{"id":55,"date":"2010-09-08T13:27:46","date_gmt":"2010-09-08T18:27:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wholeperson.com\/wordpress\/?p=55"},"modified":"2023-04-27T09:24:05","modified_gmt":"2023-04-27T15:24:05","slug":"you-can-control-your-instinct-to-be-controlling","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wholeperson.com\/blog\/you-can-control-your-instinct-to-be-controlling","title":{"rendered":"You can control your instinct to be controlling"},"content":{"rendered":"

Control Freak?
\nBy Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S<\/a>.<\/h2>\n

Are you a control freak? If so, what do you think drives your behavior?
\n* Fear of loss of control so you compensate by exerting excessive control? Like micromanaging employees (next week\u2019s topic).
\n* See your spouse and kids as a reflection on you so you demand perfection from them by telling them how to act and look?
\n* Or you\u2019re convinced that you\u2019re the best person to be in charge because you know the most (which can include the first two, also)?<\/p>\n

You may be quick to let others know how to better handle their emotions or their life in general. You find fault in others and you\u2019re convinced their lives would improve if they\u2019d just take your well-informed advice. After all, you wouldn\u2019t give advice about things you\u2019re uninformed about now would you?<\/p>\n

Can you tell when someone doesn\u2019t appreciate your superior knowledge and competence? Do you dish out your advice anyway? Can you just not help yourself?<\/p>\n

To add insult to injury you\u2019re probably frustratingly right so often! Darn!<\/p>\n

Instead of attempting to completely stop advising others you might have greater success by mitigating your usual approach. Rather than blurting out your counsel, preface it by saying, \u201cI have some information that can help you, if you\u2019re interested.\u201d This gives the other person the control to say yes or no.<\/p>\n

You could also light-heartedly admit to those who are typically on the receiving end of your unsolicited guidance that you know you have this tendency and your intent is truly to help. Develop an agreed upon word or better yet a nonverbal signal that the other person gives you that says \u201cstop,\u201d to which you agree to stop immediately.<\/p>\n

Here are some other ways you can temper your controlling tendency:
\n* Consider: if someone were to give you unsolicited and excessive advice how would you react? Defensively? If so, what makes you think others enjoy yours? Try saying nothing for a couple of weeks and notice if some don\u2019t come to you asking for your opinion! They want to be in control, too.
\n* Before criticizing or giving advice deep breathe a couple of times while asking yourself, \u201cIs my advice important enough to risk any potential relationship fall-out?\u201d
\n* Identify your area of expertise and who would benefit from it. Perhaps a volunteer program needs your know-how. Share your knowledge with them.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re on the receiving end of a control freak you can also diminish the negative impact. Instead of reacting with automatic hostility and resistance channel your control freak\u2019s energy. If he sticks his nose into something you\u2019re working on invite him to help with part of it. Or head him off at the pass. Invite his input before he offers it. At least it gives you some control.<\/p>\n

Whatever the control freak\u2019s motivation, consider giving her a break. She can\u2019t bother you if you don\u2019t allow her to. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, \u201cNo one can make you feel inferior without your consent.\u201d Nor can a control freak stress you without your consent.<\/p>\n

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S<\/a>., is an international speaker and a Stress and Wellness Coach.<\/p>\n

\"Let<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Control Freak? By Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S. Are you a control freak? If so, what do you think drives your behavior? * Fear of loss of control so you compensate by exerting excessive control? Like micromanaging employees (next week\u2019s topic). * See your spouse and kids as a reflection on you so you demand perfection […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[3],"tags":[33,25,10,24,8,11],"class_list":["post-55","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-articles","tag-control-freak","tag-counseling","tag-stress","tag-therapy","tag-wellness","tag-whole-person"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"\nControl Your Instinct to be Controlling<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Are you a control freak? 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