{"id":695,"date":"2012-09-05T11:42:24","date_gmt":"2012-09-05T16:42:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wholeperson.com\/wordpress\/?p=695"},"modified":"2012-09-06T10:48:01","modified_gmt":"2012-09-06T15:48:01","slug":"just-for-laffs-summer-separates-the-boys-from-the-girls","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wholeperson.com\/blog\/just-for-laffs-summer-separates-the-boys-from-the-girls","title":{"rendered":"Just for Laffs: Summer Separates the Boys from the Girls"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Leigh<\/a>I was at a garage sale one afternoon last weekend when a man who looked to be in his eighties noticed a very large weed wacker near the door.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat for sale?\u201d he asked as he rushed over to it as fast as his cane would let him.<\/p>\n

\u201cYep. We\u2019re asking $5,\u201d the woman answered with that I hope he\u2019s not just toying with me<\/em> tone that every garage sale organizer gets as the day wears on and it becomes clear than all that stuff, including the treadmill and the giant moose with blue eye shadow, is going to have to be packed up and dragged inside again.<\/p>\n

\u201cSold,\u201d the man said under his breath, hoping to transact the deal before his wife noticed. No such luck. A curly-haired sprite of a woman left the Jane Fonda videotapes she\u2019d been perusing and appeared at his side in a flash, her tiny fists balled up on her hips.<\/p>\n

\u201cBob, you can\u2019t even lift that thing. Besides, we don\u2019t have weeds in our apartment at Ya-Po-Ah Terrace.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know, Bonnie. But it\u2019s got three horses. Three! For $5. That\u2019s a steal.\u201d<\/p>\n

Later that same day, I was at the mall with a friend when I overheard two women in the dressing room talking.<\/p>\n

\u201cI read that Jennifer Hudson went from a size 16 to a 6. If she can do that, I bet by July 4th<\/sup> weekend I\u2019ll be skinny enough to get into this size 12 sundress! Only fifteen more pounds and I\u2019m so there!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMe too! Look out world; soon there will be less of us to love!\u201d<\/p>\n

To me, these to stories capture how men and women\u2019s experiences of summer differ: for the guys it\u2019s all about bigger, faster, and louder, while most women try to become smaller and less conspicuous. It\u2019s Godzilla versus The Shrinking Woman.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s another case in point: while walking my dogs recently, a man waved to us from atop his riding lawnmower. He said something too, but the roar of the suburban tractor drowned it out. Perhaps what he said was \u201cI know my lawn is only the size of a postage stamp and I have to back this mower into the street to turn it around, but I AM KING OF THE WORLD!\u201d<\/p>\n

I can see how a riding lawn mower would be a great idea for someone with several acres of grass, but I can\u2019t for the life of me think of why guys need one to trim the two dandelions that have sprouted in the driveway cracks. I have more carpet than he has lawn, yet I have never lain awake at night wishing someone would invent a riding vacuum cleaner with an onboard chocolate dispenser. Of course, the testosterone coursing through my veins wouldn\u2019t fill up a pink Hello Kitty thimble, so what do I know?<\/p>\n

Speaking of bigger and louder, that definitely applies to fireworks. Don\u2019t get me wrong \u2013 I love a beautiful fireworks show such as the one at AltonBakerParkon July 4th<\/sup>, with each explosion timed to the 1812 Overture or Lady Gaga\u2019s Poker Face (that\u2019s right, I\u2019m up-to-date on my musical references, thanks to Glee). But the guys can never get enough of things that go boom in the night. I once had a neighbor who stuck leftover firecrackers under his weeds in an attempt to blow them sky high. He was happy with the result too, despite the fact that he ended up singeing off most of his eyebrows. Most women are happy to settle for pretty \u2013 and quiet \u2013 sparklers and leave our eyebrow maintenance to the professionals.<\/p>\n

Of course, women\u2019s summertime pursuit of trying to achieve the impossible is just as dangerous. I\u2019m totally onboard with staying fit and healthy, but most of us can do that in the average-sized body we\u2019re meant to have. My personal feeling is that zero is an imaginary number and if you diet and exercise your way there, you\u2019ll disappear. I like there to be enough of me to cause a commotion or at least hold up my sparkler.<\/p>\n

While the guys are blowing things up and marveling at how much horsepower their new riding BBQ has (laugh now, but you know it\u2019s only a matter of time), many women are turning down potato salad and popsicles because they have too many calories, and don\u2019t even get us started on the trans fats!<\/p>\n

As much as the men\u2019s toys may annoy us, we women would do well to take a page from their handbook (they\u2019re not reading it anyway, because as well all know, men don\u2019t need instructions). Let\u2019s spend more time this summer focusing on all the power we have under our hood and not on the size of our chassis.<\/p>\n

\u00a9 2012 Leigh Anne Jasheway<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I was at a garage sale one afternoon last weekend when a man who looked to be in his eighties noticed a very large weed wacker near the door. \u201cThat for sale?\u201d he asked as he rushed over to it as fast as his cane would let him. \u201cYep. We\u2019re asking $5,\u201d the woman answered […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[3],"tags":[27,166,326,10,257,32],"class_list":["post-695","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-articles","tag-humor","tag-laughter","tag-men","tag-stress","tag-summer","tag-women"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"\nJust for Laffs: Summer Separates the Boys from the Girls - The Wellness Report<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/wholeperson.com\/blog\/just-for-laffs-summer-separates-the-boys-from-the-girls\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Just for Laffs: Summer Separates the Boys from the Girls - The Wellness Report\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I was at a garage sale one afternoon last weekend when a man who looked to be in his eighties noticed a very large weed wacker near the door. \u201cThat for sale?\u201d he asked as he rushed over to it as fast as his cane would let him. \u201cYep. 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