{"id":2975,"date":"2018-05-01T10:01:09","date_gmt":"2018-05-01T16:01:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wholeperson.com\/blog\/?p=2975"},"modified":"2018-05-01T10:01:09","modified_gmt":"2018-05-01T16:01:09","slug":"difficult-people-how-to-deal-with-them","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wholeperson.com\/blog\/difficult-people-how-to-deal-with-them","title":{"rendered":"Difficult People: How to Deal with Them"},"content":{"rendered":"

Types of Difficult People and How to Deal with Them<\/strong><\/h1>\n

Excerpted from Coping with Difficult People<\/a>
\n<\/em>By Ester R.A. Leutenberg and John J. Liptak, PhD<\/p>\n

\"Coping<\/a>Difficult people are everywhere. Difficult people are those who frustrate us to no end. (In fact, others may view each of us as a difficult person.) We encounter difficult people at home, in the workplace, school, grocery market, anywhere. Often how much they affect us depends on our self-esteem, ability to recognize \u201chot buttons\u201d and effectiveness of communication skills. Although one meets many different varieties of difficult people, we have suggested six types that seem to be the most common. These difficult people will have some or all of the following traits:<\/p>\n

WHINERS are people who find fault in others and everything they do, blame others for what happens in their lives, and know for certain what should be done but rarely work to improve or correct a situation. They whine in a high-pitched tone, cry and grumble to complain about problems rather than working to fix them or find solutions for them. They are often able to see problems that need solutions, but choose to complain about the problems rather than working to solve them.<\/p>\n

KNOW-IT-ALLS are people who think that they know more than everyone else. They believe they have more knowledge and expertise and have all of the answers, and they know they are always right. They do not like to be corrected and will often be impatient, defensive, defiant and sarcastic with people who disagree with them, or they shut down or argue without reason. They feel they are experts on all subjects, behave arrogantly and take exception to anything said to them.<\/p>\n

AGGRESSIVE PEOPLE are often angry, impatient and explosive. They use strength, coercion, force, and power to make their point. They often intimidate others into agreeing with them or giving up their point of view. They are critical of people who do not agree with them, and they use ridicule, belligerence, accusations, and verbal, emotional, and\/or physical abuse as a way of putting people down. People who interact with them feel a need to be cautious (as if they are walking on eggshells.<\/em>)<\/p>\n

PASSIVE PEOPLE are hard to understand and hard to get to know. They are usually shy, quiet and reserved; they simply want to blend in and not be noticed. They rarely share their opinions or assert themselves to get their views across. They do not talk or share a lot and do not feel the need to respond to questions, especially personal ones. They often appear aloof and detached.<\/p>\n

NEGATIVE PEOPLE are usually pessimistic people who will always say such things as \u201cthat will never work\u201d and \u201cwe have tried that in the past.\u201d They are skeptical that anything will turn out right or be right. They drag others down and make everyone\u2019s environment as negative and as pessimistic as they are. They are unable to see the positive in anything and will always believe that things will not work out.<\/p>\n

YES-PEOPLE are super pleasant and agreeable. They usually promise something that they cannot deliver. They seek approval and are afraid to say no to other people, especially the important people in their lives. They say what people want to hear and will agree with each person\u2019s opposing views or opinions.<\/p>\n

Here is a model that you can use to build positive relationships with difficult people.<\/strong><\/p>\n

In this model, participants can deal effectively with difficult people in their lives by following a few critical steps including:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Identify the person\u2019s personality type and what makes the person so difficult for others to handle.<\/li>\n
  2. Learn and utilize critical communication and listening skills to build a positive relationship.<\/li>\n
  3. Cope effectively with the person.<\/li>\n
  4. Learn skills to respond effectively and\/or to confront the person.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Sounds simple. Now for some tools to help.<\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
    Interacting with Whiners<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
    Don\u2019t . . .<\/em><\/p>\n

    \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 agree with the person\u2019s complaints<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 get defensive<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 counter-attack<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 say \u201cYou\u2019re such a whiner\u201d<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 be tough on the person if it\u2019s not their usual style<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 be sarcastic (\u201cpoor poor you\u201d)<\/p>\n

     <\/td>\n

    		Do . . .<\/em><\/p>\n

    \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 listen attentively<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 ask clarifying questions for precise information<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 ask \u201chow could it be better?\u201d<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 create a problem-solving scenario: \u201cWhat if\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 be supportive<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 kindly point out the person whining when he\/she might not realize it<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 listen for a bit and then try to solve the problem with the person<\/p>\n

     <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

     <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
    Interacting with Know-It-Alls<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
    Don\u2019t . . .<\/em><\/p>\n

    \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 attack the person\u2019s ideas<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 put yourself or your ideas down<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 ask the person cite their source debate<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 think the person doesn\u2019t know a lot \u2013they might!<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 try to make the person look bad<\/p>\n

     <\/td>\n

    		Do . . .<\/em><\/p>\n

    \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 listen attentively<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 respect the person<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 paraphrase the person\u2019s points<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 suggest alternatives to the person\u2019s viewpoint<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 remain neutral throughout your conversations<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 keep your humor<\/p>\n

     <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

     <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
    Interacting with Aggressive People<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
    Don\u2019t . . .<\/em><\/p>\n

    \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 argue<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 retaliate<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 escalate the hostility<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 fight against the person<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 try to win the argument<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 take the behavior personally<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 submit to their wishes<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 wait for them to run out of steam<\/p>\n

     <\/td>\n

    		Do . . .<\/em><\/p>\n

    \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 divert attention, if possible<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 offer information that explains your situation<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 look for common interests and agreement<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 remain calm<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 acknowledge the person\u2019s feelings<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 explain your feelings using \u201cI\u201d statements<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 set limits on violence and aggression<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 walk away if necessary<\/p>\n

     <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

     <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
    Interacting with Passive People<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
    Don\u2019t . . .<\/em><\/p>\n

    \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 fill in the silence with conversation<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 exclude the person in activities<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 complete the person\u2019s sentences<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 talk too much too soon<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 ask too many questions or appear nosey<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 exclude the person in conversations<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 assume the person is disinterested<\/p>\n

     <\/td>\n

    		Do . . .<\/em><\/p>\n

    \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 ask open-ended questions<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 provide opportunity for the person to speak<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 wait in silence<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 be attentive<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 expect responses<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 find a topic the person has interest in<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 be playful, fun loving and friendly<\/p>\n

     <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

     <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
    Interacting with Negative People<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
    Don\u2019t . . .<\/em><\/p>\n

    \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 agree with the complaints<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 get defensive<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 counter-attack<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 think it is a reflection on you<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 accept blame<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 spend more time with the person than you need<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 lose focus on your own energy and positivity<\/p>\n

     <\/td>\n

    		Do . . .<\/em><\/p>\n

    \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 listen attentively<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 ask clarifying questions for precise information<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 ask \u201chow could it be better?\u201d<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 create a problem-solving scenario<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 be supportive<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 remain detached<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 say, \u201cnow tell be something positive\u201d<\/p>\n

     <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

     <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
    Interacting with Yes-People<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Don\u2019t . . .<\/em><\/p>\n

    \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 help them out by doing the work they agreed to do, and aren\u2019t doing<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 get caught up in their need for approval<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 ask more of them than they can do, even if you know they\u2019ll say yes<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 let them get you in the middle by saying yes to say yes to someone of a different opinion<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 give them praise when they say yes, again<\/p>\n

     <\/td>\n

    		\u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Do . . .<\/em><\/p>\n

    \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 help them turn down activities<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 be clear about priorities<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 show them ways to say no<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 if they do accept a task, help them create a timeline for completion<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 help them set boundaries<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 build a relationship and try to talk to them<\/p>\n

    \u2022\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 make suggestions for alternatives<\/p>\n

     <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

     <\/p>\n

    For each of these types of negative folks answer the following questions:<\/p>\n

    The person I know that behaves as a _____________________ is ______________. (It is suggested that you use code names that only you will recognize for this exercise.)<\/p>\n

    This person behaves_____________________________________________________________<\/p>\n

    ______________________________________________________________________________<\/p>\n

    ______________________________________________________________________________<\/p>\n

    ______________________________________________________________________________<\/p>\n

    ______________________________________________________________________________<\/p>\n

    My strategy for dealing with this person has been ____________________________________<\/p>\n

    ______________________________________________________________________________<\/p>\n

    ______________________________________________________________________________<\/p>\n

    ______________________________________________________________________________<\/p>\n

    ______________________________________________________________________________<\/p>\n

    A better way I might deal with this person __________________________________________<\/p>\n

    ______________________________________________________________________________<\/p>\n

    ______________________________________________________________________________<\/p>\n

    ______________________________________________________________________________<\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n

    A downloadable version<\/a> of the above is information is available here<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Types of Difficult People and How to Deal with Them Excerpted from Coping with Difficult People By Ester R.A. Leutenberg and John J. Liptak, PhD Difficult people are everywhere. Difficult people are those who frustrate us to no end. (In fact, others may view each of us as a difficult person.) We encounter difficult people […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[3,4,348],"tags":[54,599],"class_list":["post-2975","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-articles","category-book-excerpts","category-exercises","tag-coping","tag-difficult-people"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"\nDifficult People: How to Deal with Them - The Wellness Report<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Difficult people are everywhere. 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