{"id":885,"date":"2014-05-12T11:10:29","date_gmt":"2014-05-12T16:10:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wholeperson.com\/wordpress\/?p=885"},"modified":"2014-05-12T11:12:38","modified_gmt":"2014-05-12T16:12:38","slug":"explain-death","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wholeperson.com\/blog\/explain-death","title":{"rendered":"Life and Death in a Small Town"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Brian<\/a>How do you explain death to a little child?<\/h2>\n

Using words, which\u00a0parents think their children will understand, they often describe\u00a0death as a journey or trip where a person just doesn\u2019t come back.\u00a0The death of a house pet often provides teachable moments for\u00a0children as they try to process the difference between life and death,\u00a0animate and inanimate, and the here and hereafter. The meaning of\u00a0death through old age or an accident is already somewhat difficult to\u00a0explain; death from murder or suicide pushes the limits of grace in a\u00a0teachable moment. Of all the events played out on the human stage,\u00a0the death of someone close to you is cited to be the most stressful\u00a0episode anyone can experience.<\/p>\n

In the fourth grade, I had a good friend name Brendan Silly.\u00a0Brendan was a shy, quiet kid. He never spoke out in class. He never\u00a0did much to bring attention to himself. He did confide in me that\u00a0he hated his last name. That was attention enough. He was teased\u00a0unmercifully. Still water runs deep. What Brendan may have lacked\u00a0in extrovert qualities, he made up for with intelligence. He was the\u00a0kind of kid who always knew the right answers. During recess, we\u00a0would hang out and talk, kick a soccer ball, or just walk around the\u00a0schoolyard property. Looking back it seemed to me that Brendan was\u00a0a troubled soul. Decades have passed and I am often reminded that\u00a0you can see someone every day, at work, at school, and never really\u00a0know what goes on in their life. Such was the case with Brendan.<\/p>\n

One day I came to school and noticed that Brendan wasn\u2019t sitting\u00a0at his desk. He didn\u2019t come the next day either. On the third day, the\u00a0teacher made an announcement. She said that Brendan wouldn\u2019t be\u00a0in class anymore. She never mentioned his name again. I was a little\u00a0confused, but thought perhaps he had moved away. It would be like\u00a0Brendan not to say much about this. Getting him to talk about much\u00a0of anything was like pulling teeth.<\/p>\n

I remember shuffling home that day, sad that I had lost a friend.\u00a0I walked into the house to overhear my mother on the phone. Her\u00a0voice conveyed a sense of shock. I heard her mention Brendan\u2019s last\u00a0name and the words murder and suicide. At that point she saw me\u00a0enter the kitchen, said she had to go, and hung up the phone. I stood\u00a0there with a blank look on my face.<\/p>\n

That afternoon I received my first lesson about death. I don\u2019t\u00a0remember the exact words my mother used, but as delicately as she\u00a0could, she explained to me that Brendan\u2019s father had taken his life, but\u00a0not before killing his wife and two children. I would never see or hear
\nfrom Brendan again, she said.<\/p>\n

I have thought of Brendan many times over the years, particularly\u00a0when similar events make the headlines. The act of violence makes as\u00a0little sense to me now as it did years ago. Not long ago, in preparing a\u00a0presentation on the healing power of humor, I learned this: the word\u00a0silly comes from the Latin word \u2018selig.\u2019 It means blessed or holy. I took\u00a0a moment to reflect back on my friendship with Brendan. I wish I\u00a0could have told him then what I learned about being silly. I think\u00a0he would have liked its meaning. From this experience I have also
\nlearned much about tolerance, for one never truly knows another\u00a0person\u2019s experiences, which can greatly affect mood and personality.<\/p>\n

Perhaps the greatest lesson is that there are many circumstances and\u00a0<\/em>catastrophes, which make absolutely no sense. Try as we might, we can find\u00a0<\/em>little or no meaning. Some may say \u201cit is God\u2019s will,\u201d but this leaves us\u00a0<\/em>with little consolation. There is still a void where there was once life, pain\u00a0<\/em>where there was joy. Devastation such as plane crashes and earthquakes or\u00a0<\/em>even that of a murdered child deepens the sense of loss. In time, the wounds\u00a0<\/em>will heal, but they lend very little to our understanding of \u201cwhy.\u201d It is fair\u00a0<\/em>to say that we will never have the answers to all of life\u2019s questions, such as\u00a0<\/em>these. Yet the void is never filled by staying still. We must move on.<\/em><\/p>\n

-from Stressed is Desserts Spelled Backward<\/em><\/a>, by Brian Luke Seward.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How do you explain death to a little child? Using words, which\u00a0parents think their children will understand, they often describe\u00a0death as a journey or trip where a person just doesn\u2019t come back.\u00a0The death of a house pet often provides teachable moments for\u00a0children as they try to process the difference between life and death,\u00a0animate and inanimate, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-885","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-book-excerpts"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"\nLife and Death in a Small Town - 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