Tag Archives: stress

Bad Boys and Sugar

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Leigh Anne JashewayI love sugar. Cookies, cake, candy, hot fudge sauce, whipped cream… hell, I’d suck a hummingbird feeder dry if it were my only sweet option. But I’ve come to the realization that all that sugary goodness is taking its toll on me. The sad fact is that sugar and I must break up.

Most women know what it’s like to be attracted to a bad boy — despite your brain screaming, “He’ll break your heart and probably roll you down a mountain in his Jeep,” other parts of you smile knowingly and think, “Oh, but the ride will soooo be worth it!” Even when you’re hanging by your seat belt, upside down and teetering over a cliff, that bad boy will still weave his magic spell over you.

Sugar is just like that.

I’ve read all the articles about how sugar causes… well, every disease known to man and probably a few we haven’t yet discovered. I know from personal experience last month that inhaling four gingerbread men, three rum balls, two caramel turtles, and a pecan pie while standing next to a pear tree can make me feel more bloated than a PMSing gray whale.

And yet, I want more.

I tried swearing off sugar completely, thinking that as with any bad boy, the best technique is to break up and never look back. But three days later, I called sugar up late at night. “Maybe I was too hasty,” I said breathlessly. “One more roll in the, uh, pantry couldn’t hurt, right?” I oozed chocolate from my pores on that walk of shame.

Now I’m trying a new approach, cutting way back on my addiction, but not going cold tofurkey (, I’m a vegetarian, so cold turkey means nothing.) I’m choosing foods with the lowest sugar counts I can find and focusing on those that come from honey and other more nutritious sources. It’s like making a list of bad boy characteristics (rides of motorcycle, plays with fire, heckles comedians, steals from constructions sites, is rude to waiters) and choosing those I’m willing to live with (rides motorcycle). I’m also chewing things more slowly so I can taste what little sugar there is in everything. Who knew almonds were sweet?

Whenever the cravings are so severe, I start crawling the walls and feel I’m going to be led into temptation, I eat a banana while watching Die Hard. It gets all of my bad habits out of my system at the same time.

-By Leigh Anne Jasheway, from her blog – accidental comic.

Cultivate the Positive Meditation

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Here are three proven yoga techniques to help with setting a worthwhile intention that will help you overcome frustrations, anxiety and fatigue.  You will have clarity of mind, and be calm and courageous too.

Click here for details for all three of these exercises (pdf).

1.   Pratipaksha Bhavana is a meditation practice based on a teaching from the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali that says,

“When disturbed by negative thoughts and feelings, cultivate the positive.” (Yoga Sutras 2.33)

This meditation teaches us to exchange negative thoughts and feelings for positive ones. This nurtures our capacity to react constructively and mindfully in a levelheaded and calm manner to people and situations, and less likely to react automatically and negatively.  It helps us develop qualities like courage, kindness, patience and health improvement.  Doing so enables us to enjoy better relationships, benefit from clear thinking, and have the ability to make positive behavior changes.

Although it’s important to get to know all the emotions, even those that seem unpleasant or negative, it’s quite important to nourish, water and feed what we want to grow.  This meditation teaches us to exchange negative thoughts and feelings for positive ones.   We do this by breathing in and out the positive to counteract the negative. This emphasizes helpful qualities, enabling them to take root quickly and efficiently.  This nurtures our capacity to react constructively and mindfully in a levelheaded and calm manner to people and situations, and less likely to react automatically or  negatively.

2.  The Kubera Mudra is a yoga posture for the hands that  brings your intention to life.

  • Focuses and concentrates energy for something strongly desired.
  • Puts powerful strength behind future plans (goals and what you want fulfilled)
  • Confidence, calmness and peacefulness
  • It can also be used to find something (lost object, parking spot, etc.)
  • Physically, it opens and is a decongestant the frontal sinuses

3.  Yoga Nidra is deeply restorative and healing.  It will seal your intention in so it will take root and bloom.   

Click here for details for all three of these exercises (pdf).

Remember, “When disturbed by negative thoughts and feelings, cultivate the positive. ” (Yoga Sutras 2.33)

-Posted by Julie Lusk, from Wholesome Resources

A Little Positive Thinking Goes a Long Way

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Leigh Anne JashewayYou’ve heard the old adage, “You can see the glass half full or you can see the glass half empty.” As it turns out, as long as you see the glass half full a few times a day, you can reduce your stress and live a healthier life.

A study done at the Positive Emotions and Psychophysiology Laboratory at the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill found that people who allow themselves to experience and recognize small moments of positivity bounced back better from adversity and stress and were much more able to ward off depression than those who wallowed in the negative.

Some people carry an umbrella every time the sky clouds over. I always wear sunglasses. It’s an external statement of an internal belief that in every day, no matter how dark at the moment, there will be some sun. As a wise friend once told me, “Whatever you look for is what you’ll find.”

By Leigh Anne Jasheway-Bryant

Real Friends: The Best Coping Technique for Stress

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Sociologists are taking great notice of the shift in cultural dynamics as technology continues to invade our lives with increased intensity and regularity. While the benefits of SKYPE, text messaging, and photo updates on Facebook are entertaining at best and at times essential for communication, NOTHING replaces face-to-face contact. As was predicted by the authors of Megatrends over two decades ago, our society is fractured into various subgroups (well beyond red and blue states) with the vast majority of people often isolated behind a computer screen for hours if not days. In addition to the vast health implications of these cultural dynamics (poor eating habits, poor exercise habits, poor sleep habits, etc), are the real social needs of individuals who need real social contact and interactions. I write this because I feel it is important to take time to cultivate relationships with your friends. In stress management circles, this is known as social support groups and it is essential for optimal health. If there were ever to come a time when the whole Internet was to crash, many people might wonder how they could live their lives. The bottom line is that we need to cultivate our friendships each and every day… So consider doing so, because when all is said and done, it’s not about how many square feet your house is, where you took your last vacation, or the salary of your current job. It all comes down to the quality of our friends and family…and the time we spend with them.

By Brian Luke Seward, retrieved from his Newsletter, http://brianlukeseaward.net/spring_2012_newsletter.pdf

Manage kids’ extracurricular activities to lower family stress

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Remember when after-school activities were typically neighborhood kids playing whichever game with no adult supervision until their mothers called them for dinner?

Today it’s different: kids are enrolled in any and all classes they – or you the parent – have an interest in to provide those sweet darlings with skill building activities. Since most are after school, everyone hits the race-track to fit everything in.

Extracurricular activities are great as long as they don’t turn from an enjoyable challenge to stress. So limit activities, even if that means just one activity per season.

Extracurricular activities certainly benefit children. They:

  • Build self-esteem;
  • Help kids make new friends;
  • Teach them how to be team players;
  • Improve school performance;
  • And importantly, keep kids from becoming inactive TV watchers and video game players, packing on the pounds as the sedentary years march by;

Consider these ideas to create a healthy lineup of activities for your kids, which will also help avoid burnout for all. Since you’re the parent and in charge (you are in charge, right?) make sure their schedule works for you, too.

1. Help your kids prioritize and choose activities that match their interests versus doing anything that looks exciting. Mostly, let them choose their own activities since pressuring them into something YOU’RE interested in may create tension.

Your answers to these questions can help decide which activities to sign up for. Is the activity:

  • Meaningful? Would it be beneficial to your child now or later?
  • Interesting to your child?
  • Within your time and resources?
  • Located in an area that fits your schedule?

2. Insist on one family day per week with no outside activities to build family time and to avoid burnout.

3. Start slow with new activities and encourage personal responsibility in choosing what to do. Instead of automatically buying the best equipment for a new endeavor simply because your son’s interested in the activity, require that he commit to a full class or season before upgrading the equipment. Have him demonstrate he’ll stick with it. This also keeps him from irresponsibly jumping in and out of activities willy-nilly.

4. Reduce commute time by choosing classes close by when possible, arranging carpooling where possible and running errands in that part of town when you drive.

5. Keep all kids’ commitments on a family calendar posted where all can see. List who’s doing what, where, when and how they’re getting there.

6. Look for signs of boredom and stress: does he procrastinate on practicing or even attending? Does he worry excessively about it? Find out why. Speak with his instructor to gain additional insight into the worth of the activity for him.

7. Adapt involvements as your children mature to accommodate increased commitments elsewhere.

Kids, like adults, can’t do it all; that’s why prioritizing is important. And never underestimate the importance of kids playing with kids with no supervision. It offers skills supervised activities don’t. And, not every moment of their “free time” needs to be scheduled.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., is an international speaker and a Stress and Wellness Coach. Order her book, Let Your Body Win: Stress Management Plain & Simple, at wholeperson.com.

The Challenge of Being Well And Being Male – Part One

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Men Helping Men Be Well!

Living a healthy lifestyle presents challenges for everyone, but what are men, in particular, up against when it comes to being well? Stereotypes aside, let’s look at what we know about men’s health.

At The Medical Wellness Forum (http://www.medicalwellnessassociation.com), where I presented, I was surprised to find out that rates of one of our biggest health risks, obesity, had leveled out for women in the United States, but that men had done a “great” job of catching up and equaling their numbers.

In January of this year a Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) report, published in the Journal of the American Medical Association (http://healthland.time.com/2012/01/17/u-s-obesity-rates-remain-stubbornly-high/), showed a disturbing trend for American males. “In the 1999-2000 survey, more women than men were obese, but by 2009-10, the rate of obesity was almost identical among the sexes. In 2010, 35.5% of men were obese, up from 27.5% in 2000. About 35.7% of women were also obese in 2010, roughly the same rate as in 2000. The rate of increase is startling, doubling in only twenty-five years.

What do obese men stand to lose? Plenty. In addition to greater risk for heart disease, diabetes and cancer, they also face the possibility of a lower sperm count, lower testosterone levels and those surveyed in some research reported lower ratings for sexual quality of life. Overweight and obese men, like women, face prejudice and discrimination socially and in the workplace.

Yeah, right! Discouraging more than motivating.

Despite all of these facts, the problem remains. Fear just isn’t enough to get the motivational job done. The few magazines that focus on men’s health also push unrealistic images of six-pack abs that probably discourage as much as they motivate. Relatively few programs exist for healthy weight loss that focus on men and their unique challenges.

One of those challenges is stress. As men experience more stress, and get older, their already decreasing testosterone levels are exacerbated by rising cortisol (stress hormone) levels. This seems to increase body fat, especially in the midsection, and decrease muscle mass. Stress management is one key, along with increased activity, including strength training, and healthier eating (better nutrition and portion control) to attaining and maintaining a healthy weight.

Men need the support of partners, families, employers and each other to succeed at being healthy. It’s so much easier to take the time to workout, to practice some form of relaxation practice, etc., when those who care about you can convey a sense of permission for self-care.

The strategy of increasing movement throughout the workday and at home also pays off. Instead of sitting in the bleachers, walk constantly around the field during your kid’s sporting event. Get involved in “silent sports” like biking, hiking, cross-country skiing, paddling, etc. and leave the “noisy toys” at home. Encourage your male friends to get in for their medical check ups and “know their numbers”, like blood pressure, cholesterol levels, etc. Help each other out. As comedian Red-Green says “We’re all in this together!

-By Michael Arloski, from Real Balance Wellness.

Just for Laffs: Summer Separates the Boys from the Girls

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Leigh Anne JashewayI was at a garage sale one afternoon last weekend when a man who looked to be in his eighties noticed a very large weed wacker near the door.

“That for sale?” he asked as he rushed over to it as fast as his cane would let him.

“Yep. We’re asking $5,” the woman answered with that I hope he’s not just toying with me tone that every garage sale organizer gets as the day wears on and it becomes clear than all that stuff, including the treadmill and the giant moose with blue eye shadow, is going to have to be packed up and dragged inside again.

“Sold,” the man said under his breath, hoping to transact the deal before his wife noticed. No such luck. A curly-haired sprite of a woman left the Jane Fonda videotapes she’d been perusing and appeared at his side in a flash, her tiny fists balled up on her hips.

“Bob, you can’t even lift that thing. Besides, we don’t have weeds in our apartment at Ya-Po-Ah Terrace.”

“I know, Bonnie. But it’s got three horses. Three! For $5. That’s a steal.”

Later that same day, I was at the mall with a friend when I overheard two women in the dressing room talking.

“I read that Jennifer Hudson went from a size 16 to a 6. If she can do that, I bet by July 4th weekend I’ll be skinny enough to get into this size 12 sundress! Only fifteen more pounds and I’m so there!”

“Me too! Look out world; soon there will be less of us to love!”

To me, these to stories capture how men and women’s experiences of summer differ: for the guys it’s all about bigger, faster, and louder, while most women try to become smaller and less conspicuous. It’s Godzilla versus The Shrinking Woman.

Here’s another case in point: while walking my dogs recently, a man waved to us from atop his riding lawnmower. He said something too, but the roar of the suburban tractor drowned it out. Perhaps what he said was “I know my lawn is only the size of a postage stamp and I have to back this mower into the street to turn it around, but I AM KING OF THE WORLD!”

I can see how a riding lawn mower would be a great idea for someone with several acres of grass, but I can’t for the life of me think of why guys need one to trim the two dandelions that have sprouted in the driveway cracks. I have more carpet than he has lawn, yet I have never lain awake at night wishing someone would invent a riding vacuum cleaner with an onboard chocolate dispenser. Of course, the testosterone coursing through my veins wouldn’t fill up a pink Hello Kitty thimble, so what do I know?

Speaking of bigger and louder, that definitely applies to fireworks. Don’t get me wrong – I love a beautiful fireworks show such as the one at AltonBakerParkon July 4th, with each explosion timed to the 1812 Overture or Lady Gaga’s Poker Face (that’s right, I’m up-to-date on my musical references, thanks to Glee). But the guys can never get enough of things that go boom in the night. I once had a neighbor who stuck leftover firecrackers under his weeds in an attempt to blow them sky high. He was happy with the result too, despite the fact that he ended up singeing off most of his eyebrows. Most women are happy to settle for pretty – and quiet – sparklers and leave our eyebrow maintenance to the professionals.

Of course, women’s summertime pursuit of trying to achieve the impossible is just as dangerous. I’m totally onboard with staying fit and healthy, but most of us can do that in the average-sized body we’re meant to have. My personal feeling is that zero is an imaginary number and if you diet and exercise your way there, you’ll disappear. I like there to be enough of me to cause a commotion or at least hold up my sparkler.

While the guys are blowing things up and marveling at how much horsepower their new riding BBQ has (laugh now, but you know it’s only a matter of time), many women are turning down potato salad and popsicles because they have too many calories, and don’t even get us started on the trans fats!

As much as the men’s toys may annoy us, we women would do well to take a page from their handbook (they’re not reading it anyway, because as well all know, men don’t need instructions). Let’s spend more time this summer focusing on all the power we have under our hood and not on the size of our chassis.

© 2012 Leigh Anne Jasheway

Two Monks and A Woman

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There is an expression, which says, “where there is ego, there is stress.” That’s why sages throughout the ages have offered the same advice to deal with ego-produced stress: to detach, release, and surrender the ego. Most of us, however, hang on, and cling to stress-producing thoughts, which, in fact, no longer serve our purpose. Prejudice, guilt,
grief and doubt, to name a few, have a heavy gravitational pull on the human soul. Hanging on to old thoughts, attitudes, perceptions, and beliefs stunt our mental, emotional, and spiritual growth. While at first they may be useful to get through a given situation, old perceptions gather weight as we attempt to move forward with our lives. Some perceptions act like roadblocks, disrupting the journey altogether. To break the cycle, we must constantly remind ourselves to let go of the perception, and hence let go of the stress.

To remind myself, I always like to keep this story in mind. Two monks were walking from one town to the next on a humid summer day. In silence, they walked for miles under the hot sun along a graveled path. Late in the afternoon, they sat down on the grass and listened to the sounds of water cascading over stones in a shallow riverbed. If the monks kept their pace, they would reach their destination before sunset. After a short while they got up and resumed their trek. Soon they came upon the remains of a washed-out bridge. Built several years previously, it had been destroyed in the spring floods. Without thought, the first monk stepped into the water and proceeded to make his way across the river, careful of his footing; the second monk followed ever so cautiously.

Upon reaching the far bank, the first monk looked up to see a woman approach him. “The bridge is washed out and I cannot make it across and I must get to my village before dark. What am I to do?” she cried.

The first monk offered to carry her back across the shallow moving water. Picking her up, he carefully secured his step with each foot until he placed her down safely on dry land. Then he turned around and forded the stream once more to join his fellow traveler.

The two again walked for miles in silence until the first monk paused for a moment and then sat down. The second monk joined him by his side and began to talk.

“Brother, we have taken vows of chastity. How could you pick up that woman and carry her as you did? You have forsaken your vows,” he admonished.

The first monk answered, “Remember, we have also taken vows of service.” Then he paused for a moment and then said, “Brother, I placed that woman on the banks of the river several miles ago. It is you who still carries her.”

Carrying around useless stress is a heavy burden to both body and soul. Remember to travel light on your journey of life.

-From Stressed is Desserts Spelled Backward, by Brian Luke Seward.

Cancer and Lifestyle Improvement

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Run towards the healthiest life possible!

We’ve often viewed getting cancer as luck of the draw. Other than eating enough fiber and avoiding smoking and too much sun exposure we haven’t really seen it as having much relationship to lifestyle. Now we’re finding that the way we live our lives has a significant effect on both the prevention of cancer and the course of the illness once it is diagnosed. In previous posts we looked at lifestyle connections to heart disease and diabetes. Now let’s look at lifestyle and cancer.

With the increased treatment success rates we are seeing for many forms of cancer, people are living longer and healthier lives through early detection and more effective treatments. Yet the American Cancer Society (http://www.cancer.org/) estimated that for 2010 there would be over one and half million new cases of cancer in the United States and over 21,000 in my home state of Colorado alone. There are several lifestyle-cancer connections we are becoming more acutely aware of.

The lifestyle-breast cancer connection is becoming better known.

The American Cancer Society tells us that roughly one third of all cancers are diet and activity related. The standard call for thirty minutes a day of activity is important as so many of our jobs are increasingly sedentary. We also know that eating more fruits and vegetables, whole grains and healthier fats, and less processed meats reduces cancer risks. Recent news articles and Breastcancer.org (http://www.breastcancer.org/) have raised awareness that overweight woman, especially after menopause have a greater risk of breast cancer. Being overweight also can increase the risk of the recurrence of breast cancer. The same risk applies to men and women for increasing the chance of cancers of the colon, endometrium, esophagus, kidney, and other organs.

A wellness lifestyle can mean a better quality of life!

Prostate cancer, the second leading cause of male cancer deaths behind lung cancer, is also showing a lifestyle connection. “Genetics certainly play an important role, but heredity cannot explain most cases. Lifestyle factors have also been implicated; the leading candidate is diet. A high consumption of saturated fat from animal sources is linked to an increased risk of prostate cancer, while whole grains, tomatoes, some vegetables, fish, and soy appear protective. Other lifestyle elements that have been linked to the disease include obesity, lack of exercise, and heavy smoking and drinking.” (http://www.health.harvard.edu/fhg/updates/Lifestyle-therapy-for-prostate-cancer.shtml)

Moderation is, once again, key.

New research is finding that the correlation between alcohol consumption and cancer is greater than we once thought. Two articles published this month in prestigious medical journals suggested that moderation is the key. (http://community.breastcancer.org/livegreen/alcohol-and-cancer-you-cant-drink-to-your-health/)  While only 3.5% of deaths from cancer worldwide are because of alcohol, “experts estimate that 90% of the male deaths from cancer worldwide caused by alcohol consumption could be avoided if they limited themselves to only two drinks a day and 50% of the deaths in women could be avoided if they had only one drink a day.”

“Where there are things we can do about cancer, and we don’t tell people what they are, we are giving them false hopelessness.” David Servan-Schreiber

Anticancer– A New Way of Life by David Servan-Schreiber (http://www.anticancerbook.com/book.html) outlines the role of diet, exercise, stress management and the environment in reducing your chances for cancer. Avoiding certain chemicals found in household cleaning products and perfumes is one way you can control your environment. Healthy changes to everyday life can reduce cancer risks by stopping the growth of cancer cells, which he calls “outlaws.” These changes, even if they are small, strengthen the immune system. “All in all, anything that boosts our immune system fights cancer,” Servan-Schreiber says. “And, certain food items or behaviors that have anti-inflammatory properties can help stop cancer from spreading.”

More “Good” News!

During the recent (Oct. 2011) United Nations Summit on Non-communicable Diseases (NCD’s) the World Cancer Research Fund reported that 2.8 million lives per year could be saved through better lifestyles and healthier diets. “Global health experts say many deaths from NCDs, including around a third of all common cancers, could be prevented by curbing excessive alcohol intake, improving diets, discouraging smoking and promoting more physical activity.” (http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/09/07/us-cancer-preventable-idUSTRE7864S720110907)

The expression of genes in the body can actually be affected by lifestyle improvement. In the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, led by Dr. Dean Ornish, head of the Preventive Medicine Research Institute, Ornish contends that stress management, changes in diet and exercise can actually result in dramatic changes on a genetic level. “After three months of lifestyle changes, [diet, exercise, etc.] the report notes that the activity of disease-preventing genes increased while a number of disease-promoting genes, including those involved in prostate cancer and breast cancer, shut down.” (http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=5466)

In a WebMD article “10 Lifestyle Tips for Cancer Prevention” are shared and recommended for post-cancer treatment as well. (http://www.webmd.com/cancer/news/20081028/10-lifestyle-tips-for-cancer-prevention)

Because there is a lifestyle connection where living a wellness lifestyle as much as possible is most advisable some Oncology clinics are actually hiring wellness coaches to be the behavioral change allies for their patients. Coaches can help people with the weight loss, smoking cessation, self-efficacy, and medical compliance that are all so important in prevention, prevention of reoccurrence, and the course of the illness itself.  Once again, wellness and health coaching can help people live their best life possible.

IN MEMORIAL

David Servan-Schreiber 1961-2011

On July 24th, 2011, David Servan-Schreiber, who had survived two deadly encounters with cancer since being diagnosed at age 31, finally succumbed to an even more aggressive third bout with brain cancer at age 50. During those 19 years he not only inspired people with cancer with his own battle, but championed the concept of self-efficacy for people with cancer. This N.Y. Times article highlights his story and efforts to help us all. He will be missed. http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/30/world/europe/30servan.html?_r=1

To get a real feel for the sincerity of this man, and his dedication to helping others, check out his video “Anticancer – A New Way of Life”. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2lwiQm5QaTs

-From Real Balance Wellness, by Michael Arloski.

Make Contact With Nature Part of Your Wellness Plan

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Photo by M. Arloski (all rights reserved)

Here in Colorado we have one of the ultimate places for outdoor activity and opportunity. Yet, it is easy for many of us to stay so busy that we rarely take advantage of the healthful benefits of contact with the natural world.

We experientially know that our stress levels go down when we spend more time in nature. We feel rejuvenated and refreshed after we take a walk through a park or out along a bike path. We feel more grounded and relaxed after a weekend camping and hiking. Now we know from scientific research that our intuition is right.

Dr. Eeva Karjalainen of the Finnish Forest Research Institute summarized such research, stating that just being out in forests and other natural, green settings “can reduce stress, improve moods, reduce anger and aggressiveness and increase overall happiness. Forest visits may also strengthen our immune system…Many studies show that after stressful or concentration-demanding situations, people recover faster and better in natural environments than in urban settings. Blood pressure, heart rate, muscle tension and the level of “stress hormones” all decrease faster in natural settings. Depression, anger and aggressiveness are reduced in green environments and ADHD symptoms in children reduce when they play in green settings.” There has even been research showing that exercising outdoors results in greater physiological benefits than exercising indoors.
In one study over 600 people were asked why they visited the National Forests in the U.S. 92% said they did so to “relax and gain peace of mind”. Perhaps our best “wellness centers” are in the outdoors.

The Environmental Dimension of Wellness has many faces to it that we are much more aware of today. We realize that our behavior affects the world around us in many ways. Our choice to purchase whole and natural foods sends a message all the way to the farmers who decide what to plant and how to care for it. Our choice of vehicles either minimizes our impact on the earth or contributes to it’s ecological misery. However the effect that contact with the natural world can have upon us is huge in it’s potential to help us to heal our frazzled nerves and our troubled soul. Our connectedness to the world around us is often overlooked as a way of healing, yet, when we reach back to that older way of being it seems to always give us just what we need.

Photo by M. Arloski (all rights reserved)

On Memorial Day I got out on a hike after far too long away from the foothills and mountains. After hiking past white violets and columbine in bloom I found the remains of an off-trail campsite and took a mid-day break for lunch and contemplation. The quiet was what I found myself cherishing. No city noise, only bird song and wind in the pines and aspen. I opened my copy of Sigurd Olson’s Reflections From The North Country and immediately found these lines. “When man feels tension as though he were being pulled out of his ancient mold, it is his divorcement from silence that is often responsible, silence built into the fabric of this mind. He may not know what is wrong, but he has only to find it again to restore his equilibrium.”

“Mountains give you strength, but water speaks to your soul.” Sigurd Olson. Photo by M. Arlosk (all rights reserved)

Being healthy and well seems always about restoring balance in our lives on all levels. Until we slow down and reconnect with nature we may not, as Olson reminds us, even realize how out of balance our lives may have become.

There are thirteen weekends in June, July and August. Getting outdoors can be as easy as a spontaneous walk in a park, but consciously setting aside time to get out hiking, camping, etc., like so many wellness activities, is about planning and putting it on the calendar. We know that Labor Day Weekend will be here before we know it.

-From Real Balance Wellness, a blog by Michael Arloski.

Music can soothe frazzled nerves

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It can also reduce blood pressure, relieve pain

You’ve experienced how music can trigger your emotions taking you back in time to sweet – or bitter-sweet – memories. This is why listening to music that touches your soul can serve as a powerful stress reduction tool.

According to a variety of research published by eMedExpert.com 2011, music which appeals to you has many benefits. It:

  • Can distract attention away from your stressors;
  • Can increase your sense of control, which automatically reduces over-all stress;
  • Is effective therapy for pain:
  • Can reduce chronic pain from osteoarthritis, disc problems and rheumatoid arthritis by up to 21% and depression by up to 25% (UK Journal of Advanced Nursing, June, 2006.)
  • Causes the body to release endorphins to counteract pain;
  • Reduces blood pressure: People with high blood pressure can train themselves to lower their blood pressure and keep it low by playing relaxing music every morning and evening (Teng, et al., 2007.) Listening to just 30 minutes of classical, Celtic or raga (traditional south Asian) music daily can significantly reduce high blood pressure.
  • Speeds Post-Stroke Recovery: Daily listening to your favorite pop melodies, classical music or jazz can speed recovery from debilitating strokes (Sarkamo, et al., Brain, March 2008.)
  • Reduces intensity, frequency, and duration of chronic headaches and migraines (Oelkers, et al., April 12, 2008.)
  • Motivates you to exercise and enhances athletic performance (Simpson and Karageorghis, Sports Science, Oct 2006.)
  • Boosts immunity: Music that creates a positive and reflective emotional experience leads to the secretion of immune-boosting hormones (Kuhn, et al., Music Therapy, Spring, 2002.) Higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol decrease immune response; listening to or performing music can decrease it (le Roux, et al., Music Therapy, Summer, 2007.)
  • Those who listen to classical and self-selected relaxing music after exposure to stressors significantly reduce their anxiety, anger – and very importantly for their health – their physiological stress arousal, and increase relaxation compared to those who sit silently or listen to heavy metal music (Labbe, et al, of the University of South Alabama.)

In other words, desirable music is healing for your well-being.

Any time you become more frenzied with life’s demands, schedule time to do nothing but listen to music. Or play it in the background as you go about your business. It’s not a time waster, but rather a Stress Break, which takes you away from your pressures, allowing your body to balance the stress hormones we know cause physical and emotional havoc.
*Article by Jacqueline Ferguson
*Music by Steven Eckels

Just for Laffs: I Won’t Ballroom Dance, Don’t Ask Me

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Leigh Anne JashewayI love watching ballroom dancing. The graceful movement, the teamwork between partners, the costumes that are so over-the-top they give Lady Gaga ideas for her next red carpet look… Ballroom dancing is art, really. But just as with art, the world is better off with me as a spectator than a participant.

Synchronized partner dancing is not my thing and it’s not just because I may be the world’s largest klutz. (I know some of you out there are vying for the title, but until you have accidentally glued your forearms together AND stabbed yourself in the neck with a corncob holder in the same day, don’t even think about challenging me.) My issue with ballroom dancing is more about the fact that when I hear great music, I don’t want to have to think about anything or anyone except expressing myself, wildly and unabashedly. I’m not in the mood to think about whether I’m following or leading – I’ve been told that I tend to do the latter, no matter what the circumstances. And I don’t want to have to worry about whose foot I will mangle if I don’t get the next turn executed properly or whose sacroiliac is going to be out of joint because I don’t dip well.

May I digress for a moment? Whose idea was “dipping” anyway? According to my secret sources (Wikipedia and answers.com, the source of all truth in the universe), the waltz was created in Austria in 1776. So while our forefathers were setting out the rights and responsibilities we are still arguing about today, the Austrians were putting on their dancing shoes. Interestingly, back then the shoes of both men and women were heeled. Doesn’t it just make you feel better to know at some point men had to dance in heels too? Although not recorded in the annals of on-line history, I’m fairly certain that after a few years, the men started to get tired of being dragged out by their wives to boogey every Saturday night, not to mention how much their feet hurt. So a few of them got together and decided to prank the ladies by creating “the dip,” a dangerous back pain-inducing move that was meant to dissuade the gals from dancing, but instead lead an onlooker to invent chiropractic and rake in the big bucks, er Kroner.

Okay, back to my point, if I can remember what it was…

Oh, yes. I recently went to hear one of my favorite local bands play at an event promoted for “boomers.” The great thing about dances for boomers is you are almost guaranteed that there will be no hip hop dancing or crunking. Not to mention I knew that I would be among the youngest people there and therefore experience a boost in my self-esteem. I should also probably mention here that the event started at 7 p.m. Bonus!

I sidled up to the bar and ordered my usual – a glass of fizzy water. Yes, that’s the kind of party animal I am. Then I took a seat at a table next to the dance floor and watched as a dozen couples whirled and twirled each other around like gray-haired auditioners for So You Think You Can Dance. They were all fantastic and I felt more than a little intimidated and out of my element. Unfortunately, the fizzy water didn’t do anything to ease my nerves. Nor did the woman who politely pointed out to me that my blouse was on inside out.

When I returned from addressing my wardrobe malfunction in the ladies’ room, I noticed a handful of younger women (defined as “close to my age”) dancing with each other near the stage. They danced in a circle, not paired up, and their moves were wild and free. As I was about to ask them if I could join their group, a guy tapped me on the shoulder and invited me to dance. My heart pounded. Partly because I was happy to know I’ve still got it (only it’s located slightly further south than it used to be), but mostly because I did not want try to keep up with the professional dancers on the floor. I agreed to dance with him, but pointed to the ballroom dancers and said, “I don’t dance like that.”

“How do you dance?” he asked.

I pointed to the wild women near the stage. “Like that.”

“That’s not dancing,” he harrumphed. “That’s Jazzercise.”

Guess who I danced with? That’s right, the ladies. It was great. And by the end of the evening, there were about thirty women all shaking our booties without having to walk backward and tuck under a gentleman’s arm. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but sometimes a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. And in this case, it didn’t include dipping.

By Leigh Anne Jasheway, author of Don’t Get Mad, Get Funny! and Are You Playing With Me?

 

Just for Laffs:  I Won’t Ballroom Dance, Don’t Ask Me

 

I love watching ballroom dancing. The graceful movement, the teamwork between partners, the costumes that are so over-the-top they give Lady Gaga ideas for her next red carpet look…  Ballroom dancing is art, really. But just as with art, the world is better off with me as a spectator than a participant.

 

Synchronized partner dancing is not my thing and it’s not just because I may be the world’s largest klutz. (I know some of you out there are vying for the title, but until you have accidentally glued your forearms together AND stabbed yourself in the neck with a corncob holder in the same day, don’t even think about challenging me.) My issue with ballroom dancing is more about the fact that when I hear great music, I don’t want to have to think about anything or anyone except expressing myself, wildly and unabashedly. I’m not in the mood to think about whether I’m following or leading – I’ve been told that I tend to do the latter, no matter what the circumstances. And I don’t want to have to worry about whose foot I will mangle if I don’t get the next turn executed properly or whose sacroiliac is going to be out of joint because I don’t dip well.

 

May I digress for a moment? Whose idea was “dipping” anyway? According to my secret sources (Wikipedia and answers.com, the source of all truth in the universe), the waltz was created in Austria in 1776. So while our forefathers were setting out the rights and responsibilities we are still arguing about today, the Austrians were putting on their dancing shoes. Interestingly, back then the shoes of both men and women were heeled. Doesn’t it just make you feel better to know at some point men had to dance in heels too? Although not recorded in the annals of on-line history, I’m fairly certain that after a few years, the men started to get tired of being dragged out by their wives to boogey every Saturday night, not to mention how much their feet hurt. So a few of them got together and decided to prank the ladies by creating “the dip,” a dangerous back pain-inducing move that was meant to dissuade the gals from dancing, but instead lead an onlooker to invent chiropractic and rake in the big bucks, er Kroner.

 

Okay, back to my point, if I can remember what it was…

 

Oh, yes. I recently went to hear one of my favorite local bands play at an event promoted for “boomers.” The great thing about dances for boomers is you are almost guaranteed that there will be no hip hop dancing or crunking. Not to mention I knew that I would be among the youngest people there and therefore experience a boost in my self-esteem. I should also probably mention here that the event started at 7 p.m. Bonus!

 

I sidled up to the bar and ordered my usual – a glass of fizzy water. Yes, that’s the kind of party animal I am. Then I took a seat at a table next to the dance floor and watched as a dozen couples whirled and twirled each other around like gray-haired auditioners for So You Think You Can Dance. They were all fantastic and I felt more than a little intimidated and out of my element. Unfortunately, the fizzy water didn’t do anything to ease my nerves. Nor did the woman who politely pointed out to me that my blouse was on inside out.

 

When I returned from addressing my wardrobe malfunction in the ladies’ room, I noticed a handful of younger women (defined as “close to my age”) dancing with each other near the stage. They danced in a circle, not paired up, and their moves were wild and free. As I was about to ask them if I could join their group, a guy tapped me on the shoulder and invited me to dance. My heart pounded. Partly because I was happy to know I’ve still got it (only it’s located slightly further south than it used to be), but mostly because I did not want try to keep up with the professional dancers on the floor. I agreed to dance with him, but pointed to the ballroom dancers and said, “I don’t dance like that.”

 

“How do you dance?” he asked.

 

I pointed to the wild women near the stage. “Like that.”

 

 “That’s not dancing,” he harrumphed. “That’s Jazzercise.”

 

Guess who I danced with? That’s right, the ladies. It was great. And by the end of the evening, there were about thirty women all shaking our booties without having to walk backward and tuck under a gentleman’s arm. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but sometimes a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. And in this case, it didn’t include dipping.


© 2011 Leigh Anne Jasheway

Top Ten Wellness Strategies for The Self-Employed

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It’s lonely at the top, especially when you are the whole mountain!

Profitable corporations have embraced wellness programs as a way to effectively hold down healthcare costs, boost productivity, creativity and reduce absenteeism and turnover rates. If you are one of the more than sixteen million self-employed people out there, what does your wellness program look like? When you are self-employed and you become really ill, it’s like Hewlett Packard locking the gate and turning off the lights…you’re out of business! Making conscious investment in your company’s biggest asset, you and your health, is critical.

About one out of every nine people in the American workforce is self-employed and 90% actually chose to become so. Corporate-culture refugees are often happier on their own, but this new territory comes with it’s own particular stresses and challenges. Nobody tells you to stop working for the day. There is no schedule other than the one you make yourself. Couples who have their own business together must become communication experts with each other. There is tremendous freedom and potentially tremendous pressure.

There is certainly an upside though…many of them in fact. When you see that the temperature at noon will be in the nineties, you can get your walk or run in at 9:00 am and work through your noon hour. You may commute just across the hallway. There is no pay-scale, and no glass ceiling.

The big challenge is work-life balance. How does the self-employed person achieve a wellness lifestyle and one that is both personally and financially rewarding? How do we really apply the old adage “work smarter, not harder”?

Let’s look at the Top Ten Wellness Strategies for The Self-Employed.

1. Identity. Realize that you are not your work. Your business is something you own, not vise-versa. The key is to “have a life” and to, in fact, nurture a well-rounded, full and meaningful life. Meaning and purpose in both work and life ensure motivation to be well and to be successful. When your work is in alignment with your values and beliefs conflict and stress are minimized and energy emerges to get the job done.

2. Boundaries and flexibility. The old joke that being self-employed is only half-time work…you can work whatever 12 hrs./day you want to work, is much too real. It’s a double-edged sword you want to take conscious command of and have it cut for you instead of against you. Track your work hours by writing them down if need be. Set alarms. Give yourself days off. When things pop into your head, jot them down for discussion later and then return to being back in the present moment. Make agreements with partners to create some hours each day and some times each week when business is not discussed.

3. Confidence. Overcome the fears that drive you to over-work by building your confidence and belief in your ability to be successful. You do not have to be available 24/7 to be productive. Know that your skills, abilities, and investments in your work can allow you to take time off and still thrive.

“I have so much to accomplish today that I just meditate for two hours instead of one.” M.K. Gandhi

4. Self-care/Self-permission.Give yourself permission to take fantastic care of yourself. Confront outdated and fearful personal beliefs about putting yourself last on your list. It may feel strange, but practice what feels like “extreme self-care” and it will probably be about right!

5. Investment. Invest in your own wellness. Get all of your medical check-ups on time. Invest in your own physical health with regular exercise and high quality fuel (food). Invest in your own mental health by expressing your creativity and having fun with others.

6. Energy. Re-charge your energy with frequent breaks. Stretch, move, breathe every hour. Studies show that your creativity and productivity will soar (http://www.ernestrossi.com/interviews/ultradia.htm) (http://www.polarunlimited.com/2010/09/the-way-were-working-isnt-working-summary/)


7. Organization. Your to-do list won’t magically go away while you’re doing all of this wellness stuff! Your work has to be efficient, not just excessive effort. Educate yourself about what organizational systems will work for you like GTD (Getting Things Done) (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Getting_Things_Done) or ZTD (Zen To Done) (http://zenhabits.net/zen-to-done-ztd-the-ultimate-simple-productivity-system/) . Experiment with HOW you work, not just working harder to find out what really catalyzes your productivity. Delegate. Repeat, delegate! Hire an IT person (even just one time) to help your technology work for you instead of bogging you down. Use the famous Urgency/Importance Matrix (easily found online) to prioritize and streamline tasks while eliminating what really doesn’t matter.

8. Self-compassion. Be kind, patient and self-forgiving. “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” May sound cliché, but it’s true. Keep lifting your head from where your nose is on the grindstone and see the bigger picture of your progress and that of your business. (http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/02/28/go-easy-on-yourself-a-new-wave-of-research-urges/)

9. Connection. Self-employment can be very isolating and this can boost self-doubt, depression and pessimism. Get out and connect with other professionals at organization meetings. Do some work at coffee shops and go ahead and talk with people!

10. Get a Coach. It’s lonely at the top, especially when you are the whole mountain! Invest in an ally who specializes in helping entrepreneurs and folks like you. A business/life coach may give you the support and accountability you need to create a plan for success and effectively pursue it. A wellness coach may help you find the life/work balance you are looking for, help prevent burnout, and help you find a totally sustainable way of living and working that maximizes your health and well being, allowing you to actualize more of your wonderful potential.

-Blog entry by Michael Arloski on Real Balance Wellness

Coaching The “Boomer Generation” for Aging Well

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Expect the unexpected with THIS generation!

Every seven seconds a “Boomer” turns fifty. The American post-war “Boomer Generation” spends more on health care than their parents did.
They visit the doctor more, they consume more services, and aren’t afraid to use their $7 trillion in collective wealth to improve their quality of life. From physical therapy, to cosmetic surgery, to the latest in life-saving technology, Boomers just aren’t built to grow old gracefully or go “quietly into the night.” Their impact on the marketplace for health and wellness products and services is huge and unprecedented, and wellness coaching may just be on their shopping list.

Boomers live longer, but the debate goes on whether they are healthier or not. It is like the tale of two generations in one. Our stereotype of the generation is like most stereotypes, usually misleading. We think of the Boomers as the same folks who went to college in the late sixties and projected an image of rebelliousness, and social consciousness. While this generation did acquire more education than any previous, not everyone went to college, and not all became the health conscious, socially and environmentally aware folks that describe the icon the current media might portray.

They are in fact quite a paradoxical group to look at. While on the one hand there are plenty of physically active, health food conscious “oldsters” in Yoga classes and out on the bike and hiking trails, especially in some parts of the country, many folks the same age are living a very different lifestyle. The Boomers, as a whole, are far more obese, are under more stress at work, and are retiring later, if at all. They are much more sedentary than any previous generation driven by more jobs that limit movement and have longer commutes. While they don’t smoke as much, they self-report being less physically healthy than their parents. They watch more TV and even their recreational pursuits can go either people-powered or “full throttle” (i.e. sitting down revving some kind of engine).

Abbey Road has a new look!

Helping this enigmatic generation create a healthy future takes on two aspects, the individual and the sociological. When we look at long-lived cultures around the world, like the National Geographic-funded Blue Zones project does (www.bluezones.com ), we see cultures that have in place healthy norms and lots of social support. People in all of these longevity hot spots make lots of movement a natural part of their daily lives. They live with meaning and purpose and a strong sense of spirituality. They eat wisely and “belong to the right tribe”. They honor and keep elders within their community. Social isolation is a health risk for all, and only increases in threat as we get older. The challenge is for us to build the kind of families and communities that support being well not just while we’re young, but for our entire lives.

Once again, “coaching for connectedness” may take center stage. Making the goal of obtaining greater social support a central part of a client’s Wellness Plan may be the most helpful thing they experience in wellness coaching.

COACHING BOOMERS – Three Ideas

# 1 – Never assume they are retired, or are even retiring anytime soon. Chances are your client who is still at least in their sixties, is still employed full-time. In fact they may be headed into the most productive time of their lives. Let’s call them late-bloomers. For them Work-Life Balance Coaching is a greater need than ever. Furthermore it may be complicated by some factors of aging keeping them from performing like they would like to, or being able to get the most out of the limited time they have for exercise and self-care. If they are taking medication that makes weight loss more challenging, or are recovering from surgeries, etc. (joint repair and replacement is more and more common with this group) they may not be able to be as “efficient” in their activities to maintain their health. Exploring this in coaching and helping them to create new strategies may become a really valuable use of coaching.

Many of this generation have also found themselves facing retirement with financial problems instead of reserves to draw upon. For them, healthcare issues and wellness lifestyle choices may revolve around expenses, especially for the pre-Medicare group. They may really benefit from coaching that can help them keep their health a priority in the face of the frightening costs of healthcare.

#2 – Coach around the subject of meaning and purpose. Some folks are fortunate and either find meaning and purpose in work they continue to do, or have lived full lives where they have developed rich sources of meaning and purpose outside of their careers. For others “retirement” may result in such feelings losing their anchor. Without a solid sense of meaning and purpose in one’s life there is less motivation to engage in a really healthy lifestyle. Help your client search in directions that align with their values and interests. Reconnecting with old interests, becoming active in organizations, volunteering with non-profits may all bridge this gap in a meaningful way. This may be a great time in life for developing the spiritual side of one’s self. Coach your client through the steps of exploring such new pursuits and following through on creating “experiments” to find something that works for them.

#3 – Always explore the issue of connectedness. Never assume that your client has friends and family that can or will support their efforts at improving their lifestyle. More and more seniors are living alone, especially as spouses die and children move away. Many others have relocated themselves to places where the challenge is establishing a whole new circle of friends.

“Studies have shown that people who are isolated and lonely have a higher incidence of health problems. A 1998 study of patients with heart disease found that 50 percent of the patients who reported feeling very isolated were not married and had no one in whom they could confide died within five years. During the same time span, only 17 percent of those with either a spouse or confidant died. Another 1998 study on women found that symptoms of depression and lack of social support were associated with more heart attacks, open-heart surgeries and deaths from cardiovascular disease. A report has found that seniors, who attend church at least weekly, live longer.” (http://seniorhealth.about.com/od/mentalemotionalhealth/a/lonely.htm)

Also, don’t assume that social networking online is not in the picture. Many boomers are quite tech-savvy, certainly more than any other group of oldsters ever has been. Folks with chronic illnesses may find both information and online groups of others sharing the same health challenges. Whether it is through something online, participating in a Senior Center’s programming, or engaging in community groups in align with their interests, it’s all good.

The individual aspect, again comes back to lifestyle choices, conscious awareness and realizing that we are in charge of our own health. A big part of it is realizing that we can and do affect our own health. Building that confidence, that self-efficacy is crucial. Making the individual decision to connect with others and build a sense of healthy community may create yet another paradox, but one that works for us.

My grandpa, he’s 95

And he keeps on dancin’

He’s still alive

 

My grandma, she’s 92

She loves to dance

And sing some, too

 

I don’t know

But I’ve been told

If you keep on dancing

You’ll never grow old

 

Come on darling

Put a pretty dress on

We’re gonna go out tonight

Dance, dance, dance

Dance, dance, dance

Dance, dance, dance

All night long

“Dance, Dance, Dance” – The Steve Miller Band

-From Real Balance Wellness, a blog by Michael Arloski.

How we manage stress is passed on in families

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Depressed TeenWhat causes most depression: genetics or experiences?

A hint to the answer comes from the comparisons of depression and schizophrenia rates worldwide. Schizophrenia is found in approximately 1% of the population no matter the culture. Depression varies dramatically culture to culture suggesting it could be contagious.

Consider the following and see if you think depression is spreading:

  • The World Health Organization says depression is the fourth leading cause of human disability and projects by 2020 it’ll take over second place.
  • The average onset of depression is the mid-20s. It used to be the mid-30s.
  • According to clinical psychologist Michael Yapko, long-term studies show depression intensifying one generation to the next, “Today’s parents are the largest depressed group raising the fastest-growing group of depression sufferers.”
  • We’re four times more depressed than our parents; ten times more so than our grandparents! And this is not due to greater awareness of the illness.

Since depressed people experience far more difficulty socially than do those not depressed, could they be spreading the illness? They have:

  • More family and marital arguments;
  • Less relationship satisfaction;
  • Greater unhappiness;

Even though you can be genetically vulnerable to depression, the greater cause is learning, mostly from our families, how to manage what goes on inside our heads, including our:

  • Explanatory style (the meaning we attach to life experiences);
  • Cognitive style (thinking);
  • Coping style (how we manage stress);
  • Problem-solving style;
  • Relational style;

Families model their thinking, feeling, and relating to others, passing on these patterns to other family members.

Yapko also reports a near-perfect correlation between parents’ explanatory style and their child’s. When your child asks you why something happened, your explanation represents your style of thinking including your belief of what caused it. “Why can’t I take tennis lessons, Mom?” “It’s a waste of money since you’ll never be coordinated.” Mom attributes the cause to the child’s clumsiness. And her permanently negative attribution communicates nothing will ever change.

Yapko says these routine interactions happen multiple times daily, imperceptibly shaping the child’s beliefs about himself and his world. They influence how he filters risk-taking, his own potential, whom he blames when things go wrong – and – his vulnerability to depression.

Additionally, the child who learns to make global assumptions that life events are beyond his control experiences greater helplessness and hopelessness, ingredients for depression. He’s more likely to perceive himself helpless about his happiness, competence and relationships.

Studies show these interpretation patterns are established early on. In one study, 8 year-old children were asked how they’d respond if shopping with their mother and suddenly finding themselves separated from her. The anxious children produced scary scenarios of never finding their parents and being adopted by strangers. The nonanxious kids said they’d ask the store manager to make a P-A announcement. Free of their peers’ anxiety, they’d think their way through to solving the problem.

Which patterns of perceiving are you teaching your kids?

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., is an international speaker and a Stress and Wellness Coach. Order her book, Let Your Body Win: Stress Management Plain & Simple.

Converting Anger to Laughter

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Leigh Anne JashewayThe name of my newsletter has always been Don’t Get Mad, Get Funny. This is also the title of my first book on using humor to lighten up about stress and the topic title of my most popular keynote presentation. I’m not trying to say that anger isn’t a valid and valuable emotion—it’s just that too many of us go there far too often and for tiny little stressors that don’t deserve our anger energy.

I once saw a billboard alongside I-5 that read, “Anger is one letter away from danger.” I believe when we overuse anger, we do endanger ourselves and others. A mind (and body) in a constant state of fight or flight wears out more quickly than a mind (and body) that find ways to lighten up and let go.

The good news is that we humans naturally turn our anger (and frustration, annoyance, irritation and other lesser forms of being disturbed by circumstances around us) into laughter. Eventually. Some of the funniest stories we tell on ourselves were things that got our goat (or llama or alpaca, whichever you choose) when they happened, but by virtue of the passage of time, we’re able to gain a better perspective and see the humorous side of things. The problem is that eventually is too long to wait. If you’ve recently been to the DMV or tried calling your cable company, you know what I mean. You don’t want to burn out by the time your natural sense of humor replaces your angry feelings.

The question is, how can you speed up the process? Here are my five best tips:

  1. Distract yourself!In one study, two fake traffic jams were created (because there aren’t enough real ones out there J). In one, drivers were left to fuss and fume on their own. In the other, the researchers created three distractions—warm & fuzzy (a puppy being walked alongside the vehicles), sexy (a good looking man and woman walking by), and funny (someone doing stupid human tricks nearby). Researchers studied both groups and counted how often they showed outward displays of anger (honking, yelling, stomping around outside their cars, shooting the finger, etc). In the group with the distractions, angry responses were significantly reduced and the type of distraction that worked best was humor. That’s right, humor beat puppies!Have plenty of silly, stupid, funny distractions in the places where you know your anger response gets turned on the most—your car, your office, at home next to the phone for those times you need to call to complain about things that don’t work.
  2. Count on basic math. If you decide to spend 30 more minutes a day laughing (by inviting funny friends to lunch, watching a funny TV show, reading a funny book, etc.), basic math dictates that there are now 30 fewer minutes available for you to be angry (unless, of course, you set your alarm for 2 a.m. so you can have more time to fume. If that’s the case, you may need more help than this newsletter can provide).
  3. Google it. The next time you feel your head is about to blow up with rage over some issue you know intellectually is not worthy of your anger energy, look online for funny stories and videos that relate to this same issue. I recently broke my nose by walking into a plate glass door (yes, I’m that cliché!) and when the bleeding finally subsided, I found four really funny videos of other people doing the same thing. The value of this exercise is that is allows you to find the humor in your specific situation faster by removing you from the equation. We always find it easier to laugh at others mistakes and problems than our own.
  4. Be angry funny. No, this isn’t like Tyra Banks’ concept of Ugly Pretty on America’s Next Top Model. Rather than expressing anger in your usual way, find more laughable options. Instead of shooting the finger, make up a silly hand or arm gesture (Chicken Dance, anyone?) Curse in pirate or a foreign language. By circumventing your usual responses, your brain will start to acknowledge the silliness of your negative emotions quicker.
  5. Write three jokes about it. As a comedy writer, if I didn’t get frustrated, annoyed, confused, and embarrassed all the time, I wouldn’t have anything to write about. When people are trying to be funny on purpose, they almost always rely on negative emotions as the source of their comedy (think of your favorite comedy TV show or movie and ask yourself what it’s really about). The next time you’re unnecessarily upset about something, take five minutes to write three jokes. They don’t even have to be good—it’s the process that’s important.  1) I hit that plate glass door so hard, local seismologists reported an earthquake. 2) I didn’t mind the embarrassment and the bleeding, but the pointing and laughing bothered me. Of course, it was me who was pointing and laughing, so I could have stopped it if I wanted to. 3) For a week afterward, I had two black eyes. Everyone thought I had “work done.” Now they tell me how much younger I look.

Try these simple tips and see if you don’t let go of some of the unnecessary anger in your daily life.

© 2012 Leigh Anne Jasheway

Let go of assumptions the other is the problem in conflict

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When involved in a conflict, and you’re convinced the other person is wrong, might you also be partly wrong, too, without realizing it?

It’s near-universal in conflicts that we see the other as the cause of the problem. If they’d just change in some way the problem would be solved.

Is there something wrong with this?

Expecting others to change becomes a stressor in itself since you have no control over anyone but yourself. In hundreds of my programs over the years many women (mostly) have talked to me about their conflicts. In describing their disagreement their focus is almost completely on what the other person did, how wrong it is and what they should do to fix the problem. Virtually every woman was convinced she was right.

What they fail to realize is focusing their frustrated energy on anything beyond their control increases their stress. There’s no solution for them as long as they remain focused on the other person.

The first red flag indicating you’re more a part of the conflict than you realize, is when thinking about and talking to others about your conflict you talk almost obsessively about what the other person is doing. Since you’ll find no solutions in this approach, always ask yourself instead, “What are my options in responding to this person,” which is within your control.

Additionally, whoever wants a different outcome in a situation is the person who must change their approach versus expecting the other person to change. The person you’re frustrated with may have no idea you’re upset. They merrily go through their day as you seethe. And stew.

Another important red flag that you’re more part of the problem than you realize is in assuming the other person is at fault and you negatively label what they’re doing as unfair, ignorant, lazy, arrogant, oblivious, etc. These negative judgments – negative adjectives – are opinions, not facts, convinced as you probably are that you’re being accurate.

To reduce your own complicity in conflicts, become consciously aware when you negatively label another person. Listen for your negative adjectives in describing them. Each time you hear yourself think or utter negative adjectives, force yourself to identify the other’s behavior that triggered your negative judgment. Simplifying it this way allows you to determine if their behavior is worth your energy to assertively confront.

My favorite example comes from a workshop attendee. She described her arrogant (negative judgment/adjective) colleague. The only arrogant behavior she could identify was his habit of raising an eyebrow occasionally when she gave ideas. She decided this was not worthy of her upset. Had she decided it was worth her energy, she could speak to him about his tendency to raise an eyebrow (behavior) and her interpretation of its meaning but say nothing about her judgment (arrogant) of it.

Insisting on focusing on how wrong the other person is keeps you stuck. Focusing on their “negative” behavior allows new options of how to respond to open up to you, reducing your stress.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., is an international speaker and a Stress and Wellness Coach.

Wabi Sabi – The Power of Imperfection

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Posted by: Julie Lusk

♥♥♥ Wabi-Sabi is my new favorite concept.  It refers to the beauty of things imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete.

Wabi is a Japanese word that connotes rustic simplicity and the understated elegance found in both natural and man-made objects.

Sabi is the beauty or serenity that comes with age, when the life of something and its impermanence are evidenced in its patina and wear as well as in any visible repairs.

What a wonderful concept that softens the sting of aging and the illusion most of us are under that demands that we always get it right. Not only does it soften it, it elevates imperfection to an art to be treasured.

So, the next time things don’t seem to go right, simply smile and say “Wabi-Sabi”.  It’s a real time-saver too.

Please give us examples of how you are celebrating the spirit of Wabi Sabi in your life.  Add your comments below.

Good to the Core

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Yoga to strengthen & flatten abdominals, tone back, legs, hips, and more.

Posted by: Julie Lusk

This yoga sequence helps with abdominal core strength and tones the back while also lengthening the psoas muscles.

The psoas, deep and large,  runs from the lumbar spine, stretches over the hip joint and under the abs, and attaches to inner thigh bone.

Traditional leg lifts, “crunches” and sit-ups are often done to strengthen and flatten the abdominal muscles.  The problem is that they also tighten and shorten the psoas tipping the pelvis forward, pushing your belly out (yuk) and misalignment of the back.

A tight psoas contributes to back, hip and knee problems, indigestion, dysfunctional breathing, instability, and other problems.

This particular yoga sequence activates the psoas muscle in a progressive manner:  first facing forward, to the side, and then turning.

Other beneficial yoga postures are the forearm plank and side plank (creates core stability and strength with a neutral psoas) and pigeon (stretches and releases the   psoas).

Consult a qualified yoga professional for instructions and contraindications.  As with all exercise, practice for your own benefits and at your own risk.

Click here for your complete pdf handout on  ” Good to the Core:  Yoga to strengthen & flatten abdominals, tone back, legs, hips, and more” from Julie Lusk