Every seven seconds a “Boomer” turns fifty. The American post-war “Boomer Generation” spends more on health care than their parents did.
They visit the doctor more, they consume more services, and aren’t afraid to use their $7 trillion in collective wealth to improve their quality of life. From physical therapy, to cosmetic surgery, to the latest in life-saving technology, Boomers just aren’t built to grow old gracefully or go “quietly into the night.” Their impact on the marketplace for health and wellness products and services is huge and unprecedented, and wellness coaching may just be on their shopping list.

Boomers live longer, but the debate goes on whether they are healthier or not. It is like the tale of two generations in one. Our stereotype of the generation is like most stereotypes, usually misleading. We think of the Boomers as the same folks who went to college in the late sixties and projected an image of rebelliousness, and social consciousness. While this generation did acquire more education than any previous, not everyone went to college, and not all became the health conscious, socially and environmentally aware folks that describe the icon the current media might portray.

They are in fact quite a paradoxical group to look at. While on the one hand there are plenty of physically active, health food conscious “oldsters” in Yoga classes and out on the bike and hiking trails, especially in some parts of the country, many folks the same age are living a very different lifestyle. The Boomers, as a whole, are far more obese, are under more stress at work, and are retiring later, if at all. They are much more sedentary than any previous generation driven by more jobs that limit movement and have longer commutes. While they don’t smoke as much, they self-report being less physically healthy than their parents. They watch more TV and even their recreational pursuits can go either people-powered or “full throttle” (i.e. sitting down revving some kind of engine).

Abbey Road has a new look!

Helping this enigmatic generation create a healthy future takes on two aspects, the individual and the sociological. When we look at long-lived cultures around the world, like the National Geographic-funded Blue Zones project does (www.bluezones.com ), we see cultures that have in place healthy norms and lots of social support. People in all of these longevity hot spots make lots of movement a natural part of their daily lives. They live with meaning and purpose and a strong sense of spirituality. They eat wisely and “belong to the right tribe”. They honor and keep elders within their community. Social isolation is a health risk for all, and only increases in threat as we get older. The challenge is for us to build the kind of families and communities that support being well not just while we’re young, but for our entire lives.

Once again, “coaching for connectedness” may take center stage. Making the goal of obtaining greater social support a central part of a client’s Wellness Plan may be the most helpful thing they experience in wellness coaching.

COACHING BOOMERS – Three Ideas

# 1 – Never assume they are retired, or are even retiring anytime soon. Chances are your client who is still at least in their sixties, is still employed full-time. In fact they may be headed into the most productive time of their lives. Let’s call them late-bloomers. For them Work-Life Balance Coaching is a greater need than ever. Furthermore it may be complicated by some factors of aging keeping them from performing like they would like to, or being able to get the most out of the limited time they have for exercise and self-care. If they are taking medication that makes weight loss more challenging, or are recovering from surgeries, etc. (joint repair and replacement is more and more common with this group) they may not be able to be as “efficient” in their activities to maintain their health. Exploring this in coaching and helping them to create new strategies may become a really valuable use of coaching.

Many of this generation have also found themselves facing retirement with financial problems instead of reserves to draw upon. For them, healthcare issues and wellness lifestyle choices may revolve around expenses, especially for the pre-Medicare group. They may really benefit from coaching that can help them keep their health a priority in the face of the frightening costs of healthcare.

#2 – Coach around the subject of meaning and purpose. Some folks are fortunate and either find meaning and purpose in work they continue to do, or have lived full lives where they have developed rich sources of meaning and purpose outside of their careers. For others “retirement” may result in such feelings losing their anchor. Without a solid sense of meaning and purpose in one’s life there is less motivation to engage in a really healthy lifestyle. Help your client search in directions that align with their values and interests. Reconnecting with old interests, becoming active in organizations, volunteering with non-profits may all bridge this gap in a meaningful way. This may be a great time in life for developing the spiritual side of one’s self. Coach your client through the steps of exploring such new pursuits and following through on creating “experiments” to find something that works for them.

#3 – Always explore the issue of connectedness. Never assume that your client has friends and family that can or will support their efforts at improving their lifestyle. More and more seniors are living alone, especially as spouses die and children move away. Many others have relocated themselves to places where the challenge is establishing a whole new circle of friends.

“Studies have shown that people who are isolated and lonely have a higher incidence of health problems. A 1998 study of patients with heart disease found that 50 percent of the patients who reported feeling very isolated were not married and had no one in whom they could confide died within five years. During the same time span, only 17 percent of those with either a spouse or confidant died. Another 1998 study on women found that symptoms of depression and lack of social support were associated with more heart attacks, open-heart surgeries and deaths from cardiovascular disease. A report has found that seniors, who attend church at least weekly, live longer.” (http://seniorhealth.about.com/od/mentalemotionalhealth/a/lonely.htm)

Also, don’t assume that social networking online is not in the picture. Many boomers are quite tech-savvy, certainly more than any other group of oldsters ever has been. Folks with chronic illnesses may find both information and online groups of others sharing the same health challenges. Whether it is through something online, participating in a Senior Center’s programming, or engaging in community groups in align with their interests, it’s all good.

The individual aspect, again comes back to lifestyle choices, conscious awareness and realizing that we are in charge of our own health. A big part of it is realizing that we can and do affect our own health. Building that confidence, that self-efficacy is crucial. Making the individual decision to connect with others and build a sense of healthy community may create yet another paradox, but one that works for us.

My grandpa, he’s 95

And he keeps on dancin’

He’s still alive

My grandma, she’s 92

She loves to dance

And sing some, too

I don’t know

But I’ve been told

If you keep on dancing

You’ll never grow old

Come on darling

Put a pretty dress on

We’re gonna go out tonight

Dance, dance, dance

Dance, dance, dance

Dance, dance, dance

All night long

“Dance, Dance, Dance” – The Steve Miller Band

-From Real Balance Wellness, a blog by Michael Arloski.

A hint to the answer comes from the comparisons of depression and schizophrenia rates worldwide. Schizophrenia is found in approximately 1% of the population no matter the culture. Depression varies dramatically culture to culture suggesting it could be contagious.

Consider the following and see if you think depression is spreading:

• The World Health Organization says depression is the fourth leading cause of human disability and projects by 2020 it’ll take over second place.
• The average onset of depression is the mid-20s. It used to be the mid-30s.
• According to clinical psychologist Michael Yapko, long-term studies show depression intensifying one generation to the next, “Today’s parents are the largest depressed group raising the fastest-growing group of depression sufferers.”
• We’re four times more depressed than our parents; ten times more so than our grandparents! And this is not due to greater awareness of the illness.

Since depressed people experience far more difficulty socially than do those not depressed, could they be spreading the illness? They have:

• More family and marital arguments;
• Less relationship satisfaction;
• Greater unhappiness;

Even though you can be genetically vulnerable to depression, the greater cause is learning, mostly from our families, how to manage what goes on inside our heads, including our:

• Explanatory style (the meaning we attach to life experiences);
• Cognitive style (thinking);
• Coping style (how we manage stress);
• Problem-solving style;
• Relational style;

Families model their thinking, feeling, and relating to others, passing on these patterns to other family members.

Yapko also reports a near-perfect correlation between parents’ explanatory style and their child’s. When your child asks you why something happened, your explanation represents your style of thinking including your belief of what caused it. “Why can’t I take tennis lessons, Mom?” “It’s a waste of money since you’ll never be coordinated.” Mom attributes the cause to the child’s clumsiness. And her permanently negative attribution communicates nothing will ever change.

Yapko says these routine interactions happen multiple times daily, imperceptibly shaping the child’s beliefs about himself and his world. They influence how he filters risk-taking, his own potential, whom he blames when things go wrong – and – his vulnerability to depression.

Additionally, the child who learns to make global assumptions that life events are beyond his control experiences greater helplessness and hopelessness, ingredients for depression. He’s more likely to perceive himself helpless about his happiness, competence and relationships.

Studies show these interpretation patterns are established early on. In one study, 8 year-old children were asked how they’d respond if shopping with their mother and suddenly finding themselves separated from her. The anxious children produced scary scenarios of never finding their parents and being adopted by strangers. The nonanxious kids said they’d ask the store manager to make a P-A announcement. Free of their peers’ anxiety, they’d think their way through to solving the problem.

Which patterns of perceiving are you teaching your kids?

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., is an international speaker and a Stress and Wellness Coach. Order her book, Let Your Body Win: Stress Management Plain & Simple.

I once saw a billboard alongside I-5 that read, “Anger is one letter away from danger.” I believe when we overuse anger, we do endanger ourselves and others. A mind (and body) in a constant state of fight or flight wears out more quickly than a mind (and body) that find ways to lighten up and let go.

The good news is that we humans naturally turn our anger (and frustration, annoyance, irritation and other lesser forms of being disturbed by circumstances around us) into laughter. Eventually. Some of the funniest stories we tell on ourselves were things that got our goat (or llama or alpaca, whichever you choose) when they happened, but by virtue of the passage of time, we’re able to gain a better perspective and see the humorous side of things. The problem is that eventually is too long to wait. If you’ve recently been to the DMV or tried calling your cable company, you know what I mean. You don’t want to burn out by the time your natural sense of humor replaces your angry feelings.

The question is, how can you speed up the process? Here are my five best tips:

1. Distract yourself!In one study, two fake traffic jams were created (because there aren’t enough real ones out there J). In one, drivers were left to fuss and fume on their own. In the other, the researchers created three distractions—warm & fuzzy (a puppy being walked alongside the vehicles), sexy (a good looking man and woman walking by), and funny (someone doing stupid human tricks nearby). Researchers studied both groups and counted how often they showed outward displays of anger (honking, yelling, stomping around outside their cars, shooting the finger, etc). In the group with the distractions, angry responses were significantly reduced and the type of distraction that worked best was humor. That’s right, humor beat puppies!Have plenty of silly, stupid, funny distractions in the places where you know your anger response gets turned on the most—your car, your office, at home next to the phone for those times you need to call to complain about things that don’t work.
2. Count on basic math. If you decide to spend 30 more minutes a day laughing (by inviting funny friends to lunch, watching a funny TV show, reading a funny book, etc.), basic math dictates that there are now 30 fewer minutes available for you to be angry (unless, of course, you set your alarm for 2 a.m. so you can have more time to fume. If that’s the case, you may need more help than this newsletter can provide).
3. Google it. The next time you feel your head is about to blow up with rage over some issue you know intellectually is not worthy of your anger energy, look online for funny stories and videos that relate to this same issue. I recently broke my nose by walking into a plate glass door (yes, I’m that cliché!) and when the bleeding finally subsided, I found four really funny videos of other people doing the same thing. The value of this exercise is that is allows you to find the humor in your specific situation faster by removing you from the equation. We always find it easier to laugh at others mistakes and problems than our own.
4. Be angry funny. No, this isn’t like Tyra Banks’ concept of Ugly Pretty on America’s Next Top Model. Rather than expressing anger in your usual way, find more laughable options. Instead of shooting the finger, make up a silly hand or arm gesture (Chicken Dance, anyone?) Curse in pirate or a foreign language. By circumventing your usual responses, your brain will start to acknowledge the silliness of your negative emotions quicker.
5. Write three jokes about it. As a comedy writer, if I didn’t get frustrated, annoyed, confused, and embarrassed all the time, I wouldn’t have anything to write about. When people are trying to be funny on purpose, they almost always rely on negative emotions as the source of their comedy (think of your favorite comedy TV show or movie and ask yourself what it’s really about). The next time you’re unnecessarily upset about something, take five minutes to write three jokes. They don’t even have to be good—it’s the process that’s important.  1) I hit that plate glass door so hard, local seismologists reported an earthquake. 2) I didn’t mind the embarrassment and the bleeding, but the pointing and laughing bothered me. Of course, it was me who was pointing and laughing, so I could have stopped it if I wanted to. 3) For a week afterward, I had two black eyes. Everyone thought I had “work done.” Now they tell me how much younger I look.

Try these simple tips and see if you don’t let go of some of the unnecessary anger in your daily life.

© 2012 Leigh Anne Jasheway

The rise of the food networks and the plethora of cooking shows reflect lots of genuine interest in diversifying our diets and real enthusiasm for the great skill of food preparation. More people are cooking cuisines they never grew up with and are fascinated by mastering gourmet recipes. This may, in part, be an upside to the vast popularity of these shows. Yet, at the same time it is increasingly common to find households where there is a second, and even third generation that has never learned even some of the basics of household food preparation. Reliance on convenience foods (which lead to very inconvenient illnesses), microwavables, and “heat n’ eat” products results in health-destructive diets high in calories, unhealthy fats, salt, sugar, animal protein, and artificial ingredients.

Considering the epidemic rates of obesity, diabetes, etc., celebrity chefs have an opportunity to compassionately be part of the solution instead of part of the problem. For a look at some of the most popular chef shows check out Best and Worst Health Messages From TV Chefs http://www.everydayhealth.com/diet-and-nutrition-pictures/best-and-worst-health-messages-from-tv-chefs.aspx#/slide-1. While the article does give credit for “healthy helping” unfortunately, like we explored in a previous post (Giving Our Lifestyle Power Away To Celebrities) (http://wp.me/pUi2y-84) a lot of what this new link shows us is indeed a “recipe for disaster”.

Jamie’s Food Revolution!

Into this mixed up American food culture strides Jamie Oliver, a Britt who is doing his best to start a “food revolution” in our country. http://www.jamieoliver.com

Oliver took his newfound fame as a TV celebrity and immediately started leveraging it for good. He established a not-for-profit restaurant in Britain to employ and train disadvantaged youth. He has since gone on to explore how we can improve America’s school food programs, and created fascinating videos that show us the scary side of industrialized food products (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wshlnRWnf30).

A big part of his work has been promoting cooking education that stresses cooking fresh healthy meals at home. Last year he went to the identified least-healthy state in the union and dove right in to the food culture of Huntington, West Virginia. With remarkable empathy and sensitivity he showed the effects of diet on health and the tragic health consequences it can cause in families and communities. All of this and he still comes off passionate but not preachy, entertaining and simply delightful.

Jamie’s Ambition is to mobilize the huge response (630,000 in the US) to the Food Revolution so far and turn it into a movement for change in which America leads the world. Hopefully it will bring together millions of people and inspire the nation to fight obesity with better food. At its heart is a powerful strategy to get people cooking again, improve food labeling (and corporate honesty), increase public awareness of industrialized food, and shift school breakfast and lunch programs from part of the problem to part of the solution.

As you work with people to help them improve their lifestyle, whether as a wellness professional, a parent or simply a concerned citizen, ask about the food culture they live in. Ask about the food shows they may watch on TV. Behavioral scientists are quick to tell us about the suggestive effect of what we watch on the tube and are even saying that such shows may be stimulating us to eat, eat more often, eat too much and make self-defeating dietary choices. Recipes downloaded from television cooking shows unfortunately trend towards the most unhealthy end of the spectrum. If your clients, family or friends are eating following the lead of programs that feature eating contests, gluttony and ridiculous quantities of fatty red meats it may be no wonder their attempts to be healthy seldom are successful.

Gourmet can mean “healthy” too!

While many celebrity chefs pad their ratings with shock-effect levels of grease, sugar and other illness inducing ingredients, there are also folks on “the tube” helping us be well. Let’s tune into chefs making a positive difference and encourage others to do the same. There are cuisines (Mediterranean and Asian especially) where, if we watch the frequency of the items with more fat, sugar and salt, certain recipes are tremendously healthy. We can even select recipes fresh off the grill that are very healthy. Shows that really help us learn about the anthropology of food, the connections to culture and geography expand our awareness of this diverse world we live in and enrich our sense of connectedness.

We may not expect a rush of celebrity chefs to follow Jamie’s lead, but if we watch their shows with an eye for separating the “wheat from the chaff” we can find healthier ways of eating. Living well is all about conscious choice.

-By Michael Arloski

It’s near-universal in conflicts that we see the other as the cause of the problem. If they’d just change in some way the problem would be solved.

Is there something wrong with this?

Expecting others to change becomes a stressor in itself since you have no control over anyone but yourself. In hundreds of my programs over the years many women (mostly) have talked to me about their conflicts. In describing their disagreement their focus is almost completely on what the other person did, how wrong it is and what they should do to fix the problem. Virtually every woman was convinced she was right.

What they fail to realize is focusing their frustrated energy on anything beyond their control increases their stress. There’s no solution for them as long as they remain focused on the other person.

The first red flag indicating you’re more a part of the conflict than you realize, is when thinking about and talking to others about your conflict you talk almost obsessively about what the other person is doing. Since you’ll find no solutions in this approach, always ask yourself instead, “What are my options in responding to this person,” which is within your control.

Additionally, whoever wants a different outcome in a situation is the person who must change their approach versus expecting the other person to change. The person you’re frustrated with may have no idea you’re upset. They merrily go through their day as you seethe. And stew.

Another important red flag that you’re more part of the problem than you realize is in assuming the other person is at fault and you negatively label what they’re doing as unfair, ignorant, lazy, arrogant, oblivious, etc. These negative judgments – negative adjectives – are opinions, not facts, convinced as you probably are that you’re being accurate.

To reduce your own complicity in conflicts, become consciously aware when you negatively label another person. Listen for your negative adjectives in describing them. Each time you hear yourself think or utter negative adjectives, force yourself to identify the other’s behavior that triggered your negative judgment. Simplifying it this way allows you to determine if their behavior is worth your energy to assertively confront.

My favorite example comes from a workshop attendee. She described her arrogant (negative judgment/adjective) colleague. The only arrogant behavior she could identify was his habit of raising an eyebrow occasionally when she gave ideas. She decided this was not worthy of her upset. Had she decided it was worth her energy, she could speak to him about his tendency to raise an eyebrow (behavior) and her interpretation of its meaning but say nothing about her judgment (arrogant) of it.

Insisting on focusing on how wrong the other person is keeps you stuck. Focusing on their “negative” behavior allows new options of how to respond to open up to you, reducing your stress.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., is an international speaker and a Stress and Wellness Coach.