Category Archives: Book Excerpts

Falling Down

Aging Beyond Belief, Tip 58

Stability, Agility, and Balance: Falling down is not good for you, so take steps to prevent it

Donald Ardell

Donald Ardell

Falls are usually no big deal during the early and even middle years of life. Some are, of course, but most of us, especially guys, grow up playing sports where falling is part of the game, as is the process of actually inducing falls among each other (like when playing football). But, falling down for senior adults, particularly those with limited mobility to begin with, is a serious matter. Doing so may lead to broken bones, which will interfere with your active wellness lifestyle and put a crimp in your social life. Consider these precautions:

  • Create a safe home environment that reduces the risks of falls.
  • Install devices that make life easier, if and when needed, such as grab bars and railings in strategic locations.
  • Make sure your home and work environments are well lighted.
  • Have your vision and hearing checked regularly.
  • Keep plenty of Viagra or other safe, performance enhancing aids on hand, just in case. (No, this tip has nothing to do with preventing falls.)

Aging Beyond BeliefIn the first sentence of this tip, above, I used the phrase “senior adult.” What, exactly, is a senior adult? When does the word “senior” officially attach to the word “adult” in references to you? There is no official word on this or consensus, but here are indicators of when you have gone over to “the other side,” so to speak.

  • When you wife says, “Let’s go upstairs and make love, you reply: Honey, I can’t do both!”
  • When your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes— and you’re barefoot.
  • When the porn you bring home is called “Debby Does Dialysis.”
  • When your doctor doesn’t give you x-rays anymore, but just holds you up to the light.
  • When a babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker sets off the garage door.
  • When you remember the time the Dead Sea was only sick.

(These lines have been attributed to varied comedians, largely because they stole them from each other.)

Naturally, falling down is no laughing matter; serious efforts should be made to prevent such disasters. Outside areas can be designed to be safer, as well, though this requires public action beyond the initiative of individual seniors. Examples of safe designs are smooth and attractive walking paths that separate cyclists, skaters and rollerbladers. Of course, some senior adults ARE bikers, skaters, and rollerbladers, but such senior adults are vigorous and less needful of protection.

The number one safeguard against falls is to create, sustain, and continuously fine-tune a healthy lifestyle. This will enable you to enter senior adulthood in top form and to extend the period of quality life to the greatest extent possible.

However, even if you are the wellest person on earth or a serious candidate for such an award, if ever one should be created, the fact is you are still going to grow old, eventually—assuming you don’t get hit by a bus or carry genes programmed to do you in before you reach a state of semi-frailty, senility, or worse. And no matter how much you exercise to build bone and cardiovascular strength, remain flexible, work out vigorously on a daily basis to insure muscular support for bones, and otherwise do all that self-management skill building and behavior invites, at some point these suggestions will prove beneficial.

-from Aging Beyond Belief, by Don Ardell

Stress Relief for Kids

Stress Relief for Kids

Two activities to help with Stress Relief for Kids.

The following activities are designed to be read aloud very slowly and clearly. Use a calm, quiet voice and pause a few seconds at the end of each sentence. Your listeners will need plenty of time to enjoy every step of the experience without feeling hurried.

Be sure to end each activity with some gentle suggestions such as, “Begin to stretch like a cat; open your eyes very slowly; come back to a sitting position when you feel ready.” For the guided imagery activities I recommend a warm, carpeted area and low lights.

I suggest doing all these activities yourself before trying them with others.

These directions serve only as a guide for the reader. You may want to change the wording or the length of the activity. Use your creativity to expand these images as
you wish.

You may want to tape record the directions and/or play quiet music in the background.

Many of these activities can lead very naturally into creative writing and art experiences. Encourage group discussions and sharing of feelings afterwards.

Help children learn to direct themselves and each other in these activities.

I sincerely hope that you will enjoy participating in these creative relaxation experiences.

Down the Stairs

Belly Balloon

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Complete Yogic Breath: Dirgha Breathing

Julie Lusk

Julie Lusk

Complete Yogic Breath: Dirgha Breathing

Dirgha is pronounced DEAR-gah

Summary: This breathing technique is done with long, slow, deep breaths while focusing on the lower, mid, and upper portions of your chest. This allows for the fullest breathing possible and will improve respiration, circulation, and even digestion. The complete breath will soothe your frazzled nerves, clear your mind, and will replenish your life force.

Controlling the volume, duration and frequency of the inhalation, the exhalation, and the pauses between each breath enhances prana, the energy that supports and sustains the life force. Breathing becomes slow and refined.
~~Yoga Sutra 2.50

How to practice the complete yogic breath / dirgha breathing

Either come into a comfortable seated position with your spine erect or lie on your back. It is easier to learn this while lying on your back.

Breathing through your nose is optimal because it prepares the air for the lungs by filtering, warming and moistening it. However if your nose is blocked, breathe through your mouth to the degree that it is necessary.

Begin with a full exhalation to expel stale air and carbon dioxide and make room for a full, deep inhalation. A slow and complete exhalation also activates the relaxation response. When exhaling, allow the breath to flow out of the lungs in the most relaxed and natural way. Just before the end of the exhalation, contract the abdominal muscles slightly to squeeze more residual air out of the lungs and to empty them more completely.
Take time to fill your torso completely while inhaling. To do so, first relax and release the abdomen. Feel the muscles in the abdominal region expand as the air comes in. Continue inhaling, while expanding the lower chest and ribs and then the upper chest until the collarbones rise slightly. Feel each section expanding naturally in a wave-like motion from the bottom to the top. If it is hard for you to feel this, watch it happen.

Continue breathing deeply while keeping the rest of your body relaxed. Let your breathing be smooth, even, and uninterrupted. After you are accustomed to breathing fully and completely, practice regulating your breath so your inhalation and your exhalation are equal in duration. In other words, breathe in to the count of four and breathe out to the count of four (om one, om two, etc.). This is called a 1:1 ratio. When this is easy and natural for you, start lengthening the exhalation to activate the relaxation response. This is done by breathing in to the count of four and breathing out to the count of eight. This is called a 1:2 ratio. Remember not to strain or struggle.

Practice the complete breath frequently throughout the day. Doing so will improve your lung
capacity and will reward you with the gifts of mindfulness.

If you notice feeling lightheaded or dizzy, lessen your effort until these sensations pass, then try again. Your system is probably not used to this new ratio of oxygen to carbon dioxide yet. If you feel the need to gasp for air while breathing, you are trying too hard. Let the air stream flow easily and fully.

Please note that it is important that your abdominal muscles expand and inflate while inhaling. This is due to the action of the respiratory diaphragm as it raises and lowers during breathing; therefore, there is no need to purposefully or mechanically use your abdominal muscles to inhale. Just watch a baby breathe and you will see this happen. This is the correct way to breathe and it will optimize all the benefits of respiration.

You are a reverse breather if you feel your belly pull in while inhaling and you are urged to make every effort to correct this faulty breathing pattern. Allowing the belly to expand rather than pull in when inhaling can change this pattern. Reverse breathers are prone to chronic tension in the upper body, especially around the jaw, neck, upper back and shoulders. It can contribute to mental confusion, heartburn, indigestion, bloating, and gas.

Chest breathing, also called paradoxical breathing, occurs when you primarily breathe with your upper chest restricting the movement of the breath in the abdomen. This is a very inefficient way of breathing because it does not allow for full oxygenation. Chest breathing triggers the flight or fight response and this results in feeling on edge or anxious most of the time. Chest breathers are more prone to hypertension and heart disease. It also restricts the movement and circulation in your vital organs in the lower body and leads to chronic tension in the back, shoulders and neck.

The solution for reverse and chest breathing is to practice breathing deeply and fully while consciously allowing the belly to move out on the inhalation and in on your exhalation. It will help if you lie on your back, place your hands on your belly, and practice natural abdominal breathing as described above.

Adapted from Yoga Meditations book & CD set by Julie Lusk.

Message in a Bottle – Dealing with Divorce

An activity for children dealing with parental separation or divorce.

Have the children write a letter to their parents, addressing their thoughts on the divorce or separation. Encourage them to write whatever emotions they are feeling, questions they would like answered, etc. After the letter is complete, the children can place their letters in a plastic bottle which will then be sealed. They may either recycle the bottled letter or take it home with them to reflect upon or share with their parents if they choose to do so.

The exercise below is taken from the book, Children and Stress.

Message in a Bottle Exercise

Life and Death in a Small Town

Brian Luke SeawardHow do you explain death to a little child?

Using words, which parents think their children will understand, they often describe death as a journey or trip where a person just doesn’t come back. The death of a house pet often provides teachable moments for children as they try to process the difference between life and death, animate and inanimate, and the here and hereafter. The meaning of death through old age or an accident is already somewhat difficult to explain; death from murder or suicide pushes the limits of grace in a teachable moment. Of all the events played out on the human stage, the death of someone close to you is cited to be the most stressful episode anyone can experience.

In the fourth grade, I had a good friend name Brendan Silly. Brendan was a shy, quiet kid. He never spoke out in class. He never did much to bring attention to himself. He did confide in me that he hated his last name. That was attention enough. He was teased unmercifully. Still water runs deep. What Brendan may have lacked in extrovert qualities, he made up for with intelligence. He was the kind of kid who always knew the right answers. During recess, we would hang out and talk, kick a soccer ball, or just walk around the schoolyard property. Looking back it seemed to me that Brendan was a troubled soul. Decades have passed and I am often reminded that you can see someone every day, at work, at school, and never really know what goes on in their life. Such was the case with Brendan.

One day I came to school and noticed that Brendan wasn’t sitting at his desk. He didn’t come the next day either. On the third day, the teacher made an announcement. She said that Brendan wouldn’t be in class anymore. She never mentioned his name again. I was a little confused, but thought perhaps he had moved away. It would be like Brendan not to say much about this. Getting him to talk about much of anything was like pulling teeth.

I remember shuffling home that day, sad that I had lost a friend. I walked into the house to overhear my mother on the phone. Her voice conveyed a sense of shock. I heard her mention Brendan’s last name and the words murder and suicide. At that point she saw me enter the kitchen, said she had to go, and hung up the phone. I stood there with a blank look on my face.

That afternoon I received my first lesson about death. I don’t remember the exact words my mother used, but as delicately as she could, she explained to me that Brendan’s father had taken his life, but not before killing his wife and two children. I would never see or hear
from Brendan again, she said.

I have thought of Brendan many times over the years, particularly when similar events make the headlines. The act of violence makes as little sense to me now as it did years ago. Not long ago, in preparing a presentation on the healing power of humor, I learned this: the word silly comes from the Latin word ‘selig.’ It means blessed or holy. I took a moment to reflect back on my friendship with Brendan. I wish I could have told him then what I learned about being silly. I think he would have liked its meaning. From this experience I have also
learned much about tolerance, for one never truly knows another person’s experiences, which can greatly affect mood and personality.

Perhaps the greatest lesson is that there are many circumstances and catastrophes, which make absolutely no sense. Try as we might, we can find little or no meaning. Some may say “it is God’s will,” but this leaves us with little consolation. There is still a void where there was once life, pain where there was joy. Devastation such as plane crashes and earthquakes or even that of a murdered child deepens the sense of loss. In time, the wounds will heal, but they lend very little to our understanding of “why.” It is fair to say that we will never have the answers to all of life’s questions, such as these. Yet the void is never filled by staying still. We must move on.

-from Stressed is Desserts Spelled Backward, by Brian Luke Seward.

Cleaning to the Beat

An activity using music as a motivator for children to do chores

“Cleaning to the Beat” is an activity from the book, Children and Stress, by Marti Loy.

The activities found in Children and Stress use a format that includes a title, purpose Children & Stress Coverstatement, objectives, timeline, activity description, step-by-step instructions, and discussion questions. The activities help children learn:

• What stress is and how to gain a sense of control over it.
• What coping strategies work now and in the future in managing stress. • How to change perspectives, regroup, and regain control during periods of stress.
• How to engage in relaxation activities that regain focus, calm emotions, and manage anxieties.
• How children, parents, and all family members can work together to create a calm and healthy home environment. Cleaning-to-the-Beat-Activity Cleaning to the Beat Activity

Kicking Your Holiday Stress Habits

Kicking Your Holiday Stress HabitsKicking Your Holiday Stress Habits, taken from the book of the same name by Donald A. Tubesing and Nancy Loving Tubesing.

Holidays offer opportunities for personal reflection, participating in tradition, gathering with family, connecting with friends, gift-giving, spiritual renewal—all potential sources of joy and satisfaction. However, whether you’re celebrating Thanksgiving, St. Nicholas Eve, Kwanza, Winter Solstice, Navidades, Hanukkah, Christmas, St. Lucia Day, Boxing Day, or New Year’s Eve, holidays are intrinsically stressful.

  • Is your holiday season filled with “shoulds” that don’t bring the fulfillment you yearn for?
  • Do you feel guilty when it seems that others are enjoying the holidays more than you?
  • Do you find yourself over-indulging, over-scheduling, over-spending, and still not feeling satisfied?
  • Do you end the holidays feeling more empty than you did at the beginning?

If you said yes to any of the above questions you’re probably trapped in some negative holiday stress habits.

Family tensions, overcrowded social schedules, painful memories of lost loved ones, an endless list of tasks to accomplish, and unfulfilled expectations can rudely intrude on the mind and heart—leaving us feeling overwhelmed and depressed.  How can we avoid these holiday stress traps?

Santa Claus Trap: the child in each of us is fascinated with the giving/receiving aspect of the holidays. We are greedy. We are afraid we won’t get what we want. We want everything and can’t set priorities. We give away what we wish to receive. We try to please others with our gifts. We confuse the gift or the cost of the gift or the number of gifts with the love and concern we really wish to give or receive.

  • What giving/receiving habits could get you into trouble this holiday season?

Santa Claus Treasure: everyone loves gifts—both giving them and receiving them. Holidays offer the opportunity to cultivate the attitude of gratitude and to indulge our most altruistic urges. Gift-giving is a marvelous outlet for our creative urges—from the planning, to the shopping and making, to the wrapping and tagging. Delightful!

  • In what ways does gift-giving and receiving energize your holiday season?

Activity Trap:  one of the dangers of the holiday season is losing control of the activity calendar. Some of us never say no and crowd our days and nights with parties, plays, and other social “obligations” as well as the holiday preparations. Overwhelming!  Others sit at home waiting for the phone to ring with an invitation. Underwhelming! How much we must do during the holidays—shopping, cookies, cards, decorations, gifts, entertaining, travel, music. How much must we, really?

  • Where is your schedule overwhelming? Where is it underwhelming?

Activity Treasure: there’s something intrinsically satisfying about a busy schedule, especially at holiday time. The hustle and bustle fills us with a sense of purpose and worth. The intense holiday pace also helps us appreciate, by contrast, the moments of solitude and silence. Social gatherings reconnect us with our support network.

  • How does the hustle and bustle of the holiday season intensify your pleasure?

Tradition Trap: we cling tenaciously to the rituals and traditions of the past. What happens when partners’ backgrounds or preferences differ? Usually folks take on at least some of the new without relinquishing any of the old. What a burden! Sometimes we perpetuate a tradition that has lost its meaning or its appropriateness. What happens when death or distance or changing life circumstances disrupt our celebration patterns?

  • What rituals/traditions do you need to change? To invent? To surrender? To resurrect?

Tradition Treasure: holidays are a time for getting in touch with the sources of meaning in our lives. The rituals and traditions that characterize our celebrations can stimulate spiritual reflection and centering as well as a sense of playfulness, excitement, or wonder. Traditions often help us get through the difficult times when our feelings don’t quite match with the occasion.

  • What holiday traditions are most meaningful for you?

Life Script Trap: Holidays draw us inevitably back into old feelings and roles remembered from childhood or from the years of child-rearing. We try to recreate the “magic.” We try to avoid the remembered pain. As we gather together with our families we find ourselves slipping unconsciously into our relationship habits, thrust back into needs and expectations of earlier years that may no longer be appropriate.

  • What events particularly trigger your regression?

Life Script Treasure: no matter what our age, the holidays give us permission to be childlike, imbuing the festivities with magic and meaning. We can bring the past into the present; luxuriate in the comfort of familiar sights and sounds and activities. As the family gathers together we can celebrate our heritage and affirm the love that connects the generations, no matter how much we grow and change.

  • As you celebrate your heritage during the holidays, what memories activities, and relationships do you particularly cherish?

Magic Trap: the myth of the “perfect holidays” permeates our preparations. We feel let down when reality doesn’t match our Madison Avenue expectations. Not only do we look for magic in our activities, we even expect ourselves to feel a certain way during the holidays (Peaceful? Loving? Joyous?) and are disconcerted when we feel lonely, sad, angry, or discouraged instead of “happy”.

  • In what ways are you likely to fall into the Magic Trap?

Magic Treasure: Anticipation. Excitement. High hopes. Holidays are full of magic. The child within us cherishes the promise implicit in hanging decorations, the smell of special food, the full mailbox, the visit to cousins, the possibility that wishes may come true. Holidays offer an opportunity to feel deeply—to experience pain, elation, love, disappointment, loneliness, impatience, joy, anxiety, peace—to be touched to our core.

  • How do your feelings and expectations enrich the holidays for you?

New Leaf Trap: too often we turn New Year’s Day into a day of personal reckoning, “shoulding” ourselves with all the large and small ways we don’t measure up to some internal or external yardstick. Wallowing in remorse, guilt, and self-recrimination, we resolve to clean up our act—to quit smoking, to lose weight, to balance the checkbook, to be more patient with our kids or parents, to write more letters, to exercise regularly, to watch less TV, to curtail our spending habits. Unfortunately, we usually set a totally unrealistic agenda for self-improvement that is doomed for failure.

  • What unrealistic resolutions do you make nearly every new year?

New Leaf Treasure: turning the calendar to a new year does offer a natural opportunity to reflect on the year past and plan for the year to come! Remembering the highlights and the low points of the year brings new perspective. Celebrating projects accomplished, progress toward goals, life storms weathered, and opportunities seized gives us courage to step into the new year with confidence. Savoring connections with family and friends allows us to know that we are loved and accepted. Every new page on the calendar reminds us that we can begin again, making whatever small changes will enrich our lives and the lives of those around us.

  • What experiences are particularly memorable? How have you been strengthened and supported? What one or two changes would you like to make during the year ahead?

You could take this opportunity to relinquish your stranglehold on the holidays, inviting others to share in the burden (and benefit) of getting ready.  You could assemble the clan for some values clarification, polling family members about what they really treasure about the holidays, and then making a plan that includes everyone.  You could decide that this is the year for some kind of alternative celebration.

Here are some other suggestions:

  • Think about what contacts will be fulfilling for you. Your needs are constantly changing. Look at your traditions, and choose the ones that work. Let the others go.
  • Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want. If you’re lonely, ask someone to share their holiday with you. If you need time alone, let those around you know that.
  • Embrace your feelings. Pay attention to your inner messages. If you feel down, acknowledge it. It will pass. When you’re excited, enjoy it.
  • Bring your past traditions to the present. Create new traditions for your family.
  • Set priorities. Do the things you enjoy, even if they aren’t essential or could be done by others.
  • Update your holiday tasks so they continue to provide new energy.
  • Make positive contact with others. If your family list is disturbingly short, look around for others in the same boat.
  • Give not only presents, but your presence – your time and attention. Reach beyond your family to those in need. Look beyond the “Red Kettle” for experiences where you can share yourself.
  • Take care of yourself. Try not to overindulge. Celebrate without abusing your body. Allow space for rejuvenation. Get lots of sleep and exercise.
  • Take time to laugh. It reduces tension and provides perspective.
  • Pay attention to your spirit. In the midst of the hustle and bustle listen to your core. Take time to let your soul catch up with you.

Now, make a plan by answering these three questions:

  • What’s of major importance to me?
  • How do I hope to accomplish it?
  • If that doesn’t work, how else could I meet the need—or what would be a satisfactory substitute?

For example, having a big Holiday Open House might not be the best way to touch base with old friends. If sharing and caring is of prime importance to you, a quiet evening in front of the fire might be your first choice. Hand-crafted gifts are not the only way to demonstrate your uniqueness. If your time and energy are at low ebb, you could devise clever name tags, instead.

List what holiday stress habits you want to “kick” this year, and what you’d like to keep to make your holidays full of joy and meaning. Remember, breaking old habits isn’t easy. Change is usually uncomfortable as well as stimulating. Take the risk! Experiment. Tamper with tradition. Try something new. Treat yourself to a more meaning-full and satisfying holiday. Enjoy!

Silver Linings and Lemonade

It has been said that the subtle difference between an optimist and a pessimist is just three letters. In truth, the difference is perception. Driving down the street one day, I saw a bumper sticker that read: One’s attitude is the real disability. It turned out that the driver was physically impaired; Multiple Sclerosis (but not disabled)! At the grocery store, she parked her car and limped, ever so gracefully, toward the entrance.

When I first ran the Boston Marathon in 1978 on a cold wet day, like so many others around me, I began to moan at the anticipation of Heartbreak Hill, a seven-mile incline toward the end of the race. Just as I was about to turn to my college roommate and complain about a cramp in my left leg, I was passed by an athlete in a wheelchair who had no legs. Four more wheelchair athletes followed him in pursuit. At the same moment, the sun broke through the clouds. The symbology was powerful. Attitude is everything”! It turns lemons into lemonade, and at the end of any race, this is truly the thirst quencher.

-By Brian Luke Seaward, PhD, from Stressed is Desserts Spelled Backward

Two Monks and A Woman

There is an expression, which says, “where there is ego, there is stress.” That’s why sages throughout the ages have offered the same advice to deal with ego-produced stress: to detach, release, and surrender the ego. Most of us, however, hang on, and cling to stress-producing thoughts, which, in fact, no longer serve our purpose. Prejudice, guilt,
grief and doubt, to name a few, have a heavy gravitational pull on the human soul. Hanging on to old thoughts, attitudes, perceptions, and beliefs stunt our mental, emotional, and spiritual growth. While at first they may be useful to get through a given situation, old perceptions gather weight as we attempt to move forward with our lives. Some perceptions act like roadblocks, disrupting the journey altogether. To break the cycle, we must constantly remind ourselves to let go of the perception, and hence let go of the stress.

To remind myself, I always like to keep this story in mind. Two monks were walking from one town to the next on a humid summer day. In silence, they walked for miles under the hot sun along a graveled path. Late in the afternoon, they sat down on the grass and listened to the sounds of water cascading over stones in a shallow riverbed. If the monks kept their pace, they would reach their destination before sunset. After a short while they got up and resumed their trek. Soon they came upon the remains of a washed-out bridge. Built several years previously, it had been destroyed in the spring floods. Without thought, the first monk stepped into the water and proceeded to make his way across the river, careful of his footing; the second monk followed ever so cautiously.

Upon reaching the far bank, the first monk looked up to see a woman approach him. “The bridge is washed out and I cannot make it across and I must get to my village before dark. What am I to do?” she cried.

The first monk offered to carry her back across the shallow moving water. Picking her up, he carefully secured his step with each foot until he placed her down safely on dry land. Then he turned around and forded the stream once more to join his fellow traveler.

The two again walked for miles in silence until the first monk paused for a moment and then sat down. The second monk joined him by his side and began to talk.

“Brother, we have taken vows of chastity. How could you pick up that woman and carry her as you did? You have forsaken your vows,” he admonished.

The first monk answered, “Remember, we have also taken vows of service.” Then he paused for a moment and then said, “Brother, I placed that woman on the banks of the river several miles ago. It is you who still carries her.”

Carrying around useless stress is a heavy burden to both body and soul. Remember to travel light on your journey of life.

-From Stressed is Desserts Spelled Backward, by Brian Luke Seward.

A Discovery Process: Pace yourself in learning about wellness

Aging Beyond BeliefDon Ardell’s tips for aging well are from his book Aging Beyond Belief, 69 tips for REAL Wellness. REAL wellness stands for Reason, Exuberance And Liberty. Don says you can’t buy pills or treatments for REAL wellness−it’s a mindset and lifestyle you control. It’s never to early to let Reason, Exuberance and Liberty be your guide…these tips are for folks of any age. Enjoy.

TIP3
A Discovery Process

Pace yourself in learning about wellness


Pace yourself in learning about wellness. Create a more supportive network to live this way. Create a wellness support network, over time. Don’t rush it. Pace yourself. Consider attending a workshop in your area, or a seminar or lecture dealing with aspects of better living that you find appealing. Check out the program first, since the word “wellness” is often misapplied. Sometimes, it’s used as a marketing gimmick with little understanding of the unique qualities of the concept. You would not want to inadvertently attend a program billed as a wellness event, only to be pitched to invest in a multi-level sales organization for vitamin-fortified seaweed, or something equally bizarre having no remote connection with a wellness lifestyle.

Here’s a specific suggestion: Check out the National Wellness Conference. It is a festival by and for wellness seekers and promoters held annually in Stevens Point, Wisconsin. It’s not entirely focused on aging, but everything about the wellness concept can be readily applied to AUI. I’m quite an enthusiast of the event myself—I have been attending the weeklong gatherings for over 25 years. Check out the NWI website at www.nationalwellness.org. You could also call (800) 243-8694 or send an E-mail. One way or another, ask to be placed on the mailing list for the free annual program sent worldwide in the spring.

An important part of creating a supportive culture is understanding your current support system. Take a close, conscious look at the norms, customs and rituals that shaped and guided your formative years. Think about how pervasive yet subtle these norms and customs and traditions were and how, little by little and bit-by-bit, you digested it all during the early years. Identify those traditions that today, after a lifetime, are more like obstacles than cherished values, and set yourself free from anything now seen as nonsense, dogma, clichés and platitudes. These are enemies of your capacity for reason leading to excellence. These are obstacles to more supportive networks that will make your best possible life much more attainable.

-from Aging Beyond Belief, by Don Ardell

Donald ArdellDonald B. Ardell was a pioneer in the Wellness movement. He wrote High Level Wellness: An Alternative to Doctors, Drugs, and Disease, first published in 1976 by Rodale Press, with editions over the years by Bantam Books and Ten-Speed Press. Since then Don has written a dozen additional wellness books, including Die Healthy (with Grant Donovan), 14 Days to Wellness and most recently, Aging Beyond Belief.

 

Longevity and Aging: Don’t make a big deal about getting older

Aging Beyond BeliefDon Ardell’s tips for aging well are from his book Aging Beyond Belief, 69 tips for REAL Wellness. REAL wellness stands for Reason, Exuberance And Liberty. Don says you can’t buy pills or treatments for REAL wellness−it’s a mindset and lifestyle you control. It’s never to early to let Reason, Exuberance and Liberty be your guide…these tips are for folks of any age. Enjoy.

TIP 2
Longevity and Aging
Do
nt make a big deal about getting older

Everybody does it, it can’t be avoided and there is no cure. Each day is an opportunity to enjoy being younger than you ever will be again, so think and act as vigorously and with as much exuberance as you can muster. Billions are spent annually to slow or, more often, disguise the inevitable markers of aging. Such a waste. All this is futile. As Ecclesiastes would say, “a vanity of vanities, an incomparable excess.” I personally have a soft spot for excess, but not to the point of being incomparably self-delusional about my vanities.

Want in on a little health secret? Move to Canada. An impressive array of data shows that Canadians live longer, healthier lives than we do. What’s more, they pay roughly half as much per capita Americans ($2,163 versus $4,887 in 2001) for the privilege.” (Los Angeles Times, February 23, 2004).

Did you know there’s a mathematical formula that predicts maximal age? There is—and the formula is the basis for the agreed-upon maximum human age being set at 120. (This means I could be writing a second edition to this book in the year 2058.) The formula for maximal age is six times the number of years from birth to biological maturity. Humans take about 20 years to reach maturity, so multiply that by six and there it is—a 120-year limit. (The oldest well-documented age ever was 122.)

Remember, many factors affect longevity, particularly lifestyle choices (e.g., exercise, diet), personality, social life and genetics. Approximately “one-third of aging is heritable, the rest is acquired—that means you are responsible for your own old age.” (Tara Parker-Pope, “What Science Tells Us About Growing Older—And Staying Healthy,” Wall Street Journal, June 20, 2005; Page R1.)

Longevity in this country is nothing to cheer about. When compared with other Western nations, the U.S. is doing worse now than 50 years ago! We are currently losing ground, not making longevity advances, relative to other countries. This might surprise you. Yes, we live longer but our relative position is poorer compared with comparable societies than it was when Eisenhower was president. This despite our having the costliest medical care system on earth!

A World Health Organization study released last year put Canadian life expectancy at birth at 79.8 years, Japan’s at 81.9 and America’s at 77.3!

In 1900, the lifespan in America was 47.3. I shudder to think of all my friends who would be dead now if that figure had not improved over the course of the past century. With no advances, there would be few to no competitors in my 65-69 age group in road races, duathlons and triathlons. A similar 30-year gain in life expectancy into the future would render the average lifespan in the year 2112 a robust 107.3 years.

How might that come about? Perhaps from a wide range of social changes over time, like more nutritious foods and challenging but fun phys ed in schools, campaigns for safer sex and more effective ways to end insane behaviors, like smoking. (It will help also if humanity refrains from setting off any thermonuclear devices.)

Imagine the excitement of watching men and women in their 120s crossing finish lines at road races and multi-sport competitions, to the cheers of the multitudes, with “Rocky” music blaring from loudspeakers. It would be inspirational.

However, it’s also implausible. Wellness is good, wellness is great but I still don’t believe that there will be dramatic advances in phys ed in schools, better diets or other social changes. I hope I’m mistaken about this. If there were such changes and many others consistent with the spread of wellness mindsets like some positive contagion, even that might not produce really dramatic increase in lifespan, though quality boosts would be remarkable. If there are any significant increases in lifespan, the more likely impetus will be improved scientific understanding and attendant manipulation of biological aging processes. But, I’m not wildly optimistic about this scenario, either.

Nor does the U.S. Social Security Administration project dramatic gains for the next century similar to that realized over the last one. Their projections foresee life spans into the mid-80s, which is still pretty impressive. Unless, as some fear, the obesity epidemic gets worse.

In any event, getting older is not such a big deal if you stay younger than nearly everyone else your age! The remaining tips will offer plenty of ideas for doing just that.

-from Aging Beyond Belief, by Don Ardell

Donald ArdellDonald B. Ardell was a pioneer in the Wellness movement. He wrote High Level Wellness: An Alternative to Doctors, Drugs, and Disease, first published in 1976 by Rodale Press, with editions over the years by Bantam Books and Ten-Speed Press. Since then Don has written a dozen additional wellness books, including Die Healthy (with Grant Donovan), 14 Days to Wellness and most recently, Aging Beyond Belief.

Real Wellness: Insist upon reality-based health promotion

Aging Beyond BeliefDon Ardell’s tips for aging well are from his book Aging Beyond Belief, 69 tips for REAL Wellness. REAL wellness stands for Reason, Exuberance And Liberty. Don says you can’t buy pills or treatments for REAL wellness−it’s a mindset and lifestyle you control. It’s never to early to let Reason, Exuberance and Liberty be your guide…these tips are for folks of any age. Enjoy.

 

TIP 1
Real Wellness
Insist upon reality-based health promotion

Much has been written about the nature, principles and applications of a term made popular in just the past couple decades called “wellness.” Nobody is authorized to make the rules of what it is and what it isn’t, but that is not to say someone ought not to step forward to give it a try. I volunteer.

I began writing about wellness in the 1970s. I was the director of a health planning agency in the San Francisco Bay Area at the time I started learning about a wide range of ideas and principles that would shape what became a modest movement within and then well beyond the medical system. Our planning organization and others like it in metropolitan areas around the country was designed by committees of politicians and health experts over several years to improve health status and to bring order to the health care system.

Alas, two prominent factors kept such agencies from being effective: 1) We had almost no authority, so medical leaders and others who were supposed to be guided by our work paid little attention to the plans we devised for coordinated health care facilities and services; and 2) We were going about it the wrong way. We were trying to change the way the medical system worked. Even if we had succeeded we would not have succeeded! We did not recognize at the time that the way to promote health and save costs was to inform, motivate, convince, inspire, guide and otherwise support people to take better care of themselves and rely less on the medical system.

From this realization came a period of reflection on my part that prompted a career change—from health planner administrator to doctoral candidate and, a few years later, to a life as a writer, lecturer and consultant promoting wellness. To this day, 30 years after publication of my book High Level Wellness: An Alternative to Doctors,

Drugs and Disease (Rodale Press), I believe the wellness concept, if it is the REAL wellness concept, is the most promising approach available to society and to you to boost health status AND save medical costs.

During the formative years of wellness in the 70s and 80s, there were a good number of conferences and seminars, policy papers, scholarly articles, books and so on devoted to the concept that eventually morphed into a wellness movement. Not surprisingly, the wellness concept was given a slightly different spin by nearly everyone who came into contact with it. To this day, variations abound.

What follows is my idea of a wellness mindset, translated into terms suited to everyone who wants to age well. In my view, wellness should be an evidence-based mindset geared to high levels of well- being and life satisfaction. I believe such a lifestyle is associated with countless benefits, if given half a chance. My advice—learn about what wellness can be for you, at it’s best, and don’t even think about aging without it.

Let me mention a few key ideas about wellness and a number of wonderful benefits to get things started.

Wellness is positive. The focus is not on hazards and risks, but rather on satisfactions and pleasures. It is comprehensive, not about just fitness, nutrition and managing stress but also entails critical thinking, humor and play, emotional intelligence and the quest for added meaning and purpose in life—and much more, which I’ll highlight in these tips. It is based on science and reason, not New Age wishful thinking or reliance or even inclusion of “alternative” or other therapies, modalities or healing systems. It is also a mindset or philosophy founded on personal responsibility and accountability. There is more, as you will learn in the coming 68 tips.

Six benefits that I find especially appealing about real wellness are:

1. Better health.
A wellness lifestyle boosts energy while lowering risks of illness.

2. Better appearance.
You’ll look thinner and fitter, even more interesting, if you follow such a lifestyle.

3. Better sex.
Unclogged arteries facilitate blood flow to all body parts.

4. Better decisions.
You develop a greater desire for reason and science, sound evidence and other critical thinking skills associated with genuine maturity.

5. Better role model.
In non-verbal ways (e.g., style/appearance and value commitments) you convey a superior message to your impressionable relatives and others.

6. Better perspectives.
Some things are important and deserve a lot of energy, but most are not a big deal. Finding satisfying, energizing meaning and purpose in life, for example—now that’s important. Dealing with little vexations, silly people, worries about things you can’t change—not so important.

Naturally, it is better to be young than old, other things being the same, which they never are, just as it’s better to be rich than poor, fit than fat and alive than dead. But, so what? As noted in the chorus of John Prine’s immortal Dear Abby, “You have no complaint—You are what your are and you ain’t what you ain’t.” Not so grammatical, but so very true.

Aging is not always pleasant but, like gravity and evolution, it’s more than a theory. It’s part of life, at least for everyone fortunate enough to attain such status.

-from Aging Beyond Belief, by Don Ardell

Donald ArdellDonald B. Ardell was a pioneer in the Wellness movement. He wrote High Level Wellness: An Alternative to Doctors, Drugs, and Disease, first published in 1976 by Rodale Press, with editions over the years by Bantam Books and Ten-Speed Press. Since then Don has written a dozen additional wellness books, including Die Healthy (with Grant Donovan), 14 Days to Wellness and most recently, Aging Beyond Belief.

Our veterans are coming home

Our veterans* are coming home. We are called to help them heal.Welcome Them Home, Help Them Heal

The wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are not yet over, but our veterans are coming home.

  • Some have completed their military duty.
  • More will return to Iraq or Afghanistan for another tour.
  • 4,865 have died as of March 2009 and will not return home alive.
  • 32,000 have sustained war injuries, and 20,000 are
  • returning with Purple Hearts.
  •  500,000 carry within them deep, invisible, emotional wounds—unknowable to others, often unknown even to themselves.
  • Many have lived through life-altering spiritual trauma and will find the quest for peace and reconciliation more difficult than fighting the war.
  • Too many will commit suicide in the coming years—
  • probably more than the numbers killed in battle.
  •  All—yes ALL—returning service members will experience the challenge of re-entry as they leave the war zone behind and begin to put their lives back together.

*In this book we use veterans, service members, and soldiers as generic terms. We refer to specific branches (marines, reservists, etc.) only in relation to specific studies. To reflect the growing prominence of women in the military we have tried to strike a balance on the use of gendered pronouns.

When they come home, excitement is in the air! . . . at first.

Anyone who has seen a typical welcome home event understands the public expressions of joy and relief felt by family members. Young children sit on relatives’ shoulders to catch a first glimpse of their father or mother. Parents breathe a palpable sigh of relief when they see their son or daughter march onto the tarmac, armory, or gym floor. Prayers have been answered, and everyone anticipates that life together can begin once again. Over a few months and with hard work, many veterans and their family members do find a new “normal.”

Behind the jubilant homecoming celebrations, however, many returning veterans hide invisible wounds.

Upon returning home, many veterans face the biggest challenge of their lifetime and begin fighting a personal, hidden war in earnest. Often well concealed at first, for many the signs and symptoms of post-war trauma and stress—depression, anxiety, domestic problems, substance abuse, isolation, suicide, and homelessness— eventually appear. According to the U.S. Defense Department, of the 96,000 National Guard members and reservists who have completed health reassessments since October 2006, half have reported health problems unrelated to combat wounds.

Providing attentive care in the first few months after a veteran returns home is important for several reasons. First, early detection usually results in more effective treatment and better outcomes. Second, early treatment can prevent a cascade of interrelated problems stemming from unaddressed physical, emotional, and spiritual post-war trauma and distress. Loved ones, friends, and close work associates are often the first to notice emerging problems and also become the key people through whom difficulties are initially addressed.

America faces a crisis of care.

Service members and their families face deep spiritual crises not generally in public view. Sufficient resources have not been committed to help returning veterans recover from the traumas of war. To be sure, many good programs are already in place and actively serving returning veterans. Existing governmental programs, however, are stressed to the limit. Adequate numbers of programs, policies, and personnel are not available to meet current needs—and the largest surge of returning veterans has not yet peaked. America, having put forth its best to fight these wars, must now match that effort in helping our sons and daughters heal.

Welcome Them Home, Help Them Heal, pp. 7-8

The anxiety continuum

Overcoming Panic, Anxiety & PhobiasThink of anxiety on a continuum from very mild to very severe. In its milder state, anxiety can enhance your life. In key moments, it can make you sharper, more energized, and more effective. In cases of real danger, extreme anxiety can make the difference between your safety and disaster. Your anxiety is serving you well if it is in response to a real threat. Once you can tell the difference between useful anxiety, which leads to effective action in the face of a real threat, and excessive anxiety in the absence of real danger, you will be well along your road to recovery.

Let’s begin by understanding the worry and panic cycles and their  roles in maintaining your anxiety. When  you  understand them, you can begin to find ways of breaking the cycles.

• The worry cycle often begins with a concern that something you fear is going  to happen.  Events in your life may have taught  you to be on guard  and  to strive for control.  Most anxiety sufferers are consumed with worry about what might happen  next, continually asking themselves, “what if … ?” This anxious apprehension may become worse as you begin to constantly monitor whatever concerns  you. In fact, for some  people,  the  anxiety  caused  by  the  anticipation  of danger is much worse than the anxiety they actually feel in a feared situation.

•  As you start  to worry, you may also notice  uncomfortable physical sensations. Research has shown that people who experience excessive worry may actually be biologically predis­posed to easily develop the physical signs of anxiety. Some­ times the worry cycle starts with these physical sensations. Of course, these reactions will, in fact, increase your anxiety. You may feel tense and find it hard to concentrate. Your thoughts and physical sensations may interrupt your ability to focus at the task at hand.

• And finally, you feel extremely anxious. Until you find ways to break the cycle, you can go around and around: the thoughts or images, the physical sensations, and the anxious behaviors increasing each time. One worry may follow on the heels of another, and the worry cycle can take over your life.

Overcoming Panic, Anxiety & Phobias, pp. 11-12

Activity Scrapbook

Activity Scrapbook

Children & Stress CoverFind more wonderful activities for children and families in Children & Stress.

Emotional Masks Exercise

Emotion Masks
by Amy Nuelk
An activity for sharing feelings when a child loses a loved one
From Children and Stress by Marty Loy

PURPOSE
Emotions and feelings are an integral part of everyday life. When children lose a loved one, they may feel very sad or even angry about the situation. This activity is designed to allow children to recall memories they have about a recently deceased loved one through
story telling and discussion with others who are experiencing a similar situation.

OBJECTIVES
After participating in Emotion Masks, children will be able to:
• Openly discuss memories they have about a lost loved one .
• Effectively relieve stress children may be feeling as a result of the death of a loved one.
• Recognize that others in similar situations may be experiencing the same emotions.

TIME 30–45 minutes

MATERIALS
Old magazines, scissors, glue, paper plates (3 per child), Popsicle sticks.
DESCRIPTION AND PROCESS
The children are asked to recall three different emotions. Have them look through
magazines and cut out pictures that illustrate each of the three emotions. Each picture is
glued to one of the three paper plates, which will become emotion masks. The children
are invited to share a personal story or experience they had with the deceased loved one
that involves each of the three emotions.
1. Each child receives three paper plates and three Popsicle sticks
2. The children look through magazines and find a picture that portrays each of three
distinct emotions (For example: anger, sadness, joy, etc.)
3. Glue each picture to a paper plate and glue a Popsicle stick to the back of each plate
4. The children are invited to share each of their emotion masks and discuss why each
emotion was chosen. They can also describe an experience they had with the deceased
loved one that included that emotion (For example: “I was always really happy when
Grandma and I used to bake chocolate chip cookies together.”)
5. Allow time for participants to engage in discussion with others.

DISCUSSION
• What did you learn by participating in this activity?
• Describe how you feel today about the memories you shared with your loved one.
• Who, if anybody, do you talk to during times when you are experiencing
emotions related to losing your loved one?
• Discuss how you could help a friend cope with losing a loved one.

If you’re interested in more exercises from the book Children & Stress by author Marty Loy, PHD, click here.

Children and Stress