behave in a manner that they consider odd and unprofessional. Even if the reasons is simply to have fun, always be prepared to share why you’re asking them to do something with those who feel more comfortable knowing.

Rule #9: Make time for contemplation and learning.

Therapy session

Discussing the games played.

Games are fun and entertaining, but are only good learning tools if there’s time to reflect on what the lessons were. In addition to allowing time for each activity in this book, I recommend building in time between activities so participants can process what they’ve learned and recharge.

Bonus Rule #10: Anything worth saying is worth singing.

It just is.

Try The Slow Movement

The Slow Movement
By Michael Arloski, PhD

Let’s deliberately slow down our pace of life and experience the slow movement.
What started in Italy with slow food as a reaction to omnipresent fast food has morphed into a broader slow living movement including slow travel, slow schools, slow cities, slow design, slow relationships, and more. Its main tenet is that for a more fulfilling and deeply satisfying life we need to allow the appropriate amount of time to experience the activities we engage in.

Savoring may save us. Consciousness may return control to our lives. As author Carl Honoré puts it  in his book In Praise of Slownessour cultural obsession with speed erodes our health, productivity, and quality of life. “We are living the fast life, instead of the good life.”

Operating on automatic pilot may seem like an important strategy to cope with feeling overwhelmed. However it usually results in staying stuck in habits that don’t serve us as well as the conscious choices we might make instead, if only we…slowed down and thought about it. As Mae West told us “Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.”

Downshifting

So, how do we make the shift? How do we become part of the Slow Movement? How do we de-stress ourselves, further change our perception of time, and pump up our quality of life? How do we begin to embrace and benefit from slow living?

Value the intrinsic over the extrinsic. Focus on the internal rewards found in
experience, not production; the taste of fresh tomatoes, the smile of a child. The irony here is that we know that intrinsic motivation drives greater and more creative productivity.

Re-wire your brain. Changing life-long habits means developing new neural pathways in our brains and staying off the old well-worn habit pathways. Catch yourself in your old speedy habits and jump back on the new path over and over again.

Plan to be spontaneous. Plan ahead to have free time. Make plans to be, not just get things done. Make reservations at campgrounds so you will get out and do it. Arrange with friends to have a slow dinner evening savoring food and fun.

Lose your mind and come to your senses. Focusing on our sensory experience of taste, sound, touch, and smell can help us slow down. Breath deep, eyes closed, and take a moment to smell the roses.

Create conspiracies. The only way to break out of unhealthy cultural norms is to conspire with friends, family and co-workers to create healthier, slower ones. Together cultivate the Italian phrase “Il dolce far niente”, the sweetness of doing nothing!

The Wellness Coach’s Takeaway

Our coaching clients often come to us either feeling that they are overwhelmed and have to slow down their pace of life, or, perhaps when they have had a wake up call, like the onset of a serious health challenge, that has caused them to reassess life’s priorities. They want to slow down, but, marinated in a culture of speed (as Honoré puts it), they don’t know how.

You may have clients who are do not want to slow down. Staying busy, staying distracted, they don’t have to look at deeper issues that may be more troubling to encounter. Coach them around exploring what they fear might happen if they were to slow down. Explore what if examples: “What would happen if you made an agreement with your family to eat dinner together with no television or other devices turned on?” “What would it be like to take a long, hot bath instead of a quick shower?”

Some clients may have such fears that they need counseling rather than coaching and the pressure to slow down may be too much. Referrals can be discussed, but you can also back up and coach in other areas until they are ready to look at how they might experiment with slowing down.

Some fears might not be so psychological. Your client may fear that if they slow down they won’t be able to compete in the workplace or marketplace. They may fear that they won’t appear as attractive as the hard-charging, work-hard/play hard person they want to portray. If you client is open to it, this may be where you can turn them on to some of the resources of the “slow movement”, such as Honore’s book, or  the slow movement in the United States, or Create the Good Life;. They may learn that they can allay many of their fears by seeing how the benefits of slowing down include just what they are trying to achieve by rushing and working too hard: greater creativity, productivity, and quality of life.

Slowing down may have a link with self-permission. Many of the healthy changes in behavior often revolve around greater self-care. Great wellness plans go nowhere if the client is unwilling to give themselves permission to implement them. Explore this concept of self-permission and how the person is holding themselves back.

  • For most clients though, the desire for a slower, more fulfilling life is there.
  • Create experiments using the Downshifting idea above.
  • Get creative with your client and co-create new action steps that they can take week by week to try out new ways to slow down in whatever area seems both important to them and has the most likelihood of succeeding.
  • They may even want to commit to looking at several dimensions of their wellness (perhaps as represented in a simple tool like the Wheel of Life) and creating experiments in each area.
  • Commit to cooking more meals at home.
  • Visit a farmers market. Declare a technological Sabbath for a day.
  • Commit to learning and practicing centering activities such as Tai Chi, Yoga, relaxation training, or some form of mindfulness practice.
  • Commit to reading a novel instead of work-related books.
  • Read Thoreau’s essay “On Walking” and learn to saunter!

Dr. Arloski’s blog.

Dr. Arloski’s biography.

Dr. Arloski’s Wellness Coaching for Lasting Lifestyle Change, Second Edition.

Dr. Arloski’s Your Journey to a Healthier Life.

Improv as a Learning Tool

Using Improvisational Theater as a Learning Tool

FroIzzy Gesellm Playing Along
By Izzy Gesell

Improv can provide an understanding of how to live more effective, confident, and in-the-moment lives. The modern form of improv was developed to help actors solve problems on stage by listening to others without prejudgment, accepting what is offered by others, trusting that the group will solve a problem, and letting go of one’s own need to control situations or predetermine outcomes. Improv players gain confidence to allow their own spontaneity to flow without self-censorship, poise to allow the spontaneity of others to flow without criticism, and belief in their ability to solve problems. This is why everyone: sales people, trainers, factory workers, managers, nurses, teachers, and homemakers can all benefit from experiencing improv.

Here are guidelines to make Improv effective as you work with groups.

  • Don’t be concerned about getting it all perfect. Just jump right in and give it a try. Because much of improve is physical, stretching and other preparation for physical activity will be helpful. Include vocal warm-ups to stretch vocal cords and encourage enthusiasm and exuberance. These activities also reduce self-consciousness.
  • To reinforce the understanding that the group is involved in theater, position yourself as the emcee or master of ceremonies as much as possible and refer to the participants in the session as players and audience members.
  • Don’t push people to perform but encourage them. Ask players to volunteer and inform them that they will not be pressured to participate. Large group activities make it easier for reluctant players to get involved.

The only rule that must be followed is the rule of agreement, which states “I agree to accept any reality offered within a structure and will commit to that reality without a moment’s hesitation.”  Suggest your participants:

  • Accept any offer that is given to you as player or emcee. It is improve etiquette to use the first suggestion you hear.
  • Make unusual choices. If you have two options, choose the unfamiliar one even if it seems uncomfortable. Unusual choices make for great improve.
  • Make large actions and overt gestures (called playing “big”). Make “big” choices
  • Use conflict and action make scenes interesting.
  • Don’t think about what to do next. Instead, become silent, take a couple of deep breaths, and focus on your body position. Allow your body position to guide your next action.

The following ideas are helpful if players seem to be floundering:

  • Make active statements rather than asking open-ended questions. For example, if you pick something off the floor say, “What a beautiful diamond” instead of asking your partner, “What do you think this is?” The statement helps your partner and allows the action to move forward.
  • Don’t think about what you will do.
  • Don’t anticipate what others are going to do.
  • Don’t worry about making mistakes because if something doesn’t work, we just move on to something else.
  • Solutions lie in actions, not words. Cry rather than say they are sad, drink glass after glass of water rather than say they are thirsty.

A final reminder: the concept of fun is not to be underestimated. Improv is a lot of fun. If you are having fun, then your participants will be having fun.

Breathing for Relaxation

The Breath of Life

From Stressed is Desserts Spelled Backwards
By Brian Luke Seaward, PhD

Approaches to managing stress are as varied as the people who use them. Perhaps because of the complexity of human nature and the daily events we find ourselves in, it is fair to say that no two people will deal with stress the same way. Yet if there were one relaxation technique that could be described as “one size fits all,” belly breathing would win hands down. The long deep sigh, the epitome of taking a moment to relax, is really what belly breathing is all about. Unlike most techniques, it can be done anywhere, at any time, and no one is the wiser.

Breathing is easy, and we pretty much take it for granted because it doesn’t require a whole lot of thought. But by and large, Americans are chest breathers (whether you are a man or a woman, I guess it looks good to have a big chest.) The problem with chest breathing is that it places pressure on a bundle of nerves under the chest bones and can actually trigger the stress response. Of course, when we sleep, the ego is off duty and we revert back to belly breathing—the style most conducive for relaxation.

Ancient mystics tell us that the word breath and spirit are synonymous, suggesting that divine energy is found within the precious movements of inhalation and exhalation. As such, the breath of life is no mere metaphor. Interestingly enough, every technique to promote relaxation employs some aspect of breathing and this is the technique I begin each class with. A wise sage once said, “There are forty different ways to breathe.” Here are two styles I use in class:

Breathing Clouds

This technique can be traced back to the origins of the eastern philosophy and religion in both Asia, with the practice of yoga, and Japan with the practice of Zen meditation. It was introduced as a cleansing process for the mind and body, the end result being complete relaxation. You can do this technique either sitting or lying down.

To begin, close your eyes and focus all your attention on your breathing. Draw air from the belly. Try inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. Visualize the air that you breath in as being clean fresh air, pure and energized air, like a white puffy cloud.

As you breathe in this clean pure air, visualize and feel air enter your nose and circulate up through the sinus cavity, to the top of your head, and down the back of your spinal column. As you end the inhalation, image the air circulating throughout your entire body.

Now, as you exhale, visualize that the air leaving your body is dirty, hazy air, which symbolizes all your stressors, frustrations, and toxins throughout your mind and body. With each breath you take, allow the clean fresh air to enter and circulate and invigorate your body, while the expulsion of the dirty air helps rid your body of its stress and tension.

Repeat this breathing cycle for five to ten minutes. As you repeat this cycle of breathing clouds, you may notice as the body becomes more relaxed through the release of stress and tension that the visual color of the air exhaled begins to change from black, to gray, perhaps even an off-white, a symbolic vision of complete relaxation.

Energy Breathing

Energy breathing is a way to vitalize your body, not only by taking in air through your nose or mouth, but in effect, breathing through your whole body as well. In essence, your body becomes like a big lung taking in air and circulating it throughout your entire body.

There are  three  phases  of  this  exercise  and  you  can  do  this technique either sitting or lying down. First get comfortable allowing your shoulders to relax. If you choose to sit, try to keep your legs straight. Now, as you breathe in, imagine that there is a circular hole at the top (crown) of your head, like a dolphin. As the air enters your lungs, visualize energy in the form of a beam of light, entering the top of your head. Bring the energy down, from the crown of your head to your abdomen as you inhale. As you exhale, allow the energy to leave through the top of your head. Repeat this five to ten times, trying to coordinate your breathing with the visual flow of energy. As you continue to bring the energy down to your stomach area, allow the light to reach all the inner parts of your upper body. When you feel comfortable with this first phase, you are ready to move on to the second phase.

Now, imagine that in the center of each foot, there is a circular hole that energy can flow in and out of. Again think of energy being like a beam of light. Concentrating on only your lower extremities, allow the flow of energy to move up from your feet into your abdomen as you inhale from your diaphragm. Repeat this five to ten times, trying to coordinate your breathing with the flow of energy.

Finally, as you continue to bring the energy up into your stomach area, allow the light to reach all the inner parts of your lower body. Once you feel you have this coordination between your breathing and the visual flow of energy with your lower extremities, begin to combine the movement of energy from both the top of your head and your feet, bringing the energy to the center of your body as you inhale air from your diaphragm. Then, as you exhale, allow the flow of energy to reverse the direction from which it came. Repeat this for ten to twenty times. Each time you move the energy through your body feel each body region, each muscle and organ and each cell become energized. At first it may seem difficult to visually coordinate the movement of energy coming from opposite ends of your body, but with practice, this will come very easily.

breathe-gif

One summer day while grocery shopping, I ran into a former student of mine, Tom, now a lieutenant in the Navy. His conversation reminded me just how useful belly breathing can really be.

“You know, I used to think that all that breathing stuff you taught us in class was a crock,” said Tom, with a smile on his face. “But I don’t anymore!”

Peering over a pyramid of apples, I inquired, “What changed your mind?”

“It was about a week before graduation, right, and I’m packing to move to Florida with my wife, to start flight school. Did I tell you she was eight months pregnant? OK, so I’m packing these boxes in the basement and Kathy tells me she’s started going into labor. Not exactly good timing, know what I mean?”

Tom takes a step closer, grabbing an apple off the pyramid.

“Yup, you could say that my life was beyond the optimal stress point right about then. So here I am rushing to get Kathy to the hospital, but low and behold, we get in the car only to find we have a flat tire. No problem, I tell her. Take a few deep breaths. I’ll have this fixed in a jiffy.

“So now we’re in the car headed to the hospital and guess what? Another flat tire, except this time we have no spare. I could go off to get help, but I can’t leave my wife alone in the car. So you can only guess what happened.

“Man, that breathing stuff really worked. I kept telling her to take a deep breath, keep breathing, slow and deep, from the stomach, it will be all right. I was breathing right along with her. I’m not sure who it helped more, me or her. What an event! So now I’m the proud father of a little baby boy, Jonathan.”

“Congratulations,” I said, extending my hand.

“Thanks! You know you always hear about babies being born in the back seat of a car, but I never thought mine would be one of them. And now, I’m doing that belly breathing technique every day.”

It is said that the soul enters the body with the first breath and each breath after invigorates the spirit. Remember to breathe—from the belly!

On Journaling

On Journaling

by Ester R.A. Leutenberg

Calm and Collected Ester Leutenberg

Ester R.A. Leutenberg

Journaling is a time-honored way to help people sort out their thoughts and feelings. Many different techniques can be used to begin a journaling practice. One way is to set aside some time each day−maybe 15 to 30 minutes in the morning−to simply write whatever comes to mind. Another way is to pick up a journal and write when the person has a “thinking loop” that seems stuck. In the act of writing, often the thought or situation will lose its intensity. Others find that journaling is a substitute for talking. Some people use their journals as a way of writing letters to their loves ones.

Journaling has been such a valuable tool for me in my process of grieving over our son Mitchell’s death by suicide. I journal for my own pleasure, release, to sort out feelings. If every time I had another insight or thought about Mitch’s life, mental illness, or death – and would mention it to loved ones or friends – they would all be weary of hearing about it. Instead, I journal often and still talk about Mitch at times with family and friends. It seems to be a good compromise, and keeps me grounded.

Each year I take my journaling to another level – on the day of Mitch’s death and send an email out to everyone I know – this was my 2011 letter.

Dear family and friends,

Twenty five years ago today, November 22, 1986, at 30 years of age, our son died by suicide. We commemorate this day – we celebrate Mitchell’s life. Mitch was an exceptional son, grandson, brother and uncle.

For eight years we kept the promise Mitchell asked of us, from the time of his first suicide attempt, not to tell anyone he had a mental illness. He felt it was a ‘shonda’ – a shame, an embarrassment, people wouldn’t value him for who he was, only the see the mental illness. The moment Mitch died, we told anyone and everyone. We were not ashamed or embarrassed. He had a disease, a mental illness. Although Mitchell did not discuss it, we hope other people will as the stigma of mental illness slowly lifts.

To quote Glenn Close about her family members…

“The stigma is toxic. And, like millions of others who live with mental illness in their families, I’ve seen what they endure: the struggle of just getting through the day, and the hurt caused every time someone casually describes someone as “crazy,” “nuts,” or “psycho.”

Even as the medicine and therapy for mental health disorders have made remarkable progress, the ancient social stigma of psychological illness remains largely intact. Families are often unwilling to talk about it and, in movies and the media, stereotypes about the mentally ill still reign.

The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that by the year 2020 mental illness will be the second leading cause of death and disability. Every society will have to confront the issue. The question is, will we face it with open honesty or silence?”

I remember when my mother would whisper the word cancer. We’ve come a long way. Talking and dealing with mental illness should be no different from having cancer, diabetes or any other disease.

“We have to get the word out that mental illness can be diagnosed and treated, and almost everyone suffering from mental illness can live more normal lives.”

                        ~ Rosalynn Carter

Twenty-five years is such a long time! We miss the hugs, conversations, laughter and even the tears. We miss the family time with him – he SO loved his family (especially his two nieces!) Mitchell would have loved the 7 more nieces and nephews that were born after his death. He would have loved Tucson and would be so happy for us. At one point, a few years before he died, he visited Vermont and came home with plans to build homes for our entire family to vacation together.

We do know that Mitch looks after us. We feel his spirit and it warms us.

We think about him every day – with love – and with admiration for trying so hard to stay alive.

Many people find that they are surprised at how their thinking has evolved when they re-read their journals. For most people the changes that they are experiencing are subtle. Often people grieving do not realize the hard work that they have done, nor do they recognize the changes they have made.

Re-reading a journal can provide an opportunity for self-appreciation.


 

The GriefWork Companion was developed to help adults who are grieving heal from their losses. The GriefWork Companion contains worksheets, quotations, educational and journaling pages. It is a user-friendly book and self-help resource. We live in a society where people are expected to get over their loss quickly and we understand this is not realistic. We know there are many ways that people grieve and we support each person’s right to grieve in an individual and unique fashion.

My First “Comfort Bike”

Just for Laffs: Built for Comfort, Not for Speed

I guess it’s a sure sign of getting older, but I just bought a “comfort bike.” It has a wide padded seat, handlebars that let me ride almost upright, and a chocolate dispenser on the handlebars. Okay, maybe not, but a girl can dream, can’t she? When I ride, with the wind blowing through my helmet, I feel as though I’m seven again, pedaling around the neighborhood on the old blue Huffy bike I got for my birthday and rode until my last day of college despite the Huckleberry Hound stickers I had pasted on the fenders when I was ten.

“I’ve had my share of “discomfort bikes.” I bought a ten-speed bike when I got my first job because it looked aerodynamic and fast. Until I got on, that is.”

I’ve had my share of “discomfort bikes.” I bought a ten-speed bike when I got my first job because it looked aerodynamic and fast. Until I got on, that is. The only way for that bike to maintain its sleek look was if I folded my body into an Origami shape and perched motionlessly atop the ½-wide seat (What is with those seats anyway?  Just what part of your body is supposed to stay aloft on them?). I ended up leaving the bike sitting the garage for several months, but it seemed sad. Like a mustang meant to run. To alleviate my guilt, I sold it to a guy who was also aerodynamic and fast—which he had proved on our first, and last, date.

Despite the fact that I never used more than three speeds on that ten-speed bike (primarily because shifting scared me) and the fact that I lived in one of the flattest places on earth at the time, my next purchase was an 18-speed mountain bike. Mountain bikes are built for rugged, adventurous people and I thought having the bike would force me to become one of those people. But just the opposite happened. After just two months with me, the bike became wimpy and agoraphobic. Every time I opened the garage to get my car out, it would flinch in the sunlight. Soon I was hanging wet laundry from its handlebars and it looked happier than I’d ever seen it. When I moved, I left that bike in the apartment – it seemed wrong to try to move it.

I was bike-free for a few years, but then one day I saw a guy riding a recumbent bike down the street. The bike had a back to it and you rode in the seated position. Not that I’m a total slob, but the idea of sitting down while getting my exercise did have some appeal. And the bike had small tires, so no one could expect me to ride up a mountain or down a steep trail (and having moved to where there are mountains and steep trails, I didn’t want to take any chances.)  But the best part about the bike was the guy riding it looked kind of geeky. Now there was a bicycle style that didn’t intimidate me.

“But when the kindergartners on their trikes whizzed by at my eye level, I knew my self esteem wasn’t up for this low-rider of a bike.”

I was happy riding that bike as long as no one else was out riding. You see, when your wheels are only 4” tall you have to pedal much, much faster to go the same speed as someone whose wheels are say, 16” tall. It wasn’t so bad when the aerodynamic racers passed me or even the muscular outdoorsmen on their mountain bikes. But when the kindergartners on their trikes whizzed by at my eye level, I knew my self esteem wasn’t up for this low-rider of a bike.

Which brings us to my new bike, for which I have high hopes. Primarily because it doesn’t have high hopes for me. There’s no pressure to be faster or more athletic than I truly am. And I don’t have to compete with five-year olds to see who can make it to the cul-de-sac fastest.  I can just sit there on my nice padded seat (the one that comes with the bike, not the one that comes with me) and pedal through the neighborhood looking relaxed and comfortable. My neighbors are jealous. I can see it in their eyes. They wish it was them with the red rubber horn and the pink and white streamers in the handlebars!

-By Leigh Anne Jasheway

Leigh Anne Jasheway telling jokes

Animal Assisted Therapy – How Animals Help Humans Heal

Animal Assisted Therapy Works!

My dog at work

Those of us who own pets know they make us happy. But a growing body of scientific research is showing that our pets can also make us healthy, or healthier. Animal assisted therapy is gaining more impetus every day.

That helps explain the increasing use of animals — dogs and cats mostly, but also birds, fish and even horses — in settings ranging from hospitals and nursing homes to schools, jails and mental institutions.

What, exactly, is animal therapy? According to the Mayo Clinic,  “Animal assisted therapy is a broad term that includes animal assisted therapy and other animal assisted activities.” Animal assisted therapy can significantly reduce pain, anxiety, depression and fatigue in people with a range of health problems:

  • Children having dental procedures
  • People receiving cancer treatment
  • People in long-term care facilities
  • People hospitalized with chronic heart failure
  • Veterans with post-traumatic stress disorder

And it’s not only the ill person who reaps the benefits. Family members and friends who sit in on animal visits say they feel better, too. Animals also can be taught to reinforce rehabilitative behaviors in patients, such as throwing a ball or walking. (From Mayo Clinic Consumer Health Retrieved 2-10-2016 from http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/consumer-health/in-depth/pet-therapy/art-20046342?pg=2.)

Take Viola, or Vi for short. The NPR website tells us her story  in an article entitled “Pet Therapy: How Animals And Humans Heal Each Other” by Julie Rovner: (Julie is now with Kaiser Health News.)

The retired guide dog is the resident canine at the Children’s Innhttp://www.aubreyhfine.com/faithful-companion/ on the campus of the National Institutes of Health in Bethesda, Md. Families stay there when their children are undergoing experimental therapies at NIH.

Vi, a chunky yellow Labrador retriever with a perpetually wagging tail, greets families as they come downstairs in the morning and as they return from treatment in the afternoon. She can even be “checked out” for a walk around the bucolic NIH grounds.

Thelma Balmaceda, age, 4, [loves to] pet Viola, the resident canine at the Children’s Inn on the campus of the National Institutes of Health in Bethesda, Md. Families stay at the inn when their children are undergoing experimental therapies at NIH.

“There really isn’t a day when she (Vi) doesn’t brighten the spirits of a kid at the Inn. And an adult. And a staff member,” says Meredith Daly, the inn’s spokeswoman.

But Vi may well be doing more than just bringing smiles to the faces of stressed-out parents and children. Dogs like Vi have helped launch an entirely new field of medical research over the past three decades.

Aubrey Fine, a clinical psychologist and professor at California State Polytechnic University says that use of animals in medicine dates back to Egyptian times where dogs and serpents were often symbols of powerful healers.  “One could even look at Florence Nightingale recognizing that animals provided a level of social support in the institutional care of the mentally ill,” says Fine, who has written several books on the human-animal bond, including his latest  “Our Faithful Companions: Exploring the Essence of Our Kinship with Animals.”

But it was only in the late 1970s at a conference in Dundee, Scotland researchers started to uncover the scientific underpinnings for that bond. In a study published in October of 1988 authors Vormbrock and Grossberg reported “Results revealed that (a) subjects’ BP levels were lowest during dog petting, higher while talking to the dog, and highest while talking to the experimenter and (b) subjects’ heart rates were lower while talking or touching the dog and higher while both touching and talking to the dog.”

Rebecca Johnson, a nurse who heads the Research Center for Human/Animal Interaction at the University of Missouri College of Veterinary Medicine, explains that interaction with animals can increase our level of oxytocin, the renowned “feel good” hormone.

“That is very beneficial for us,” Johnson said. “Oxytocin helps us feel happy and trusting. Oxytocin has some powerful effects for us in the body’s ability to be in a state of readiness to heal, and also to grow new cells, so it predisposes us to an environment in our own bodies where we can be healthier.”

But Johnson says it may also have longer-term human health benefits. “Oxytocin has some powerful effects for us in the body’s ability to be in a state of readiness to heal, and also to grow new cells, so it predisposes us to an environment in our own bodies where we can be healthier.” From an article by Laurel Johnson to downloaded on Feb. 9, 2016 from http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2015/07/29/pets-as-therapy/.

Johnson is now working on a new project with likely benefits for dogs and humans. Military veterans returning from Iraq and Afghanistan are providing shelter dogs with basic obedience training.

And while it’s still early in the research, she says, one thing is pretty clear: “Helping the animals is helping the veterans to readjust to being at home.”

Animals act as therapists themselves or facilitate therapy — even when they’re not dogs or cats. For example, psychologist Fine, who works with troubled children, uses dogs in his practice — and also a cockatoo and even a bearded dragon named Tweedle.

“One of the things that we have always know is that the animals help a clinician go under the radar of a child’s consciousness, because the child is much more at ease and seems to be much more willing to reveal,” he says.

Horses have also become popular therapists for people with disabilities. “The beauty of the horse is that it can be therapeutic in so many different ways,” says Breeanna Bornhorst, executive director of the Northern Virginia Therapeutic Riding Program in Clifton, Va. “Some of our riders might benefit from the connection and the relationship-building with the horse and with their environment. Other riders maybe will benefit physically, from the movements, and build that core strength, and body awareness and muscle memory.”

Mental Illness Stigma – A long-fought battle

Stigma of Mental Illness

Folks have been fighting the stigma of mental illness since before mental illness was a diagnosis. Recently, I found the following article describing the creation of the symbol for Mental Health of America of the Heartland. Incredible as it seems, as late as the 1950’s mental health patients were bound with iron restraints.

Story of the Bell

From http://mhah.org/who-we-are/story-of-the-bell/, downloaded January 28, 2016.

“Cast from shackles which bound them, this bell shall ring out hope for the mentally ill and victory over mental illness.” – Inscription on the Mental Health Bell

During World War II, future leaders of the National Mental Health Association worked in state mental hospitals. There, they witnessed the deplorable and inhumane treatment of patients with mental illnesses who were chained by their wrists and ankles to the hospital walls. This experience inspired the men to devote their time to improving the lives of all those who suffer from mental illnesses, and changing the way America thinks about persons with mental illnesses. They believed with better understanding and treatments, the cruel practice of using shackles and chains to restrain people with mental illness would eventually stop.

In 1950, the National Mental Health Association chose a bell as their symbol. Two years later, Mental Health America issued a call to asylums across the country for their discarded chains and shackles. Volunteers at the Mental Health Association’s National Headquarters in New York collected the metal restraints from hundreds of mental hospitals across the country and piled them in the building’s lobby. These restraints were then shipped to the McShane Bell Foundry in Baltimore, Maryland, where on April 13, 1956 they were dropped into a crucible and cast into a 300-pound bell. Nothing could proclaim hope for those who have mental illness more dramatically than a bell cast from the actual chains and shackles used as restraints for persons with mental illnesses.

To many, a bell symbolizes freedom and liberty for the 40 million Americans affected by mental illnesses. The bell serves as a powerful reminder that the invisible chains of misunderstanding and discrimination continue to bind people with mental illnesses.

Over the years, national mental health leaders and other prominent individuals have rung the Bell to mark the continued progress in the fight for victory over mental illnesses.

Today the Mental Health Bell stands as a national symbol for the mental health movement.

Bring Change 2 Mind is a great place to learn about stigma.

Sacramento, CA sponsors another good site.

Psychology Today also addresses the stigma of mental health.

Tell us what are your favorite sites to fight the stigma of mental illness.

Family Breakup and Survival

Family Breakup and Survival

This article is taken from Family Breakup and Survival Workbook by
Ester Leutenberg and John Liptak, EdD.

In this article, the title care-giver and adults will be used for family members or paid helpers who give direct CARE and are responsible in any way for one or more children and/or teens.

Through out the article, the term breakup will be used to include any breakup, separation, annulment, and/or divorce. 

What is a Care-Giver Breakup?

A care-giver breakup is one of the most stressful events that a family could encounter. Separation, and ultimately a breakup, can be very difficult on care-givers, children, and other caring family members.

It is important to distinguish among the various types of circumstances that are included as breakups in this discussion. Here are a few:

• A couple dating who choose to stop seeing each other.
• A legal separation, which often comes before a divorce.
• Annulment, when a marriage is declared null and void.
• Divorce, the dissolution of marriage and the changing of legal responsibilities.
• Separation in which a couple stops cohabitating.

Breaking up can mean many different things to different people. For the purposes of this discussion, we are using the term breakup to include people living in the above situations. Breakups are extremely complicated processes that usually involve phases of a breakup between the two people and their families, and then possible various stages of a grieving process, for all concerned.

Although some breakups end with reconciliation, the stages of grief, the trauma, the issues of child-care, the communications, the visitations, the relationships, the feelings, and the changes still disrupt the family unit in a heart-breaking way. Things that are said, family members remember. Children suffer. How they react depends on their age, personality and the circumstances of the separation process. Families change. The contents of this discussion will help, whether there is reconciliation or not.

The next two sections will provide information related to these two important aspects of any breakup.

The Phases of a Breakup

It is never easy to break up with someone, but the breakup of a relationship can thrust your world into chaos and trigger all types of painful and negative feelings. The process of a relationship breakup follows some fairly distinct and predictable phases.

This model is not meant to be a definitive way that people in a relationship progress toward a breakup. All breakups will be unique and specific to the people involved. Therefore, the model that follows is designed to provide you with a sense of the behaviors, thoughts, and feelings that accompany each of the phases of a breakup.

Phase 1
In this phase, the idea of a breakup often surfaces. The relationship experiences stress and it feels like it is in trouble by the initiator, or by both people. The notion of a breakup is often not directly verbalized, but may be verbalized also.

Phase 2
In this phase, ideas about a breakup are often verbalized. Typically, there is an initiator and a non-initiator. The initiator often has gone through a gamut of feelings and is now focusing on the cognitive aspects of telling the partner. The non-initiator usually feels rejected, anger, confusion, self-doubt and depression.

Phase 3
In this phase, the couple involved in the breakup usually begin to shut down and distance themselves physically from each other. They may stop talking to each other and doing things for each other. The couple involved at this point often look at what happened and who is at fault.

Phase 4
In this phase, the legal process often begins. This tends to be a more cognitive stage than the previous one, and most difficult when children are involved. The couple in the relationship feel the reality that is setting in and they begin to explore how their roles, and their families’ lives will be different.

The phases of a breakup can be devastating to everyone involved in the relationship. It is important to remember how stressful each of these phases are for both the initiator and the non-initiator as they consider how it affects themselves, each other, children, and other family members.

Stages in Grieving a Breakup

Regardless of their makeup and family dynamics, all members of a family proceed through specific stages in the process of grieving a breakup.

Although the descriptors for these stages may differ from what others use, they are simply a guide for better understanding the general issues that family members may experience while going through a breakup. They are not absolute or chronological.

Stage 1 (denial)
In this stage, family members pretend that the breakup is not a big deal and that they can easily move on with their lives. They often talk about their situation and their emotions until the initial shock wears off. Most people in this stage may feel numb about the situation and try to move past it quickly.

Stage 2 (anger)
In this stage, after the initial pain begins to wear off, family members begin to become angry about their situation or others involved in the breakup. They get angry and see themselves as victims of an injustice. In this stage, the anger can range from mild feelings of aggravation to feelings of rage. In this stage family members may often search for ways to vent their anger.

Stage 3 (Bargaining)
In this stage, family members try different tactics to get back what they had. They begin to believe that reconciliation, no matter how bad the situation was, is better than living the way they did in the past, or living the way they are currently. They often seek a “quick fix” for the situation so that they can get back to the way life was before, even if it was not ideal. In this stage, many members of the family may feel guilty about what happened.

Stage 4 (Sadness)
In this stage, family members begin to experience signs of sadness, possibly leading to depression. They may have difficulty sleeping, lose interest in eating, feel exhausted, and are often irritated. In this stage, family members feel pensive and wish the relationship had turned out differently.

Stage 5 (Moving On)
In this stage, family members begin to accept the fact that a breakup might be the best for all people in the relationship, and they are ready to move on. They are interested in releasing the past, living in the moment, and making strides toward a fulfilling future. They realize that it is time to move on and focus on the positivity in their lives.

Stage 6 (release & establishment)
In this stage, family members are ready to release any bitterness and even accept the reality of the situation. They are ready to begin establishing new relationships that will be part of a positive future.

Look for the next blog for the next this series: Stress & Fear Related to a Breakup.

Read more about Family Breakup and Survival Workbook.
Family Breakup and Survival cover

Active Listening

Are you an active listener?

Taken from The Communication Skills Workbook by
Ester Leutenberg and John Liptak, EdD

“Do you hear what I hear?” These words from a Christmas carol reminded me of the need to practice active listening. Especially when we are stressed or overtired we find ourselves in conversations and realize that we have not really heard what is being said. Either we are thinking about what we want to say next or we are somewhere else in our mind. Some folks even agree to participating in an activity that they never would have considered had they really been actively listening. (That’s when I learned to be an active listener.)

Active listening is a critical component of any conversation with another person. How hard can it be? After all, we’ve had plenty of practice listening…from the time we are born until we close our eyes for the last time, someone is talking at us. And “talking at us” rather than conversing with us is the case far too often.

What are the barriers to active listening?

  • Daydreaming – allowing your attention to wander to other events or people. It is when you stop listening and drift away into your own fantasies.
  • Rehearsing – when you are busy thinking about what you are going to say next, so that you never completely hear what the other person is telling you.
  • Filtering – when you listen to certain parts of the conversation, but not to all of it.
  • Judging – when you have stopped listening to the other person because you have already judged, placed labels, made assumptions about, or stereotyped the other person.
  • Distractions – when your attention is divided by something internal to you (headaches, worry, hunger) or external to you (traffic, whispering, others talking).

What can be done to master active listening?

  • Paraphrasing – you restate, in your own words, what you think the other person just said. You can use such phrases as “in other words…” or “What I am hearing you say is…”
  • Reflection of feelings – you restate what the person has said to you much as you did in paraphrasing. However, you restate what you think the speaker is feeling.
  • Clarification – you tell the other person what you thought you heard, learn whether you were right or wrong, and then ask questions to clarify.
  • Body Language – you show through your body language that the message you are hearing is one of interest and that you are paying attention to the speaker. You encourage the speaker to tell you more.

Okay then, all of us should easily become active listeners, right? Unfortunately it isn’t that easy to change the habits of a lifetime. Many of us bought into the idea that if you were consistent you could form a new habit in 22 days. That has been proven to be a myth. It actually takes at least 66 days to acquire a new habit. Read this article by James Clear of the Huffington Post to get the details. Choose the barrier to active listening you feel plagues you the most and spend the next two months being consciously aware of your mind slipping away from the conversation to something else. Look the person in the eye so they know you are truly there.

You will find at the end of a couple of months of paying close attention to what is being said active listening will become habit and your conversations both at home and work will be more effective and on point.

This material is adapted from The Communication Skills Workbook by LeutenbergCommunication Skills Workbook and Liptak. 

Click here for the lyrics to “Do You Hear What I Hear”.

Holiday Journaling

Journaling About Your Holidays

Who has time, one might remark, to journal during the mad rush of Holiday week? Who has energy left after Hanukkah preparations to sit down and write anything at all, let alone something meaningful. The entire family just left following Kwanzaa celebrations and you are exhausted. And now you are supposed to write about it? Get real people.

John Liptak, EdD, and Ester Leutenberg have written extensively about the benefits of journaling in many of their mental health resources. In the Communications Skills Workbook they say: Communication Skills Workbook

Journaling is an extremely powerful tool for enhancing self-discovery, learning, transcending traditional problems, breaking ineffective life and career habits, and helping to heal from psychological traumas of the past. From a physical point of view, writing reduces stress and lowers muscle tension, blood pressure and heart rate levels. Psychologically, writing reduces sadness, depression and general anxiety, and leads to a greater level of life satisfaction and optimism. Behaviorally, writing leads to enhanced social skills, emotional intelligence and creativity.

No where in the quote above does it suggest that we must write perfectly…express ourselves just right. Sometimes the problem with writing in our journal isn’t so much the actual writing once we settle down with pen and paper, it is the idea that we have to be a cross between Shakespeare, Emerson, and Dickens.

What we feel like is Pooh, that bear of very little brain, said, “For I am a bear of very little brain, and long words bother me.”  (Thank you A.A. Milne.) No one cares if your longest word is five letters! Perhaps we feel, as Pooh did that, “When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.” We are embarrassed to write our thoughts, feeling that they will express our shallowness or silliness or weakness or whatever. What we forget is that our journal is for one person only…the writer. In fact, I have a note pinned to mine that asks my survivors to burn my journal without reading it. I have made my kids swear that they will do so. I don’t want to censor what I write. If I am unhappy with one of my children I want to be able to write it without fear of hurting their feelings later.

So write, fellow bloggers, write without fear. Write to clear your mind, to see your position about something more clearly, to unburden yourself, to express your love, to create a plan, to simply enjoy the flow of words from your pen (or fingers if you journal on your computer.) You never know when something of great depth or value will pour forth.

I have a friend who teaches high school history to home schooled kids. Their assignment was to write a journal entry which, contrary to our personal journaling, would be reviewed by their instructor. This student chose to write a psalm. I think you’ll enjoy it, courtesy of Brianna Ankrum and reproduced here with her permission.

Psalm of Praise

Even when I wander, looking for love somewhere else, leaving you to sit all alone on a street corner with nothing but the light post to keep You company, you still love me. Even when I mock you, saying mean things behind your back, false things that I know aren’t true, but I lie just to look good, you still love me. Even when I mess up, failing and failing and never succeeding you reach out your hand to come and save me from my self. Even when life gets hard and all I want is to lie my head down and drown in the waters that life drags me towards, You set up anchor and gently steady my boat. Even when I feel so unworthy of your love and the joy it brings me, You still deliver and every time. You never seem to fail me.

Oh why do I do these things when I know you’ll never leave? When I know your love is never failing? When I know that I can’t live on my own and I need You to be truly free? That you’ll come to me in a storm and protect me from all the hurts and damages from life? Is it because I realize how powerful you are and it scares me?

All these questions that fly through my mind, making me go dizzy over how amazing you are. It scares me, but yet calms me. How can a God so big and huge love little old me? That’s something that I know only you can answer. I know you created me for a purpose and when I fail you’ll always be there to catch me and hold me with arms open so wide. I stand in awe and amazement of You.

Not all of us are eloquent when we write. It doesn’t matter. Write for yourself, for the release journaling can give, for the perspective it can bring.

May your holidays be filled with Joy and Love.

A Yoga Poem

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas A Cool Yoga Poem

DECEMBER 9, 2015 BY JULIE LUSK and December 15, 2015 by PEG JOHNSON

Adapted by Julie Lusk in 2013 from ‘Twas the Night before Christmas by Clement Clarke Moore (1779-1863) and from Alex Newport-Berra’s rendition titled Bikram’s Torture Chamber in 2009.

‘Twas the time before Christmas, and in yogi’s place,
Not a muscle was moving, ‘twas all filled with grace.
The mats were lined up on the floor straight, with care
In hopes sweet relaxation would quickly be there.

The students relaxed, all snug on their mats,
While life sped by outside, like some silly cats.
Bodies were moving, they’re this way and that.
Finding just the right pose, not too curvy nor flat.

“Now Tadasana! Now, Chandrasana! Virabhdrasana! and Bridge!
On, Cobra! On, Bow! On Locust and Fish!
To the top of your head! And the bot’m of your heart!
Now breathe away! Breathe away! And please, please don’t fart!”

When up in my brain there arose such a clatter,
I fell out of posture, to worsen the matter.
When what to my wandering mind should appear,
But a big plate of chocolate and a six-pack of cheer!

With a mental mirage so clever and quick,
I knew in a moment, ‘twas a monkey mind trick!
More calmly and deeper my breathing I made,
To ensure that distractions so quickly would fade.

Breathing mindfully now, making ocean sound noise,
I found balance and focus to bring my life poise.
As I turnéd my head, I lost sight of myself.
Caught a brief glimpse behind me, of Santa’s small elves!

She was dressed in an outfit, all green and all red,
A tall pointy cap to cover her head.
Her back-bending looked strained, ‘twas most likely due,
To her crafting and building, ’till her knuckles were blue.

At last they were all stretched out and about,
Their stout little bodies about to break out,
From the crown of her head to her cute little feet,
Her positions were perfect, oh my, she was neat.

Their energy cleared, their circulation was merry,
Their cheeks were like roses, her nose like a cherry.
During downward dog pose, blood rushed to my head,
My brain filled with oxygen, turning me red.

It was then that I realized, that much like the elf,
I created a gift, yes of peace, for my Self.
Yoga postures and breathing, no cell left untouched,
Now the body at peace, and the mind just as much.

Each posture creating a wonderful feeling.
T’was real, yes, I knew that I couldn’t be dreaming.
Each part of my body I learned now to treasure,
A true gift of  love, and far beyond measure.

In final shavasana I heard not a word.
I felt I was soaring, on golden winged bird.
My body at peace, and so too, my mind,
Releasing my Self from the stressors that bind.

Never too poor, and never too sick,
Never too healthy, or fat, like St. Nick.
All life is yoga, it’s certainly true,
Health and vitality is right here for you.

And when as you leave, flown to a great height,
Here’s one phrase I hope that you get just right.
It expresses the feelings of yoga’s great light:
“Peace and Joy to you all and to all a Good Night!”

Adapted by Julie Lusk from Twas the Night before Christmas by Clement Clarke Moore (1779-1863) and from Alex Newport-Berra’s rendition titled Bikram’s Torture Chamber in 2009.

Can You Play?

Play – Just for Kids?
By Leigh Anne Jasheway
From Are You Playing with Me?

What three little words have the power to make you smile and fill you with the hope that maybe today won’t be so bad after all? Words you probably said and heard hundreds of times when you were a child but somehow forgot as you got all grown-up and professional? Words that almost always brought a smile to your face then and could do the same thing today if you let them.

Ready? Those three little words are: “Can you play?”

Remember when you were young and a kid would show up at your door and ask “Can you play?” It was exciting and fun. It meant you had a friend, and you could finally get out of the house, away from the stuffy grown-ups! If you’ve forgotten just how magical those three words can be, stand outside an elementary school during recess and listen to the giggles, the songs, and the shouts of glee coming from the playground. When was the last time you felt the urge to make joyful noises so loud they could be heard down the block? And as a presenter or trainer, when was the last time you were able to help any group of people feel that way? A few weeks ago? A year? Never?

Play isn’t kids’ stuff. It’s a vital way of bonding with other people, of communicating messages that get remembered, and of leaving a good lasting impression. Unfortunately, in our rush to grow up and get serious, we forget how a playful attitude can make almost anything easier. People who speak and teach for a living forget this lesson too. That’s why so many of them stand behind a podium and lecture with PowerPoint – or as I call it “I’m not interesting, look at this slide!” But unless the point of your lecture is to bore your audience to tears or drive them to spend their time secretly text messaging the office on their Blackberries or cell phones, there are better ways to get a message across.

Maybe I’m biased. The first time I gave a “speech” was in tenth grade Speech Class at Abilene High School. Rather than stand at the lectern the teacher had set up, I hopped on the table and sat in the lotus position. (This was back in the days when I could actually still get out of the lotus position without having to call the paramedics to use the Jaws of Life to pry my legs loose.) The rest of the class learned more about my topic and probably remembered it longer than had I just read some statistics off note cards like everyone else did that day. And there may still be people talking about my audacity lo these many years later.

During the past fifteen years of my life as a speaker, trainer, and humorist, I’ve had the chance to develop a deep sense of appreciation for the power of fun and play among audiences of all sizes, shapes,and levels of seriousness. I’ve played with doctors, nurses, teachers, bus drivers, librarians, engineers, forest managers, loggers, bankers, scientists (yes, even rocket scientists!), cat rescuers, dentists, nursing home residents, interior decorators, insurance agents, dance moms, newspaper reporters, screenwriters, pastors, HR directors, medical assistants, and postal workers (none of whom went postal on me). I’ve played with people who warned me in advance that they weren’t very playful. People who thought they were too stressed out to relax. Even people who were very, very afraid of letting their inner child out for fear the inner adult would run away and join the circus. A playful approach has always worked. Sometimes it works better than other times, but it always works better than just talking to them ad nauseum until their ears bleed.

Now you may be thinking, “That fine if you’re talking about something that’s fun, but I’ve got to teach my audience about global warming/organizational restructuring in the credit union industry/programmable customization models for the disgruntled end users who insist on speaking English. I can’t make that fun, can I?”

The quick answer is yes. When I first started using games and play to help educate and enlighten, I was teaching stress management, nutrition, fitness, smoking cessation, and AIDS prevention. I’d been teaching these subjects and having experts come in to to speak about them for years before I decided I needed to lighten up the messages. I mean, how many times can you hear “Exercise three times a week for thirty minutes” before you want to throw barbells at someone (if you’re strong enough to, that is)?

Believe me, the people who were still smoking after years and years of being lectured to, really didn’t want to even be in the same room with me. I remember that right after deciding to integrate humor into my health education approach – creating game shows, using the old Saturday Night Live “Whiners” sketches, using improv games, etc. – I took my show on the road to – a prison! I know, I get all the good gigs.

My job was to teach a group of prisoners why and how to stop smoking. It was a small room and I was the only woman in it. If not for a playful attitude and fun approach to the topic, both of which distracted the guys from their nicotine fits, I’d probably still be there or at least have a nice prison tattoo.

My experience has shown me that even serious topics can use a little fun around the edges – to break the tension, to help the audience feel more comfortable asking questions, even to help you get out alive. Even if you don’t think the topic lends itself to being playful, you can wedge the important, serious stuff in the middle of more light-hearted games. Think of it as the Oreo™ cookie approach to presentations. No matter what topic I’m presenting, I always adhere to Bob Basso’s philosophy that “If it’s not fun, you’re not doing it right.” I think audiences know that intuitively, even if they can’t put it into words. No matter what you have to say, if the people listening have fun, enjoy each other and you, and are in a playful spirit while there, your message will be better received. Not to mention that if your audience doesn’t fall into a coma, they will learn more and remember more of what you had to say.

Leigh Anne Jasheway
Leigh Anne Jasheway – Click photo to learn more.
Are you Playing With MeDon't get mad get funny
Leigh Anne Jasheway
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