Think about where you would place yourself on a continuum\u00a0such as the one above.\u00a0Most of us\u00a0place\u00a0ourselves in the middle somewhere. If you placed\u00a0yourself high on the continuum you believe your life is guided by your own personal decisions and efforts. If you are in the middle somewhere, you believe your life is guided by a combination of your own efforts and some external circumstances. If you placed yourself on the low end, you believe your life is guided by fate, luck, or other external circumstances.<\/p>\n Here are some questions to think about as you discover how your locus of control developed:<\/p>\n Next, take a look at what you have contributed to the successes in your life. List your success and how you contributed to it.<\/p>\n Do the same with your disappointments. How did you contribute to your future in a negative way?<\/p>\n Review the negative situations and decide how you can have a more positive impact in your future decisions.<\/p>\n One way to have more control over what happens daily is to create a situation for yourself where good things can happen. You may need to change your patterns within your family, friendships and work. For example, I could change my bowling league so I can go to my children\u2019s baseball games on Thursday nights. This will help because my spouse will feel supported and the children will be happy that I\u2019m there for them.<\/p>\n Create a two column list of \u201cBetter Situations for Me\u201d and \u201cHow this can help\u201d.<\/p>\n Step 1 \u2013 My Life<\/strong> Step 2 \u2013 Look at your attitude<\/strong> Think about the negative and limiting attitudes. What might be keeping you stuck? Here are some possibilities:<\/p>\n FAMILY BELIEFS: PERSONAL LIMITATIONS AND BELIEFS: Now you try. List the personal limitations and beliefs you have about yourself.<\/p>\n You may have negative attitudes about other people in your life. For example: My peers think they are so smart or my partner doesn\u2019t respect what I have to say, or my supervisor doesn\u2019t think I deserve a promotion or (my kids all-time favorite) my parents are to blame.<\/p>\n Now you try. List the negative attitudes and beliefs you have about people in your life. Step 3 \u2013 Changing Your Attitude<\/strong> Notice when negative thoughts pop into your head. Stop that negative self-talk, challenge it and substitute more positive self-talk.<\/p>\n Now that you have identified negative thoughts and attitudes in Step 2, think about whether the thoughts are accurate or not. What evidence is there for their accuracy?<\/p>\n List you negative thoughts and the evidence you have for their accuracy.<\/p>\n For example: Negative attitude \u2013 I\u2019m not smart enough to go to college. Create two columns on a sheet of paper. Repeat your negative attitudes from the previous page in the first column and then substitute positive thoughts for those negative thoughts. For example, the negative attitude might be I cannot get further at my place of work because I don\u2019t have enough computer skills. A substitute positive thought might be I am smart enough to go to college. I will start with a community college where I can receive personalized assistance.<\/p>\n Step 4 \u2013 Goals for Change<\/strong> Step 5 \u2013 Identify short-term steps \u2013 begin moving toward your goals.<\/strong>![\"locus-of-control-graphic\"](\"https:\/\/wholeperson.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/Locus-of-control-graphic-1024x95.jpg\")
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<\/p>\nNow\u2026create an action plan!<\/h3>\n
\nIdentify areas in your life where you feel dissatisfied or in a rut. Think about where you feel unfulfilled \u2013 relationships, work, family responsibilities, hopes and dreams, etc. Write down\u00a0one of your unfulfilled areas. For example: further education.<\/p>\n
\nTake a look at your attitude as it relates to the area you identified above in Step 1. It is through your attitude that you limit yourself and remain stuck? By confronting and changing your attitude, you can empower yourself to make positive changes in your life.<\/p>\n
\nMy family passed on these negative beliefs to me about my ability to influence my life. For example, \u201cYou don\u2019t have the brains you were born with.\u201d<\/p>\n
\nWhat attitudes and beliefs do you have about yourself that limit your exerting control over your situation? Examples: I do not have enough life skills. I will never succeed. I am not a smart as other people. I do not communicate very well.<\/p>\n
\nRemember, it is what YOU believe about yourself, NOT what other believe about you, that can influence you in either a positive or a negative way.<\/p>\n
\nIn Step 3 you have the opportunity to identify ways to change negative attitudes and move past the issues you have identified in Step 1. These attitudes and beliefs can be overcome with a few simple techniques:<\/p>\n
\nEvidence for these attitudes \u2013 Nothing, other than what my parents told me.<\/p>\n
\nGoals can help you regain control in your life. List several of your goals and hopes related to the area in which you feel stuck. For example: I want a job where I feel more challenged. I want to further my education. I want to learn more about technology. I want to feel smart.
\nList two goals related to the unfulfilled area you identified in Step 1.<\/p>\n
\nThese short-term steps are action-oriented activities to move you toward the general goals you identified in the last step. Create another two column table. Title one column Steps I will Take for One of My Goals and the other Deadlines for Completing Steps. List the short-term steps you will be taking to reach ONE of your goals and the deadlines you set for completing each step. For example: I will call my local community college and make an appointment with a counselor \u2013 deadline: tomorrow. And I will keep my appointment with the counselor, even if I am apprehensive! \u2013 deadline: next week. And if I like the school I will fill out an application. If not, I\u2019ll look for another one \u2013 deadline the next day.<\/p>\n
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