{"id":482,"date":"2012-01-25T11:53:53","date_gmt":"2012-01-25T16:53:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wholeperson.com\/wordpress\/?p=482"},"modified":"2012-01-25T12:38:50","modified_gmt":"2012-01-25T17:38:50","slug":"lightening-up-crucial-conversations","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wholeperson.com\/blog\/lightening-up-crucial-conversations","title":{"rendered":"Lightening Up Crucial Conversations"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/strong>\"\"<\/a>Humor Skills to Use When the Stakes are High<\/h2>\n

When used in a positive way, humor MAY be one of the best communications tools around. It not only engages listeners, it builds trust; helps lighten difficult news; improves receptivity to change; reduces anxiety; helps everyone stay grounded in the moment and attentive to the conversation; and because it stimulates blood flow to the brain, it helps everyone think more clearly. Because truth be told, most of us don\u2019t think that well with our blood in our hindquarters.<\/p>\n

\u201cCrucial conversations\u201d are those in which the stakes are higher than the everyday business communications we\u2019re all engaged in. To be able to communicate well, lighten up, and listen to what is really being said, here are some important steps:<\/p>\n

1.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Understand we all bring our own baggage to every conversation. <\/strong>We all have assumptions about the people we\u2019re talking with and the subject being discussed. We may have previous experiences with similar conversations that color what is being said (if you\u2019ve ever started to hear \u201cYada, yada,\u201d mid-sentence, you know what I mean), and we all DO have our own agenda (even if it is just to get to the bathroom before it\u2019s too late).<\/p>\n

2.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Be open and truthful about your own baggage and agenda. <\/strong>Using a positive sense of humor to be up front about how you feel can help everyone be more comfortable and participate in the conversation with honesty and integrity.<\/p>\n

3. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Learn to truly listen to what is being said.<\/strong> You can\u2019t use humor effectively without understanding what tickles someone else\u2019s funny bone. The only way to do that is to let the other person lead you to what\u2019s funny in his or her eyes.<\/p>\n

4.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Honor each others\u2019 differences and celebrate similarities<\/strong> by finding connection points through laughter. When you both laugh at something at the same time, you\u2019re much more likely to want to work together and help each other.<\/p>\n

5.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Recognize that the traditional \u201cfrustration point\u201d<\/strong> is where humor is the most likely to happen. Writing a joke requires understanding \u201cpattern\u201d and \u201cmisdirection.\u201d In real life terms, misdirection is the place where things suddenly hit the fan. At that point, rather than getting frustrated or anxious, an effective communicator MAY choose to turn to humor.<\/p>\n

6.\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Use positive humor only. <\/strong>Competitive, demeaning, exclusionary humor makes everything worse in crucial conversations. Avoid problems by focusing the laughs on yourself (true stories that make a point with humor work great), dropping the sarcasm, avoiding hot button topics, keeping your topics and language clean, and poking fun at situations, not people.<\/p>\n

7.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Your most important overall goal in using humor in crucial conversations is to make the \u201caudience\u201d like you<\/strong> enough to listen to you. Do this by:<\/p>\n