Tag Archives: stress

Relaxation: Stop the Stresses!

There are a few more simple ways to reduce stress physically. Gentleness and relaxation skills help you unwind by being kind to yourself. There are many ways you can relax, but if you’re not sure, try a tension test: from head to toe, tense all the muscles you can one by one. Do some feel tighter than others? Try breathing exercises as you do this. When you tighten a muscle, take deep breaths in, and as you release it, exhale. Give yourself time to relax every day. Take 20 minutes a day and spend it any way you want – a long bath, a long walk, it doesn’t matter. Taking some time to unwind is especially helpful before sleeping. Instead of running yourself all day and crashing at the end, put yourself to bed. Developing a sleep pattern for your body will help reduce tension.

Being gentle with yourself is part of relaxing. Listen to what your body is telling you. It will let you know how you’re treating it. You may already know some of the ways it tries to tell you to slow down; a headache, a stiff neck, a sour stomach, or backaches are all signs. If you’re looking for new ways to relax, try finding a hobby that lets you relax gently rather than intensively. Painting or yoga are examples.

What are some ways you’re too hard on yourself?
Where do you carry your stress? Can you trace the tension back to its cause?

Coping with Anxiety – Featured Product

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Coping with Anxiety

By Dr. John J. Liptak and Ester A. Leutenberg

Facilitator Reproducible Guided Self-Exploration Activities

Anxiety is becoming increasingly prevalent in our modern society. Research indicates that the number of people suffering from anxiety disorders continues to increase. Many trends and forces are at work to contribute to feelings of fear and anxiety in people. Fear and anxiety are experiences that are familiar to us all, but for many people anxiety becomes a serious problem.

The Coping with Anxiety Workbook contains assessments and guided self-exploration activities that can be used with a variety of populations to help participants cope more effectively with various forms of anxiety. Each chapter of this workbook begins with an annotated Table of Contents with notes and examples for the facilitator. Each chapter contains two primary elements:

1. A set of assessments to help participants gather information about themselves in a focused situation, and
2. A set of guided self-exploration activities to help participants process information and learn more effective ways of behaving to cope with anxiety in their lives.
The activities are divided into four chapters to help you identify and select assessments easily and quickly:

Chapter 1: Anxiety Triggers helps participants identify and learn to recognize their anxiety triggers.
Chapter 2: Fear Factor helps participants identify and explore the intensity of their fears.
Chapter 3: Anxiety Symptoms helps participants identify and explore how they experience symptoms of anxiety.
Chapter 4: Coping with Anxiety helps participants understand how effectively they are preventing and coping with anxiety in life.

All of the guided activates are fully reproducible for use with your clients/participants.

You are what you eat

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As important as good exercise skills are good nutrition skills, those straightforward things we all know we should do, but don’t always get around to doing. Eating right means giving your body high-quality fuel for the tasks you ask it to perform daily. It doesn’t have to be complicated; it’s just common sense and the discipline to follow up on what you already know.

Try designing an eating plan for life, rather than following fad diets. If you want to lose weight, the healthiest way is also the old fashioned way—eat healthy portions and exercise. Many of us try to cut calories by skipping breakfast, but try not to! Breakfast gives you energy and helps you through the day. For an easy and healthy cut in calorie intake, try just drinking water instead of all the other beverages you drink in a day. Eat your vegetables raw if you can; it helps prevent vitamin loss during cooking. Another easy method is to check the ingredients list on processed foods. What’s the first ingredient listed? If its sugar, you can probably do without it. The easiest way to stop eating junk food is to avoid having it around. A little treat now and again won’t break you, as long as you remember that moderation is key.

How can you alter your eating habits to be healthier?
What kinds of small steps can you make to help make it easier to eat well?

Physical Stress Reduction

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Stress skills are as varied as your stressors, but so far we’ve only talked about mental ways to combat stress. What about physical symptoms of stress? Shouldn’t they have physical stress skills to go with them? Yes! One of the key aspects of physical stress skills is exercise.

Exercise skills are an important part of taking care of yourself. They increase your strength, stamina, and energy. Your body works best when it is used regularly, just like a car. If it sits too long, it begins to rust. However, be sure you’re willing to exercise consistently or you can do more harm than good. It’s easy to get over-zealous and hurt yourself. Instead of starting off by running five miles, start with one and work your way up. If you feel exhausted an hour after exercising rather than energized, you’re going too hard. Spend at least five to ten minutes warming up before you start and an equal amount cooling down afterwards. If you don’t think regular exercise is something that you can schedule in, then at least try to stretch your muscles every day. If you need motivation, try exercising with a friend or two. If you use exercise as a de-stressor, you may get more out of it if you do it alone to burn off some steam. If you’re using it as an energizer, then spending time with friends will help.

What kinds of exercise for you want to do?
What kinds would be healthiest for you?

Laughter: The Best Stress Buster

Our minds have an amazing gift; imagination and the ability to laugh are perhaps the greatest talents we have. Laughter relieves tension and gives you a new perspective. It allows you to see yourself as separate from your stress. I’m not suggesting you drop your life’s work and try life as a stand-up comic, but try laughing at the quirks in life rather than letting them stress you. You don’t have to try to be funny, just enjoy life’s inconsistencies. If you think about the details of your life, you’ll notice things about it are pretty funny. Example: cleaning my kitchen results in the dishwasher in pieces in the living room. Was it frustrating at first? Yes. Is it funny in retrospect? Yes. Tell others about them and they’re sure to get a kick out of it. You can change complaints into jokes – something everyone will enjoy more. Or, use your imagination; paint silly pictures in your mind when you need to snap out of a bad mood. Picture a man walking down the street. He’s wearing an expensive three-piece suit, marching with dignity through a rainstorm. Over his head, he holds an umbrella, except it’s missing the cover; there’s no cloth or plastic, just bare metal spokes. He’s wearing a blue tie that’s bleeding dye all over his white shirt. Now change his suit pants for shorts, tall white socks and cowboy boots. He meets someone on the street. What does the other person look like? What happens next?

Looking on the Bright Side: Outlook Skills

Life is bound to be stressful, but there are things you can do to reduce the amount of stress you juggle on a daily basis. You can decrease the amount of stress you have by viewing events in a different light. The ways you cope by adjusting your viewpoint are called Outlook skills. These are particularly helpful when you:

feel depressed,
tend to be cynical,
experience grief, and/or
limit yourself.

You may already be familiar with relabeling — rather than assume the worst, allow yourself to look at it another way. Rather than get cranky your dentist is running late and you’re stuck in the waiting room, think of it as extra free time and let yourself relax.

Another way to change your outlook is called whispering. Let’s face it, we all talk to ourselves. We don’t always do it aloud, but we are the film critics to the movies of our lives. Maybe you spill something. Do you usually think something such as “oh good job!” sarcastically? Or do you clean it up and go on your way? Try whispering good things to yourself instead. You can combat that little nagging voice. Try making an index card with a list of positive messages. If you start to get down on yourself, just look at that card. Add to it when you want, and carry it with you.

Do you let your inner voice bog you down?
Do you relabel, or do you sweat the small stuff?

Relationship Skills

Just as laughter is a part of relationships, so are tears. We are reluctant to talk about fighting as a relationship tool, but a clean, fair fight can help. Avoiding fights isn’t a good solution. People who bottle it up are just as stressed as those who constantly bicker. Don’t fight over everything; compromise and pick your battles and words carefully. Be sure you know exactly why you want to fight. It’s easy to get caught up and not understand what’s wrong.

Don’t pick a fight at a time or place that gives you the upper hand. Pick a time when you can both sit down and talk logically, and wait until you’re both calm. Don’t be petty and take a cheap shot to get the last word. If the fight has lost steam, let it go. Don’t hit below the belt, but also, don’t wear your belt around your neck. Being too sensitive will close off things you may need to fight about. You know where the line is; there’s no need to be disrespectful and hurt someone for the sake of gaining ground in an argument. Don’t drive the other person into a corner either. Cornered people panic and don’t fight fair, and this just ends up hurting you both. Avoid always or never (you never listen, you always make me feel like this). Fighting isn’t something that we want to do, but clearing the air is better for everyone involved.

Honesty and time to think can help alleviate a lot of the stress that causes unnecessary fights. Assertive, Flight, and Nest-Building skills help prevent fights that you don’t really need.

Assertive skills maintain honesty. Respect yourself and your partner. Don’t be afraid to say no if you mean it. Practice saying it in a mirror if you have to — it becomes natural with time. Saying no doesn’t have to be permanent. It’s ok to say “I can’t now, but in the future if I can”. However, don’t use this as a cop out, and only say this if you mean it! Making excuses opens a door for a fight later on.

Flight skills help you put some distance between you and your stress long enough to calm down. It can be as simple as taking a nap, or letting your mind relax. Give yourself a few moments to decide how you really feel about something. If you need more time, sleep on it – give yourself 24 hours before acting on any major decisions you make.

Nest-building skills supply you with a place to retreat to when you need to get away. It gives you security and comfort. Is there a place in your home where you can really relax? Try rearranging your home so things that help you relax are all in one spot. For a quick and easy fix, repaint a room a color you enjoy. It gives you a space your own to go to.

Mother-Daughter Book Signing

Book Signing:

Talk Story Bookstore
3785 Hanapepe Road
Hanapepe Kaua’i
September 9 – 6-9 p.m.

Mother-Daughter Authors and Entrepreneurs

Kathy Khalsa tells us how they began their business, Wellness Reproductions and Publishing. “It all started when I had a need for reproducible activity handouts created for mental health facilitators – but actually, our real-life story has the actual beginning. Ester will tell you more . . .”

“I co-owned a typesetting business with my husband, Jay. My son, Mitchell, had a serious mental illness. He attempted suicide three times in eight years and unfortunately died by suicide on November 22nd, 1986. Before he passed away, I was his confidante … and in trying to support him, I read everything I could, to try to help him . . . and myself.

At this time, my eldest daughter, Kathy, was an occupational therapist in a skilled nursing facility. When Mitch died, she became a psychiatric occupational therapist as well as president of Wellness Reproductions and Publishing, Inc., and needed a user-friendly, reproducible activity handout workbook that was not available (Kathy was never one to adhere to the philosophy that even though something hadn’t been done before, she couldn’t do it) so, she decided to write it! Knowing of my extensive research, studying and interest, (and wisely aware that this was an excellent time for a meaningful project for me), she asked me to be a co-author! With my husband Jay’s printing knowledge, encouragement and support, we decided to self-publish. In June of ’89 we gave birth to Life Management Skills I, Reproducible Activity Handouts Created for Facilitators.

Amy, my youngest daughter who was an art education student at a University, illustrated the book, combining her artistic skills with her understanding of people’s turmoil. After teaching art for a few years, she decided to go to graduate school. As a social worker, she now assists at risk children and families. We thought we’d sell some books to occupational therapists, but to our surprise and delight (by word of mouth and newly learned marketing) educators, recreation therapists, social workers, psychologists, EAPs, nurses, counselors, school counselors, program directors, etc., began purchasing the book as well. Soon our customers were asking about ‘other products’ . . . and so our company really began. We found our niche, a way to support mental health clinicians as well as people with mental illness.”

In 2001 Kathy and Ester sold Wellness Reproductions to The Guidance Group and worked for them for 5 years. Since then. Kathy went onto becoming a rehab occupational therapist. Ester continues with her passion by helping mental health facilitators help their clients with her work at Whole Person Associates. Her daughter Amy Brodsky continues to illustrate her books.

Kathy and Ester will have several of their books for sale on Friday evening, September 9^th at The Talk Story Bookstore from 6:00 to 9:00 p.m.

Listening as a Relational Skill

Even the extroverted will have trouble with relationships if listening is an issue. Listening skills go hand-in-hand with contact. No one wants to talk or listen all the time; understanding one skill is equally as important as the other. Being a good listener is more than just hearing. It means being aware and accepting of the other person’s emotions. However, there is a line between being sympathetic and too empathetic. Empathy isn’t a bad thing, but it’s important to separate out your feelings. It’s easy to take on the emotions of others you care about in stressful situations, but this is not helpful to anyone. While supporting a friend through a divorce is healthy, if you take on your friend’s emotions, both of you are drained and stressed, which doesn’t help anyone.

Sometimes it’s difficult to understand why a person feels a particular way. The key is to just accept their feelings. Don’t judge them or compare their reaction to how you think you would feel. Sometimes if you are confused about a friend’s reactions, try paraphrasing what they said back. This will help both of you understand what was said and if that’s what was meant. Another way to improve your listening skills is to keep an eye on body language. Watch how people interact with each other. Most people have clear signals for how they’re feeling.

Do you think you are a good listener? Why or why not?
Are there ways you can improve your listening skills?

One more reason to avoid being a couch potato

Do you sit about as much as you sleep most days? An Institute for Medicine and Public Health poll of almost 6,300 people found you probably spend about 56 hours a week commuting, at your computer, or watching TV. And many women are more sedentary than men since they hold less active jobs and play fewer sports.
Whether or not you think you’re sedentary, you probably spend much time at work sitting. And, excessive sitting is killing us through obesity, heart disease, and diabetes.

It’s even spawning a new medical study: inactive physiology, which explores our tech-driven lives and its resulting lethal new epidemic, “sitting disease.”

American Cancer Society epidemiologist Alpa V. Patel, PhD and colleagues found through research after adjusting for smoking, height/weight, and other factors, sitting six or more hours daily – versus less than three hours – increased the death rate by about:
· 40% in women;
· 20% in men;
· 94% in the least active women;
· 48% in the least active men;

The health problem wasn’t due to insufficient exercise; it was the sitting itself. As one person wrote, “It’s the modern-day desk sentence.”

Mayo Clinic’s James Levine, M.D., Ph.D., author of “Move a Little, Lose a Lot,” says, “Our bodies have evolved over millions of years to … move. For thousands of generations, our environment demanded nearly constant physical activity.”

Contrast that with modern life: increasingly longer work weeks, electronic living that extinguishes what little activity we might otherwise choose by allowing us to:
· Interact with friends through social networking without taking a step;
· Shop and pay bills by lifting only a finger;
· Entertain ourselves through on-line distractions;

Levine says, “The consequences of all that easy living are profound.”

Marc Hamilton, Ph.D., associate professor of biomedical sciences at the University of Missouri warns when you sit too much, your body shuts down at the metabolic level. When your large muscles, meant for movement, are immobile, your circulation slows so burns fewer calories. Fat-burning enzymes responsible for breaking down triglycerides start to switch off. Sitting for a full day decreases those enzymes by 50%, according to Levine.
Additionally, the less you move the less blood sugar you use increasing your chance of contracting diabetes. Depression is also more likely due to less blood flow circulating fewer feel-good hormones to your brain.

Exercise doesn’t even give you a pass. (Now the researchers have my attention.) We’ve become so sedentary that 30 minutes daily at the gym may not be enough to counteract the detrimental effects of eight – ten hours of sitting, according to Genevieve Healy, Ph.D of the Cancer Prevention Research Centre of the University of Queensland, Australia, explaining why many women struggle with weight despite regularly working out.
Healy discovered regardless of how much exercise participants got, those who took more breaks from sitting had slimmer waists, lower BMIs, and healthier blood fat and blood sugar levels than those who sat the most. Next week I’ll present tips to counteract sitting disease.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., is an international speaker and a Stress and Wellness Coach. Order her book, Let Your Body Wi n: Stress Management Plain & Simple.

Reach goals and make decisions using “if … then” technique

When considering options, do you suffer from analysis paralysis? Or, do you impulsively react? To counter both of these approaches use the “if … then technique:”
· If I do ____ then ____ will happen.

For example, you have two job offers and must decide which to accept. One seems more interesting but pays significantly less; the other pays more but requires working more hours:

If I take the job that seems more interesting but pays less, then:
• I could only pay small amounts off my debt monthly.
• I’d enjoy my work more and be less stressed.
• Commuting would be less expensive and time-consuming since the job is closer to home.
• I’d spend more time with my family because I’d work fewer hours.

If I take the higher paying job, then:
• More commute time and over-time would keep me away from home more.
• With less time at home doing household chores and spending time with the family would become more challenging.
• My family might step up and help with chores. Maybe they’d even appreciate what I do around the house more.
• I could hire a housekeeper.

At first glance this technique seems like just the pros and cons of your choices. It’s different, however, in that it encourages you to think in terms of the consequences of your options. It helps you think before you act.
· If you rescue your child from her irresponsible behavior again then you’ll teach her you’ll rescue her and she won’t have to responsibility for herself.
· If you buy that expensive outfit then you’ll have less money and you’ll look great for the party. This forces you to choose what you value more: looking great or saving money.

To avoid the ready-aim-aim-aim-and-never-fire or the ready-fire-aim approaches, use if … then and join the ready-aim-fire group.

A second and different use of “if … then” is in planning and helping you accomplish goals.

For instance, for a weight loss goal, use if … then:
1. If ____ happens, then I’ll do ____.
o E.g., If dessert is offered I’ll decline and request water.
2. Then, add your specific goal: I’ll walk 30 minutes weekdays at 6:30 a.m.

NYU psychologist, Peter Gollwitzer reviewed 94 studies that researched people who used this 2-step planning technique and found significantly higher success rates for just about any goal. He explains it works because it speaks the language of your brain: the language of contingencies.

Deciding exactly how you’ll react to circumstances regarding your goal creates a link in your brain between the situation or cue (if) and the behavior that should follow (then.)
• When dessert is offered (cue) it links to your desired behavior – turn it down and request water.
Gollwitzer says this link keeps you from having to consciously monitor your goal. Your plans get carried out without apparent effort.

I’ve used this approach recently and have been very successful in achieving my stated goal. I encourage you to try it, too.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., is an international speaker and a Stress and Wellness Coach. Order her book, Let Your Body Win: Stress Management Plain & Simple, at https://wholeperson.com/x-selfhelp/selfhelp.html#Anchor-Let-11481.

Relationship Stress

Relationships can be the best and worst things that happen to people. They produce a lot of joy but also a lot of stress. Your relationship to your own environment can also cause stress. There are ways you can help lessen this unavoidable tension. These skills come in handy if you

aren’t getting enough support from the people around you,
are confused and need someone to listen and care for you,
find yourself saying ‘yes’ too many times when you want to say ‘no’, and
your environment makes you uncomfortable.

Relationship skills can make a huge difference in your overall health. Think about all the stress caused by relationships and your environment. How often do your relationships with other people create stress for you? Maybe you have particular relationships that seem to involve more stress than others, or one that you constantly feel as though you have to tread lightly upon. Have you avoided a part of your home because you don’t want to deal with a mess? Have you become stressed from environments you can’t control, like traffic jams or hospitals? Using relationship skills to help cope with this stress will make things a lot easier on you and the other people in your life, and if you have a physical surround that soothes you rather than tenses you, you’ll be even more balanced.

Getting Organized & Getting it Done

Getting Organized

The first part of Valuing Skills is understanding what you value. To do this, you’ll need to do one thing first; relax for a bit! Sit down for five minutes at the office, find a quiet place in your home, or even lock yourself in the bathroom for a minute. Just take deep breaths and let go of some tension. Let your mind stop spinning for a bit so you can think clearly. Once you’ve done this, organize your thoughts. Lists are helpful; you can try making a list of all the things in your life right now that you enjoy. Family? Job? Book club? Pet? What are some things in your life you could do without? Mowing the lawn? Feeling panicked? Not spending enough time with someone special? Think about a typical week. How much time do you spend working or traveling? Sleeping? Playing? Relaxing? What kind of things do you do most? Does it match with your values? If not, that probably causes you stress.

Next, pick a value to set attainable goals around. Where do you want to be in a year? One month? How are you going to make this happen? Use some planning skills strategies; try to make a specific goal for this week, and connect it with others that work towards your long-term goal. Then get started! Break down big tasks into smaller ones, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Do you usually meet your goals? Why or why not?

Getting it Done

Now that you’ve calmed down and thought about what you want, it’s time to make a plan. If you don’t commit to taking your plans into action, you’ll find yourself stressing again soon. It’s tempting to try to keep all your options open, but juggling multiple tasks results in dropping all of them. Pick one! Commit to making a good change.

Next, think about Time-Use Skills. What sort of things do you do that waste time? We all have tasks we can streamline. One common time-wasting habit is jumping from task to task without finishing them first. It’s more efficient to finish one then move to another. A second time waster is accepting nothing but perfection. This isn’t to say you should accept bad work, but recognize good work when you see it. Nothing is ever perfect. Another common time waster is putting off starting because you don’t know where to begin. Easy solution for that; start with the biggest and work your way down.

Last, don’t forget Pacing! Here’s an analogy: you’re on a timed run. You have 30 minutes to run as far as you can. If you sprint at the start, you will be exhausted in 5 minutes and trudge the next 25. You won’t get very far. If you go at a good pace, you will save yourself a lot of pain, and get much farther. You can tell when a pace is right for you; you feel challenged, not overwhelmed.

Personal Management: Stress Less!

Everyone has moments where we feel as though life is throwing too much at us. We can’t control what happens to you, but we can control how we each respond to it. By understanding how to spend your time and energy, you can help yourself when you feel overloaded. Understanding how to prioritize yourself is a great stress-reducing tool. These are called Personal Management Skills. They are useful when you:

feel as though you spend too much time on things that aren’t important,
feel out-of-step with yourself,
feel you have too much to do and no time to get it done, and
you don‘t really understand what you want from the future.

There are five facets to Personal Management Skills. The first are Valuing Skills, which help determine what’s important. Second are Planning Skills, which turns your values into a road map. Commitment Skills help put those plans into actions. Fourth are Time-Use Skills, which help you trim out your time wasters, and last are Pacing Skills, which help you to keep on course and not fizzle out halfway through.

Do you feel as though you need management skills, or do you feel like you’re already organized?
Does it seem as though you need help on one facet in particular?

Eat healthy, stay active and stop making excuses

Feeling refreshed after a wonderful two-week Colorado vacation with friends and family it’s time to get my body’s insides feeling as energized as my mind and spirit.

Here’s why my body needs help.

We spent a week with close family – three couples and four kids – in Durango, CO. Wonderful cooks in each family showcased their skills creating mouthwatering breakfasts, lunches and dinners. This continued with our Boulder friends, too. I ate heartily at every single meal (boof!) and consumed generous amounts of alcohol over evening card games, laughter sessions and football games.

Now that we’ve returned, we’ll do our annual post-holiday, two-day cleansing apple diet to rid ourselves of our excesses.

I have two additional healthy intentions:
· To switch to one or two meals weekly of beans and legumes, with little or no meat: since my husband is the cook, I must convince him this is a good idea. So, while in Boulder I purchased a bean cookbook. To make this happen I may have to cook these meals – I haven’t cooked for over 27 years.
· To return to my exercise regimen: weekly bicycling, kayaking and Nordic Track plus yoga multiple times a week. I slacked off last quarter due to a variety of reasons, one of which was the cold weather.

If I fail to accomplish these goals, I’ll stay attuned to my reasons – aka excuses, like it’s too cold to kayak today.

Best-selling author Bob Greene, Oprah’s former personal trainer said, “I’ve heard every excuse on the planet – except a good one. Having an excuse is an obstacle that you choose to place in front of yourself. … in general, we do it to justify not changing. When you are out of excuses is when you are ready to change.”

Which excuses justify you not changing? Do your knees hurt? Maybe your job exhausts you so much that you can do nothing when you get home but veg out. Whatever your excuses, bring them to your conscious mind and admit that you just don’t want to do whatever it is you’re considering. Keeping excuses conscious versus automatic (unconscious) gives you more power to change someday.

Also, strengthen your motivation for healthy change by using intrinsic reasons that benefit you rather than someone else. The day of each week I target for my Nordic Track session isn’t a day I say, “Yippee! I get to do the Nordic Track today.” I just do it because I’m committed to strength, energy, health, flexibility, etc., all intrinsic reasons to work out.

Greene encourages you to look for some form of activity that fits you. Distract yourself while doing it if that would help, like watch TV as you march in place. Make a t-shirt for yourself with “No excuses” printed on it. Eat modestly and healthfully five days a week leaving two days to eat whatever you like. Do whatever works for you.

As one reformed couch potato said, “There is no excuse good enough for poor health.”

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., is an international speaker and a Stress and Wellness Coach. Check out her book, Let Your Body Win: Stress Management Plain & Simple.

Coping 101

Coping skills for distress are different for all of us. They seem to come naturally, but at one point and time, each coping skill was new and different. You found it effective, so you kept doing it until it became second nature to you. Stress reducers are healthy, but some of our coping skills come at a price that makes them unhealthy. The economics of coping are simple. Some skills work, but come at a price, such as drinking. It may help you forget your troubles, but can cost headaches, embarrassment, loss of productivity, irritation, or even organ damage. Screaming, taking a bath, or yelling are also solutions people use, but these are instant-gratification fixes; they work fast but don’t last long. Low-cost, high-yielding coping skills are things such as talking with a friend or exercising.

You may find not all coping skills work for you, or that they don’t work after time. If you’re reading this, sucking your thumb won’t make you feel better anymore. Also, not all coping habits are helpful in all situations. If you cope by sleeping, then it won’t help when you shut down in the middle of a crisis. It’s hard to let go of old, comforting skills; but you can change them if you want to. First, decide to do it! Then take it one step at a time and make your new skills as natural as cuddling a blankie was when you were a child.

What kind of skills would you like to try?
Do you have unhealthy coping skills?
What skills would you like to phase out?

Children can overcome abuse, deal with trauma

Victims of sexual assault struggle

In recent articles (http://stressforsuccess.blogspot.com) I’ve covered how vulnerable children are lured into sex-trafficking due to their desperation. S/he’s:
· Likely running away from an abusive home, therefore homeless;
· Alone and frightened;
· Just a kid.
A seemingly protective man, and sometimes a woman, offers to protect them. What would you do?

Beyond predatory traffickers/pimps who are preying on vulnerable kids, there’s a sad reality that makes them more vulnerable to this nightmare: early and repetitive childhood sexual trauma.

Sexual abuse harms victims’ mental, emotional, spiritual and physical development. The following description is adapted from “Childhood and Adult Sexual Victimization” by Parson, Brett and Brett.

A victim of repetitive childhood sexual abuse undergoes damage to her still-developing personality. The abuse shatters her very spirit, which is much more difficult to heal than mental and physical damage.

“Mind, body, and spirit” implies that spirit is part of the total self. Rather, spirit permeates all. It represents her essence. It holds the fabric of the self together. Spirit:
· Provides her with a healthy self-centeredness: a sense of her unique self;
· Is the natural belief that her self is her priceless, personal possession, worthy of protection and respect;

Sexual assaults devastate his spirit and self-respect. His natural social tendencies are haunted by constant vulnerability, resulting in blameless availability for adult abuse. The child goes from being spirit-filled and alive to essence-defused and empty. The degraded self may be drained of most traces of feeling human.

Contributing immeasurably to the child’s helplessness is the blaming the child for the incest while the adult denies responsibility. The abuse is committed on someone who is least able to protect himself from immoral adult power.

After repetitive abuse the child’s changed view of self is the essence of his stress. He’s robbed of his free will, spontaneity, and autonomy. His patterns of perceiving, trusting, and acting are drastically altered based on many secrets too terrible to face. He’s forced into secrecy with threats of exposure, abandonment, fear of repeated sexual injuries, and further humiliation. He’s constantly wary around adults.

He’s forced to grow up fast, learning how to survive. To survive he navigates his dangerous terrain through hyper-vigilance to adult mood and behavioral cues of impending abuse. He maneuvers around them. He de-activates the mines before they explode through good behavior and an appeasing manner to avert adult depravity. Running away becomes a viable option.

His spirit dims; her laughter is extinguished. Their environment is a place where no joy, hope, and love are allowed to flourish. There’s only emotional and spiritual darkness, helplessness, and buried rage to be resurrected at a later time, and unleashed suddenly on unsuspecting targets, including the self.

They live in a persistent state of stress-induced burnout due to near-constant paranoid expectations of attacks. Being chronically revved-up is akin to living in an internal police state.

What’s profoundly remarkable is that these children find a way to survive. Their strength and ingenuity are integral parts of trauma therapy, which can help. To find trauma therapists in our area go to http://www.mhaswfl.org/.

Stress and Rhythm

We all have rhythms in our lives; yearly, monthly, weekly, daily, even hourly patterns we all experience on a regular basis. Have you noticed you wake up around the same time even when you don’t have to? This is your body’s natural rhythm at work. Things such as scheduled lunch breaks, alarm clocks, and weekly planners hamper your body’s natural rhythm, but we need these things in our society. Even so, you can stay in tune with your body’s rhythm. Some of us feel as though we’re lagging behind our lives and others feel as though they’re getting ahead of themselves. Think of a frantic CEO, who needs to be in ten places at once, or the procrastinating student who can’t seem to catch up before the exam. There are also instances where due to other circumstances, your rhythm is thrown completely away, like the new parents who suddenly find themselves low on sleep. Speeding up, slowing down or tossing out our natural rhythms can cause tension, so we sometimes need to slow ourselves down, or kick it up a bit to match where our bodies want to be. In a situation like the new parents, we just have to learn to live with a strange rhythm for awhile.

Kairos is a Greek word that means “the right moment” – that special time when you are in harmony with your natural rhythm, in tune with the universe. Listen when your body is telling you now is kairos. It’s up to you to decide what for.

Is it time to slow down? Speed up?
Do you keep in step with your body?

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Coping with Anxiety

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Mother-Daughter Authors and Entrepreneurs

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